Remus' afternoon mission took him longer than he thought it would, and he ended up giving supper a miss. Part of the reason was the letter he had received, part of it was the amount of time he had spent reflecting on Snape. It was no longer surprising to Remus to know he had a companion in Snape and he believed the other man's interested in keeping it such as honest. However, the more time Remus spent apart from Snape, the more agitated he became. Surely, that was not normal for so short a time in friendship? He didn't think so, leastwise he'd never had the feeling for so short a time apart from anyone else. So, what did it mean? He wasn't sure, but he knew he would find out, one way or another.
Warming some tea, he found the book for Snape, curled up in his favourite chair opposite the fire with the letter, and waited.
Snape had hurried to the Great Hall, anxious to see Lupin again. He had spent the afternoon trying to concentrate on marking some assignments but had eventually given up after hours of staring at the pieces of parchment, unable to absorb the words that were on them.
He had enjoyed the morning with Lupin immensely, surprised by how good it was to have company; someone to talk with about books and potions and even recipes that he had created. The bond between them was still fragile but Snape was surprised to find that he cherished it all the more because of this, determined to nurture it and make it stronger. Sitting at the Professor's Table, he waited…and waited. Lupin never arrived, the chair next to him remaining cold and unwelcoming.
A thousand thoughts ran through his mind, wondering where Lupin could be. He said he would be at supper and it was most unlike him not to keep a prior engagement. Remembering how he said he needed to be somewhere, Snape wondered if perhaps he had simply been held up. Maybe he had met his friend, and had decided to eat with him instead of returning to the school. It wasn't an unreasonable assumption, but it was one that made Snape's blood run cold.
Glancing quickly at the time, he remembered that he was supposed to drop by Lupin's rooms to collect the book that Lupin had agreed to let him borrow. Maybe Lupin had changed his mind, or perhaps he hadn't returned yet. He could easily think of any number of reasons not to keep the appointment, but as he took his leave from the table, he summoned every drop of courage and confidence that he could muster. Arriving at Lupin's room a short time after, he gave the door two sharp knocks and waited.
Remus smiled at the sound. "Come in," he called.
Opening the door slowly, Snape tentatively took a few steps into the room. "Good evening." He said, almost shyly. It was the first time that Snape had ever been in Lupin's chambers, and being on unfamiliar ground off-footed him somewhat.
Still smiling, Remus stood. Nodding at the table, he said, "There's the book." He turned to the kitchen to refill his mug. "Can I interest you in a cup of tea?"
Walking towards the table, Snape picked up the book and flicked through it briefly. "I don't wish to put you to any trouble."
"It's no trouble at all."
"Then tea would be nice, thank you."
Remus smiled and brought both cups back to the sitting area, making sure to hand Snape's to him. "Please, sit."
Snape took the cup from Lupin, feeling a sudden jolt pass through his body as his fingers briefly brushed against Lupin's in doing so. Quickly, he moved towards the nearest chair, positioning himself on its edge. There would have been little point in denying it now, even if he hadn't already past the stage of trying. Snape was attracted to Lupin, deeply and desperately attracted to him. Taking a sip of his tea with slightly trembling hands, he sat silently. He had waited so anxiously all afternoon for this moment and now that it was finally here, he had no idea what to say.
For his part, Remus was dealing with his own thoughts. He felt that charge again, and he knew this time that Snape had felt it too, and didn't seem in the least upset by it. It was encouraging to say the least, and perhaps more than he had hoped for. "Did you want to read a bit of the book now? In case you have questions so I might be able to answer them."
Placing his tea on the table in front of him, Snape opened the book and began to finger through its pages. Blocks of text were interspersed with stunning images causing Snape to wish that the holidays would come sooner. "It is clear to see why you chose to set up home there. It really is quite beautiful."
"It really is. I love my home and I love the area. The people are kind, the place beautiful, and the history enchanting. I've long thought about writing a book on the history of the area."
"Perhaps you should," Snape replied, not looking up.
"I might, one day. For now I have many other things that require my attention; time for writing or drawing isn't much of an option."
Raising his eyes then, Snape tilted his head to one side. "Aren't you the one who acted surprised when I mentioned that I have no time for pleasurable activities? I find it somewhat ironic that you are now claiming the same thing."
Remus laughed softly. "I am not claiming no time for anything pleasurable, just stating there's not enough time to do everything I desire, is all."
Snape shrugged. "If you insist." He returned his attention towards the book, flipping a few more pages before finally speaking again. "So what is it that is commanding so much of your time?"
"Teaching, mostly."
"You weren't teaching this afternoon, then would have been a perfect opportunity." Snape's words were tinged with annoyance, but his tone was otherwise even and unaffected. He knew that it wouldn't particularly please him to hear the details of Lupin's afternoon, but he found not knowing equally as maddening.
"I was too busy thinking," Remus said, answering the unspoken question with honesty. He placed the letter on the table and nodded to it. "I had been waiting for that this afternoon."
Laying the book to one side, Snape hesitantly took the letter from the table, opening it slowly as his shrewd eyes skimmed its contents several times over before he finally looked up. He couldn't help suddenly feeling most foolish. Once again, he had almost allowed himself to be overcome by his irrational jealousy, and at a time where Lupin probably needed it the least. "Where did you find this?" he asked finally.
"It came by owl today."
He couldn't explain why, but the fact that the letter had been delivered directly to the school concerned Snape. If it were indeed from Lupin's brother, than that would seem to indicate that he knew that Lupin was there. If this were the case, why hadn't he contacted him more directly; let him know that he was alive?
The letter had been much the same as the others, however this time it contained an even more cryptic message. Casting his eyes over the parchment, he read the contents silently to himself. "Eug á Brath…Eilean Iarmain - Isleornsay"
Standing, Snape began to slowly pace around the room, the wheels of his mind clearly in motion before finally coming to a halt close to where Lupin sat. "Do you have any idea what this means?"
"From my thin understanding of Gaelic, I believe the first part says 'death is knowledge.'"
"I see. What do you suppose it means?" There was little doubt in Snape's own mind now that author of these letters had something other than a tearful reunion in store for Lupin. However, he did not wish to alarm him, so he kept his own counsel for the moment, planning first to carry out some research of his own. With the resources at his disposal and his contacts, perhaps he would uncover more than Lupin had been able to. Stretching out his arm, he offered the letter back to Lupin.
"Eilean Iarmain is a village in Skye, not very far from my home. As for the Eug á Brath, any number of things, I suppose," Remus replied, taking the letter back. "It sounds like an old clan motto to me."
"Do you still believe it is your brother sending you the letters?" Sitting back down, Snape took another sip of his tea.
"I honestly don't know. Someone is, and that someone realises what I am looking for. That's all I know."
"What do you plan to do now?"
"Instead of Pitlochry, I'll be visiting Skye during the holidays."
Trying to ignore the jolt in his stomach that accompanied Lupin's words, Snape looked into this cup, as if finding something terribly interesting inside it. "Of course. You will be requiring the use of your home I take it. I can easily amend my plans and remain at Hogwarts over the holidays."
Confused at Snape's words, Remus shook his head. "Not at all. I will be on the other side of the Isle for two days or so, and then Killin for the rest of the time. My offer to you still stands if you desire it."
Nodding slowly, Snape accepted Lupin's offer. "If you are sure, then yes, thank you."
Out of the corner of his eye, Snape spied a sliver of parchment, peeking out from its semi concealment under a pile of books that were sitting on the table. Pulling it out idly, he ran his eyes over it, seeing Lupin's familiar handwriting. It contained only three words, hastily written upon it: at spes infracta. 'Yet my hope is unbroken', he thought to himself. Holding the parchment up, he fixed his eyes upon Lupin whom he noticed was looking back at him, apparently having been so for some time. "Do you care to explain what this is all about?"
"It's my reply," Remus answered quietly.
His eyes widening incredulously, Snape shook his head. "Lupin, have you taken leave of your senses entirely? You have no real clue as to the identity of the person leaving you these letters, don't you think encouraging them in this manner unwise?"
"You are correct of course, which is why it is here and not on its way to whomever." If Remus was surprised by Severus' treating him like an errant child, he did not show it.
"Then you will have no objection to its disposal." Taking out his wand, Snape conjured a small quantity of blue flame that he directed towards the piece of parchment in his hand. Watching as it ignited, he moved towards the fireplace and dropped it on the smouldering coals, turning towards Lupin once he had done so.
"Apparently not," Remus said dryly. He had no idea what encouraged Snape to rid him of the parchment like that, but it wasn't as though he couldn't have written another out if he so wished.
"I don't want you to even think about trying to reply should you receive another of these letters, do I make myself clear Lupin?"
"Your words and tone certainty bode no argument."
Snape had the distinct feeling that Lupin was merely humouring him. He was well aware that there was nothing he could do to prevent Lupin from replying if he really wished too, but at the very least he knew Snape's feelings on the subject.
"Please Lupin." His voice almost pleading, he hated the betraying sound of weakness that was passing from his lips. "At the very least wait until we know more."
Shocked first by hearing Snape say please and then again by his saying 'we', Remus was not quite certain how to reply. "I have no plans on replying to any of the letters, Severus. I haven't in quite some time."
Smiling weakly he bowed his head, relived. However, the feeling was short lived as a thought occurred to him then. Lupin perhaps did not intend to reply to the letters but he was certainly up to something.
"Then what do you plan on doing Lupin? Why did you change your holiday arrangements?"
"My plans are the same as they have been, there was no change. Only in location." He rubbed his forehead with two fingers, sighing. "I realise I may seem particularly foolish or ignorant, but this is all I have. I take the necessary precautions, I assure you. If something were to happen, I alone would be responsible and I will shoulder the blame at the time if it is needed. Now, I've taken up more than enough of your time about that subject. Did you have more questions about where you will be staying? I have a book on computers here as well that I thought perhaps you'd like to see."
No one could ever accuse Severus Snape of not being able to take a hint. Sensing that Lupin wanted the subject dropped, he shook his head. "No, I have no further questions, although I would very much like to see the other book."
The rest of the night passed as well as the afternoon had. After speaking about the books for a while, Remus invited Snape to play chess. They played three rounds; Snape had won two of those. During the games, they spoke of nothing much of substance, although their talking itself was important. Remus could feel their bond growing, and he was more pleased than he could have said.
He would reflect later how fast time seemed to go when with Snape, as though mocking him, knowing he would feel alone again once Snape was gone. The only good from this was Snape had seemed just as hesitant to leave that night as Lupin had been to have him go. The same with the night after that, and the night after that, and each night that week. Each night, Snape made the potion, and would either bring it to Remus in his room, following which they would play chess, or Snape would invite Lupin to his office, where they would speak of potions, the upcoming holidays, and whatever else came to mind. Not once more did the letters or Matt come up, although it was far from either of their minds, each for their own reasons. It was an easy friendship now, and as comfortable as if they had known each other, and been on friendly terms, for years.
The day of the full moon came quicker than Remus wanted it to. It was bitterly cold and clear that day, cloudy and frozen that night, and the weather fit his mood perfectly. Not long after supper, Snape knocked on the door of Remus' room, carrying the final dose of Wolfbane for the month. Remus answered the door, but this time he didn't step aside for Snape to enter.
"Forgive me for not inviting you in, Severus. I… need to rest before tonight." Even Remus' voice was tired, his exhaustion apparent. He handed Snape an envelope as he took the goblet from Snape. "In there is the key to the cottage and a map of the area. There is fresh food in the pantry, the computer is in my room, the guest room across the hall, and there is plenty of space if you wish to do any potion making during your stay. You should have everything you need. Have a lovely holiday, Severus." And with that, Remus smiled softly, backed up into the room, and closed the door. He knew why his heart ached and he didn't want to analyse it, but he knew he would think of nothing else that night. He locked the door, pulled the drapes, and waited.