Chapter one, part 2.

It was dark in the Ebon Hawk. Upon landing Carth had shutdown all systems to maintain power, and yet that was not the reason for the sheer black of the ships internal space. The internal lighting system flickered feebly as power trickled into them at thirty percent of normal. The shadowy interior that this created ran the length of the ship and was it's darkest in the crew bunks, where the light had been extinguished totally. The only sound on board was the hum of the engine idly ticking over, the environmental plant and a few computer confirmation chimes. All, except for the gentle weeping that echoed around the hawks internal corridors from one small bunk in the corner. The sobs slipped gently from the dark room, each one filled with more loss and guilt than many people would feel in a lifetime. Their source came from the young woman lying in a foetal position on the bunk's cover. Her face was covered in the tears that ran down her cheeks in a steady stream.

Bastila hugged her knees as she had once as a child. The bleak cold inside her burned and gnawed at her soul as the guilt and pain flooded into and around her.

"You are a fool Revan" He had been to love her the way he had, the way he did.

"Come back to the light Bastila. I love you." She'd wanted to, she remembered how the tiny flicker of light, swamped by darkness, had burned even brighter when it heard those words, fought against the darkness like a raging beast even though it had been so very tiny.

"I could never love anyone so weak as you." Such a lie, such a weak and petty lie, she'd known this even as she'd said it. She'd given in to the darkness that lived in her, lived in everyone as she'd come to realise. Revan had been given a second chance. Without training, had shown that it was down to the person rather than anything mentors could say or teach that defined who you were. Weak? He'd been stronger than she'd been, even the very first day he'd met her on Taris.

"Then strike me down, I will not fight you anymore." A sob escaped her at the memory of him standing there, sabre extinguished and a face filled with sorrow. Another sob wracked her body as she remembered the speed at which she'd lashed out with her own dark red sabre blade only to have it deflected by Revan's own lightning fast one. She'd seen the tip still extending from the hilt as he deflected hers and remembered the suffering in his eyes as battle rejoined.

Sighing she slid up to slump against the bulkhead, her head in her hands. She remembered the flow of the darkside in her, filling her every pore with its insidious power. She'd felt more power flow in her than ever before, and yet he'd been there. Yes, he'd been there and stood before her; confident and calm as she'd lashed out again and again trying to break through his defences.

"Why can't I defeat you?" Another foolish question, she'd known even then. Exhausted from the battle, sabre burns slashing her arms and wrists, so carefully avoiding anything mortally wounding, she'd known.

"Take my strength Bastila. Use our link." A moan of guilt escaped her lips as the memory overwhelmed her. The strength, not just of the force but also his sheer love for her, had swamped the blackness in a vast tide. It had beaten it back in her until she'd been able to fight it herself, adding her own meagre strength to his until only a tiny flicker of the darkness had remained. Even then it had been a struggle to surrender to the light once more. With Revan standing there, sabre once more extinguished, open to attack and playing such a dangerous game with a dark Jedi. She'd remembered the urging from what dark had remained to strike him down, to prove her worth to Malak. It had been so, so close until he'd said one final thing.

"I believe in you Bastila, because I love you," Such sweet simplicity. Such power behind them. She'd wanted them, needed to hear them and as they echoed around and through her she'd felt the last of the dark's hold over her vanish.

"For what Its worth I love you too" She'd meant it and still did. She loved him, who and what he was and had been. Unable to deny it had brought both relief and guilt. Such relief as who she once had been returned to her, and she'd cast aside the mantle of evil for her own belief in the lightside. Such guilt, as his love for her and her love for him defied the very core beliefs of being a Jedi.

Bastila rose from the bunk and slumped down the corridor to the Hawk's cockpit. She fell gently into the pilot's seat and gazed out of the plastisteel window. The party on the temples footsteps had really got into it's swing and she felt the exuberance of the crowd flow along the force as they danced, drank and enjoyed themselves. She closed her eyes and, even in her depression, smiled slightly at the feelings of exuberant happiness flowing from Mission, Zaalbar and Canderous as they relaxed. A gentle area of calm force power slipped away from the party and Bastila recognised it as Juhani. She sensed the inner troubled aura it gave off and knew Juhani was looking towards the Hawk, towards her, until eventually the Cathar slipped away.

Sighing, she turned her thoughts inwardly. She'd become a Jedi once again, yet the way she'd been redeemed spat on the first principle of being an actual Jedi. Love, powerful, untamed and dangerous. Not of the darkside but an emotion of incredible power. Did her love for Revan betray her to the darkside? She closed her eyes and felt a bubble of guilt roll in her gut. Everything she'd been taught at the academy warned of such emotion, the danger that they brought her. Yet, she'd been unable to stop herself from falling for him. The knowledge of who... what, he had been should have made it easy for her. But, for all the meditation she'd done, for all the preparation at night to try and cope with being so close to him, had failed to stop the love she'd felt growing inside.

Their kiss, their first kiss; stolen in the rear of the Hawk had given her such longing for his touch, being close to him. Desire had been there yes, but just a need for him next to her had filled her body and soul. She'd fought it, desperately, madly, until she'd been unable to breathe and had stolen what little time with him she felt she could give from the mission.

Her fall to the darkside had begun just after the enemy had captured them. Admiral Karath had tortured her specifically, he knew she was Revan's weak point as Saul had tried his hardest to yank information from him. The pain of the torture field had been agonising, but she'd been able to cope until merciful unconsciousness had taken her. Her last memory, alongside the faint reminder of rippling pain, had been the agony ripping Revan in two as he'd watched her jerk and toss in the pain-field.

The escape had been furious with no time to think, but that was no excuse for her foolhardy attitude. Why had she sacrificed herself so stupidly to save Revan? She should have known that Malak would use her to make things worse for him and he'd been breaking free of the force stasis even as she'd moved to attack.

Had it been for the mission? Her guilt over what they'd done to him? . No, no it had been much simpler than that. Malak had been about to strike Revan down, or so she'd thought, and she'd blindly leapt to his defence, so frightened of losing him. No thought, no logical reason, just pure emotion. It could only have been this that had allowed Malak to work out how deep her feelings went for Revan. His triumphant eyes had been terrible to behold, as she lay injured at his feet, blood trickling from her mouth onto the cold metal floor. Worse had been the last glimpse of Revan she'd had, his face filled with anguish and fear for her life as the blast doors had begun to swing close. She'd watched his face and felt a lingering touch of the link between them.

"I love you Bastila, hold on for my sake I beg you," He'd whispered in her mind even as Carth had dragged him backwards down the corridor and the door had slammed shut.

The terrible knowledge of herself and Revan had given him a powerful pressure point to use against her. They'd dragged her to the temple beneath the Starforge, her arms manacled to her sides, a neural disrupting device strapped to her head to prevent focus. They'd tied her to the slab in the temple and; as a Sith medic had tended her wounds, no anaesthetic to dull the pain of each searing burn, Malak had been preparing his various methods of physical torture in front of her.

For five days she'd been tied there, cramp and the cold wearing her Jedi meditation raw as she'd tried to concentrate and shore up her ailing resistance. Malak had taken extreme delight in handing out physical torture. Most she had managed to block out, but some, some had been even more terrible than Saul's torture fields. Her hands shook as she ran her fingers over a set of faint marks on the skin of her stomach, almost healed. Malak had needed help for these. A young Sith woman had handed him each implement, watching with fascinated detachment at the use of each one. Tears welled in Bastila's eyes at the memory of the unbearable agony, when Malak had let her take over completely. He'd watched with obvious enjoyment at her greatly more skilled use of each implement. The woman had used stims to keep her conscious, especially through some of her more, inventive and lengthy, procedures. She'd been inventive each single day for long, unbearable hours; until Bastila had eventually passed out.

Malak's decision to switch to Jedi lightning had been just bearable to Bastila after all she'd gone through at the torture woman's hands. She'd steeled her mind and the pain had been reduced, mostly, to a bearable level. Despite all her effort though, Malak's ability to summon it only equalled his sadistic skill at using it.

It had been the fifth day or so when he'd come back to the chamber and the slab she'd been clamped to and had gloated over her vulnerable body.

"I see you're still with us my dear." He'd begun, his eyes flashing with delight at her fear. "No, heroic Revan to the rescue yet, I see. Maybe he's just given up trying to find you."

"No! He will come for me. Damn you, Malak he will."

He'd turned away from her then and had laughed sadistically.

"If that is the case then why has the Hawk been seen leaving Kashyykk and heading to a small moon in the Yavin system?" He'd turned back, his eyes flashing with dark amusement. "I remember all the star maps my dear Bastila. But I don't remember one near Yavin though. It is, however, an excellent place to begin if you wish to just disappear."

"No. Revan, Don't leave me here." She'd said in a horrified whisper. Quietly, but enough for Malak to realise he'd hit a major nerve."

"Ahhh... So the noble Bastila, she who refuses to feel any desire to discover the darkside for herself, to feel its power, is in love with the redeemed Lord of the Sith. How very un-Jedi of you my dear."

She'd turned away from him at that point, closing her eyes to block out his gloating expression even as she endured his taunting laughter. Once he'd left after another bout of agonising lightening torture, she'd stretched out her feelings into the bond between her and Revan to find only silence. Of course, now she realised that the Temple's darkside had been repressing the bond between them, much as it had during the destruction of Dantooine's enclave. Then; helpless, bruised and humiliated, it had been a different matter.

It had been one day later. An entire day and night where she'd stretched out her abilities with the force to breaking point trying to sense Revan's presence. Yearning, as she did, for his reassuring love. To give her any contact with him at all. That had been the day when Malak had finally dragged her over to the dark side.

He had come striding round the corner, to find her exhausted and weak from the draining use of the force. He'd looked at her with a strange glint in his eye and to her horror actually sat, propped up, next to her on the slab.

"Tell me Bastila, is it Revan you find attractive or just the fact that he was once like me, a Lord of the Sith. If its power you find attractive I can give you all you could ever want. I can show you how to get all you could ever want, the darkside could provide you with all the power you'll ever need. Just surrender yourself to me."

"I have already told you that I will never turn to the dark side Malak. Revan will come for me and he will destroy you. I promise you that." Exhausted and tired from torture, Malak had sensed her defeat in that final statement and decided to change tack once more.

With his back turned away from her he'd reached up to the metal cover guarding his neck and had released the clasps. It had come away from his face and he'd placed it gently into the hands of a attendant Sith.

"Let me tell you something private Bastila. I was Revan's most trusted friend when we were at the academy. I watched his back and saved his life as many times as he did for me during the Mandalorian wars. Then, of course, he began to fall to the dark side. It was slow at first, more... violent sabre combat, less mercy to his enemies and less consideration towards the people we were trying to save." He'd paused and reached a hand up to his face. "In essence he became the Revan I remember, not the puppet you and the council installed in his brain."

"Is there a point to all this?" She'd asked, exhaustion hanging on her every word. Bastila leaned back in the pilot chair as the horror swept over her once more. Malak had laughed a little and slowly turned to her prone position. She remembered flinching in disgust as his face, the entire lower portion shorn off by a Lightsabre and still raw, like a seeping wound, turned to face her.

"Look what he did to me!" He'd roared at her, his eyes flashing with rage. She'd pulled back as far as the plinth would let her, the cuffs biting into her wrists. "I was his friend, his confidant and when I refused to carry out a stupid order, just once… he sliced my jaw off without so much as a word of warning!"

He moved closer and she'd felt her shoulders shrink into the plinth. "He did this! He sliced me open Bastila, for no other reason than one wrong order! That's the man you saved and that's the man you have fallen in love with!" He'd pulled back and turned slowly to stare at the ceiling. "I yearned at that point to kill him and when I found out that you and your Jedi team intended to capture him, I knew I had the perfect chance. I used you to keep him busy and struck when his back was turned, watched every laser blast strike that bridge until I rendered his ship a smoking hulk!"

Malak had walked closer and his eyes burned with memory.

"Then you, you had the gall to keep him alive!" He pointed at his sliced face. "The man who did this, who tried to deny me my right as leader of the Sith was given a second chance by you and you alone. I hated you for that, but when Velo told me that Revan had forgotten who he was, I had to give you credit. You've harmed him in such a way I couldn't have dreamed of and expected him to be grateful!"

Bastila shuddered on the Hawk at the remembered sensation of Malak, his face so close to hers that she could see each individual raw cut, rubbing his cheek against hers. Felt once more the shame, as animal terror and disgust had swamped her, the sensation of dead tissue slithering over her as she lay chained to cold stone. Recalled the moan of terror that had escaped her lips as her Jedi conditioning abandoned her. She'd hated him, with every bone in her body. All the friends she'd made at the academy that he and his dark Jedi lackeys had cut ruthlessly down, all the good soldiers and innocent civilians he'd wiped out and finally after all of his crimes, the erasure of Taris from the galaxy. All of these burned inside her at the sight of his gloating face.

"Revan, help me! Please!"

"Now, of course," Malak murmured, his face inches from hers. "I get to hurt him even more, by taking the one thing that he has from all of this and twisting it to my will. I also get my revenge against you my dear, for keeping him alive. By turning you into everything you hate! You, Bastila will become my apprentice and you will have the pleasure of killing him if he should stand in my way!"

She'd felt the anger build inside her. Hatred and fear of the man who stood in front of her had welled, uncontrolled, deep inside her and begun to spill into her soul. She'd felt herself beginning to lose control and had desperately fought to regain her balance. Malak had felt her rage begin to overwhelm her, her force aura rippling with the sheer power of such a dark emotion, and had decided now was the time to play his final card, to use her love against her.

"Revan will never change Bastila. His loyalties to friends have always been what suit him at the time. I as much as anyone know this to be true. He wooed you to keep you from seeing the truth, he doesn't care for you at all. All he saw in you was power and something to have a little fun with.

She'd turned on the plinth, the metal cuffs biting into her wrists. Her eyes blazing with anger and fury.

"No!"

"He left you here at my mercy and he'll never save you from me. You're mine."

"NO!" She'd screamed her voice raw with rage.

"I must admit, I can't see why you even thought he might find you attractive. I know his type well... That young Cathar is the type of woman he normally goes for, "He stroked her face and felt the trembling muscles under her skin. "He revels in those that are powerful Bastila, those that are emotional and full of spirit. Not you, a spoiled Jedi princess, so full of yourself."

Fighting against the cuffs, she'd snarled and yanked against the plinth holding her away from Malak, her one desire to kill him, to strike him down with her bare hands.

"Mind you, he could be with them now. I wonder if he's managed to seduce the Cathar by now?"

Unable to free herself, She'd concentrated all of her hate on his laughing visage and her soul burned with the desire to hurt him, rend him limb from limb. She'd felt a sudden exhilaration as a blast of electric force suddenly shot from her body and blew Malak back across the chamber. She'd fallen back exhausted and Malak had risen slowly to his feet, his laughter ringing in her ears.

"Good, Bastila, good. Again, only this time release all of your hate, for your hate makes you powerful!" Malak had pushed into her weak spot once more. "He won't come because he fears the past, fears me and hates you for your betrayal. You took everything away from him and your love will never be enough for him to forgive you. You acted like a good little puppet of the Jedi council, someone who played on his emotions to get what you wanted."

"It wasn't like that!" She'd screamed at him as the guilt filled her. With it had come yet more anger. Anger at him for exposing her deepest fear, anger at herself and anger at the council. "We had no choice, you had to be stopped!"

"And so you ripped his memories away from him and then used your charms to help him get the ones you needed."

"No, I didn't."

"Used the fact that he was falling in love with you to taste the darkside inside him, to taste the passion." Malak felt the rage flow once more and triumphantly finished. "Admit it Bastila you used him completely! You're no better than me!"

Enraged, the guilt, anger and fear all boiling inside her, she'd screamed at his gloating tone, hitting him again and again as hard as possible with bolt after bolt of lightning, reaching deeper into the dark side of herself. For hours, Malak had just laughed at each blow; knowing full well that she'd been consumed by the darkside inside her and would soon submit to his rule.

The final consuming act, however, had been hers and hers alone. The one thing that had dammed her to the dark path forever, or so she'd thought. Malak had summoned the guards from the adjoining chamber and they had dragged a familiar looking woman in, her hands bound with fibre rope. She'd looked up at Bastila, still chained to the plinth and trembled as her eyes had widened in recognition. Malak had grabbed the young woman's head and twisted it up.

"Remember her Bastila? Remember how she helped me torture you? The pain and suffering she caused with a few choice implements?"

"Oh I remember Malak," she'd whispered her eyes blazing with cold fire. "Unchain me and watch how well I remember, if you want to lose one of your soldiers."

Malak had smiled and shrugged. She'd watched in shock as he'd reached out with the force and unlocked the cuffs holding her to the stone slab. The young woman had moaned in terror as she'd sat up and glared at Malak with hatred.

"You free me Malak? Me, a Jedi who has sworn to destroy you at first opportunity."

"Oh yes Bastila. You have felt the darkside's power course through you when you struck me with your rage. Now, tell me truthfully Bastila, that the power I offer you is not intriguing. Serve me as my apprentice and I will teach you how to harness the blackness inside yourself!"

She'd paused and felt the last few dregs of her self-control slip away as the darkside whispered seductively to her soul.

"I can see your heart Bastila, give in to the taint that whispers in your mind, it is the true path to understanding the force!"

"Very well, I... I agree to be your apprentice." She'd eventually said, feeling the need for power swell in her breast. "But you must swear to teach me all you know!"

Malak had nodded, his eyes blazing with triumph. He'd thrown her a Lightsabre and leaned against the wall. She'd looked at the weapon, igniting the red blade with it's familiar "snap, hiss" and then at him.
"What do you expect me to do with this?" She'd asked.

"You see the woman in front of you? Remember how she handed me each implement and watched with delight each time I used one?"

She'd nodded and watched the blood drain from the young woman's face and her body begin to tremble. The feeling was... intoxicating, even as a small part of her screamed in horror at what she was doing.

"Then take your revenge for all she has done. Kill her, maim her I Don't care to tell the truth! I can always find more... useful soldiers to replace this one, even with her fascination of torture techniques."

"Please," The young woman had murmured, shaking in terror at the glint in Bastila's eyes.. "Please don't kill me Jedi, I... I don't want to die."

"I didn't want to be tortured, life can be cruel," She'd smiled sadistically at the woman, and had revelled in the power as the darkness swept over her. "If you want to live, give me one good reason why I should spare you."

"Y...you're a Jedi. All life is sacred, p... please don't kill me."

"Not good enough!"

She'd sliced the sabre across the woman's arms and laughed at her cry of agony. The woman had fallen onto the floor moaning in pain at the cauterised wounds slicing her wrists. She'd knelt down close to her ear, the feeling of power over this woman swirling inside her.

"I'll give you another chance to live, try again. Why should I spare you?"

"P... please, show me mercy and I'll do anything you want. Anything I'll be your servant for the rest of my life, only please... spare me."

She'd stood up and toyed with the sabre, looking down at the pathetic young woman who she'd held the power of life or death over. Eventually she'd sighed and kneeled down once more.

"Well, I'm flattered that you'd give me your worthless life, but letting you live would be an act of mercy." The woman's eyes had widened in horror. "As the Sith code states, there's nothing worse than mercy, is there? So why would I bother with it and with you?"

She'd stood and, even as the woman had cried out to Malak, spun on her heel and stabbed backwards with the red blade. A quick scream had echoed around the chamber but Bastila had listened to the gentle, clothy sounds as the lifeless body slipped onto the stone floor with a gentle thud. It had felt good, good to release all the hate and anger in one massive rush! Malak had nodded with satisfaction at the lifeless body and had motioned for some guards to clean it up. He'd escorted her then to the Starforge, where she'd felt darker power than she'd believed could exist.

For all her life, the Jedi had worked into her the denial of her emotions. She'd wanted Revan so much, and yet she'd resisted everything she'd felt. It had been at that point, the power of the forge with her, flowing into her dark soul, when the bond between her and Revan had resurfaced. She'd carefully reached out until she could sense him coming closer to the planet and the temple. Carefully she'd pulled back until she was certain he couldn't feel her presence. She'd felt the love pounding in him as he fought to get to her and it had filled her with desire.

"Master, Revan is coming." She'd told him looking up at her new dark lord. "He comes for me and for you."

Malak had paused and shrugged.

"We will destroy him. More precisely Bastila, you will destroy him. Meet him on the temple and strike him down! I have no need for an ex lord of the Sith for I have all the power now!"

Looking up at Malak she felt a distaste for such a brute leading the Sith. "Revan deserves the chance to lead us, the most powerful of all the Sith lords. I can undo the pathetic personality I helped place in his mind." She'd thought watching Malak bluster about the power he now had. . "And if I turn him as Malak has turned me… We could be together and… share, the power of the Sith. I'd never be alone ever again, he'd always be with me, could never chance losing me for I could defeat him."

Malak had nodded with satisfaction as she'd walked off to the docking ring, so sure of his hold over her.

Huddled in the pilot chair on the Hawk, Bastila moaned in terrible guilt at the memory of what she'd done. She raised her hands and looked at them, she could see the blood of her victim staining them, though the searing sabre blade had spilled none.

"I failed. I killed that woman in cold blood. Worse I wanted to and revelled in it. Her death is on my hands for the rest of my life," She thought miserably. "So she was a Sith, and a torturer, but she was helpless and I should have shown mercy. "

"Worse, what the hell was I thinking? I actually wanted to twist Revan to the darkside! I wanted him to take me as his apprentice, to have him teach me power. I wanted him more than anything to touch me with dark passion, with burning desire, to take me to depths I'd never dreamed of! What happened to having his simple love? To being with him? "

Even as she asked herself the question, she knew the answer. She'd been afraid of losing him. A Jedi should not love, she knew that and had been trained to believe in it by them. Then, she'd found herself falling in love and it had felt wonderful, wonderful and right. She'd known then, even as he'd kissed her on the Hawk, that the council could take him away from her. She'd been frightened and the Sith had seemed the perfect answer. Turn him to the darkside and become his, in every way… succumb to her passions, succumb to his.

Her thoughts turned back once again to how easily Malak had turned her. She knew her emotional control had been weaker than others, but still.

"I should have stopped Malak from using my own hatred against me. For all of my training, it took a fallen Jedi who loved me to bring me back. But what does that make me?"

Bastila rocked back and forth in the chair as she fought with her inner guilt asked herself questions she'd gone over again and again, unable to stop.

"Am I a Jedi or not?" She thought glumly. "If I am not a Jedi then what am I? Do I have the right to ask for both love and the force? Do I have the right to ask for love from someone I lied to?" Questions she knew she could not answer herself. Yet, she couldn't face taking them to the one group who could hold the answers she needed. Seeing Master Vandar at the ceremony had been awful. The guilt had welled inside her, even as the admiral had pinned the Medal to her chest and offered her and the council's thanks for aiding Revan. She'd smiled woodenly and nodded in thanks and had stood there waving to the crowds even as she knew the council on Coruscant had requested her presence, no doubt to discuss her fall and an acceptable punishment.

"The fall of Bastila, the proud and wilful... I could live with that I suppose." She muttered, even as the thought of such a tale being woven into Jedi archives filled her with dread. What filled her with even more horror, was the possibility of being cast from the Jedi completely or castigated to the very beginning of Jedi training. The stigma would be more than she could bear, especially if Revan was there when it happened.

Pulling herself from the cockpit chair, Bastila went to move towards the rear of the ship and her darkened bunk. A chime on the Hawks comms panel pulled her around and she turned reluctantly towards it. With a few button presses, the message scrolled across the screen and her eyes widened in shock.

"Oh no."