The Llama Invasion of Hogwarts
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognise (including Harry Potter, PotC, Da Vinci Code, etc.)
Claimer: I co-own llama-orbs and Grace. Stevè belongs to Stevè.
Author's note: Reviews? Hint, hint hint, :)
Plan Negative-Toddler-Dog
Stevè was lying on a beach; drinking rum … wait (slaps self across wrist and tells self to stop watching Pirates of the Caribbean). ANYWAY, Stevè was lying there, peacefully. The waves lapped gently at the shores. She sighed and turned another page of The Da Vinci Code … which she had already read about five times before. But NOBODY must question the inner workings of Stevè's mind … she was just up to the part where Robert Langdon was blowing up the armoured truck when she heard something rather odd … extremely odd. She swore she could hear … ringing. She sat up, looked around and then realized she was dreaming. Her mobile phone was ringing next to her bed.
Groaning, she checked the screen. It was Grace. Stevè glanced at the clock. It was three-twenty-three in the morning. She rolled her eyes and decided there was only one reason for Grace being awake at this time.
"Hel-" Stevè began before being interrupted by a high-pitched squeal.
"Hi, Stevè-child!" squeaked Grace. "Guess what? Guess what??" (pant, pant, pant).
"What?"
"GUESS WHAT?? GUESS WHAT?? GUESS WHAT?? GUESS WHAT?? GUESS WHAT?? GUESS WHAT?? GUESS WHAT?? LLAMA-ORBS!!" (pant, pant, pant).
"Grace-child, tell Stevè exactly how much Coke you have just consumed."
"Um," Grace said, panting. "I don't know. But the bottle is nearly empty."
"How big is the bottle?" Stevè asked, praying she had only gotten the 1.25L this time.
"Three litres."
"Do you know what time it is?"
"Nine-thirty."
"Look at the big clock, Grace-child."
"Fuck!"
"You said it, not me. Get new batteries for your watch. I'm ringing the supermarket and telling them to stop stocking three litre bottles of Coke. And go to sleep or you'll miss the bus. It comes in four and a half hours."
"But – LLAMA ORBS!!"
Stevè was about to hang up, but Grace's Coke-induced hyperactive state was contagious.
"YES, GRACE-CHILD, YES!! LLAMA ORBS!!"
"LLAMA ORBS!!!"
"LLAMA ORBS!!!!"
"LLAMA ORBS!!!!!"
"LLAMA OR- Wait!" Stevè hesitated. "How does one construct a llama-orb, Grace-child?"
Grace immediately launched into a long-winded explanation that seemed to have something to do with psychotic toddlers and methane gas from squirrels.
"Is there any other option?" Stevè asked, worried.
"There is," Grace replied. "Plan Negative-Toddler-Dog."
"Why is it called that?"
"Sounds cool."
"Point taken."
Grace went on to explain the new plan. Stevè marveled at her friend's genius, although she suspected it might have something to do with the fact that she appeared to be reading straight out of their science book.
"Grace-child, are you reading out of our science book?"
"Guilty."
"Is it telling you how to construct a llama-orb or the properties of alleles, Grace-child?"
"Read between the lines, Stevè-child."
"There ain't nothing between the lines."
"That's because I wrote it in my book a while ago. I haven't had a chance to modify yours yet."
Stevè was about to whack herself over the head in frustration, but then decided that Grace wasn't worth losing brain cells over. Instead, she took a deep breath and asked her friend to explain exactly what she had written. As Grace began to talk, Stevè again realized the sheer simplicity and brilliance of the plan. All they needed was an absolutely massive magnet and a piece of metal inside every llama in the world. But, Stevè decided, they would worry about that in the morning … or at least when the sun came up.
Ginny walked down to breakfast in the Great Hall. She had brightened up considerably after the previous day (the worst one in history), which had consisted of Divination, Potions, History of Magic and Study of Ancient Runes, which had been especially hard coming off the holidays. Nevertheless, it cheered her up even more to see her older brother, Ron, his best friend, Harry Potter and Ginny's own friend, Hermione Granger. The two were close, despite Hermione being a year older than Ginny.
The group of Gryffindors all sat down together and began to discuss what the years might bring.
"It's my O.W.L. year this year!" Ginny groaned.
"It's not that bad," Hermione advised, sympathetically.
Ron stared at Hermione in amazement.
"Yes, it is!" she said, indignantly.
"Well, I bet Harry's going to battle Voldemort again, but not kill him," Hermione said.
"What?!" choked Harry.
"Well, you can't defeat him this year; otherwise there'll be no really bad bad guy in the seventh book!"
"There are books about Harry?" Ron asked.
"Duh."
Ginny laughed dutifully before returning to her breakfast, but she wasn't hungry. She had wondered about Trelawney's prediction since yesterday's class. True, it was absurd, and also true, it was in Trelawney's nature to border on utter insanity. But some niggling feeling inside Ginny (let's call it feminine intuition) told her that Professor Trelawney was teaching at Hogwarts for a reason.
It took Ginny about thirty seconds to realize that somebody was standing behind her.
"They will come," said Luna.
"Eh?" said Ginny, confused.
"The llamas."
"Luna, are you okay?"
Luna raised her eyebrows, which made her already protuberant eyes stick out even further.
"Are any of us really okay?"
And then she left, leaving Ginny to her troubled thoughts.