Chapter one, part five.
Juhani hissed slightly under her breath as they stepped off the police cruiser they had hitched a lift with. She looked around, her yellow eyes widening at the sight of all the people wandering around. Always uncertain of herself in large groups, she felt hackles rise on the back of her neck. Revan sensed the change in her aura immediately and he turned with a calming look. She nodded at the unspoken question and gripped her uneasiness with her emotional control. Slowly, she felt her discomfort slip away and she sighed, relived. Revan touched her slightly on the shoulder and she smiled at him with a nod.
Looking up, Revan stared at the huge silvery spire of the Shintaka hospital and stopped walking. The others watched as he closed his eyes for a few seconds and reached out slowly, into the bond. He smiled as he felt Bastila's presence flitter into his mind, the smooth textures of who she was, shining like a beacon. He pulled back slowly, as she seemed ignorant of his presence.
"She's up there Juhani. I can feel her. Look, you and the others go to the docking stations and find the Hawk," He looked up at the spire. "I'm going up there."
The others broke off from him inside the main foyer and while he took a turbolift up to the fifth floor, they went down. He stepped off the lift and smoothly walked across to the reception desk neatly centred in the immaculately polished hallway. A young nurse watched him approach and her eyes flitted to the red droid carefully watching her and everything else in the room. She smiled at him.
"Hello, may I help you master Jedi?" She asked, her fingers locating the panic button just in case. "Do you need medical attention? Or are you looking for someone?"
Revan smiled at her and leaned on the desktop.
"Yes. I would like to know which room Helena Shan is in please."
"Are you a relative?"
"Well no. But I am… friends with her daughter, who I understand is also here."
"And the name of Mrs Shan's daughter master Jedi?"
"Bastila Shan. I know she's here by the way," The nurse looked at him quizzically and he smiled. "Jedi senses you know."
"Well, as much as I have great respect for Jedi's sir, I cannot let you see Mrs Shan unless you are a relative. I can page her room and see if she'll let you visit?"
"Yes please."
The nurse pressed a few buttons and Revan looked around as she did so. The hospital was well funded and the obvious reason hung over the door, a plaque bearing the symbol for incurable disease. The nurse chose that moment to turn back. She smiled.
"Well it seems that Mrs Shan is happy to see you, go right on up. She's on the forty second floor, room six b." She looked at Revan and a trace of sadness slipped into her face. "She's a lovely woman when you get to know her, it's not fair really."
Revan nodded and thanked her. He walked across to the patient access turbolift and stepped in, HK47 right behind him, as the nurse opened the doors. They waited patiently, HK47 ever watchful for assassins hidden in the roof and sides of the car. The doors eventually slid open on to a brightly-lit corridor with glass doors lining it every few metres along. Revan stepped out and walked briskly down the corridor, glancing at each door number as he did so. Eventually he reached six b and looked in.
Helena Shan sat propped up in bed and smiled at him. She waved her hand at him to come through and pressed a button on the bedside table. The door slid silently open and he motioned for HK to remain outside. HK nodded, unusually quiet for once, and assumed position outside the door. Revan looked in once more and stepped into the room.
"Hello, nice to see you again." Helena whispered with a smile and pointed at a bunk against the wall. Revan looked over and smiled himself, a sigh escaping his lips as he saw the young woman lying on the bunk. Bastila; her young face passive, lay curled in a foetal position in the middle of the bunk, the blankets tucked tightly around her as she slumbered.
"My daughter's had little sleep for the past few days, don't wake her." Helena whispered to him and Revan nodded. He sat in the chair she motioned at and looked at her quizzically.
"So how is everything Mrs Shan. More importantly how are you?" He asked quietly.
Helena smiled and put down the datapad she's been reading quietly. She looked at the young man sitting in the chair and felt her interest rise. His face was tired, as tired as her daughter was. She sighed. Unsurprising really, considering what they'd both been through, what little she'd wormed out of Bastila anyway.
Especially for him though, it wasn't everyday that you found you had been the most wanted man in the galaxy, destroyed a weapons factory and… and. She looked over at her daughter and sighed again. Not everyday that you had to face someone you thought of as a friend and who tried to kill you.
From what she'd managed to wrangle from her daughter, Helena knew that the young man had been instrumental in bringing Bastila back from this darkside the Jedi all talked about. She'd wanted to know more about what happened, but Bastila had clammed up about how she'd been turned and also how Revan had brought her back. With him in front of her, maybe she could have some answers at last.
"I'm fine young man. Well, as fine as can be when you've got an incurable disease. The five hundred credits Bastila gave me was enough to get me a room here, and enough painkillers to keep me comfortable."
Revan shifted uncomfortably and looked at Helena with regret.
"So, there's no cure for your illness still? Are you sure?"
Helena smiled sadly and glanced once more to ensure Bastila was asleep.
"Not really. The doctors tell me that it's progressed too far for standard drugs to do anything for me." She looked at him, weighing his trust, and shrugged. "The only other thing that could save my life is a rare and experimental synthetic. I can't even say the name, but needless to say it's so new that the cost for a single treatment is prohibitive. The advantage would have been that I'd have a eighty percent chance of recovery."
Revan frowned and looked at her.
"So why not tell Bastila about it?"
"Don't you dare! She'd do everything to save me. I can't tell her about this drug, she'd bankrupt herself trying to find enough credits to give it to me! None of the legal banks would give her the money, a waste of time to even try. I won't have her in debt to disreputable crime lords either! Please, if you care about her as much as I do don't tell her. Just… just let her have this time with me. We've caught up on so much and I've got so little time left."
"Okay. But… how much would you need?"
"Oh no, I'm not having her friends getting into debt either!"
Revan looked away to the slumbering figure. He felt embarrassed.
"Is that what she said we were? Just good friends."
Helena smiled knowingly and nodded.
"Oh yes. Just good friends, she said," Helena grinned. "She never was a good liar, even as a child. It was always the same when she'd raided the sweet jar. So young man, what exactly does good friends mean in relation to you and my daughter?"
Revan looked at Helena and felt his cheeks redden. He'd faced down Bastila herself, Malak and master Vandar. Now, with Bastila's mother in front of him, he found himself speechless. He looked at her knowing face, her compassionate smile. It made it far worse to explain. He looked away, out of the window and cleared his throat. It'd gone dry.
"I… We… She and I are… Well, I wanted her to," He took a deep breath and looked back at Helena. "I… I wanted her to be my lover, but she wanted to wait until after we'd completed our mission. Then she got abducted by Malak, trying to save me of all things, and turned to the darkside. I… I had to face her down, actually had to fight her." He looked over at the sleeping figure. "I would have done anything to save her, anything!"
"Even take her life?" Helena whispered suddenly… a strange look in her eyes. "Oh, she told me about how she joined your enemy, joined the Sith. If… if she'd been lost to this darkside, twisted and evil, would you have taken her life away from her?"
Revan looked at her, a deep knot in his stomach throbbing as he looked at the woman who'd given birth to the woman he loved. The answer came form his heart, unable to keep it back.
"To save her from a life of darkness and self destruction? Oh yes, I'd have taken it away, so she could find peace in the force. I'd have struck with all my love," He leaned into the chair and closed his eyes. "She'd never have felt a thing."
Helena watched him for a second and felt tears at the edges of her eyes. Brushing them back she cleared her throat, watching as Revan's muscles tightened ever so slightly.
"I see. That answers many of my questions, yes many of them." He opened his eyes and she favoured him with a smile. "I've been around a lot young man. The job Bastila's father and myself had was dangerous. We both made a pact that if one of us was ever hurt too badly to make it back, the other should help in any way possible. Luckily it never came to that, so I never had to test my resolve." She looked at Bastila and felt relief creep over her. "You did, and luckily you managed to save her before you had the terrible duty… That's love young man. The ability to do anything for the person you love. And you do love her, don't you."
Revan nodded and sighed as a weight slipped from him. He looked at Helena's face and smiled sadly
"I love her with all my heart and I think, no I know she feels the same way. A Jedi shouldn't love though, it's a core concept in being a Jedi, so that leaves me and her in a bind Mrs Shan. If the council tries to separate us, what do I do? I can't just carry on as though nothing happened. It'd destroy her… and me too.
"You do what you think is right Revan. I'm sure that whatever you choose, you'll do so wisely. You have a certain, look about you. Whatever you decide… Take care of her. Despite everything she is, how strong my daughter can be, she has a fragile and easily breakable heart," She paused and looked at him. "Did she tell you how she was turned to the darkside?"
"No. I tried to find out just before the victory celebrations, but she didn't say anything. She just slipped off to the Ebon Hawk."
Helena sighed.
"So, so like her father. Independent and headstrong," She grinned slightly. "The stubbornness and pride? That comes from me," A chuckle escaped from Revan at that and Helena smiled. "You have to make her open up to you. She likes to think she's totally independent, and strong enough to bear anything that happens to her. She's wrong though and she'll need your help… need it terribly in the coming days. Not only to cope with what happened on that temple she told me about, but also when I go."
Revan looked at Helena and frowned.
"You never did tell me how much you needed to get the treatment."
"Oh? Well, I suppose you're bright enough to realise how impossible it would be to make or borrow that much," She sighed and looked at him. "The cost of a treatment is pointless for me to tell you. I need a whole course or it won't work. So, the current cost of a course is 10,000 credits."
Revan sat back and nodded.
"As you can see," Helena whispered. "I can't let Bastila know about this. She'd tear herself apart trying to find the money. I think that she regrets all the years we hated one another, as do I."
Revan looked at Bastila and sighed. He knew how hard it had been for her to reconcile things with Helena, now the galaxy was playing a terribly cruel trick. As he pondered over what Helena had told him, Bastila's aura twitched violently. As he felt it in the force, so Helena saw it on the bunk. Bastila writhed on the mattress and jerked her head from side to side, a whimper escaping her lips. Helena sighed and Revan saw the woman's face crease with worry.
"Oh dear. Not another one Bastila… What's the matter this time?"
Revan looked across at her, concern in his face.
"Has she been like this much?" He asked feeling Bastila's terror and guilt flow along their bond, caught as she was in her nightmare.
"She's had a few nightmares like this. I hate them, they make her so pale and tired. But, what can I do? She won't talk about it and I can't go into her mind and see what's bothering her so…" She looked at him suddenly and raised her eyebrows. He knew what she was thinking and he nodded slowly. "You can…"
"Well, We shared visions of my past life…" He paused at the look she gave him. "Don't ask. But if we could both see those, I think I may be able to see her dreams."
Walking across to her jerking form, Revan placed a hand gently onto her forehead. He closed his eyes and concentrated. He could feel the bond between them, almost see it in his mind… but despite knowing how it had been formed, it remained a mystery to him, as it did to Bastila and the Jedi masters. He remembered how it had felt, when she had been in his dreams, when he had envisioned the star-maps. With a deep breath he tried to slip into that state once more and felt the room darken. A feeling passed over him, something new, yet familiar…
A memory… or a dream?
"Please," The young woman murmured, shaking in terror at the glint in Bastila's eyes.. "Please don't kill me Jedi, I... I don't want to die."
"What? Who's going to kill you? Who are you?"
"I didn't want to be tortured, life can be cruel,"
Revan looked around, disorientated, and realised in surprise that he was standing in the temple on Rakatan. All the detail was hazy however, and it took him a few moments for him to remember where he was, a dream world in Bastila's mind. It was both amazing and discomforting to know he and she could do this. He looked around in disbelief as Bastila's nightmare played out around him.
Bastila stood looking at a young woman in a Sith uniform, red sabre blade poised in front of her to strike. In this dream world, the air shivered as her shadow, so very much alive, seemed to lead every movement. Revan shivered slightly and seeing her face recognised the look in her eyes. It was the same as he had seen when they had fought on the Starforge.
"Y...you're a Jedi. All life is sacred, p... please don't kill me."
"Not good enough!"
Revan reeled in shock as Bastila sliced the sabre across the woman's arms, laughing at her cry of agony. The woman fell onto the floor, moaning in pain at the cauterised wounds slicing her wrists. Malak began to clap and cheer, egging her on like some sports star. Bastila knelt down close to her ear and Revan felt sick as he watched this twisted version of her whisper.
"I'll give you another chance to live, try again. Why should I spare you?"
"P... please, show me mercy and I'll do anything you want. Anything I'll be your servant for the rest of my life, only please... spare me."
Revan watched Bastila stand and felt compelled to do something, anything.
"Don't, don't kill her. I'm coming Bas, I am!"
The dream Bastila ignored him, as did everyone else. He watched the terrible past unfurl, watched what haunted her still.
"Well, I'm flattered that you'd give me your worthless life, but letting you live would be an act of mercy." The woman's eyes widened in horror. "As the Sith code states, there's nothing worse than mercy, is there? So why would I bother with it and with you?"
She stood and, even as the woman had cried out to Malak, spun on her heel and stabbed backwards with the red blade. Revan had turned away at that point and tried not to vomit as the scream echoed around the chamber. A gentle flump was all that was left as the lifeless body slipped onto the stone. Revan looked up in shock as hundreds of blood red ribbons cascaded from the ceiling and Sith soldiers walked cheering around the corner bearing drink and plates of food. He shook his head, the death had to have been real, and this was obviously part of the dream. He looked at Bastila as she stared down, stared at the slumped figure. She was oblivious to the party going on around her. Revan felt he should say something, even though he knew she wouldn't hear him.
"Bastila, is that what he did to you? How he turned you… What you did to her made you fall?"
The dream Bastila looked up for the first time at his voice and sighed.
"Oh yes… I need to be punished for this you know. I did a terrible thing."
"Why did you strike her down?"
"Out of anger, fear to be truthful. She was very gifted in torture, I've never felt such physical pain in my life, especially when she used stims to keep me conscious. I killed her to stop her ever doing it again. But it was wrong, and I have to pay the price."
The temple melted away and Revan found himself as a council member at Coruscant. Clad in robes of justice and sitting in one of the council chairs. Bastila lay in the centre of the room, robe torn, hair a mess and hands bound with archaic chains. Her eyes were red and puffy as tears fell onto the floor, her incessant sobbing the only sound filling the chamber. Revan looked around, none of the other council members seemed moved. He turned to his right, and saw in shock that the head of the council in her dream, was the woman she'd murdered in anger.
"We will now pass judgement on this worthless woman." The woman ordered smugly and looked around the room. "I remind the council that a majority count of guilty will mean instant death."
The heads nodded, all except Revan's, and the woman turned to Bastila, cold contempt in her eyes.
"Guilty." She announced a vicious smile playing over her lips.
"Guilty." Another council member, this one a Sith, announced loudly.
So it went on around the room. Every single member proclaimed her guilt and with each one Bastila sobbed harder and harder. The final count came to Revan and the woman looked at him with a sneer.
"You are the last. Don't let your love blind you to what she did! She struck me down in anger and hatred. She is no Jedi! Not even worth your acknowledgement, let alone your love. The fact of her love for you is also one of her capital crimes. How can she be a Jedi and love you? So she chose love, she wasn't afraid… But she's guilty, guilty of that and so much more! So choose!"
Revan looked at her and frowned.
"This is a dream. You were her torturer when Malak took her prisoner."
"Don't be silly. This is a meeting of the council of Coruscant. Stop being a fool and choose." The woman smiled suddenly, dropping her pretext and grinned cruelly at him. "I was an innocent and she struck me down!"
"You were anything but innocent! You tortured her!"
"Maybe, but she struck me down in anger, what kind of a Jedi is she? She has no peace, no centre of being. A true Jedi would never have been corrupted!"
Revan got up and walked across to the woman who looked at him angrily. He reached down to her uniform and yanked the zip down. In the centre of her breast bone a neat puncture mark, cauterised and exposing the damage beneath."
"Fine. You're her guilt in this… I can see that. You tortured her until she couldn't take it anymore. Striking you down may have pushed her further along the darkside but you sent her there first." He snorted. "I vote not guilty."
Bastila looked up at that and held her hands out for him to see, they dripped blood. At the same time, the wound in the woman's chest began to spill blood down her tunic.
"I have her blood on my hands, I killed her and with that I gave up everything I am. Without that what am I? I have you, I love you… but then I almost killed you on the forge. I… I don't deserve your love and certainly no compassion!"
Revan felt her agony, at the terrible things she'd done. Felt the guilt and shame that she'd been trying to block from him since he'd saved her on the Starforge. He sighed and turned to her.
"I forgive you. I'll be sure to tell you that when you wake up."
She looked at him, shocked and he smiled at her. Feeling the nightmare begin to unravel due to his interference, he made a decision. She deserved a peaceful sleep. He reached into her mind and with the same instinctive ability, soothed her mind until a calmer sleep slipped into place. Pulling back his own mind from the link, he felt a strange sensation run through him as awareness of the physical world slid back.
RealityRevan's eyes fluttered open and he looked down at Bastila's peaceful frame as the bond slid back into his subconscious, her soothed mind slumbering on. Helena watched with anxiety.
"How long was I gone?" He asked her.
"A few minutes. What happened? Did… did you actually see her dreams? Is it possible for a Jedi to do that?"
He ran a hand through his hair and looked at her, Helena was leaning forward, her face a picture of anxiety. He took a moment to centre himself and nodded.
"I saw… I saw what happened to her when she slipped to the darkside. She… she killed a woman in anger, the woman had tortured her and she struck her down with hatred! She thinks she should be punished for doing that, and also, I think for loving me. It's against everything she was taught to believe as a Jedi. It was all a mess, as my dreams often are."
He looked down at Bastila's peaceful face and frowned as he put two and two together.
"So that's why Vandar sent me the message when we got here, and why you left without me… didn't you."
Helena looked confused, at both him and then to her sleeping daughter.
"What message? Who's Vandar? You said she was tortured, who by, for how long. Was that what made her fall to this darkside you Jedi always talk about?"
Revan heard the horror in her voice as she stared at her daughter's face. Knew that her instinct was to try and heal the hurt.
"The message is for me, it's about something the council has been requested to discuss. As for the torture I mentioned," He watched Helena's face pale and felt terrible. "Yes she was tortured for at least a week by the woman she eventually killed. It was this that helped turn her to the darkside."
Helena looked at him sickly, only then realising how dangerous being a Jedi was for her daughter.
"She' been through a lot, a hell of a lot more than she told you… more than she told me for that matter. I think she's trying to protect me and at the same time wanted to protect you."
"Why?"
"Well, you're her mother, it's only natural she wouldn't want you to know what happened to her. As for me…" He looked at her, his own guilt ripping past his emotional control. "All of this was my fault, and I refuse to let Bastila take any blame for what happened,"
He felt Bastila stir in her sleep, and looked at Helena.
"She's waking up. Not a word about what I did."
"Oh, my lips are sealed, I promise. If I tell her any of this she'll either think I'm mad or worse yell at you. Neither I want to happen, be honest. After all, someone's going to have to look after her." Helena looked at him. "Mind you, I can see now why you look so tired. It's not just what happened on the Starforge between you is it? You've had something happen to you too."
Revan ached to tell someone, anyone about how he felt, but he drew back nonetheless. Now was not the time, especially telling someone who was the mother of the person he was trying to hide his own guilt and pain from.
A sigh from the bunk made him look over as Bastila's eyes slowly fluttered open, he slipped quietly further into the corner of the room behind her and watched as she sat up. With a yawn, Bastila looked at Helena with tired eyes, she hid her torment poorly.
"How long was I asleep for?"
"A few hours dear, nothing more. You didn't miss much… They took some blood, gave me a slightly larger shot of painkillers, but I'm fine, still breathing."
"Don't joke mother please, not about this! I… I can't believe that after all the time I despised you, we've got so little left when I want to be with you." Bastila despondently toyed with her Lightsabre, so carefully tucked under the pillow. "Do they, do they know how…"
"How long I have left?" Helena sighed and padded the bed with her hand and Bastila slowly slipped across to sit next to her. She took her daughters hand and squeezed it tightly. "A few weeks dear. But, that's enough for you and me to say everything we need to. You know how proud I am, especially of your choice of young man."
Bastila looked at her mother in surprise and smiled sadly.
"I never could hide anything from you could I? Even as a child you always knew when I'd been up to no good. How did you know Revan was my… that he and I…"
"Because Bass, someone told her." Revan said quietly, watching as she span on the bed to look at him with shock. He felt her delight at seeing him flow down the bond, mingled with reluctance and apprehension. "I missed you at the party and I missed you when I came here. Why'd you leave me on Rakatan?"
"I… how did you find? Th… this is a personal matter. I… I didn't think you'd want to be with me while I visited mother. It's not going to be a happy time around here and you've seen enough sadness for a lifetime." She lied to him, hoped he would accept it. But, she watched as his eyes narrowed, he knew… the bond between them exposed any lie for what it was. "I also have, other matters to attend to. Important ones."
She looked away from Revan and closed her eyes. "Please don't ask what, please… I have to do this alone, I have to!" She thought, feeling his reluctance. And also… something else, determination over something he knew. He couldn't know what she was going to do… did he? She looked into his soft eyes and swallowed, by the force he was imposing when he looked at her like that, looked into her soul. She snorted at her own words, nothing there but darkness and guilt now, but still he watched her with those dark eyes and, secretly, she wanted him to.
"Mother, I suppose you know now then that Revan and myself we…" she paused, thinking of a way to explain it that wouldn't sound silly, turning to her mother as she did so. Helena's face however was fixed on the glass door to her room. Bastila looked around to see a young man, face sweating, pressed against the glass. He held an archaic paper envelope in one hand and looked apprehensively at them all. Revan frowned and then his eyes widened in understanding.
"Oh damn!"
Walking quickly, he pulled the door open and shook his head.
"Damn it HK! Let him go."
"Statement: Master, this meatbag claims to have a message for you. When I asked him to give it to me, he became quite insistent that he should deliver it by hand. When I asked him to wait until I could ask you for instructions he attempted to force his way past me. I calculate a five percent chance he is a Sith assassin and the envelope is a small bomb. May I have your permission to vaporise him?"
"No let him go!" Revan snapped, looking at the messengers panicked face. "Your job is a Bodyguard now, that means you keep them out, politely! It doesn't mean slapping them against the door like a criminal.
"Supplication: Sorry Master, I shall release him at once. But," HK let go of the man who gasped a bit and glared at the droid… until HK looked down, his red eyes flashing. "I think he should know that have my eyes on him, just in case!"
The messenger cleared his throat and stood up, brushing himself down as he did so. Ignoring the threatening red droid next to him, he turned to the mildly amused Helena and Bastila inside the room.
"Padawan Bastila Shan?" He asked pointedly. She nodded and he held out the envelope. "You are to come to the Jedi council in the next two hours. Your… mistake and its consequences will be discussed at that time. However, they would like you to be aware that this meeting is quite unusual and will require further deliberation on your part."
Bastila held the envelope gently, but made no move to open it. The messenger nodded, and turning to avoid the looming droid walked quickly out. Helena looked at her daughter with puzzled eyes and she opened her mouth, a question forming on her lips. Bastila however, spoke before she could say anything.
"Mother I… I have to go and see them." She turned and smiled at her, Helena saw the slight tinge of fear and regret in her eyes but chose to say nothing. "I'm sure it'll be quick and when I come back I'll have plenty of time to spend with you."
Revan watched quietly and knew exactly what she meant by that last sentence. Shaking his head he moved back inside. He had to get ready as well, Vandar had arranged everything, and it was up to him to stop a terrible mistake, no matter how well intentioned.
"Well, I've got to go and see the others, they're going over the Hawk, " Bastila blushed and he smiled at Helena. "I'll go and give them a hand and leave you two to whatever you were doing. Oh Bastila, I hope I'll see you back on board before dinner? I've heard good things about an Ithorian restaurant and thought I'd take you to dinner."
Bastila blushed at her mother's grin and, fiddling with her Lightsabre nodded. Helena's smile faded as she looked at her daughter and looking up at Revan, cast a searching glance at him. "What's going on?" she urged, the summons to the council had disturbed her greatly.
He held up a hand in supplication and shook his head slowly at her. Helena frowned, and then reluctantly nodded at him.
"Well I've got to go. See you later Bastila…" He paused at the door and looked back at her. "I love you."
Bastila blushed and looked up. She could feel his concern for her and with an inward sigh, made an effort to calm it. Even as she looked at him Bastila felt her mother watching them, bad enough she knew they were an item. The last thing she'd wanted was for her mother to realise just how much she needed Revan, unsure if she'd approve. With a sigh, she looked up at him and murmured.
"I love you too Revan, I… I'll see you later on at the Hawk and we can…we can talk about our future, if you like."
He nodded and walked out of the room, feeling Bastila's eyes follow him out the door. Her guilt and sorrow had been assaulting him while she had talked, doubling in strength when the summons to the council had been given. Coupled with his own it was almost… almost. No, he had to help her! He had to keep his own problems under control. He had… For a second he felt his own guilt and despair threaten to overwhelm him. Struggling, he swayed against the wall of the hospital and felt dizzy.
"Statement: Master, are you all right?"
HK watched as Revan groaned and clutched his head. HK's sensors picked up massive stress levels and he worried for his master. Unable to assist, medical info not being programmed into his database, HK stood helplessly on guard as Revan shivered against the wall.
"No! I… I can handle this I can!" He whispered as terrible feeling of worthlessness ripped through him. "For her, for Bastila I have to… Peace, there is peace! I am Revan. I'm not a puppet… I… I"
"I don't know how you keep going, this must be an even bigger shock to you than it is us."
Carth's face looking concerned and suspicious.
"We had no choice, your mind was too badly damaged."
Bastila, guilt and pain in her voice as he struggled to face the truth.
"I have pledged myself to Malak and the darkside."
Her terrible beauty, as she stood there anger bubbling inside her.
"I could never love anyone as weak as you."
"No, I have to hold on… I…" He concentrated. "There is no chaos, there is harmony."
He shivered and his Jedi controls slipped back in place. Slowly he began to feel better as they clamped down. He had to help Bastila and then, maybe then he could deal with his own problems… before they destroyed him.
The council would meet with the both of them, whether Bastila wanted them to or not.
Continued in Chapter 2-Regrets and conspiracies.