Ch.16 Enemies! Attack!
Leon, Jill, and Nemesis were all happy after the latest challenge. Their alliance had held and they just had to win the next immunity challenge and vote off Mikhail. Mikhail came along with the alliance of three to get the tree mail. He reached into the tree, when suddenly an animal jumped on his face.
"Ahhhh ahhh ahhh get it off get it off!" he screamed as the raccoon attacked the hapless man. Leon burst out laughing. He laughed through breakfast, lunch, supper, and breakfast again until finally, when they went to get tree mail again, Nemesis shoved a beer bottle down his throat. Leon cried with glee and started sucking. He rolled up onto the ground and continued to drink. Nemesis led the way into a large clearing the size of a tennis court. He suddenly stopped and started sniffing.
"What do you smell?" asked Jill. Nemesis paused for a moment before saying,
"Steak.
"Oh.......well"
"Nooooo! its Silent Hill characters!" he cried. Jill winced at the name of Resident Evil's biggest competitor. Several dark figures appeared in the clearing. They were human. Four of them. There were 2 men and 2 women. They were looking very eager to speak with the two RE characters.
"Well if it isn't Jill Valentine and Nemesis" scoffed James Sunderland. He smoothed his hair back before Eileen spoke.
"Time to die bitch!" she cried. Jill cocked an eyebrow and laughed.
"You four can't take us on!" laughed Jill. Nemesis started laughing. He was cut short when Harry whistled. 5 more figures appeared behind Nemesis. They were not human. A creature with a pyramid head led the way.
"Jolly good day for a fight isn't it govena" said the monster in a strange British accent.
"I hope you're happy, I was pulled from a marvelous game of cricket if you must know". Nemesis looked dumbfounded. He whispered into Jill's ear. Jill nodded before striking out quickly. Jill's foot connected with James' groin. He screamed and went down, holding himself. Nemesis jumped onto the pyramid head and started pounding him.
"What a horrible dress!" said Jill before punching Eileen in the face. She staggered back and attacked Jill. The humans circled Jill and began attacking. From the shadows a figure appeared. It was the only savior the two survivors had, the one person who could end the battle in a quick motion, it was.
"Leon?" asked Jill. She was currently being held down by the two men while Eileen was trying to slap her.
"Hey Lyn you are one sexy chick, y don u an I go ou fo a smok sometime ah?" laughed Leon. Lyn stepped behind him and clubbed him into unconsciousness.
"That was supposed to be my entry!" she retorted. Jill smiled and broke free of the men's grasp. She became a blur of motion as she knocked out Harry with one punch. Nemesis was doing bad fighting the monsters. Every time he hit one of them away another one appeared. Lyn came from above Nemesis, piercing Pyramid head's uhhh uhhh pyramid head?
"Oh dash it all it'll take me weeks to re carve this!" he cried as the battle continued. Jill desperately fought James, Eileen, and Heather. Suddenly James did something he would regret for his entire life. He punched Jill in the breast.
"Uh oh" whispered Eileen to Heather. Jill's eyes turned red before she unleashed her most powerful attack, the too too too too hard slap. She slapped all three at once, sending them flying across the clearing. Lyn and Nemesis turned and saw the people go flying. Immediately after the attack Jill fainted. Lyn caught her in mid fall.
"I'll be back after my cricket match mates, the game has been going on for 7 hours". Pyramid head's last words echoed as the monsters left the clearing. Lyn administered Sacean healing techniques. Jill awoke with a start.
"I did the too too too too hard slap didn't I?" asked the babe. Lyn nodded and told Jill to rest. She whistled and immediately Sain rode into the clearing.
"Why isn't she a fine catch Lady Lyndis!" exclaimed Sain before he helped Jill onto his horse. He rode off into the trees with Lyn and Jill on the steed.
"Hey wait for me!" cried Nemesis. He ran to catch up but tripped on Leon's drunk form. He kicked him in the stomach and walked away. When the survivors got back to the camp site, Chief Irons was waiting for them. He waited for Leon to stumble into the camp before speaking.
"There is some good......ahh shit" said the chief. Sain's horse had left a monster shit in the middle of the camp. Irons quickly looked around for something to wipe off his shoe. He spotted Leon's secret stash of Jill Valentine nude pictures and started wiping the footwear.
"Nooooooooooo! whhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy" cried Leon in an overly dramatic voice. Irons then explained that the fight between the RE people and SH people was a surprise immunity challenge. Jill's mouth popped open in surprise. Irons motioned behind him. Three judges were sitting behind a desk. Samus, Master Chief, and Lyn. Irons then told the survivors that they would be rated on their performance in the battle. The first rating would be on Jill.
Samus immediately held up a board with a number 10 on it. Master chief followed with a 9 and Lyn held up a 9.5.
"Thank you very much!" exclaimed Jill. The ratings then shifted to Nemesis, who received 8s across the board. He slumped to the ground and started sleeping. Leon received a 0.5 from Samus and two 1s. Finally, Mikhail got 0s for not participating.
"But if I would have known"
"Silence!" snapped Samus. The judges cast dark looks at Mikhail. Mikhail pleaded with them until he was dragged away by a space marine. Chief Irons placed the immunity necklace on Jill's neck. She cheered and led the way back to the camp.
"Well I guess I am going home" said Mikhail sadly.
"Oh save it whelp!" replied Nemesis. He punched Mikhail in the gut. The man flew into the air and landed in a heap beside a garbage can. Jill sighed and looked at Leon. He was giggling at a picture he was looking at. Jill looked over his shoulder and spotted.....A picture of herself totally naked. Jill's mouth erupted in a torrent of words too bad to write. Leon looked up and saw Jill's fist connect with his face.
"Ahhhh my beautiful face!" cried Leon. He tried to defend himself but instead just curled up into a ball and took the punishment. Nemesis grabbed Jill and dragged her away.
All was quiet as the tribe entered the tram car. Irons was sleeping in the corner seat, Samus and The Master Chief were cuddling on the opposite seat. A licker was eating a hamburger in the opposite tram car. Irons awoke with a start and immediately brought the tribe to order.
"So Jill have you had a perfect plan this entire game?" he asked.
"Well no there have been a few bumps and curves in the road but I think it has been all good for me", answered Jill.
"Leon, what is the greatest asset you have to winning this game.
"I believe that I'm an honest player of the game and a team player", Leon said.
The voting then began after the bone breaking task, the most challenging undertaking, the one thing that cannot be done,.............making Samus and The Master Chief leave the tram. Irons gathered the votes. He winced as he felt the plasma burn from Samus' beam cannon. She was especially hard to get rid of. Chief Irons read the votes.
"Mikhail, Leon, Mikhail, Mikhail. Bring me your torch man" said the chief quickly. Mikhail left the trolley with a somber face, leaving Jill, Leon, and Nemesis to head back to camp and prepare for the last challenge.