My Big Fat Aquios Wedding
By Nicolle
1st Note: Serious OOC-ness. You know, I put this note here and all I've heard is how IN-character everyone is. The only complaint so far is how mellow Albel seems. If you pick up the Crimson Scourge in the game, he does mellow out a bit and the words 'fool' and 'worm' become less like insults and more like terms of endearment. And isn't that a scary thought? Well, he's still Albel the Wicked, as this chapter will prove.
2nd Note: Italics after the list are FLASHBACKS! Woo-hoo!
3rd Note: If you like my stuff, I have two other SO3 comedy fics. Check out my profile.
Disclaimer: Star Ocean 3 belongs to Tri-Ace/Ubisoft/Square-Enix.
Further Disclaimer and Credit Due: I rewrote this chapter three times. Its final form comes courtesy of my husband, who hates fan fiction, but likes Star Ocean enough to read my silly little fic.
Chapter Six:
Part One: Bachelor party!
On their way to Kirlsa, the girls spotted an armadillo stuck in a tree. Peppita got it out of the tree and set it on its way. Turning, she found the other girls were far ahead of her. She ran to catch up.
Nel trudged up the stairs to Woltar's office, dreading what awaited her. She pushed the door to his office open and went in, followed by Claire, Mirage, Maria, Sophia, and Peppita. Woltar smiled when she came in.
"What did they do?"
Woltar handed her a piece of paper. "This is the list of charges."
Nel looked at it:
Intoxicated in Public
Indecent Exposure
Cruelty to Animals
Child Abuse
Out of Season Sport without a License
"Oh dear Apris," Nel muttered.
Claire pulled the list out of her hands and read it over. "What did they do?"
Mirage looked over Claire's shoulder. "It looks suspiciously like Cliff had something to do with the list."
"Master Fayt is in there as well," Woltar said.
Sophia gasped.
Woltar nodded. "Well, their hangovers should have cleared up by now. I'm sure you can get a better explanation out of them than I did."
The girls went back down stairs and into the small holding block where Adray, Lasselle, Roger, Albel, Cliff, and Fayt sat in a cell together. Adray was dozing, Lasselle was wringing his hands, Roger was swinging his feet, Cliff was relaxing, Albel was the placid calm only he could manage, and Fayt looked to be asleep. Nel knocked on the bars.
"Who wants to explain this?"
"Which part?" Adray asked without opening his eyes.
"Let's start with Public Intoxication."
"Yeah, like that wasn't going to happen," Cliff muttered.
Lasselle started up, "We were..."
"Hush, Lasselle," Maria said, "You can't equip a weapon."
"Well," Adray began, "It started like this..."
Albel followed the Cliff down the stairs. "So what exactly are we doing and will it involve strippers at some point in time?"
"I'm not going to tell you, it's a surprise; and yes, strippers will be involved at some point." Cliff led the knight out of town and they trekked across the fields to the Royal City of Airyglyph.
"You said you were going to throw me a party, not make me get some exercise."
"Don't worry," Cliff said as he pushed the door to the tavern open. "It'll be great." He stepped inside and cheer went up.
"You're late, Albel!" Fayt yelled.
"What took you so long?" a knight from the Black Brigade yelled.
"Was you're little lady trying to keep you home?" Roger asked.
Albel smirked. "Raise your hand if you'd willingly piss off Lady Nel."
No one moved.
"I didn't think so."
"So what exactly are we doing in here?" Lasselle asked.
"We're having a party," Adray said and slapped the Queen's advisor on the back. "Here! Drink this!" He pushed a mug into the man's hands.
"I don't think this is really appropriate..."
Albel took a mug from a barmaid. "Hey Lasselle! Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself."
The various Glyphians in the bar hit the floor.
Lasselle glared at the Captain. "You should do some soul searching, Nox. You might find one."
The men from Aquios joined the Glyphians.
Albel stretched a bit, rolling his shoulders, and smiled. "What ever's eating you must be suffering horribly."
"OUCH!" a man in the back cried.
Lasselle took a hit from the mug. "So... Are you the first in you family to be born with out a tail?"
"Ow..." Fayt shook his head. "That one hurt."
"My, Lasselle, being attacked by you is like being savaged by a dead sheep."
"This from a man who is as much fun as barbed wire."
Albel took a sip of his cider. "So, when Apris was handing out personalities, were you holding the door?"
Fayt leaned over to Cliff. "Was that low?"
"No. That counts as being above the belt."
"I'm amazed they haven't tried to kill each other yet."
"It's traditional in these parts to heckle the groom," Adray said as he took another swig from his mug.
Albel smirked. "Are you done already, Maggot?"
"No, I was just trying to imagine you with a personality."
Albel laughed. "I'm sorry, but most repair manuals are more interesting than you."
"This from the man who can't tell that there's a fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.'"
Albel sipped his cider. "You have all the subtlety of a blind man performing brain surgery with a hack saw."
Lasselle licked his lips and silence hung in the air.
"Do you think he can come back from that one?" Fayt asked.
"The trouble with you, Nox, is that you lack the power of conversation but not the power of speech."
"That's what we call hitting the nail on the head," Cliff said.
"Granted. But I see you as one great stampede of lips directed at the nearest derriere."
Applause filled the room.
Lasselle lifted his mug and conceded defeat. "I don't think I can come back from that one."
"To defend the honor of my country, I'll come back for you," Adray said. He looked Albel in the eye. "Get a haircut. You look like a chrysanthemum."
Albel spit out the cider he was drinking. Cliff patted him on the back to make sure he didn't choke. "I give up."
"Good. It's time for the cake," Cliff said.
The barmaids wheeled in huge cake.
Albel blinked a few times. "Do I really want to know?"
"You will in a minute," the Klausian muttered.
The top of the cake flipped open with streamers and confetti. The 'Flirty Girl' from Hyda IV popped out of the top, dressed as Queen Aquios.
Lasselle hit the floor of the tavern.
Albel smirked as the girl began to dance around. "Someone slit Lasselle's wrists. It'll lower his blood pressure."
Adray reached down and smacked the Advisor until he woke up. "Drink more!"
Lasselle took a hit of something really strong. Swaying, he spotted the 'Flirty Girl' stripping for the guys. "Hey! Queenie's here..."
Claire looked at Nel. "Why were you keeping him?"
"I wasn't keeping him exactly..."
Adray pulled up a chair to the table Nel was eating breakfast at. "Mind if I join you?"
Nel shook her head.
He sat down. "You only have a week left, Nel. Have you decided?"
"Yes."
"Yes, you've decided or yes, you're going to marry Glou's boy?"
"Both." She stuffed another bite in her mouth so she could politely avoid saying anymore.
"If that's the case, there's something I want to talk to you about." He leaned back in the chair and folded his arms across his chest. "In Airyglyph it's very important for the bride's father to walk her up the aisle and give her to the groom. I know Albel hasn't said anything to you about it, but it is something that means a lot to him."
"I'm not property. I can't be given away. And Albel certainly isn't going to own me," Nel spat.
"That's not the point." He waited a moment for Nel to calm down. "It's about a father placing the care and happiness of his little princess into the hands of the man she loves. It's a very small gesture, but a very important one. It's a sign of trust and faith between the father and son-in-law. And Albel, being who he is, really needs that."
Nel frowned. "It's pointless. My father is dead."
"I'd be honored if you'd allow me to walk you up the aisle."
Nel sat there, dumbfounded.
"You don't have to answer me now. I know that both Woltar and ole' Arzy are going to ask if they could stand in for your dad. And I'm sure that a whole lot of other people are going to ask. There are more than a few members of the Storm Brigade who knew Nevelle very well."
"Oh dear Apris..."
"Don't you worry about turning anyone down. No one's going to be angry with you. Just let us know when you decide." Adray stood and left Nel alone with her food.
She put her head in her hands and immediately regretted it when she realized she'd just coated her hair in syrup. Pushing away from the table, she trudged up the stairs. She set to scrubbing her hair over the wash basin. Reaching around blindly, she realized she'd forgotten to grab a towel. She was about to groan in frustration when one was placed over her head and gentle hands massaged her hair dry. She stood there for a while, enjoying the special treatment and uncaring as to who was giving it to her. The hands on her head directed her to a chair and she plopped down. The towel hit the floor and a comb began to work its way through her hair.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
Nel leaned her head back and looked at Albel. "Do you want to know why I'm going to kill you, or do you want to go to oblivion blissfully unaware?"
He raised an eyebrow and continued combing her hair. "I'd prefer to know."
"So why didn't you tell me about the father walking the bride down the aisle thing?"
Albel shrugged. "You're father is no longer among us, so I figured it was pointless. Besides, I knew you would look at it as some sort of property exchange." He sighed. "I take it someone told you."
"Adray."
Albel snorted. "Meddling old man... His mouth is starting to get too big for his muzzle."
Nel laughed and almost fell out of the chair.
Albel grabbed her under the arms and kept her in the chair. "So what are you going to do?"
Nel wiped the tears from her eyes. "What do you want me to do?"
Albel continued combing her hair. "Uh-uh. It's your wedding, Nel."
"It's our wedding," she said quietly.
Albel paused for a moment and Nel really wished she could see his face. "I'd really like it if you would."
"All right then. It's settled." Nel turned to look at him, but his face was unreadable, the way it always looked when he was calm. His hands came to rest on her shoulders. "Who should I pick?"
"Not Woltar."
"Done and done."
Cliff knocked on the door. "Hey Albel! Time to go!"
Nel grabbed Albel's braid before he could move to the door. "Anything else I should know about? You know... any other traditions."
"Well, the day before the wedding is a tradition known as 'Kissing the Bride.' My mother will stop by with a simple white dress, and white lace coat for you to wear for the day. This tells all of Airyglyph that you are to be married the next day. Stand up, I'll show you how this works."
Nel dropped his braid and stood. He took both of her hands in his. "The men and women you meet in Airyglyph that day will take your hands like this, offer you a blessing, and kiss you on the cheek." He leaned forward and gave her a quick peck. "Just like that." He dropped her hands. "The kisses will be quick and they're considered good luck. Only close relatives or friends will actually kiss you on the lips and as you don't have any in Airyglyph, you should be fine."
"Woo Hoo! Kissing the girl! Go Albel!" Roger yelled.
Nel threw him a nasty look and the Menodix settled down. "All right. You were all drunk. But you were drunk in a bar. When were you drunk in public?"
"Much later," Adray said, "After we kicked Roger out of the tavern."
Nel looked at the list. "I suppose that's the 'Cruelty to Animals' charge."
"Nope," Cliff said, "That fell under 'Child Abuse.'"
Nel sighed. "Then what was the 'Cruelty to Animals' charge about?"
Lasselle raised his hand. "Roger was..."
"Quiet you!" Mirage said, "You don't get to use items."
His hand dropped dejectedly.
"Well..." Roger began.
"You better not enjoy this too much, Albel, or Lady Nel will hear about it!" one of the storm brigade yelled.
"Sit down and give your mind a rest," the Captain yelled.
"Hey, hey, hey," Adray said, "No one is telling anyone anything."
A cheer rang through the tavern.
"We've got a game!" Cliff yelled.
"It better be a drinking game," someone from the back yelled.
"It is! The game is called 'Questions.' These are the rules, we start with two people. One asks a question and the other answers with a question. This goes on until someone screws up. Everyone takes a shot and the screw up is replaced by the next victim. The person to remain in the game longest, wins."
"Whadda we win?" a voice in the back slurred.
"The right to kick Mr. Huxley here out the door." Cliff hefted the Menodix.
"Hey!" Roger wiggled and kicked in Cliff's grasp, but didn't get very far.
"Me first," Fayt said.
"Me too!" The member of the Dragon Brigade who ferried them over the mountains to Becquerel Mine stepped up to the plate.
Fayt looked the man up and down. "Who are you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Don't you have a name?"
"Did my parent's give me a name?"
Fayt cracked a smile. "Did they drop you on your head?"
"Is that a rhetorical question?"
"I really..." Fayt rolled his eyes as the crowd booed him. Everyone took a shot and the next victim, a member of the Storm Brigade, stepped up. The game went fast and the original Dragon Brigade knight won. He picked Roger up and tossed him out of the tavern.
Growling, Roger stood and brushed himself off. "I'll show him!" The Menodix ran off to the caves where Airyglyph's riding dragons rested. He found his victim and beat up the knight's dragon.
"You beat up a dragon?" Claire blinked several times. "You can beat up a dragon?"
"Apparently," Nel muttered. "Indecent exposure?"
Cliff sat up. "I apologize. You see, I'm so manly that, even with my clothes on, the guard said I was indecently exposed."
The girls looked at each other and then back at him. "Try again," Mirage said.
"Well..." Lasselle said.
"Sit down, Lasselle. You aren't even a playable character," Peppita said.
"Ahem." Adray looked around and all quieted.
Most of the party goers were passed out on the floor or being entertained by the 'Flirty Girl,' who barely had any clothing left. Adray, Lasselle, Albel, Cliff, and Fayt sat around a table with a deck of cards and a set of shots.
Albel took one and slammed the glass upside down on the table. "I call."
"Two pair," Cliff said.
"Three aces," Fayt said.
"Full house," Adray said.
"Two pair," Albel said.
"Nothing," Lasselle said and threw his cards down.
"All right then. Off with the pants." Cliff said.
Lasselle groaned. "But I'm going commando today!"
"You should have thought about that earlier," Albel said.
Lasselle pulled his pants off and dropped them on the floor before sitting back down.
One of the barmaids whistled.
"Geez, Lasselle, all you have to do to get a date is strip. Some guys have all the luck," Cliff said. He took a shot.
"Yeah, well, he'll have a ton of dates if he loses the next hand," Albel said, with a wicked grin plastered on his face.
"Why is that?" Lasselle asked, eyeing the Captain.
"You lose the next hand, you have to go streaking."
Lasselle looked at the window and shrugged. "At this hour, who'd see me?"
Claire and Nel starred at the Queen's advisor, mouths hanging open. "You WHAT?" both yelled.
Lasselle hung his head. "Please don't tell Her Majesty!"
"I think she'd have a coronary if we did," Claire whispered.
Lasselle looked up, hope glittering in his eyes. "Our little secret?"
Nel and Claire smiled at each other before looking at him. "Our little black mail."
Lasselle groaned.
"So how did that, finding someone to walk you up the aisle go?" Cliff said, changing the topic.
Claire looked at Nel. "That's right. You went to see Woltar and King Arzei."
Nel shook her head. "I visited Woltar yesterday..."
Nel looked at Count Woltar. "Shouldn't you be at the bachelor party?"
"If I was younger and could still hold my liquor the way I used to, certainly. I'm an old man, Nel."
Nel looked around Woltar's office and spied a painting of Woltar and his wife. "I know you have a wife, but do you have any children? I've never seen any."
Woltar shook his head. "We gave up after the third miscarriage. My dear is sweet, but Apris has not smiled on her."
Nel turned to the Count with her hands on her hips. "Have you designated an heir?"
Woltar nodded.
"Who?"
"You're marrying him, Nel."
Nel felt a headache coming on. "Why do I feel that this is going to become a whole lot more complicated after I'm married?"
Woltar smiled. "Hardly. With Elena's marriage to the King, a lot of the more political problems have subsided. By the time I go to my grave, things will be peaceful here and it's not as if Albel's a stranger to this town. He knows it better than Airyglyph. And it isn't as if I haven't groomed him for the chair I'm sitting in."
A thought struck Nel and it wasn't pretty. "And if something should happen to Professor Elena and the King before they have children?"
"Albel has been very good about making sure that is not a problem anyone has to worry about. The few usurpers who have had their eyes on the throne have been very quiet since your return from where ever it was you went to make the convictors go away." Woltar shook his head. "But enough about these depressing things. I asked you here for a reason other than to discuss politics."
"You want to know if I would allow you to escort me to the altar."
"That is correct."
Nel shook her head. "All politics and personal issues aside, the answer is no. Please do not take any offense."
Woltar nodded. "None taken. It just means I get to fight with the King over who gets to stand in for Glou." He stood up. "Here. This is for you." He handed her a small box.
Nel opened it to reveal a radiant gold bracelet covered set with several glittering stones. "This little treasure has been in my family for generations, but my family is dying out with me."
"I can't accept this..." Nel began.
Woltar cut her off with a shake of the head. "I had hoped to have a daughter or at least a daughter in law to wear it. Neither of those being the case, I will give it to you, the wife of the only boy I ever looked upon as my own."
Nel starred at the bracelet for a while, unsure of what to say. Woltar reached across the desk, took it from her hand, and slipped it over her wrist.
"There we go." He patted her hand with a smile. "Now, there are several other people you have to see today. You might want to get a move on while the day is still young."
Nel took a breath, nodded, and thanked him before leaving.
"And the King?" Claire asked.
"Well, I spent less time talking to him and more time poking the Dragon Brigade knight next to him," Nel said.
"To turn down the King's offer is the height of rudeness. I will not stand for it!"
Nel stared at the Dragon Brigade knight who stood next to King Arzei's throne. "I'm not even going to dignify that with a response." She looked back at the King. "Thank you for the offer."
"This is outrageous!"
The King held up a hand. "I have no problem with her choice or her attitude." He looked at Nel. "Please don't let him bother you."
Nel shrugged. "He doesn't bother me. He reminds me of Lasselle." She paused, thinking for a moment. "May I ask you a question, your Majesty?"
"Of course."
"Why are all royal advisors such asses?"
The knight gasped and began to shake with fury.
Arzei shrugged. "It gives us someone to vent at for valid reasons when we're angry."
The knight looked between the two rapidly and then he stopped as if frozen to the spot.
Arzei looked at his knight. "I think his head just exploded."
Nel nodded, she waved a hand in front of the knight's face. "If that's the case, why don't you have Albel stand here?"
"I'm not crazy."
"Good point."
"So, who did you choose?" Sophia asked.
"Adray."
Adray sat up. "Really? I'm honored that you would choose me. It will give me a reason to kick Spike over there in the ass when he's misbehaving."
"Speaking of Albel." Nel looked at her intended. "Don't you have anything to say for yourself?"
Albel's head fell forward and his placid expression turned into a maniacal grin. He threw his head back and laughed. Everyone but Cliff backed away in fear.
"I told you it'd be great!"
Nel looked at Claire.
"Don't look at me! You're marrying him!"
Nel sighed and looked at the sheet. "Okay. What's this 'Out of Season Sport without a License' charge? Were you hunting something out of season?"
"Well..." Cliff began.
"We were punting armadillos," Fayt said.