A/N: After 100 million years, I finally decided to end this story which has been thoroughly fossilized inside my document folder. Perhaps, I don't want to be that incompetent writer that I was who couldn't find a resolution of her own. Ah, nevermind. I dedicate this chapter to Michiko hotie 19. Thanks very much for taking the agony to go through the piles of crap that I've uploaded in this site.
And the wind went silent as if to hear the controversy of what was about to ensue. Kogure's eyes widened with surprise; of all people to be involved, he took Rukawa to the least consideration. But Rukawa was there now and his face was all set. Kogure had often seen that determination on the freshman's face during games; those were the times when Rukawa would fearlessly struggle in to get a point despite the defending bodies around him. Mitsui looked away in shame; he too couldn't believe Rukawa's courage in this as he realized the despicable caitiff that he was.
'Rukawa, I don't know exactly what have you to do with this but if you would be so kind to explain, please do.' Kogure muttered prudely in a stern tone, albeit hiding his confusion regarding the matter.
But Mitsui regained what was left of his roughed courage, faced the two, and wiped away his anxieties as he interjected even before Rukawa could say anything.
'I don't deny that he has something to do with this but Kiminobu,' Mitsui breathed in to the depth of his pitiable lungs. 'Rukawa is faultless. If someone's to blame here; it is I. I've been with him for a while and though I still love you I can't help it but to desire him as well.'
And a silence protracted in painful duration. Rukawa frowned a little though he didn't mean to express his abysmal contempt for Mitsui's confession. Of course the freshman was dissatisfied; all this time he was expecting that Mitsui's feelings for him had matured into something that could last and not just some frivolous emotions like lust and passion. Rukawa gave much of himself to the senior hoping that the latter would ultimately end up loving him but as he heard the word 'desire'...it just pained him. What was more, Mitsui still claimed his eternal, over lavished love for Kogure. Damn, if words were needles; Rukawa would be like an acupunctured patient. Now, it was Rukawa's turn to look away. He was afraid that Kogure might accept Mitsui's love once again and he would be abandoned in this tangle of crazy love; in that case, that would be his sockodologer. He was too afraid indeed.
'Hisashi, does this mean that something has been going on between you and Rukawa?' Kogure's eyes narrowed with reproach. Neither Rukawa nor Mitsui could tell if he was annoyed by the philandering in which he had been the victim yet his look was threatening enough to make the other 2 speechless for awhile. 'Is it true, Rukawa?' Kogure then directed his question to the freshman, knowing that Mitsui couldn't yet gather himself up for a pivotal concession.
Rukawa nodded unconscientiously without reluctance. He didn't care anymore if this blow would calumnize Mitsui who had hurt him beyond calculation only minutes ago. They were even now, both sides being injured. But Mitsui has to choose now, Rukawa thought.
Kogure sighed, perhaps in dismay, perhaps in relief for getting things straightened up. But his expression was grievous, the kind that he wore when they fell from elimination during their previous years in varsity.
'Yes. I've been with Rukawa and I won't deny that I'm bloody attracted to him. But I will repeat it again as I always have; I still love you, Kiminobu.' Mitsui mumbled finally as he threw a teary, dramatic eye on Kogure. This gesture only gave an incremental pain on Rukawa who had been playing his part as an audience to this pathetic wooing. Rukawa hated it when Mitsui acted this way, as if he was some removable object who had plugged ears for ears, as if he had no feelings of his own. He then realized Mitsui's self centeredness and despicable selfishness; he didn't care enough for Rukawa to even acknowledge the latter's potential feelings or pain.
Rukawa prompted a sour grunt; one of those rare instances when he would emit a sign of his vehemence. There was now no sense of being anything for Rukawa except to be bitter and shirty; he'd been losing it all since he heard Mitsui's side and he couldn't do anything about it. Right then Rukawa had deduced a principle from this lousy experience; to never care for anyone again so nothing would hurt him onwards. Mitsui looked at him with an inexplicable glance as if it was the first time he heard of Rukawa. He was sorry for the freshman and if he could, he would rather have Rukawa with him as well. But moments drilled and he learned that...
'Hisashi, I can't--we can't bring it all back again. I no longer feel the same.' Kogure said lowly as such a faint whisper. Truth--there was only truth in his voice and even his eyes quivered with morbid frankness. Mitsui felt choked and held both his hands, swung them up to his face, until finally bending down in defeat with all his dignity slumped on the ground to sink in the end. Kogure stared at him with difficulty; he still cared for Mitsui but in brotherly terms only. What with all they went through, they were not enough to conjure back a long, lost love.
'Hisashi, I'm sorry.' Kogure stooped down to tend to Mitsui. 'I would've been glad for you and Rukawa but if only you could efface what you have for me then everything would be---'
'Everything would be what!' Mitsui hollered in a shunting, wrangling voice. The wind seemed to respond as it created a stir around them three. 'I'm done for without you, Kiminobu. You know that! And now you dare tell me that everything would be...'
'Would be perfect. If you would just get over me, then everything will be perfect for you and Rukawa.' Kogure said solemnly with arrant conviction, even like an encouragement to cheer up the downtrodden. 'Can't you see, Hisashi? Rukawa cares for you so much. He knows your heartbeat and to whom it beats for yet despite the belief that it isn't for him, he still stands by your side.'
'But I love you.' Mitsui mumbled to Kogure; again he said it in a way as if he and Kogure were the only living entities there. It hit Rukawa like a whiplash and as if he couldn't take anymore whit, he marched away to leave the 2.
And all Kogure and Mitsui could manage was to watch the poor freshman thump away from them. He had been hurt, no question. And it seemed that he wouldn't heal after that, neither quickly nor ever.
'Listen, Hisashi. You don't know anything at all.' Kogure remonstrated Mitsui. 'You don't know how to value what you have, you don't know how to appreciate anything. You're right, it's all your fault and you're nothing but a base, utilitarian scoundrel who's got the whole world revolving FOR you. But it has to stop here. I can't love you anymore; not now that I know that there's someone who can fill the gap I left. And that's Rukawa. I can never care for you like he does; imagine watching your loved one pining for another. Imagine how much of a blow it could match; but Rukawa took it. He did it all for you and you...all you can give him is this shit. You're half the man you are; you're one pluckless loser lost in reality.' Kogure finished almost with a scowl. And he stood up peremptorily as if to put an end to all this madness. He wouldn't take anymore of Mitsui's selfishness, just like Rukawa.
'Wait, Kogure. What can I do?' Mistui croaked, finally recognizing the sine qua non of Kogure's berating words.
'What can you do?' Kogure repeated sarcastically, his eyes in steep slit behind those glasses. 'Well, go after him. Apologize, anything. He's perfect for you; you're meant to be together anyway. 'Kogure ends his sentence with a strange, recuperated smile.
'You mean...'
'Hisashi, he loves you. And right now I know only too well that you are baffled by my presence and if I weren't here as a go-between, perhaps you can shout aloud in all the world that Rukawa means everything to you. That frown in your face right now is a good indication of a developing love.' Kogure said as a matter of factly. Again, an eerie smile lingere on his face and it seemed to Mitsui that this was salvation. It made sense...
'Develping love? Kiminobu, I don't get it.'
'Hahaha. Developing love, it is. It started with sensual attraction, right?' Kogure asked heartily as he received a hesitant, embarrassed nod from Mitsui. 'Ok. A little earlier you admitted that you are only physically magnetized by Rukawa's charms; but you know what? In the long run everything ends up in love after the sensual attraction, that initial feeling, evolves into a stronger form that will last for good, who knows. Hahaha. Hisashi, don't act like you don't know; we began THAT way. Passion conflagration, i.e., lust or exterior affinity was all we had and then as time drew on, love loomed. There's no difference in the case of you and Rukawa; eventually, you will love him as you have loved me. Don't forget that we too, started sloppily only we lacked a third party.' Kogure finished omnisciently like a love guru; it was almost funny to see him this blithe.
'Are you sure?' Mitsui curled his brow but that didn't really cut it; both he and Kogure knew that the querulous look was a feint. He was beginning to absorb it all together or perhaps he had started too a little earlier than now. What the hell. 'Kogure, should I go to him now?'
'Yeah. Tell him you've been cured and that you want to spend the night with him.' Kogure grinned sincerely; the first heartfelt grin since last night.
'And Kogure, will you forgive me?'
'Only on the condition that you would accept my apology.' Kogure said, still retaining his jubilant facial contortion.
'Of course. There was nothing to forgive in the first place. But please accept my gratitude; thank you for enlightening me.' Mitsui professed and he too smiled from ear to ear.
They swept back to the gym with higher spirits, lighter load, and more uplifted mood. Mitsui waited for no second to confront Rukawa; he would tell him everything. It might've lasted a very long time to explain everything to freshman but in the end...well, nothing really mattered. Mitsui and Rukawa were meant to be together, none could disapprove that. And just like what Kogure had advised, Mitsui and Rukawa spent the night together. The first legal sleepover that they had.
END
NOTE: This is packed with errors because I didn't bother to re-read it owing to the fact that it is so crappy it hurts my eyes just by popping an eye on its title. Arggghhhh, gomen, gomen. Being the author, I was heavily obliged to finish what I've started and since this is my first fic, I concede to the suckiness. Tell me that this sucks, I'll appreciate it. And to Michiko Hotie 19, I'm really, really sorry if the ending is an unforgivable scrap of filthy sh!t. I am still yet to look for that which will restore my faith to my abiltiy to write a serious love story. Anyway, I discovered something while working on this; it's been almost a year since I published this work and that's the only good thing in it; that it has been finished though in a rather plodded way.
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Night Strider