Potter47 Part Two
Crossing the Rubicon "The prologues are over. It is a question, now,
Of final belief. So, say that final belief
Must be in a fiction. It is time to choose."
Wallace Stevens Chapter Eighteen
Little Girl Lost
Luna was numb. Her eyes blurred and she could no longer feel her body. She could not tell, but it felt to her that the curse had been aimed at her, instead of...instead of...
Ronald.
Ronald was dead.
The solitary thought ran laps throughout Luna's mind: Ronald is dead, Ronald is dead, Ronald is dead, Ronald IS DEAD, RONALD is dead, RONALD IS DEAD...
Luna stared, disbelieving, at the lifeless face that lay before her on the floor of the cell. She, who had been now perched on her two feet, fell back on her bottom and rolled backwards, her eyes somehow still seeing Ronald completely. She could not say a word.
"Who wants to go next?" Voldemort asked.
"That wasn't nice at all!" shouted London, taking his hands away from his mouth for a moment, so he could speak. "How dare you! What right do you have to do such a thing! If you plan on doing that to my baby, I'll—"
"You, then?" Voldemort inferred, turning to London. "All right, if you insist..."
"That's not what I—"
Luna couldn't hear — she just couldn't — she covered her ears, she did everything she could to prevent herself knowing what was about to happen...
Thud, she heard (or perhaps felt?) anyway. Her father had fallen to the floor. She opened an eye and squinted through her fingers.
Dead.
"No!" Luna cried, tears streaming down her face. "Daddy..."
"Your turn," said Voldemort, and suddenly Luna found herself at wand-point once again, and she closed her eye, covered her head with her arms, and then she was gone.
Luna lay on the cool grass, the soft whistling of the wind passing by her ears. She stared blankly at the sky. She couldn't see anything. It was night-time, and there were no stars, nor lights of any kind.
No moon.
The wind stopped whistling and with it went all the noise in the world. The sensation was something she had felt before, but never like this. Never this...strong. She lay with no comfort, no feeling of safeness, of security.
Her eyes could not see in the darkness; her ears could not hear in the silence; her skin could not feel in the cold.
Her world tilted and she fell to her side. She lay facedown now, her nose pressed into the earth. She supposed it should have hurt, but she felt no pain.
The sky was sneaking up on her. She could feel it. She could not see the nothingness above her, and she knew it was taking advantage of her disadvantage.
She closed her eyes, and she saw the nothingness slip away. She looked into her eyelids and saw her past, both pasts; her life, both lives.
Snapshots of her pasts flashed before her, passing without distinction from each other, and she was helpless to do anything but watch—watch as her life passed before her eyes.
She smiled as she looked through the little window, at the cupcakes in the oven. Daddy would love them, yes he would. Most certainly he would. Daddy loved multi-coloured cupcakes. Especially on his special day!
"Mummy, are they ready yet?" she asked, turning round to consult her frantic mother.
"Yes, yes, go ahead," said Cynthia Lovegood, stretching to try to pin a pin into the doorframe to hold a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! banner.
"Mum!" said Luna admonishingly. "You're not paying attention to the cupcakes! Nor to me!"
"Oh, yes...sorry dear," said Cynthia, wincing as she stretched a bit too far. She stepped on the arm of the chair she was standing on. "Why do our windows have to be so damn high up?"
Luna giggled. "You said a—" Her eyes widened. "Mum, watch out!"
"Wha—" said Cynthia bewilderedly, finally pinning the banner onto the pin. But it was too late. The chair toppled over, and Cynthia landed with a plop! directly in the second batch of cupcakes that were waiting to be cooked.
Once she saw that her mother was all right, Luna giggled once again. "You're a rainbow!" she said, pointing at the mess on her mother's apron.
"Yes, but she's a very beautiful rainbow, you must admit," said a voice from behind Luna. She turned and saw her daddy smiling from the staircase. "My very beautiful rainbow."
"London!" cried the multi-coloured Cynthia. "You're not supposed to be awake yet! And I wouldn't be anybody's rainbow if I'd just used magic, but I knew you wouldn't like that, so thank your rainbow, will you?"
"I'll be sure to," said London, taking Cynthia's apron in his hand and seemingly inspecting its lovely pattern. Then, without warning, he licked it.
"Hey!" said Cynthia, looking downward at him. "That's not cooked yet!"
"And now her apron's all icky!" added Luna.
"Like it wasn't before!" said London. "It's food — delicious food, too — and that's enough for me."
"Well, happy birthday," said Cynthia unenthusiastically. "If only I'd manage just one year without making a complete mess of myself..."
Ding!
"Cupcakes are ready, cupcakes are ready!" said Luna excitedly, jumping towards the stove. London spun round and caught her by the arms.
"Where do you think you're going?" he asked. "That stove's hot. Only grown-ups get to take the yummy cupcakes out of the oven."
"That leaves you out, then," said Cynthia to London, and she took the cupcakes out herself. "Who wants which?"
"I want witch," said London, taking Cynthia's arm in his hand and inspecting it. "Does it come in any other colours?"
Luna giggled, and suddenly found herself in a wide-open field. She sat atop a black horse, and all she could see for miles was a single tree by an old farmhouse, far away.
She took a breath and noticed the tears on her cheeks. Had she been crying again? She'd told herself to stop that. It was getting old. She cried, and cried, all day long she did, and she wished she would just stop. Well that was why she was here. To feel better. That's what she did this for. That's why she rode, after all.
The mare's name was Adeline, for her grandmother. Luna's grandmother, that is—her mother's mother. The horse comforted Luna, though Luna did doubt very much that Adeline did it consciously. She seemed to not even notice Luna's troubles, but Luna didn't care. She loved Adeline very much, but right now all she wanted was release—relief from the grief that had smothered her since...it had happened.
Luna bit back more tears and devoted her mind to feeling the wind whip against her face. The fresh wetness of her tears sort-of-stung, but at the same time felt almost good. She breathed in the rushing air, and breathed out again and continued riding and wished only to forget.
And then she was flying.
She was no longer riding on Adeline, but on a thestral, and she was far in the air. There in front of her were Hermione Granger, Neville Longbottom, and...and Harry and Ginny! And there was Ronald! They were alive!
Of course they were alive. What had she been thinking?
The humid air of that June evening sky was not uncomfortable, but instead not even noticeable, as Luna did not pay attention to it. They were going to save Sirius Black, or Stubby Boardman as Luna thought of him. Yes, Harry had said that he was in trouble. But how had he known? Luna wondered about this. Had he seen it?
She frowned. Well, Harry at least was doing something about it, unlike someone else. Yes, he at least didn't just lay there, and let somebody he loved die.
She shook her head. They were over London now. She always liked going to London. It never grew old, really—especially not to London himself. He'd always loved going to London, since even before she was born. It may have had to do with his name, or perhaps simply the cafés and sweetshops.
The six of them landed their thestrals and suddenly Luna was alone and only six-years-old again. She was cold. It was cold, whatever it was. Everything was cold, to Luna. Except perhaps the ground, since Luna wore her small stuffed Snorkack slippers. How had she managed to get out here anyway? She couldn't remember. She had woken up and ran. Why? Why had she run?
She was in the woods. They began in her backyard, and they were very large, compared to some of the little forests in Ottery St. Catchpole. The trees were rather spaced-apart, so it was not very dark and she could see very well, but there was an air of mist around the place, a fog that she could not see through. It was quite ethereal, or would have been if Luna knew what 'ethereal' meant.
Luna looked round and round but nothing looked familiar. She was lost, she knew. But what does one do, if they know they are lost? She could scream, perhaps. But what good would that do? Surely she was miles away from civilisation? No one can hear you scream if you are miles away from civilisation.
She took a breath and let it out, noticing that she could see her breath. So it was very very very cold, she knew, colder than even she had thought, because seeing your breath means it is very very very cold.
Wrapping her arms round herself, she tried to keep warm. Should she try to walk? To find her way home? No, no, she'd simply never make it. Or she'd walk even farther away she might. That would be even worse.
She couldn't even hear anything, and that just made it all the worse. What was she, a helpless six-year-old, to do against the Big Bad Wolf, if he lived in these woods, hmm? What then? What would she do if she got eaten? What would her parents do without her? How would they ever make birthday cupcakes?
All the thoughts of food led Luna to realise how very hungry she was. She hadn't eaten since supper the day before, and that had been a very long time ago. Luna didn't know how long ago, of course, because for one she could not tell time, and for another she did not have a watch anyway. She was sure that it had been a very long time because she wasn't at all tired and that meant she'd gotten a full night of sleep.
Luna, for one reason or another, looked up at the sky. It was purple of all colours, and there was the moon, clear as could be, which only stood to add to Luna's troubles. Perhaps it had been longer than she thought, and it was already night again? Or maybe it was less time gone by than she thought, and it was still the night before? But why was the sky purple? Was it sick? Could the sky get the sniffles? Would it rain bogeys if the sky had a runny nose?
Luna was so very confused that she decided to sit down on a nearby rock, which was shaped almost like a chair, Luna reckoned. And as one does not typically find a comfy chair in the middle of the woods, it is good to take advantage of something that looks like a chair, even if it is hard and rocky.
Luna sat on that chair and tried to think about what to do, but she didn't get a chance, because all of a sudden she was in a very comfy chair that was actually a chair, and not a rock, and around her was not a bunch of trees and fog, but a great hall and carpets and magnificent windows.
What on earth had happened?
"The Queen has arrived!" exclaimed an excited little creature down in front of Luna, and she spun round in her seat to see who this queen was, because Luna had never ever seen a queen before, but saw instead a little girl just her own age, with dirty-blonde hair and a peculiar expression.
"Are you the Queen?" Luna questioned the girl, though it seemed absurd that this girl could possibly be a queen of any sort. But the oddest thing happened when Luna spoke the words: the girl spoke them at the same time! Luna blinked, and so did the girl. It took until Luna mouthed the words to her entire lullaby before she realised that she was looking at a mirror.
"But what a real-looking mirror!" thought Luna aloud. "I don't even see any glass! I bet I could just walk right on through it, and..."
But Luna was gone, back into the woods, and now she was older. Eight years old, and she was lost again. How did she manage to get herself lost again? Well, at least now she was mature enough to know that the Big Bad Wolf wasn't going to get her. He wasn't real, you know.
Perhaps Luna had come out again on purpose, to return to the world she had met two years before, that Logica-Land. Or perhaps the world was inviting her back again? For once again she did not remember coming out to the woods.
She walked and walked this time, because she didn't want to simply stand around and wait for frostbite. If you're outside in very cold temperatures you could get that, Luna knew. And it was very cold again, just like it had been the last time. And, just like the last time as well, Luna found the chair—the throne, as Luna thought of it.
She sat on it again and she was taken again and she was in the room again and there was the mirror behind her. She was Queen, of course, the Queen of Logica-Land. Luna figured it must be rather upsetting to not have a queen for two whole years, and she felt very sorry for her subjects. They must be very glad to have her back, she reasoned.
"So glad you're back!" said the little creature that she knew was called Bob. It seemed to Luna a very plain name for a unique creature such as Bob, but he didn't seem to mind it. Luna called him Robert, which was a better name, even though Bob didn't seem to like it very much. She was his queen, after all, and she could call him whatever she liked.
"I am happy to be back as well, Robert," said Queen Luna. "Has anything changed much since I first was here?"
"No, not much at all," said Robert. He folded his little flappy ears over his head, thinking. "Oh, yes, those Explorers you thought of—the response was wonderful, and we've had many volunteers. They've already found two new breeds of Snorkack. They are determining the names as we speak, and—"
"Could I decide the names?" Luna interjected softly. "I'd like to decide the names."
"Um..." Robert looked up at her from his height by her knee. "Of course, milady. Just as soon as they report."
"Thank you," said Luna.
"You are the Queen, after all," said Robert, smiling. He looked down, away. "I, um...I'll go fetch something for you to eat. You must be hungry, after your long journey."
"Very much so, thank you," said Luna.
"Be right back then," said Robert, and he left Luna to admire her hall.
She wondered how this had happened. The world had seemed to pop out of nowhere. Should she tell somebody about it? No, what was the point of that? Then she might not be queen any more! She'd keep it to herself. It was her kingdom, after all, or perhaps her queendom?
But she was not in it any longer, because she was back in the woods. This time she was not alone, nor was she lost. She was hand-in-hand with Ronald, and they were talking. She wondered what he would think of it, of Logica-Land. Of her queendom.
She wondered if he might want to be king...
She shook herself. They had only been together for a few days, since the Yule Ball. It was a bit too soon, she reckoned, to be thinking about the ruling of a kingdom or a queendom. But that would not keep Luna from showing it to him.
"Where are we going?" said Ronald suddenly, breaking the trend of previous conversation to perhaps catch Luna off-guard to get her to tell him their destination. She was not fooled.
"We're almost there," said Luna. And indeed they were. She had reached the throne, and now she was just contemplating how to go about it. "Ronald," she said. "Sit down here." She pointed to the throne.
"Thank Merlin," said Ronald, sitting down. "My feet are killing me. Are we almost there?"
Luna looked at him expectantly. Why wasn't he disappearing? Why wasn't he going to Logica-Land? Why didn't the throne transport him?
"What?" said Ronald.
"What, what?" said Luna.
"You're looking at me funny," said Ronald. "Are you taking the mickey or something? What is this whole thing?"
Luna, disappointed that her plan had not worked, frowned and took Ronald's hand in hers. "Sorry," she said. "I couldn't find what I was looking for."
"Can't imagine how you expected to," said Ronald. "You do realise we're in a wood, yes?"
Luna smiled. "I know. I just wanted to show you something."
They began to walk back towards Luna's house.
"Maybe some other time?" said Ronald.
"Sure," said Luna, and suddenly she tripped on a tree root and fell to the ground. On account of their clasped hands, Ronald was pulled down as well, and pinned her to the ground.
"Oh, uh...sorry 'bout that," said Ronald, moving to stand up again, but something made Luna pull him back down again. "Wha—" She cut him short, kissing him on the mouth. He stared down at her, looking quite dumbstruck. She chuckled at his look.
"Let's go then," she said, but before they stood, Ronald disappeared, along with any and all light and suddenly Luna was facing an empty night sky, devoid of even the moon.
Her world had shifted again, and she had been rolled once again. She was suddenly aware of everything again, her burnt hands, aching body, and the grief in her heart. Ronald was dead. Her father was dead. Her mother was...
...alive.
Her mother was still alive, she realised, and suddenly Luna was back in the cell. Or was she? She could see the cell, she could see Ronald's body laying lifeless on the floor. But she could also see herself. She watched as she would watch a film, she listened as if hearing her father's wireless from the other end of the house.
"Avada Ked—" began Voldemort, cut short by a strangling round his neck. Cynthia was awake again, but weak. Awake enough to attempt once again to get a stranglehold on Voldemort, weak enough to lose her grip within moments.
"WILL YOU STOP DOING THAT?" shouted Voldemort, and he then turned on Cynthia with the wand. Given another, undisrupted moment, she likely would have been dead, but Voldemort was not given that moment.
Crack!
Hermione and Snape appeared suddenly outside of the cages, and Luna was very pleased to see that they had wands, though she didn't have the faintest idea where they came from, nor did she care.
"Where in hell did you two come from?" Voldemort shouted, turning his wand on Snape, who ducked a curse. Hermione was busy cutting through the bars of Luna's cage, and when she had done that, Cynthia's cage. Both Lovegoods were free to escape, but neither moved. They watched as the Dark Lord duelled with Snape. Or, more likely, Snape dodged the Dark Lord's curses.
Suddenly Snape was hit, though not with the Killing Curse, and Voldemort let out a scream of triumph. Hermione took the opportunity to shout some curse Luna had never heard of at Voldemort, who ducked it just in the nick of time.
"Shouldn't you be going?" drawled Snape to Luna, clutching his left arm. He turned round and glared at Cynthia.
"Ri—right," said Luna, though she made no move.
"Incompetent Ravenclaw," muttered Snape, and he drew his wand shakily towards Luna. "We'll be following shortly," he said, and he muttered a spell. Luna disappeared, and he turned towards Cynthia and repeated the same spell. She disappeared just as a curse Voldemort had aimed at Hermione struck Snape in the chest and he appeared to pass out.
"Wonderful," muttered Hermione sarcastically. "I just love my chances now..."
"You don't have any chances," said Voldemort, and he drew his wand towards her.
"Avada Kedavra!" he yelled, and Luna saw no more. She was back on grass, though now she felt a hand patting her face.
"Wake up, Luna. Please, please wake up. We have to go!"
"Mum?" Luna said sleepily, and she realised that her throat was hoarse.
"Yes, it's me, baby," said Cynthia. "We've got to get to help. We can't go back home, so I was thinking perhaps your grandmother's house—"
"No," said Luna, and she sounded stronger than she felt.
Cynthia looked at her disbelievingly. "No?" She looked as if she thought she'd heard wrong. "Did you just say no? What else are we supposed to do?"
"I have to..." Cynthia helped Luna to stand and the latter felt a bit dizzy. "I have to change it back." She tried to begin to walk, but Cynthia held her back.
"Change it...change what back?" demanded Cynthia. "I don't...I don't understand what you're saying. You need rest, we all need rest. Let's get some rest at Grandma's, eh? Maybe You-Know-Who won't find us there...and you can ride Adeline! The horse, I mean."
"I know what you mean," said Luna, "but no. I have to change it back. This is wrong. Everything's wrong."
Cynthia took a breath. "We'd better start walking, if we're going to get to Mum's house before You-Know-Who finds us..." She started walking with an arm round Luna's shoulders, and the girl walked with her.
"Mum!" said Luna admonishingly. "You're not paying attention!"
"Yes, yes I am," said Cynthia. "Or I'm trying to. But right now...after what just happened...I need to go to sleep....for about thirty or forty years. Remind me what you were saying then, all right?"
"Mum, I need to change it back," said Luna once again. She looked her mother in the eyes. "I'm sorry."
And she ran. She didn't realise that she had the strength or the energy to run, but she did so anyway. She didn't even know where she was, but she ran purposefully as if she knew exactly where she was going. Well, she did. She just didn't know how to get there.
"Luna!" called Cynthia in exasperation. Luna reckoned her mother was trying to run as well, but was having trouble keeping up. "Luna, you stop this moment!"
But Luna couldn't have stopped running even if she wanted to. And now she felt she knew where she was; Snape hadn't sent them very far from their house, though she wasn't sure he even knew where they lived. They were in Ottery St. Catchpole, and she was just on the other side of the wood now. With a single look back at her mother, she went in.
"LUNA!" exclaimed Cynthia once again, and Luna tried not to hear her. If she listened, she'd stop. She couldn't possible do what she needed to do if she kept hearing her mother calling her. She was, after all, essentially killing her mother all over again, and it was not an easy thing to do, no matter what the circumstances.
She ran and ran and was immensely glad that she had become lost in these woods times before, or perhaps not 'lost' really. But now she at least knew her basic surroundings, because it was so very dark out that she never would have found her way otherwise.
"LUNA!" she heard again, very distantly. The call repeated, nearer and nearer, and Luna for the first time thought that perhaps her mother knew these woods as well, perhaps she had been lost in them also?
Luna ran now, because she had seen the throne and knew well her way from here. She ran and ran until finally she—
She tripped on the very same tree root she had tripped on before, she was sure of it. Her mother's calls became nearer, louder, and she knew that if her mother caught up with her there was no possible way she could go through with it. Not in a thousand years.
Luna picked herself up as quickly as she could and began to run again. Left, right, between the trees she scurried, and somehow still her mother seemed to be gaining on her with every moment. At last she caught a glimpse of her house and ran faster than she had in her life towards it. Surely her mother was long behind? Luna dared a look over her shoulder and no, she could not see her mother.
She was not looking where she was going, however, and soon found her face flat on the grass as a result of her old, rusted tricycle that had been left in the yard for Merlin-knows-how-long. It seemed that her mother had not been as far behind as expected, as now the cries of "LUNA!" were close enough that they actually sounded like yells. They also seemed to be coming from in front of Luna, which surely must have been a trick of the mind.
Luna ran as quickly as she could round to the front of the house, where the front door had been left unlocked by the Death Eaters that had kidnapped them. Some strange part of her mind wondered why the Death Eaters had used the front door instead of simply Apparating, but she ignored it.
Dashing up the living room stairs, Luna wondered where it would be in this life. It wasn't in the hallway and she doubted very much that it would be in the attic. But where would it—
"This is what you're looking for, isn't it?" said a strangled voice. Luna spun round and saw her mother, sobbing in the doorway to her room, clutching an oval mirror. Luna nodded, wondering how her mother had managed to reach the house first.
"You're going to..." Cynthia sobbed a fresh sob. "To let me die again, aren't you?"
Luna swallowed, and said nothing.
"I remember now," said Cynthia. "A long time ago, this mirror saved my life. You saved my life through it. And now it's going to kill me again?" She looked Luna in the eye. "You're going to kill me again?"
Luna still said nothing.
Cynthia shook her head. "The world was better then?" she inquired in a falsely light tone.
"It was," said Luna, very softly.
Cynthia nodded in a very strange way; as if sentencing herself to a fate long-decided, that she had been fighting against, that she had succumbed to, to which she had failed.
"You said you were sorry," said Cynthia, and Luna nodded. Cynthia smiled grimly. "So am I. But you're not going to kill me...you don't have to live like that again."
She held the mirror aloft.
"I love you Luna," Cynthia said, and she smashed the mirror at her feet.
Sorry it was a day late. It was a bit...lengthy. Longest chapter in Yesterday Sequence history, in fact. The next ones won't be as long, I promise you (there is still hope for the epilogue, but I'm not making any promises). Review.
In the Moonlight "Let it be."
John Lennon
Paul McCartney Coming Soon