Title: Cry Ophelia
Author: DarkDreamer56
Archive: If you want it, ask please!
Rating: PG-13, for talk of domestic abuse
Pairing: N/S
Disclaimer: If I owned them, they would be together by now…and I don't own the rights to "Cry Ophelia" either.
Spoilers: I wrote this based on spoilers I read for the episode "Stacking Dolls" (5x13), so consider anything up to that episode fair game.
A/N: This idea has been floating around in my head for awhile, and seeing the lyrics to Adam Cohen's "Cry Ophelia" in a friend's profile made me sit down and actually start to write it down. This is dedicated to Ness, who inspired me with the lyrics, as well as all my friends over at the Snickers forum. This is for you guys!
i "You say you wanna learn how to live your life without tears. But we've been trying to do that for thousands of years. So go on and cry Ophelia. It's the only thing to do sometimes" /i
"What the hell was that in there, Sara?" Catherine hissed as soon as they left interrogation.
Sara narrowed her eyes as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Don't tell me you think he's not good for this Catherine."
"I didn't say that. I asked what the hell was with you in there, Sara? You all but attacked him in there. Suspect or not, you can't lose your cool like that. You keep this up, and I'll pull you off the case, do you understand me?"
"Catherine, you saw his wife's body, you saw what he did to her. He abused her, he beat her, and he killed her. And you're okay with that?" By this time, Sara's voice had risen by several decibels, attracting attention from several lab techs.
Warrick and Nick had witnessed Sara's verbal attack on Andrew Miller via the two way mirror, and were quickly making their way to head off any trouble between their two coworkers. Nick threw Warrick a worried look as they quickened their pace down the hallway towards Sara's ever escalating tirade.
Once they reached Sara and Catherine, Nick could see that Sara was only seconds away from losing it completely. Her eyes flashed with anger, arms flailing wildly as she tried to make Catherine see things her way. Catherine stood her ground however, not giving an inch. If looks could kill, Nick wasn't sure which one of them would have hit the floor first. Wordlessly he placed his hands on Sara's shoulders, feeling her tense beneath his fingers.
He left no room to argue in his voice. "We're going for a drive. We'll be back in awhile."
"Catherine, you didn't spend three hours going through picture after picture of women beaten nearly unrecognizable," Sara whispered before she allowed Nick to propel her towards the door and his Denali.
They rode in silence, Sara leaning her head against the window and staring blankly at the scenery out the window. Nick drove while stealing worried glances at Sara every so often. He drove until he reached a spot in the desert where he often came to process his own thoughts. After the Denali was parked on the side of the road, Nick reached into the backseat and wordlessly handed Sara a sweatshirt before he descended from the vehicle. Twilight was rapidly approaching, and as Nick opened the passenger door, Sara was grateful for the warmth his sweatshirt would provide. Not to mention the scent of Nick's aftershave lingered on it, producing a calming effect on her frazzled nerves.
Nick led her to a spot a few hundred feet away from the car and settled himself on the ground. Sara dropped down next to him, sighing deeply as she waited for his well intentioned verbal reprimand. When all that met her was a deafening silence, she furrowed her brow and turned towards him.
"Aren't you going to say anything?" she asked finally, unnerved by the silence between them.
"I didn't bring you out here to yell at you Sara. Yeah, you lost your cool in there, but I think you know that now. I brought you here because I'm worried about you. This case has gotten under your skin, and it's not the first time it's happened."
"Nick, I'm okay," she shot back defensively.
"No, Sar, you're not. You push yourself so hard, and you won't let anyone in to help you. I'm not stupid Sara. I know…something happened to you." He noted the way her eyes widened, and the sudden involuntary gasp of air, sadly confirming his suspicions. "Now, I don't expect you to talk to me if you don't want to, but Sara, we're staying here until you promise me that you'll talk to someone and I'm convinced that you're not just humoring me."
The look in his eyes was firm, but gentle, and Sara could feel some of her resolve crumbling. She had worked so long and hard to protect her secret, and it scared her that Nick could see past this. Usually she could contain her emotions, but certain cases brought back all the memories of her past and then all bets were off. She became obsessive in solving the case, and though she realized this, she could do nothing to stop it.
Nick reached over and threw an arm around Sara's shoulder, drawing her towards him. Even with his sweatshirt, he could feel the chill that had settled over her body. He held her closer, trying to transfer some heat to her.
"I miss you, ya know?" Nick admitted. "Working swing shift has its benefits, but I miss not having you to bounce ideas off of, and well Warrick doesn't look as good in his coveralls when we're processing a car." He paused for a moment, waiting for a slight jab in his side, or a small smile. When he received neither, he decided to push further.
"But I also miss the Sara who used to ogle me in the locker room…the girl I could flirt with shamelessly just to see that gorgeous smile of hers." That time Sara allowed herself a small smile as she leaned into Nick, inhaling more of his aftershave.
"I didn't 'ogle' you in the locker room," she feebly protested.
"Like hell you didn't," he shot back with a smile.
"Well, what about you?" she barbed back, grateful for the comfort provided by their familiar banter.
Chuckling softly, he replied, "Alright, I guess you've got me there."
Nick remained silent for a few moments, trying to gauge how well she was responding. When he thought she was ready, he continued on.
"You used to be happy Sara…you used to smile, and laugh without it seeming forced. And I'm a crappy friend; we've all been crappy friends, because we never realized what was going on with you. I don't know if things changed after Hank, or after the explosion…or maybe the problems were there all along and we never realized it at all. Some cases have always had more of an effect on you than others, and I knew that, but if I let myself think too hard about why…well, I'm sorry Sara, that you've had to deal with this alone for so long. But I'm here now Sar, I'm not going anywhere." Could she do this? Could she trust him?
"Sara, I worry too. I worry that there is no one there to make sure that you actually eat something during shift, or no one to yell at you because you skipped sleep to keep working the case. Grissom is oblivious to people half the time, and Sophia doesn't know you, and Greg…well, I don't know where his head is half of the time…"
"I can take care of myself Nick," she whispered.
"You can, but you don't," he answered sadly. "Sara, it's okay to let people in. It's okay to admit you can't do it all on your own. That's what friends are for, and even though we haven't been very attentive lately, you've got plenty of friends that care about you."
Her voice was small, nearly breaking Nick's heart as she spoke. "It hurts to think about."
"Sweetheart, you're thinking about it anyway. Don't you think talking about it might help?"
Her breath hitched as she willed herself not to cry. Tears were floating dangerously close to the surface, and at any second they could spill over and she wasn't sure she would be able to stop them once they started.
"You can let yourself cry. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere. Don't try to bottle it up anymore Sara, please."
Sara realized that she already trusted Nick with so much. He, of all people, understood her best. She spoke barely above a whisper. "I left for college when I was sixteen. My family life was the greatest…I promised myself I would never let myself end up in the same situation as my mother. But then I met Zach. He was the first guy ever to tell me he loved me, the first guy ever to tell me I was pretty. He was sweet, and charming, and he loved me. He convinced me to marry him my sophomore year. We were really happy, for the first few months at least."
Sara took a deep breath as tears began to cascade down her cheeks. Nick pulled her closer, closing his eyes and bracing himself for what was coming.
"The first time he hit me, he cried like a baby afterwards and promised he would never do it again. The second time he hit me, he told me that if I loved him, I wouldn't make him so angry all the time. The third time, I ended up in the emergency room, and I found out I was two months pregnant." Nick gasped audibly and tightened his grasp around her. "It was a wake up call for me. I knew that I couldn't bring a child into that situation. So I went home, and started planning on how to leave him. He came home early one day, and saw me packing up some things…the next thing I knew I woke up in the hospital with a broken jaw, bruises everywhere, and an intracranial bleed. I…I lost the baby…"
"Oh Sara, I'm so sorry," Nick murmured as she broke down in his arms. Sadly, he knew that there was more to her past than that, but her revelation to him was a step in the right direction. As Sara's body shook with sobs, Nick held her close, murmuring into her hair and allowing their tears to mix together.
"As long as you've got me, no one will ever hurt you again."
"You can't promise that Nick…no one can promise that."
"No, but I can promise you one thing. You've always got me, Sara. Always."
Sara sniffled, looking up into Nick's eyes. The sincerity astounded her. As she lay back against him, trying to get her breathing under control, she thanked whatever higher power was listening that they had brought Nick Stokes into her life.
Fin.
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Something
went wrong
You are not laughing
It's not so easy now to get
your smile
You gotta be strong
To walk these streets
And
keep from falling
But when you're not, just let yourself cry
You've been working hard
Just trying to pay the rent
Tryin'
to draw the line between who you are
and who you invent
But if
you throw a stone
Something's gonna shatter somewhere
We're all
so fragile
We're all so scared
You say you wanna learn how to
live your life
without tears
But we've been trying to do that
for thousands of years
So go on and cry Ophelia
It's the only
thing to do sometimes
You know I'm crying too
Right there with
you
It's alright Ophelia
Everybody cries
Thank god for my
bad memory
I've forgotten some of the stupid things
that I've
done
I've come to a little wisdom
through a whole lot of
failure
So I watch more carefully what rolls off my tongue
You
pray for rain
But you don't want it from a storm
You find a
rose
And cut your finger on a thorn
So go on and cry
Ophelia
It's the only thing to do sometimes
You know I'm crying
too
Right there with you
It's alright Ophelia
Everybody
cries Ophelia