Yeah- it took a long time- I know.
Chapter 2: Libidinous??
(Hector and I have hidden under the table because we're scared Achilles might wanna kick our asses.)
Paris: Achilles!!!
Achilles: What is it now, Paris?
Paris: They called me a homo!
Achilles: What?! That sux man…
Paris: I knew you'd agree with me!
Achilles: Yeah, I know how your people would rather be called homosexuals.
Paris: Wha?! I am NOT gay!
Me: (Popped up from under the table) I totally knew it!! You are definitely gay!
(Hector tries to be all slick and come up really slowly but it doesn't really work.)
Paris: Hector, why does every one think I'm gay?
Hector: yeah… well… maybe- maybe, it's because you are gay.
Paris: GODDAMIT!
Achilles: just accept it. You're always hitting on me, how could we not see it?
Me: he hits on you? Wow, Paris don't you ever get laid?
Achilles: what's that supposed to mean?!
Me: nothing. It's just that you're a very BIG guy and Paris, he's kind of a little guy. Wouldn't that cause some kind of injury?
Achilles: True dat (yes he is a little ghetto). Um, by the way, who are you?
Me: I'm Nat. Will you teach me to fight?
Hector: what about your training with me?
Me: initiation.
Hector: oh, yeah. well, I've decided that if it doesn't count with guys then it shouldn't count with a student, right?
Paris: you BASTARD! And all this time I thought you were so loyal!
Achilles: Are you crying? Dude, what are you crying for?
Me: this definitely makes you just a little-bit gayer.
Paris: I'm not crying and I'm not gay! I just... have something in my eye...- BUT if I were crying it'd be because my brother is a traitor. Not just to his wife but to the entire institution of marriage! If I were married-
Hector: it's alright, little brother, you can get married in Massachusetts. It's legal there!
Achilles: Oh! BURN!!!
Paris: screw you guys! (runs off flailing his arms and crying)
Silence
Me: yeah… so… which one of you is goin' to teach me something first?
Achilles: who said I was a teacher?
Me: Come on, Achilles! Every one knows you're the best warrior to ever live. You gotta be better that Hector, I mean, ya did kill the guy!
Hector&Achilles: WHAT?!?!?
Me: crap…
Achilles: I wouldn't do that! I don't kill for no reason!
Me: well you only did it 'cause he killed Petrocolus…
Achilles: he what? Mommy said he went to go live on a big farm… PETROCOLUUUUUUUUUUUS!!!!!
Me: calm down, dude. Put the sword away! It was just a movie…
Achilles: oh… sorry, Hector. I wasn't really going to kill you just now.
Hector: yeah… sure you weren't… Nat, may I speak to you privately? (grabs my arm and drags me out the door)
Me: Listen, Hector, I know you like me but right here in the hall-way? I'm not that kind of girl!
Hector: ARE YOU PSYCHO???
Me: I never have an answer to that question. People seem to ask it a lot…
Hector: why would you say something like that to Achilles?
Me: what? That you killed his "little buddy"? Because you did, oh! And because I'm evil… and Libidinous!
Hector: what???
Me: (runs back in the room and jumps Achilles)
Achilles: wha? What is wrong with you?
Hector: she's evil… and libidinous!
Achilles: okay that doesn't explain anything!
Me: actually I'm trying to persuade you to teach me to use a sword. My charms don't work on Hector because he's gay.
Hector: why do you think every one is gay?!
Me: just Trojans.. and greeks. It varies really. I luv gay people, though. Why do you think I like you so much Heeeeector?
Hector: I'm not gay! You luv me 'cause I'm a hott warrior and have this sexy scar on my face.
Me: oh yeah!!
R&R homies!