Yep, I know it should have been longer, but length of a fic is never an issue with me. Because my fics are always short, and that will never change. Fact!
Disclaimer: Not mine. Dammit.
Warning: If you're here, do you really need a warning? Probably not. However, if you do, here it is: there is slash here, oh yes. If you hate that sort of thing, or don't know what it is, maybe you should...you know...go away.
Big thanks go out to: Seraphina pyre, D. Mo and Valeria Rue. Thanks for the kinda words, you rule.
Now then, onto the second (kind of short) part.
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Equally cursed and blessed- Part 2.
Remus saw before he opened his eyes. Images and pictures of things that made very little sense to him played behind his eyelids, for only him to see. They were like fragments of mostly forgotten memories, they could have come from hundreds of years ago, but they in fact came from only a couple of hours ago. Memories of another creature that was not Remus himself seemed like a millennium away from who he was, and yet would always be a part of him. Like a very old film, this images were rushed and in black and white, because this was how the wolf saw the world. A vague feeling accompanied these images, a feeling of being so lost and lonely that it made Remus even colder than he was just to think about it. He had never felt this before, but was this how the wolf normally felt? It must have been bad last night for him to remember the feeling so vividly the next morning and it did nothing to help his worsening headache.
He had to question this, what could have made the wolf so angry? The fact that he was alone all night? It made sense to think about it, he had told the others to stay away that particular night. What a mistake it had been. But he thought of them safe up in the castle again, and knew that they too shouldn't have to carry his burden. He could vaguely remember the wolf asking him where the dog was, just before the change came upon him. Sirius.
Obviously the wolf had not diminished entirely because a small voice spoke then, in the back of his head. Yes, Sirius. Where was he? Why did you tell him to stay away, you wanted him here didn't you? Do you see now, how lonely it is? To be alone?
"Yes." Remus mumbled to himself openly. Next time he will be here. We need him. We can't be lonely anymore. It was said with authority. So...this was what the wolf wanted. A mate? Remus shouldn't have been surprised but he was. He had read a long time ago about wolves and mating for life, but it hadn't bothered him, thinking that it wouldn't apply to him. But obviously it did. While he himself had gave it very little thought, clearly the wolf had been giving it plenty of thought. Enough to have gone and decided on Remus' best friend.
This would create a lot of problems in his mind. Obviously the wolf was final on this, but how would he tell Sirius? He wasn't sure if he couldn't even bring himself to tell him. He cared about the other boy a lot, and he was pretty sure that Sirius would be disturbed by the thought of being mated to another boy. He had gladly overlooked his own great interest in Sirius for a while now, quite sure that he would be laughed at for thinking about another boy like...'that'. And anyway, in his eyes it was quite obvious his friend was not that way inclined. It hadn't bothered Remus as much as it used to, being close to him was good enough, until now. Not to mention ruining their close friendship and leaving it in tatters.
He decided he would just have to leave the matter as it was, ignoring his own strong feelings and telling the wolf to do the same. "You can't have him." He said hoarsely, he throat burning. Remus opened his eyes slowly, surprised when he didn't get a reply. The burning blush on his cheeks gradually brought him back to himself. He then realized the blush wasn't the only thing burning his cheek, it felt as though his right cheek was badly cut. His face was wet as well, but he wasn't sure what it was, it could have been tears, blood, or sweat. He lightly brought a shaking hand up to rub his face, and found it came away red and sticky. Blood then. His eyes strained when they found the light spilling through the cracks of the boarded up window, it wasn't sunlight and it wasn't pitch black either, dawn maybe. Madam Pomfrey would not be there for a while then. He found he was lying on the floor of the bedroom of the shrieking shack. He turned his aching neck and reached up with the same bloodstained hand to grab the dirty cover off the bed. His whole body screamed in protest but he found he preferred even that to freezing to death on the cold, uninviting floor. He pulled the cover on top of himself clumsily, adding to the scarlet spotted material.
He lay his head back down onto the cold floorboards, his neck once again creaking. His throat was killing him. From what he could remember, changing was even more painfully than it normally was, so he put it down to the fact that he must have screamed his throat raw. Either that or the wolf had been barking and howling, which wouldn't have surprised him, searching all over for his mate.
He doubted that he would be able to sleep now, so he lay as still as his aching joints would let him, and tried to deal with the increasingly confusing feelings welling up inside him.
Unlike Remus, Sirius didn't need to wake up at all in the morning because he hadn't slept a wink all night. He had been far too worried about Remus to do something as trivial as fall asleep. At one point, it must have been about 2am, he had tried in vain to sleep, but the ridiculously loud snoring coming from two different directions of the dorm had kept him awake.
At one point he had nearly gone down to the shrieking shack along, this was about 3am, but didn't fancy the idea of being torn apart by a raging werewolf. So he stayed in his bed, where he was completely uncomfortable. Sometimes he sat up and stared out the window, at the torrential rain that now looked like it intended on causing a flood, at the dwindling stars. He looked out onto the dark woods and wondered where Remus was, he thought that if he listened hard enough, he might just hear the wolf howling. But he couldn't. All he could hear was the unrelenting rain; it drowned all, even his friend's voice.
He had never been this worried about someone before. It wasn't that he was an uncaring person, no way, but he hadn't cared about someone like this either. No one kept him awake like this, his thoughts consumed by them.
At some point after that he did find some semblance of sleep, but it was fitful and restless. Dark, crawling creatures inhabited then place between sleep and dreams, their tongues lolled and kept him from the people he needed.
He woke a while later, half and hour at the most, gasping and his heart beating fast. He looked intently into the darkness of the dormitory, eager to pick out the creatures lurking there. When only silence greeted him he regulated his breathing as best he could, and told himself there really wasn't anything under his bed.
"How old are you?" he asked himself quietly. His voice cut through the silence like a knife, and he shook his head in an attempt to stop scaring himself. He lay like that for a while, refusing to look at his bedside clock and occasionally rubbing his eyes with his hands. His eyes would not slip shut by themselves now, in fact he was wide awake which was strange for him. He could normally sleep through anything and was always the last Marauder to drag himself from bed in the morning. The only thing to break the silence was James to his left, shifting dramatically in his sleep and the soft snoring, from both James and Peter.
Eventually Sirius' restlessness got the best of him, and he looked at the clock. 5am. He looked out from under the covers to see the sky was lightening slightly now, and birds sang happily outside the window. The rain has also relented slightly, which was good news. He got up quietly and got dressed quickly, his jeans and jumper lying on the floor in a heap by the side of his bed, ready for him to practically step into. His then grabbed James' invisibility cloak. He would normally have asked, but he knew James would probably complain at him for waking him up, and that in turn would probably wake Peter up too. He didn't expect to encounter and teachers anyway, but still, you can never be sure, and Filch and that mangy old cat of his always seemed to be on the prowl. Sirius' swore Filch never slept.
He slipped out of the dorm, and through the desolate common room. As he made his way through the portrait hole the Fat Lady mumbled something unpleasant at him for waking her. He managed a quick "Sorry" to her as he threw the cloak over himself and walked quickly down the stairs.
Remus wasn't sure when Sirius' appeared. He was just there suddenly. Remus had not slept either, instead he just lay on the floor motionless hoping that Madam Pomfrey would appear. But instead Sirius had appeared. He hadn't heard Sirius coming up the stairs but there he was, standing in the doorway. He looked like a spectre in the darkness, his skin pale white, to Remus he looked like he could disappear at any moment. Eventually Remus found his voice, at weak as it was.
"What are you doing here?" Not very polite, but he really wasn't in the state for a conversation right now. Sirius seemed to come out of his trance, the light coming back into his eyes.
"I-I was worried..." Sirius stuttered hopelessly. Remus' voice never sounded this raw before, even after a full moon. He had never seen Remus look this bad before, and he had seen him looking terrible. He looked like an unwanted doll a child had thrown on the floor. There was a huge gash on his left cheek that looked like it was still bleeding, the rest of his face painted with dirt. One of his arms stuck out from beneath the cover, his hand bloody, cuts adding to the scars that already littered his pale arms. One of his feet stuck out abruptly from beneath the cover, his ankle bitten badly enough to make it bleed freely and heavily. Sirius felt ill looking at his friend like this, this was something he shouldn't have seen. I shouldn't be here.
"I should have come with you. I'm such an idiot Remus." He slowly made his way towards his friend, kneeling down beside him. He took a deep breath. Remus looked up at him with bloodshot eyes, eyes still gold rather than hazel like they normally were. "I told you not to." He said finally to Sirius. "Please, don't blame yourself. It's not your fault."
Sirius shook his head, his sight clouding over with unshed tears. He felt so wrong, not just for staying up the castle, but for showing up now. He just felt guilty. "Whatever" he replied weakly. He stroked Remus' hair softly, for whose comfort he wasn't sure. Remus' eyes widened and he leant into the touch. "If I was here, this wouldn't have happened. You're hurt. Badly. It could have been prevented. Your face...it's still bleeding." Remus nodded as Sirius took his sleeve and wiped it over his cheek gently, to wipe the blood away. "It's really deep...is it gonna scar?" Sirius asked him, inspecting the wound. "Probably." Remus said unhappily.
"You don't have to do this" Remus said quietly after Sirius finished cleaning his face. Sirius just shrugged and blushed slightly. Remus managed a small smile, despite how much his face hurt due to the cut. He couldn't help but smile at the kindness of this boy. He felt something moving in his hand lying on the floor and looked down to find Sirius' finger's in his palm. What exactly was going on here? Remus' heart skipped a beat at the contact but he didn't know what else to do other than curl his finger's around Sirius'.
"I know I don't have to do this, but I want to. It's the least I can do." He had been inspecting their hands but he looked up now, his eyes still shining. He's never looked like this before. They kept eye contact and Remus felt his cheek slowly begin to glow more red.
"You should go back to the castle." Remus said finally. He didn't really want him to go at all, but he didn't know how long had passed and he didn't want Sirius getting caught on account of him. Sirius was quite for a while. "If you want me to." He said reluctantly. "I'm not trying to make you go, but if Madam Pomfrey shows up...you'll be in trouble." Sirius nodded and slowly untangled his hand from Remus' but he didn't move. "You got a point. I'll go back if that's what you want but...you'll be ok yeah?" He asked, moving a bit closer. "I'll be fine. Hopefully." Remus replied trying to sound reassuring.
Sirius nodded once more. He looked like he wanted to say anything, but instead he didn't. Remus was about to ask him what was wrong, when he suddenly bent down and placed a hesitant kiss on Remus' forehead. He got up quickly, grabbing the invisibility cloak as he stood up. "I'll come visit you in the hospital wing later." He said quietly. Remus, still quite dazed, smiled at him. He quickly made for the bedroom door and made his way down the staircase.
Why did I just do that? Sirius asked himself as he made his way down the tunnel towards the whomping willow. There was no answer from his conscience, but at least their friendship wasn't smashed to pieces like he was first afraid it would be. He still felt terrible for leaving poor Remus up there, but now, at least he was glad he went up there after all. If Remus was still there with him, he would have agreed that it wasn't a bad thing to do at all.
There's the second part done, this and the third part were going to be all in one chapter, but as usual, it just went on and on and on...so it became too long. I finally have an idea of where this is going now. Yay! Anyway, tell me what you think;)