Title: My Son
Author: Kelley
Category: Charlie, C/C
Rating: PG
Feedback: Please, please, please!
Notes: This is a future fic set five years from where we are on the island now. No spoilers but maybe some tears if my roommate is any indication.
You would think after spending nearly five years on an island with a wardrobe limited to a couple of tee shirts, a pair of jeans and sweatpants, and a light jacket that Charlie would be grateful to be wearing a brand new tailored suit. But, if nothing else, Charlie Pace was most definitely not a suit person. The dark wool scratched roughly at the skin of his wrists and his legs and sitting under the hot fluorescent lights was causing his shirt to stick to his chest. But physical discomforts wouldn't stop him from what he needed to do right now. For the rest of his life this one moment, this one and only chance, would define him.
Finally, his opponent concluded his speech and the judge nodded before turning to face him. He asked Charlie if there was anything he wanted to add before he made his final ruling. Standing slowly on legs made of cracking ice, he coughed nervously and wiped his shaking palms. He closed his eyes and sent a silent prayer to the God he didn't believe existed anymore, wanting every bit of luck to go his way. He opened his eyes, stared straight ahead at the man who would decide his destiny, and started to speak.
"Nicholas is my son," he began, with as much strength and conviction as he could muster. "I know genetics says otherwise but you or anyone else in this world will never be able to convince me that he's not. When he was born on the island, Claire lost a lot of blood during the labor and she was so weak, she wasn't able to hold him right after he born so I did. I held him that entire night; I didn't sleep for one moment because if I fell asleep, I wouldn't be able to look at him anymore and know that he was all right. Every time he cried, it hurt me because he was hurting in some way. I never, ever knew it possible that a love like that could exist. I didn't think I could love anyone as much as I loved my music but then I met Claire; I didn't think I could love anyone as much as I loved Claire but then I met Nicholas.
"On the island, we were happy. I mean, we were scared of what was out there and what could happen to any of us, sure, but we were happy. The three of us…we were a family. All Claire and I wanted was to keep Nicholas safe and healthy and we did everything we could to do that. I learned how to hunt food for him from John. Sun taught Claire how to make creams and drinks from herbs that would help with colic and rashes. Michael and I built him a cradle to sleep in. I would…I would play my guitar and sing him to sleep every single night under the moonlight."
"His first word was 'Da'. Jack told me that a lot of babies say that first because it's the first sound they can make but I didn't care. He always looked right at me when he said it. When he started walking, Claire was holding his hands to keep him on his feet and kind of directing him towards me while he was smiling. The first time he ate a banana, you know all mashed up and all, and he started laughing like he had figured out the secrets of the universe I wanted so badly to be able to memorize that sound and turn it into a song so I'd be able to play it over and over again. Claire said that I spoiled him and he'd be a nightmare when he was older but I could never deny him anything. We lived in place where hope wasn't allowed but Nicholas gave me my hope back; hope that we'd survive and we'd be rescued and that I could be better as a man. For all he gave to me, if total comfort and small gifts like seashells and strange rocks were all I could give him back then I was going to."
"There was this area a few miles away from the caves that had mangos and Nicholas really loved those so that day Claire went out to get some for him while I took Nicholas to the beach to get fish. She wasn't there when we got back and when she wasn't there by nightfall, a group of us went out to look for her. I never…never saw her but there was a cliff she would have had to get close to and Jack and Kate could see she was at bottom. When they came back and told me I didn't say anything, I just left. I walked into the jungle and I sat down on a log. I don't remember what I did there or how long I was there for but I know I fell asleep because I dreamed. I dreamed about Claire and she was perfect and peaceful and she told me I couldn't give up. That as much as I wanted too, as much as I needed to be with her, I couldn't go to her because I had Nicholas and he needed me more. So I got myself up and headed back, back to my son."
"I know that Thomas loves him, I know that now after hearing him testify. I hate him for what he did to Claire and what he's doing to me now but I know he loves Nicholas. And maybe Nicholas does have his nose and his hair color and any other numerous biological connections but Thomas is not his father. When we were rescued and they brought us back here to Australia, the people from Children's Services were waiting for us. I didn't even hear what they were saying to me, I just heard Nicholas screaming and crying as they were taking him away. Jack and Hurley told me that I had to be held back but all I could focus on was him. He was in pain and there was nothing I could do to help him.
"I'm not a perfect man, sir. My past is not something I'm proud of and I'm not sure what my future is going to be but I can tell you it won't mean anything without Nicholas. When I lost Claire, I lost most of my life with her. If I lose Nicholas, there will be nothing. I love him more than anything and I know that he loves me that much too, even if he can't understand it yet. I know I am a good father and I know I will do anything within my power to make sure he never wants for anything." Charlie finally stopped speaking, wiping at the moisture accumulating in his eyes. "Please give him back to me. He's my son; Nicholas is my son."