I do not own these characters. I do own the universe, however. bwhahahahaha (cough cough). Feel free to write a review.

Morning just came around the corner (not literally, fools...) and in the rich fields, which were bustling with produces, you can see Kirby had just finished sucking them up guaranteeing a famine within the area. As he ran away, he heard cries such as "Why god... why?" or "There goes my house..." or even one that said "Give me back my child!"

Kirby spat out that child and continued running away from the angry mob that were waving their pitchforks and torches at him.

He headed towards a merging in the road where Frankenstein was also being chased by an equally homicidal mob and their standard mobbing equipment. When they began running side by side, they looked at each other.

Through each of there minds ran a locomotive engine with a single freight of a thought: "What a hideous freak of nature!"

At a fork in the road they headed off in separate directions.

While still evading those angry farmers, he tried to remember how he got stuck in Hyrule.

Before his eyes the scenary began to warp.

Kirby shook his head. "Those Mushrooms I ate are freaking me out!"

No, you're not getting stoned. It's a flashback.

"Oh."

Right under a large oak tree, Kirby snored the night away. The noise killed the surrounding plants and caused several small cute animals to run away. As the sun started to filter through the trees, it prompted him to wake up. While bending and stretching a monstrous fart escaped from his butt, which killed whatever vegetation was left.

"Hmm..." pondered Kirby, "better eat more fibre."

He strolled around the surrounding area looking for a source of water. Approaching a lake, Kirby leaned down and scooped up some water. While bent, he saw his reflection.

Cue spit take.

THBTTTBBBTTTTTHHHHHH!!!!!!

The reflection was of him wearing Link's trademark green cap.

"What the F$#!," he exclaimed.

He tried to shake off the hat but it sprouted teeth and bit him.

"OWW!!!" He shouted in pain, before roaring in anger. "GRRR, you're going down hat!!!"

The hat bit him viciously in rapid succession while Kirby ran around, waving his arms to try to knock off the hat. In the end, exhausted and depressed, he conceded to the hat and headed to the lake to recuperate from the gnawing. While gazing at his chubby pink self, he realized something. His arms were too short to reach the hat.

Kirby waved his arms around while shouting to the sky.

"Stupid stubby arms. Stupid round body." He lamented. "Curse the game designers who created me while stoning themselves out of their minds."

He continued walking through the forest head butting against trees in an attempt to off the hat. No such luck. The hat just bit down hard.

He started looking for boulders when a sonic boom caught his attention. Out of the blue sky came a giant streaking object wreathed in flames. And it was heading straight for him.

"Holy SHIT!!!"

He started running as fast as his legs could carry him while attempting to dislodge the hat to throw at the incoming projectile. Now this was unexpected, but Kirby was actually quite an exceptional sprinter despite the lack of legs. A few more seconds would've been all he needed to evade the incoming ball of death completely. Too bad, he didn't have any. The object just grazed him as it impacted against the ground creating a shockwave that blasted him through the air. The slight touch of the super-heated object set his derriere on fire.

"ARRRRGGHHHHH!!!!!"

Upon impact on the ground, Kirby started flailing around like a chronically feces-throwing monkey on crack. He started dragging his ass until the flame was snuffed out.

After a few minutes of groaning (and making sure his ass was okay), he gingerly walked towards the fallen object. When the dust settled, He discovered that it was giant, grey metal sphere. On the front, in giant, bold, and red letters, was the word Nintendo.

"BY ALL THAT IS DELICIOUS," he uttered in terror. "Nintendo's trying to kill me AND advertise!!!

A voice pierced his fear-hazed mind.

"No Kirby, you have no need to fear your demise. Yet."

Kirby gave out a sigh. "Whew. Wait, what do you mean, yet?"

A LCD screen popped out of the top. A face materialized upon the screen.

"Greeting Kirby, I am Shigeru -."

" -Tiyamato!?"

A moment of silence passed as the voice considered Kirby's response.

"Close enough," he mused.

"Yes," he said at last, "it is I."

Minutes past

"so..." .

"Ahem..." mumbled Tiyamato, "... well... lawsuits have been... err... I mean... THE FATE OF ALL THAT IS NINTENDO DEPENDS ON YOU!" He declared in a deafening authoritative voice.

"There," thought Mr. Tiyamato, "that should fool him."

Kirby stared at the LCD screen with a dumbfounded look.

"You realize there's caption on the screen that dictates your thoughts, right?"

For the few that read my story in its previous format, surprise, I've decided to rewrite everything. Why the long wait? Well, school and work tend to consume ones time. Anyway, I'm going to try and finish this and hopefully I won't get writers block in the near future.