I do not own these characters. That should be obvious.

Where we last left off, Kirby was speaking to Mr. Tiyamato, who turned off the annoying caption, concerning the fact he was wearing Link's hat. A rather vicious hat that seemed rabid but otherwise perfectly normal.

"Well you see Kirby," he said as he began to recite his epic tale, "tyrannical forces, that wish to rule us with an iron fist, are on an endeavor to enslave Nintendo. Then they would utilize our resources to create games, which would brainwash our consumers into believing you are a god.

Kirby stared at him skeptically.

"Really?"

Mr. Tiyamato flashed a grin. "Maybe a god of pink doughnuts and tutus."

Kirby's face began to take on a shade of dark red.

"So what the hell is going on then!?" raged the pink puff.

"I don't have all the details," admitted Tiyamato, "neither have I confirm the veracity, but the scenario in question concerns a bus of nuns being destroyed by Captain Falcon."

Kirby's eyes swelled to the size of dinner plates. "HE KILLED A BUNCH OF NUNS!????!!!"

Tiyamato gave a sheepish grin, "Did I say bus of Nuns?" he inquired coyly. "Sorry my mistake. I meant that Captain Falcon destroyed the Nun's bus."

Kirby flopped back from shock, relief and irritation.

Tiyamato continued. "They claim that he was trying to kill the servants of God. The Pope himself denoted him as the foreseen anti-Christ that would destroy Christendom. Personally, I think he knocked back one too many brews."

"I had told you that he's an alcoholic."

"Yeah," agreed Tiyamato, "but carpooling with him is great."

"...okay.... Were there any witnesses?"

Tiyamato bent his arm to brush his chin and tried to look thoughtful. "Well, It was an auto accident during broad daylight on a busy street with people congregating to church, in the middle of New York City, so there could have been a slight possibility that a person might have been present at the time of the accident. It's a wild guess of course."

"Are you being sarcastic?" asked Kirby.

"Why, what gave you that idea, all-knowing one?" said Tiyamato, with a poorly feigned look of innocence.

Kirby leapt up to the LCD screen to give it a hard slap.

WACKKK!!!!!

"Cut it out!"

When the screen stopped shaking, Mr. Tiyamato resumed his narrative exposition. "Anyway, one witness saw him yelling at the bus furiously. Another saw him taking a crowbar and knocking out the aforementioned witness. Another saw him urinating on the bus, followed by a victory dance."

Kirby felt sympathy for the victims. "Those poor people."

"I agree with you, I heard Falcon danced terribly," Said Tiyamato, as he replayed the videotape of the accident. "He must fire his choreographer."

Kirby expected that. "Go on."

Tiyamato continued his sordid tale. "Since then, the church has filed a lawsuit against us since Captain Falcon is an employee of Nintendo. Therefore the company as a whole is held liable."

"So can you explain the basis of the lawsuit?" Kirby began to list off a few reasons, "was it negligence, impair driving, or is it emotional trauma?"

Tiyamato gave a shrug and an embarrassed chuckle. "Well, let me put it this way..." he said, "Captain Falcon should've kept his 'helpful' hands to himself."

Kirby tried hoping, but he knew the outcome. "So the Nuns..."

"Beaten him to within an inch of his life." Tiyamato struggled to contain his laughter. "Now we have to deal with a sexual harassment suit. Our lawyers have launched a counter-suit claiming that the Nuns made the first move. Being celibate for so long, they were obviously tempted by Captain Falcon's physique and charm."

"No one will believe that story!" Kirby criticized harshly. "That's stupid beyond belief!"

Mr. Tiyamato gave a deep frown. "Damn, you're cynical. Even if that doesn't work, we could always bribe the Department of Justice."

"What're you going to pay them with?" Kirby inquired mockingly. "Monopoly money?"

Tiyamato slammed a fist into his palm "That's a brilliant idea! But the bad news is that we don't have enough, so we might have to deal them Board Walk. However, I am keeping Park Place. I've already invested in some hotels at that location."

Kirby nodded. "I see. So, how does this all tie in with me wearing Link's hat."

"Since the beginning of the lawsuit we decided to lay off the highest paid Nintendo characters to preserve our monetary resources." said Tiyamato. "We kept you around because you have the ability to mimic their characteristics, to some extent, with almost no additional cost except for the characters personal items."

Kirby suddenly came to an epiphany. "So I have to live the lives of these characters until the lawsuit is dropped?"

Tiyamato nodded his head. "That or the lawsuit destroys this company and ultimately you."

Kirby stared at his employer. "...You're not much of a motivational speaker are you?"

"No. No I am not." Replied Tiyamato confidently.

" ..."

"..."

Minutes later

Kirby finally fed up with Tiyamato's silent spells broke the quiet.

"Why do you keep stalling?" he asked.

"I do this for dramatic effects," Tiyamato responded with a tone of superiority.

"You failed miserably."

Tiyamato shot back "What do you know? You're just a pink bag of hot air."

"Ooooohhhh noooo," wailed a very sarcastic Kirby, "that last comment destroyed my self-esteem. Not. Do I at least get Link's salary?"

Mr. Tiyamato shook his fore finger. "Didn't you hear what I said? We have to preserve our funds."

Kirby rolled his eyes in frustration and disbelief. "Then why should I listen to you?"

Mr Tiyamato showed a toothy smile. "I have powers beyond your wildest dreams. In fact, I'm making you scratch your own ass right now."

Kirby looked in disbelief. "I find that hard to be..."

He stopped in mid-sentence for he noticed the busy scratching of his ass by his right hand.

"A little to the left."

"How's that?" asked Tiyamato.

"Perfect." Responded a satisfied Kirby.

" I think we have a better understanding of one another, don't we?"

A question nagged at Kirby though. "Why can't you force those marquee characters to work without pay?

Mr Tiyamato's face showed the slightest twitches of anger. "Their contracts bar me from doing so. You, however, have no such contract in place. In fact, I believe that I'm being too generous in letting you work for peanuts."

Kirby takes out a calling card.

"Lionel Hutz," he proclaimed in a demonic timbre. "This is one more client that's going to burn you alive!"

He tears it up to reinforce his vow.

Kirby gave a sigh. "I guess I have no choice."

"Good." Exclaimed a happy Tiyamato.

Off screen, Mr. Tiyamato flips a few switches.

"Since you understand your new assignment, this nuclear-powered, diamond encrusted sphere will self-destruct in 10 seconds."

Kirby panicked and raged at the same time. "I thought you were trying to save money!!??"

"I could explain the reason for this waste of extravagant expenditure," Tiyamato checks his Rolex watch, "but you have only 5 seconds."

As Kirby started to retreat from the sphere, Mr. Tiyamato started to slow down time.

Mr. Tiyamato also slowed down his own voice "Still think I don't have a flair for the dramatics, Kirby. HAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Kirby's voice was also made slower, "Yeah, I still do."

"Curse you Kirby!!!"

At the end of Tiyamato's decree, the sphere explodes sending trees, rocks, dirt, and Kirby through the air.