I do not own Smash Brothers. I have friend who does though...But that's irrelevant.

Sunlight hit his forehead. It was finally over. His foray of the "Dungeon of No Return" was over. He would always value the lesson that he learned from his ordeal.

Groins were vulnerable to shotgun blasts.

Kirby lied on the grassy terrain, about to take short nap, when he realized he hasn't eaten anything recently. A flash of a white-feathered bird caught his attention.

" Mmmm...," drooled Kirby, "chicken!"

Little did he know it was not a chicken, but a Cucco!

Kirby tied the defenseless bird to a tree stump, loaded his shotgun, and chuckled.

BAM!

Now for sum good eatin'! Oddly, though, instead of making the fowl dead, shooting the bird made it absurdly ballistic.

Kirby scratched his scalp with his gun. "What the hell?"

Confused by this, he just stood there... until...

"Say," he pondered, "Those specks, on the horizon, look very familiar."

BAWK!

Kirby started screaming like a nerd in an atomic wedgie.

The Cuccos attacked with relentless fury. In the midst of the feathery fury, the hat abandoned Kirby to his fate.

"Hey hat!! Help ME!?"

The hat gave a hoarse, cruel, laugh and fled into the forest.

Kirby shook his visible fist at the fleeing headgear. "Curse you Link's HAT!!!"

He soon became engulf in a sea of fowl.

Struggling to crawl, Kirby searched for a place to die peacefully. Out of the corner of his eye, a Ferrari was deftly manoeuvring itself through the forest. Several metres away from Kirby, it applied its brakes stopping mere centimetres away from his face, tearing up large tracts of grass and dirt in the process.

Kirby breathed a sigh of relief. "Holy Shit! That was clos-"

The driver's door swung open, flattening Kirby's face and knocking him back

Out of the sports car came Mr. Tiyamato, decked out in furs, diamonds rings, and several gold medallions, affixed to monstrous platinum chains that hung from his neck. An extravagant fur-rimmed fedora crowned his head. A pair of wide-rimmed, ruby studded shades obscured his eyes, and a pair of Italian loafers cushioned his feet.

Tiyamato tipped his hat. "Greetings, Kirby."

Kirby plied his face from the soil. "You know, I specifically remembered you telling me the company had to conserve its funds."

Tiyamato gave a nod. "Indeed we are"

Kirby struggled to say something. Mr. Tiyamato just flashed a smile of gold-capped teeth.

In the end, his sense of responsibility took a hike. He looked over his employer's wardrobe.

"What the hell are you suppose to be?"

Mr. Tiyamato gave twisted around, showing off his duds. "Why, I'm a pimp."

"Isn't that illegal?"

"What about it...."

"The cops could arrest you."

Mr. Tiyamato started doing gangster hand signs and motions. "To hell wit the MAN. I gots me some fine Ho's for tonight. For shizzle my nizzle."

"Terrific," said Kirby, "another Asian gangsta, we sure don't have enough of those."

Mr. Tiyamato gave a chuckle. "Relax, I'm joking."

"Then why did you buy those things in the first place?"

"I had to show our investors we were still financially stable."

Kirby started jumping up and down in fury. "WITH RECKLESS SPENDING!!??"

"Relax," said Tiyamato soothingly, "I'll return the items later."

The fire in Kirby's eyes slowly dissipated along with his rage.

"So," questioned Kirby, "what're you doing here?"

Mr. Tiyamato was admiring himself in the Ferrari's side mirror. "Huh? Oh, I'm here to inform you that your break has started."

"Sweet!"

Mr. Tiyamato began tapping foot impatiently.

Kirby eventually noticed. "What's wrong, why are you still here?"

Mr. Tiyamato gave him a disapproving look. "Your break's over."

Kirby grumbled discreetly concerning Tiyamato's mother.

"For your next assignment, you will take over Mario's obligations."

He produced a red cap, from his deep fur pockets, with a big fat M stitched in the front. He tossed it onto Kirby's head.

"Is that good?"

"I don't know," said Tiyamato, "for you're going to be the judge of that. I must inform you that you'll be participating in a new game. You'll be the first one to test it."

"And by testing, you mean that I'm a beta tester," Kirby asked hopefully.

Was Kirby correct? Fat chance! The name of the game was "Death Bro's." The name speaks for itself. It was mainly comprised of mini-games in which the player's character experiences a hideous death. To his horror, Kirby had to test 697 mini-games! In addition, Mr. Tiyamato gave three more mini-games categorized as an oh-my-god-no-one-can-ever-live-through- the-pain-that-these-games-cause-to-the-character-so-thank-god-that-I-am not- in-it the green light to be incorporated into the game.

Tiyamato was munching on caviar as he instructed Kirby. "In this mini-game, you have to convince the judge to NOT give you the death-sentence."

Kirby nearly pissed himself. "DEATH SENTENCE?! What crime am I being accused of?!"

Mr. Tiyamato just waved off his concern. "That doesn't matter. It's all part of the game."

"So what happens if they do give me the death sentence?"

"Then you lose a life." Tiyamato said casually.

"But I only have one life!" pointed out Kirby.

Mr. Tiyamato scrapped at the bottom of the caviar tin to get the last bits out. "Than you better not screw it up. Good luck!"

Mr. Tiyamato snapped his fingers and in a flash, Kirby was place inside a courtroom.

Kirby looked around the courtroom. "So, where's my lawyer?"

Judge pointed his gavel to Kirby's right. "He's right beside you."

Kirby turned his head and spotted a drunken old hobo with half eaten loaf of bread in his lap and crumbs that littered his disheveled beard.

"Your honor, I request a new lawyer."

"Oh... and why?"

"I prefer one that can walk in a straight line."

The judge gave a huff of disdain. "Your discrimination is disheartening, Mr. Kirby. Request denied. Court is now in session."

Suddenly, a text box with the following appeared above Kirby's head.

The Judge asks for your plea... do you?
(a) Play the race card
(b) Bribe the judge
(c) Claim that you're innocent
(d) Turn to your lawyer for advice

"This is easy... I'll pick (c)"

Kirby tapped on the letter c and then it opened move options

You have chosen to explain your innocence Do you say that you were?
(a) Burying fellow Nintendo characters
(b) Killing someone else at the time
(c) At a public pool for a family reunion
(d) Turn to your lawyer for advice

This was ridiculous! Once again, he chose (c).

Judge made a question. "Do you have any witnesses to prove your innocence?"

Again, another box pops out of nowhere

"Yes, you can ask..."
(a) "My brother who wants me dead"
(b) "My father, who can mostly be found drunk or snorting coke"
(c) "My mother who everyone has mistaken for an angel who occasionally descends"
"from the heavens to help me in my time of need"
(d) turn to your lawyer for advice

Suddenly, the drunken bum awoke.

Kirby felt a bit of relief. "Phew, for a second, I was afraid I was flying solo."

The Hobo started talking to his briefcase. "If I wer you, I'd say (a). Afte all, peple wo wats you dead wood due anithin to hep you!"

Kirby felt that bit of relief eaten by wild wolves and shitted out into a volcano. "Like I said, it's solo time!"

The hobo resumed catching Zs.

"I'll pick (c)."

The judge rose out of his chair. "The court has heard the defendant's testimony and alibi. I will now process the data and hand down the appropriate judgment."

Emotionally drained, Kirby slumped in his chair. "What, that's all! Phew, for I second there, I thought I would be..."

"GUILTY!" Proclaimed the judge in a thunderous voice.

"Innocent..." Kirby did a double take. "Wait a second, guilty?"

The judge grinned sadistically. "Your sentence is death by rabid grizzly bears. While you're being mauled, grossly overweight, middle age men in Sailor Moon costumes will debate, in front of you, who is the prettiest. Guards! Seize him!"

Kirby fell to his knees, stuck out his arms in anguish.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!"

Suddenly the game froze. Everything and everybody stood still in its place.

Kirby quickly scanned the room. Not one person was moving.

"THERE IS A GOD!!!"

"Why, thank you." A familiar and unwelcome voice said.

The voices originated near the courtroom entrance. Surprise! It was none other than Mr. Tiyamato.

"By the way, I have forgotten to mention to you previously that the game is incomplete."

He gestured towards the door.

"Follow me, and we shall partake of the noontime meal."

Kirby stood back on his feet. "Uhh... sure."

However, before Kirby left, he casually walked towards the judge and just "accidentally" tripped and grabbed the judge's pants down in an attempt to remain upright.

"Heh, heh."

He was about to leave, when he remembered he was short on funds. He walked back to the judge and from the pocket of his fallen pants, withdrew a big fat wallet.

He withdrew several credit cards and waved them in the face of the immobile judge.

"What's that? I can max out your credit cards on anything I want? You're the boss! Huh? You want me to order from an escort service for you? Sure thing, judge!"

Then he walked right out of the courtroom, giving the finger to the guards on the way out.