CHAPTER 4

Yusuke and Keiko have been staying at their newfound place for five months, and for the past months they were able to live a problem-free life, as they both await to the opening of yet another chapter of their lives. It's the coming of their first baby. Yes. Yusuke's better half was five months pregnant that time, carrying the first fruit of their undying love, their new life, another reason for living, the source of the overwhelming joy and happiness, excitement and love.

But fate can sometimes be so playful, as it played a bad joke on Yusuke and Keiko. On the sixth month of her pregnancy, he came home from gathering foods and found her lying unconsciously on the floor, soaked with her own blood. Heartrendingly, the pre-mature infant was not able to make it. On the arms of his father did he not give out a breath, nor his heart beat a single rhythm. As for Yusuke, the 'would have been' ottou-san, he let his tears fall as he clasped his angel on his embrace. He felt the whole world on his chest, he felt weak and downhearted at the same time afraid of how Keiko would deal with this tragic loss. He would give the child a look and then turn his head into his wife, he was like that for almost an hour. Until he realized that he has to be strong, for Keiko…for them…

When Keiko opened her eyes, she found Yusuke sitting next to her. He bowed his head and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "How are you feeling?" he melodiously asked.

"Better… What happened? I remember my stomach ached." She said and placed her hand on her tummy. Her eyes widened as she realized it was smaller. A warm smile and tears of a rejoicing mother covered her face. "Yusuke…"

Before she could ask, he put his forefinger on her lips quieting her. "You may be feeling better but you haven't fully recovered. I want you to rest first."

"I want to see him…her…" she chuckled and gave him a squeeze on the arm.

"Him…you will see him as soon as you are okay."

"I'm okay. C'mon, doctor Urameshi…" she was almost pleading.

"No. Please understand Keiko." He replied as sweet as he could.

"Okay. Fine. But honestly, how long have I been resting?"

"A day."

She rolled her eyes, "And how is he?"

"Keiko…"

"I just want to hug him and kiss him…" her voice grew softer, "I'm so excited." As her eyes started to wet.

Yusuke stroked his thumb on her cheeks, "I know." he bowed again and kissed her on the forehead, he swallowed a big lump on his throat and tried not to show her any sad emotions. "I promise, you will see him as soon as you are okay."

She beamed at him and went back to her sleep. From time to time, she would call Yusuke and plead him to put their child on her arms. He would refuse reasoning that the baby is resting or sleeping somewhere inside the house. Keiko would be a little suspicious after wandering her eyes around the room and not being able to eye a small figure sleeping like an angel. But Yusuke would insist that she should rest or finish the meal he had prepared her. A day passed and soon after, Keiko was able to get up from the bed. She walked around searching for her son and husband, the latter busy as always gathering foods from the sea or the woods near their place.

Yusuke sneaked inside the house as quiet as a cat, he was careful not to wake his beloved wife who he thought was peacefully taking her rest. But he was surprised to see her standing opposite him with her arms crossed under her breasts. Her eyes wore the most piercing look he has ever seen from her. She looked as fierce as the demons he had encountered back in Makai. His heart beat faster and louder, 'She already knows' he thought, as he noticed the tears building up on her eyes. He moved forward her, wanting to hug her and comfort her. But she shut him.

"Don't." she said seriously, "Don't you come near me!"

He ceased from advancing, "Keiko…"

"Why? Why did you have to lie? Why did you have to make me spend the last two days with false hope?" she cried.

"I…I…" he wanted to say so many things, but couldn't find the right words. He watched her helplessly as she broke down.

"You what? Sorry?" she snapped.

"I lost him…I didn't want to lose you…" his voice was pleading.

But she was too hurt to listen to him. It was as if her heart has shattered into pieces the moment she took a walk and found the branches joined together forming a cross, standing on top of the ground. As soon as she realized that it was their son's grave, she felt her chest tighten…A part of her got furious to the fact that she had lost their child. And when she got home, she just felt like Yusuke was to blame for all of it, she felt betrayed. She became numb…Like she forgot the magic between them…Though at the back of her head, she completely understood him like she always did. She remained silent, sobbing.

"I love you." Yusuke began. He opened his mouth to speak again, but shut it as he thought of words that would describe what he felt. "You're all I've got." He added.

Keiko looked at him. Yusuke was crying as well. They both lost something so great, something so important to them. And he was all she had too, and she doesn't want to lose him like they lost the child. "It just…hurts so much…my heart…it's like being crushed…I can't breath…I…I…don't know what to do…what to say…" her voice was softer, almost like a whisper.

Yusuke walked towards her and hugged her. She didn't push or stop him, instead, she let her body submit to his embrace. And even though he wanted to tell her words of comfort, he kept quiet and let his touch say how much she meant to him, that he would never let her go. She hugged back, as though she received his message of love.

Yusuke turned to his right and extended his arms, when he glided his hand and felt that the other side of the bed vacant, he hastily got up even with his eyes still blurry and his body sluggish. "Oh man! Where could she possibly be in the middle of the night?" he said to himself. "Keiko?!" he called and heavily walked to the bathroom door, it was half-open and when he peeped inside, no Keiko was found. She was nowhere to be found within the walls of their small house. Yusuke sighed and slid a shirt on his head, 'Most probably' he thought, with the picture of Keiko crying over the grave of their son flashed in his mind.

And he was right! There she was just as he pictured she will be. "Keiko." With her name uttered as sweet as a dripping honey. "It's too late for this."

She looked up at him, "I can't sleep. Sorry if I had you worried." She politely replied as she wiped her eyes dry.

Yusuke sat beside her, she leaned her head on his robust shoulder and he sloped his head over hers, panting the fragrance of her hair. "It's okay. But you can't stay like this for long all right? Not every night…" He felt her head moved in a nodding motion, and heard a soft "Hai."

After that night, Yusuke thought everything will be back to normal, what he did not know was, sure, Keiko has got over the child's death, she actually forgot about it, instead she regarded him to be alive, like she had successfully given birth to him. She always carries in her arms either a pillow or blanket folded into small form. She would sway it left and right, sing to it and even dance with it. But how could Yusuke be aware of this when she does this while he was out, or she was out doing this when he was in. It was after a few weeks when he finally noticed something weird about his wife. They rarely saw each other, and she went out carrying one of their pillows or blanket. So he decided to follow, and with his own eyes, he saw her. He watched her with tears falling from his eyes. His heart was shattered into thousand pieces, while he shook his head repeatedly, denying to himself the sad but apparent fact that Keiko has lost it.

There came the point when Keiko didn't have to hide it from her husband. Even if he was around she would cradle the pillow and prattle with it, she wouldn't care with anything else around her but the supposedly newborn on her arms.

"Keiko, what are you doing?" he would ask.

She would answer him with, "Shhhh…" followed by a whisper "Would you be quiet? You might wake Keisuke up."

"Keisuke?" he asked, bewildered.

"Cute isn't it? It's Keiko and Yusuke! Keisuke!" she beamed back.

Yusuke trying to prevent his tears from falling answered back, "But it's a pillow, Keiko." She just raised an eyebrow on him, but smile was still pasted on her face as she continued her lullaby. Yusuke couldn't do anything but watch her.

One time he and Keiko were eating and she suddenly rushed to the bed and carried the pillow. Not that Yusuke has lost his patience, but he just couldn't stand seeing her that way, he felt he should do something, like make her realize that the child was only a make believe. She has to accept the fact that they have lost the child.

"Stop it Keiko!" he yelled.

Keiko thunderstruck she has been, gazed up to him and innocently asked, "Why?"

"I've had enough."

"Don't shout, Keisuke…."

"Keisuke is dead!" he cut her off.

"Dead?" she laughed softly. "Here he is, see?"

"That's a pillow Keiko."

"Shhhh…" she did not mind him.

Yusuke grasped her wrist and pulled it roughly. "I said that's enough!"

Keiko was dragged with Yusuke's strength. But he did not take his hand off her. "Yusuke…You're hurting me!" she cried, trying to release from his grip. "Stop it! Keisuke might fall!"

"That is not Keisuke! I'll show you where Keisuke is!" He draggled her as he walked to the tomb where he buried their pre-mature son. He shoved Keiko to the ground as the latter wept hugging the pillow on her chest. "That is your Keisuke! Our son! He died Keiko…he never really lived!" his voice raised.

"No! He's not! You just think he is but he's not!"

"There's no way of getting him back, got that! Even if I want to have him here with us…there is no way Keiko!"

"You don't want him! If you do why don't you carry him or hug him like what I'm doing?"

"Keiko…that's not him…that's a pillow…" his tone was that of a desperate man, while Keiko's was like of an innocent child.

"Yusuke…you just have to look closely."

"No. You look closely!"

Keiko stared at the pillow on her hands. After a minute or two, she started to cry. She went frantic and threw the pillow on the ground. "This isn't my son!" she cried and looked at Yusuke, "Where is he?" she demanded.

"Keiko…" Yusuke held her arms, but she has gone mad. She cried and yelled and stomped the soil. "What's happening to you Keiko? We have to be strong…"

"You didn't answer me! Where is Keisuke?!" she turned to the grave, "In here? You put him here? Yusuke…He might be crying there! Let's take him out there!" she spoke fast, the words almost stumble with each other. She started to dig using her bare hands

"Keiko, he's gone. Let's just accept that…please…"

"How deep did you bury him? How deep should I dig?" she wasn't crying anymore but was panicking, "What are you standing there? Help me? Help me help our son!" she looked up to him and saw him crying, "Why are you crying, Yusuke?" she said in a mellow tone, like she's back to the old and normal Keiko.

"I'm worried with you. Keiko…Please…Let's stop this whole crap and accept that…Keisuke…is…gone…" he knelt on her front and rested his forehead on hers, cupped her cheeks with his hands and continued to cry.

"I'm sorry…I don't want you to worry…Okay…I'll accept that…Just don't cry okay?"

Yusuke was enlightened to hear her said that, but he knew, deep inside of him, it doesn't end there. Not yet…Not even soon.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Tough times, eh? Well…sorry for all the things I made them go through…Reviews please! Pretty please?