Last chapter, finally. Actually, in spite of having so much time to fiddle with this, I'm not really happy with the writing in this one. Especially the end of this part and all of the last. Oh, this chapter was posted in two parts. Partially because it's just too long, otherwise.
Terrance tapped his pencil in time with the second hand on the clock. Asato was ten minutes late coming back from lunch. Not a good sign. In the past month Asato had gone from having good days and bad days to having bad days and worse days. When today had begun, Terrance could tell it was going to be far beyond bad. It had started with the roses. Flowers covered Asato's desk. Red roses. Lord Ruthven had been busy. Asato's empty smile had been frozen on his face as soon as he'd seen the roses. Of course he'd politely thanked Lord Ruthven, and acted sufficiently eager in accepting the pervert's invitation to lunch.
The lunch had seemed a mixed blessing. Asato was always at his best around other people; he never wanted to worry anyone. Terrance had tried to eat with him everyday, hoping to keep him in line. For the most part it worked; Asato held himself together during working hours. But Terrance couldn't eat with Asato everyday, today especially. He'd had a Valentine's Day lunch planned with his wife. Asato would not have enjoyed it. As much as Terrance hated Lord Ruthven, he'd thought the bastard could keep Asato occupied.
Though judging from the smile on his face when that man had returned from lunch just a few minutes late, the vampire had kept Asato more occupied than Terrance liked to think about.
Terrance almost laughed with relief when Asato rushed in carrying a soda from some fast food "restaurant." Sexual ecstasy or not Asato would never skip lunch. Terrance's relief was short-lived. In his haste, Asato stumbled and almost fell, catching himself against a wall. As he regained his balance, a muffled giggle escaped his lips. Grinning stupidly, he walked to his desk with exaggerated care. Terrance sighed. The occasional misspoken word or glassy-eyed look could be ignored. Their job was a stressful one and few of the others in the office could say they'd never had a few drinks at lunch. Coming in to work shit-faced, however, was inexcusable. Even Asato had never done it before, more out of respect for any children he might see than any concept of decency.
Terrance left his own work and stood behind Asato's desk. His friend seemed to be trying to read from a file. Absently he sipped at the drink Terrance was willing to bet money was not soda and crushed the thorns of one of the roses into his left hand.
"Asato?" Terrance whispered the name. Asato jumped slightly and slid off his chair. He looked up at Terrance from the floor.
"Yeah, Tats?" Asato's voice wasn't much louder than Terrance's whisper had been. Terrance almost smiled. Asato had never been a loud drunk. Often a manically cheerful drunk, occasionally a depressed drunk, but never loud and obnoxious. That was saved for when he was sober. Terrance turned his expression into a frown of concern.
"You don't look at all well. Are you feeling alright?"
"'M fine." From his position on the ground Asato tried to look fine. He might have had better luck if his eyes would focus on the same spot for more than a second, but he was sitting on the floor, so he might not.
"I hardly think so." Terrance had never spoken words so seriously. He leaned down and pressed the back of his hand against Asato's forehead. "As I suspected, you're burning up. You shouldn't be here."
"But-"
"No excuses, I'm taking you home." Abruptly Terrance pulled Asato off the floor and scooped the smaller man into his arms.
"You're carrin' me?" This time Asato's voice carried far enough to attract attention. Terrance tried to look as though his behavior was routine.
"Of course. It's faster." He pocketed Asato's keys.
"What the hell is going on?" Terrance turned slowly to face Lord Ruthven.
"Sir-" Asato yelped.
"Asato is unwell." Terrance interrupted. "I'm taking him home. You shouldn't have tired him out when he was getting sick."
"He didn't seem sick at lunch."
"You know Asato, he never likes to complain. At times I think he positively enjoys suffering." Terrance smiled, as politely as he could manage. "You should let him rest."
Implied threat hanging in the air, Terrance carried his friend out of the room.
"My hero." Asato took a sip of the drink Terrance hadn't seen him bring. "Just like old times, hmm?"
"You should throw that out."
"Liquids are good for sick people."
"Soda isn't."
"S'not soda." Terrance sighed.
"I didn't think it was."
"HISOKA!"
"What did you get us?"
"Why would I get you anything?" Hisoka snarled at the girls. They really didn't bother him as much as they used to, but there was no reason to tell them that.
"It's Valentine's Day, Hisoka." He was fairly certain that one was Saya.
"So?"
"You're should give us Valentines." Maybe that one was Saya. They may have been less annoying, but that did not make them individuals.
"Girls give gifts to boys on Valentine's Day. Boys give their gifts on White Day." The girls stared at him, obviously confused.
"White Day?"
"Boys give girls gifts on Valentine's Day."
"You're sure?" Both girls nodded in perfect synchronization. "Shit."
"Did you even eat lunch?" Asato sat slouched in the passenger seat.
"I wasn't hungry."
"Are you now?"
"No." Asato played with the straw in his now empty drink. "I'm thirsty, though."
"Forget it."
"Ah, you're mean, Tats. You're mean, Hijiri was mean, Hisoka's mean…."
"Hisoka?"
"Always calling me an idiot. 'Least I wasn' dumb enough to fall in love with me."
"Hisoka's in love with you?" Terrance was surprised, but not by the concept. Many of the children they dealt with at work didn't have positive males in their lives. Girls were often "falling in love" with him and Asato and every other male in the office. He'd come to accept it as part of the job. Asato had always done the same, for him to be talking about it meant at least some aspect of it was serious.
"Thinks he is, which is the same thing to a teenager. He's pretty cute about it." Asato frowned. "Wasn't so cute in the dream."
"What dream?" Terrance was a little afraid to ask. Asato rarely mentioned dreams. Once he had told Terrance about a dream he'd had. Terrance couldn't remember how it had come up. Asato had mentioned that he'd dreamt about him and Terrance had asked about the dream.
"I dreamt about us. You left to take your shower as usual, but you never came back. I could hear you walking around. You left me tied to the bed."
It was the closest thing to a complaint he'd ever heard from Asato. The only indication that he might not enjoy himself as much as Terrance had thought. It had worried him.
"No, it's no big deal. Just don't forget to untie me when you're done."
Terrance hated that expression. "…when you're done." Asato often had used phrases like that, phrases that implied he was something less than a person. Terrance had never been able to convince him otherwise.
"….know what it's called?" Asato's question brought his mind back to the present.
"What what's called?"
"You weren' lis'ning? Told'ya you 're mean."
"I have to drive." Terrance snapped. He hadn't meant to daydream.
"F'it's so hard for you, I could drive." Asato grinned. Terrance had to smile. Asato was not stupid. He knew why he was being driven home.
"But you have to tell me about the dream you had."
"Right. Hisoka and Hijiri were dressed for that traditional archery thing, wha'ever it's called, and they shot me-"
"They shot you?"
"Well, I was tied to a tree. I think they were suppose to kill me. After they ran out of arrows, Hisoka cuts me down and starts pullin' the arrows out. He could tell I was still alive. He licked the blood off the arrowheads and said somethin' like: guess I've got to fix that too. Tha's it. I woke up after that."
"I don't know him very well, hardly at all," Terrance was worried. Something about the dream was extremely disturbing. "But that doesn't seem like Hisoka."
"Nope. Not cute at all."
"What do guys usually give girls on Valentine's Day? Are chocolates good?"
"Chocolates are good. Any candy really."
"Or flowers. Jewelry, too."
"But you don't have a girl, right?"
"Do you have a guy, Hisoka?"
"Uh…well…" Hisoka blushed.
"You do! Hisoka's got a boyfriend."
"Tell us about him!"
"He's not my boyfriend. He's…" Hisoka quickly planned an experiment to determine how facial color related to level of embarrassment. He would be his own best test subject. "He's something. Can I give a guy any of the stuff a guy might give a girl?"
"I don't think I'd give a guy jewelry."
"Some guys wear jewelry, though."
"But not many. And some guys wouldn't like flowers."
"Everybody likes candy. That's your best bet."
"You don't have coffee?" Terrance was shocked. Of all the people in the world, Asato was the last person he expected to live without coffee.
"Don't like it."
"How do you get up in the morning?"
"Stomach muscles and leg muscles, working on orders from my brain. Just like everyone else." It was a sarcastic statement, but Asato's tone gave no indication of such. Terrance glared at him from the kitchen. "There's tea on the counter."
"Do you want anything in your tea?" Terrance began heating water in the microwave. It was not the best way to make tea, but Terrance had decided he'd rather be sitting with Asato watching him drink lousy tea than standing in the kitchenette waiting for water to boil.
"Nothing you'll add." The words weren't spoken loudly, but Terrance heard them. He turned around to check on his friend. Asato had lain down on the sofa and appeared to be staring vacantly at the ceiling. Watching Asato breath, Terrance was utterly entranced. The short rise and fall of Asato's chest showed respiration both shallow and slow. One arm, bent into the back of the sofa, shielded Asato's eyes from the overhead light. The other had fallen off the edge of the seat and the back of the hand rested lightly on the floor. He didn't hear the microwave timer beep. Suddenly Asato sat up and looked at the door. Terrance, brought back to reality, looked over just in time to see Hisoka walk in.
Hisoka hadn't expected Tsuzuki to be at home. He'd intended to leave the candy he'd bought, perhaps with a note, and hide in his room at Kannuki-san's. Seeing Tsuzuki sitting there shocked him.
"Why are you here?" Hisoka blushed. He was the one sneaking in; he didn't have the right to be rude. Tsuzuki laughed.
"I live here." Tsuzuki spoke in English. "Tats was making me lunch. Do you want anything?"
"No, thank you. I'm fine." Hisoka had been standing uncertainly in the doorway. Tsuzuki's question drew him inside. Although uninvited, he was not unwelcome, at least not from Tsuzuki's perspective. Mr. Phillips' feelings were very unwelcoming. Frighteningly unwelcoming.
Hisoka had never registered any strong emotions from Mr. Phillips any of the other few times they had met. Mr. Phillips was hardly an emotional void, but he was generally calm and his feelings reflected it. The feelings Hisoka saw as he entered the apartment were violent, unfriendly and tainted with jealousy.
"Am I interrupting…?" Hisoka realized he was half asking Mr. Phillips. Tsuzuki answered.
"Nope. Nothing at all. What brings you by here?" Tsuzuki gestured for Hisoka to join him on the couch. Hisoka took a plastic bag out of his backpack before going over.
"It's Valentine's Day." Hisoka dumped the bag of various candies onto the sofa, snatching the receipt up and stuffing it into his pocket before Tsuzuki noticed. "I don't really like sweet things, so I thought you'd want some."
"Wow, Hisoka. I never realized you were so popular." Something was wrong with Tsuzuki. Hisoka hadn't noticed at first, protecting himself from the torrent of Mr. Phillips' emotions. Tsuzuki felt empty; there were not emotions leaking into Hisoka at all. His shields were too strong for everything to be alright.
"What's wrong?" Hisoka didn't realize at first that he'd spoken aloud. In the kitchen, Terrance nearly dropped the brewed tea.
"Nothing's wrong."
"Uso yo!" Hisoka snapped, forgetting English, forgetting polite behavior in his anger. Shields crumbled, pulling masks down with them. Tsuzuki was crying. Hisoka froze, paralyzed by guilt and uncertain whose. "Tsuzuki…."
"Go… gomen nasai, Hisoka." Hisoka pushed aside the chocolates and sat next to Tsuzuki on the sofa. Wrapping his arms around Tsuzuki's neck, he pulled Tsuzuki's head closer to his. Gently he stroked Tsuzuki's hair and kissed the tears that trailed down Tsuzuki's face.
The boy had to be exceptionally perceptive. Terrance had seen Asato's smile when Hisoka appeared. Even having known him since college, even having spent the afternoon with him, Terrance could almost be convinced that the smile was genuine. Asato had transformed his appearance from passive lump of flesh to hyper puppy as soon as the child opened the door. It frightened Terrance, that Asato was so good at the deception. Yet without years of knowing him, without having just seen him so miserable, the boy had been able to tell that something was wrong. Terrance knew that if he had been the one to walk in the door, he never would have noticed.
When Asato had told him Hisoka was an empath, he'd taken it for granted that the boy had lied. Terrance had never believed in ESP or any other mystical mental power. Seeing the boy question Asato's state of mind, he wished he could believe it. If the boy weren't in some way psychic, it would mean that Hisoka was more attentive to Asato's feelings than anyone else. It would mean that, in such a short amount of time, Hisoka had come to know Asato better than he did.
"Hisoka," His voice was harsh, but no more than the situation demanded. Although Asato was the adult, Terrance couldn't help but feel that Hisoka was the one taking advantage of the situation. "We need to have a talk."
"We do." Hisoka had stopped playing with Asato's hair and was watching Terrance, his expression somewhere between fear and anger. He gave Asato a final kiss on the forehead and rose from the sofa. His voice was quiet. "Did you ever tell him?"
"What?"
"Did you ever tell him that you loved him?" Hisoka was still whispering, trying to keep the words for Terrance alone.
"I…" Terrance stammered. He was not supposed to be nervous. He was supposed to be lecturing Hisoka on inappropriate behaviors, not receiving romantic counsel. Terrance raised his voice. "Listen, your behavior – Asato isn't-"
"Asleep or deaf." Terrance and Hisoka turned their attention to the sofa. Asato was no longer crying. He seemed to have regained control. "You know, Tats, I think maybe I should have this talk with Hisoka. In private."
Terrance wanted to object, but refusing Asato had never been one of his strong points. He left quickly, as close to tears as he'd come since his sophomore year of college.
"Was he the 'closet case' you talked about?" Hisoka continued watching the door after Mr. Phillips left.
"What?" Tsuzuki had left his seat on the couch and was in the kitchen, making a drink more to his liking. Hisoka watched him and rolled his eyes.
"Did you ever date him?"
"No. What makes you ask that?"
"He feels…," It took Hisoka a minute to find the right word. "…possessive of you."
"Oh? Well, Tats is like that." If it had been anyone other than Tsuzuki, Hisoka would have called him a liar. The emotional shift signaled "lie" for most people. Tsuzuki's emotions, however, weren't changed by his lies, leaving Hisoka to ponder the meaning of the squirming guilt and stress. "Do you want some tea?"
"No." Hisoka knelt and began gathering the candy that had fallen on the floor. Tsuzuki came back from the kitchen, unusually silent. Hisoka didn't look up as Tsuzuki sat down, his knees about level with Hisoka's head.
"We have to talk." Tsuzuki's stress didn't come out in his voice, but his shields showed obvious signs of strain. Hisoka kept his eyes glued to the ground, pretending to search for the chocolates he'd already found.
"I love you." Hisoka felt no warmth in his cheeks, knew his face hadn't turned its usual shade of red. He had chosen his words carefully. Koi shiteru. A love with passion. A love with desire.
"Hisoka…" Tsuzuki sounded calm and patient. How he felt was an entirely different matter. Hisoka had never read such high levels of stress from anyone.
Pain.
Anger.
Guilt.
Denial.
Denial?
"Hisoka, you're not … not really in love with me." It almost sounded like a question.
"And when did you become an empath?" Hisoka snarled. He drew a deep breath, calmed himself and tried to explain without sounding overly frustrated. "I've seen people in love. Not many, but some. I know what love is, Tsuzuki. I love you."
"Sometimes what you feel isn't what you think it is."
"What is it, then? I've had crushes before, so don't tell me it's that."
"I wouldn't call it a crush. Well, did you know that Kazusa asked me to marry her?"
"What?" Jealousy. Not Tsuzuki's, not Mr. Phillips', his own. He was jealous of a six-year-old who Tsuzuki wasn't interested in anyway. Hisoka would have laughed at himself if Tsuzuki hadn't continued.
"Yeah. Not just her, a lot of the girls I work with. They see a safe, stable male. For some of them, I'm the first guy they've known who's like that. So they think they're in love with me." Hisoka felt Tsuzuki's hand brushing the top of his head, stroking his hair. It should have been a condescending pat, but the way Tsuzuki did it and how he felt while doing it made it something else. The contact was acceptable, gentle, even loving. "It's not just me. It happens with Tats, too and pretty much everyone else. That's just the way it is. There's nothing wrong with it."
"You're not stable." Hisoka's mind finally processed Tsuzuki's argument.
"What?"
"You said the girls see you as safe and stable and that's why they fall in love with you. But you're not stable." Hisoka looked up, suddenly afraid he'd offended Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki was actually more relaxed and laughing.
"True. But most people don't know that."
"I'm not most people, am I?"
"You're not." Hisoka started. There was something unexpected in Tsuzuki's emotions that colored his speech. He couldn't quite describe the feeling, but it gave the words a wistful tone. "You certainly are not."
"They're right about you being safe, though. You feel very safe." It was a corny way of phrasing it, but Hisoka could imagine no other means of conveying the concept. Tsuzuki simply felt safe.
"Feeling safe with me is no reason to fall in love with me."
"Idiot." Hisoka barely suppressed a smile. Tsuzuki hadn't said "think." Subconsciously, at least, he was acknowledging Hisoka's feelings. "I didn't fall in love with you because you felt safe. I feel safe with you because I love you. I love you, Tsuzuki."
Ai shiteru. Selfless love. True love.
Hisoka let the candies he'd gathered fall back to the floor. They weren't that important anymore, had never truly been. He wrapped his now empty hands around Tsuzuki's. They felt surprisingly cold. Warm emotions withdrew behind shields, increasing the chill.
"You shouldn't, Hisoka."
Hisoka reached for Tsuzuki's feelings, but only caught a few wisps that seeped past the shield.
Despair.
Guilt.
Need.
Nothing else could be understood; it was too well hidden.
"Why not?" Hisoka moved from the floor to the sofa. He leaned closer to Tsuzuki and felt shields close so tight there was no longer the slightest hint of Need. "Why shouldn't I?"
"I'm ten years older than you."
"My father is fifteen years older than my mother. He's eight or nine years older than his wife."
"They're older. Age differences mean much more when you're young. You're only sixteen."
"Age means nothing to people in love." For a brief moment the shields were gone and emotional floods threatened to overrun Hisoka's mind. Dizzy, he fell back on his heels, squeezing Tsuzuki's hands tighter. Defenses slammed back into place.
"I'm not in love with you." The words were a lie. Hisoka was certain of that. He had spent as much time examining Tsuzuki's emotions as his own.
"You are." Abruptly, Tsuzuki stood and went to the kitchen. Hisoka's hand fell to his lap. Cold as Tsuzuki's hands had been, Hisoka's hands were colder without them. "Which of us are you lying to?"
"Hisoka-"
"If you're just lying to me, there's no point. I know how you feel. If you're lying to yourself, I can show you." Hisoka stood and joined Tsuzuki in the kitchen. Tsuzuki was refilling his glass.
"Show me?" He put his drink down.
"What do you feel, Tsuzuki?" Hisoka slipped his arms around Tsuzuki's shoulders.
"His-" Hisoka tugged on Tsuzuki's neck, forcing his face down. Standing on tip toe, he gently brought their lips together.
"What do you feel, Tsuzuki?"
Guilty.
Dirty.
"I'm not in love with you!"
Desperate.
"Idiot!" Hisoka snapped. He stepped forward onto Tsuzuki's feet and violently jerked the older man's head down into an aggressive, passionate kiss. "What do you feel?"
"Hisoka…I…." Tears filled Tsuzuki's eyes and ran down his face. Hisoka reached up and brushed them away.
"You're upset. You shouldn't be…. I know what you feel, but I don't know why. Tell me."
"I can't be in love with you."
"Why not?"
"It's wrong."
"Wrong? How is it wrong?" Hisoka practically screamed. Remembering the thickness of apartment walls he lowered his voice. "It's not because we're guys, it's not because I'm sixteen. You already told me I was normal. What makes it wrong?"
"Why do you love me, Hisoka?" Tired. Tsuzuki sounded tired, felt tired.
"I don't know, exactly. I…just do." It wasn't enough of an answer. "You're a kind, loving, gentle, wonderful-"
"-stupid, pedophilic drunk-" Tsuzuki threw his glass in the sink hard enough to break it.
"Tsuzuki!"
"It's true. I'm worthless, Hisoka." He reached for his glass, remembered what he'd done with it, sighed and took out a new one.
"It's not true!"
"It is."
"It can't be!" Hisoka's voice caught in a sob. Instantly Tsuzuki's glass was on the counter and his arms were around Hisoka. Feelings of comfort pushed past the self-hatred to ease the tears. "You're everything to me, Tsuzuki."
"Hisoka…"
"Will you eat the candy I brought?"
"We can't do this, Hisoka."
"We're not doing anything. I was just wondering if you wanted the candy I got you."
"Of course I want it. That doesn't mean I should eat it."
"I wouldn't have offered it to you if I didn't want you to eat it."
"I know. That still doesn't mean I should eat your candy."
"Please?" Hisoka didn't have Tsuzuki's experience in puppy dog looks, but he tried. "I bought it for you."
"Bought it?"
"You didn't think I was that popular, did you?" Hisoka blushed again. He had wanted to tell Tsuzuki the origin of the candy, but at the same time he'd wanted Tsuzuki to think he had that many potential admirers.
"I can't imagine the existence of a single person who wouldn't want to give you a valentine." Lightly, Tsuzuki planted a kiss on Hisoka's forehead. "I can't say no when you look so cute. But you've got to eat some too, okay?"
The shrill ring of a telephone interrupted Hisoka's response. Tsuzuki rolled his eyes and hunted down the cordless. It was half-under a sofa cushion.
"Hello?
"Yes, he's here. Hadn't he told you?" Tsuzuki glared at Hisoka's horrified expression. He'd forgotten to call Kannuki-san. Again.
"Well, it's really my fault," Tsuzuki addressed Kannuki-san. "I should have thought-
"No, it's not-
"You don't need to. I can-" Tsuzuki sighed and hung up the phone. "She'll be here in a few minutes. I think you should have called her."
"Was she angry?"
"Are my eyes purple?"
"They are a ravishing, deep shade of amethyst."
"Ravishing?" Tsuzuki gave Hisoka a curious look.
"I…well…" The color in Hisoka's cheeks rose once more. "I've expanded my reading to include a few new authors."
"Please, not Danielle Steele."
"Shut up and eat your chocolates." Laughing, Tsuzuki picked up two of the candies of the couch and offered one to Hisoka. Hisoka took the candy kiss, but didn't unwrap it. He watched Tsuzuki peel the foil and casually toss the chocolate in his mouth.
"Hey, Hisoka, there's notes on these wrappers." Tsuzuki looked at the little strip of paper that came with each candy kiss. "Mine says 'I love you.' What does yours say?"
"'Enjoy a kiss.'" Hisoka read, partially opening his candy.
"You should, then." Hisoka leaned across the sofa and kissed Tsuzuki deeply, his tongue brushing the small remnants of chocolate left in Tsuzuki's mouth.
"I've never been a big fan of sweets," Hisoka began, his lips inches away from Tsuzuki's, "but these chocolate kisses are incredible."
"My favorite." Tsuzuki murmured.
"I don't know if I should trust this." Hisoka spoke half to himself.
"What do you mean?" Assurance and love wrapped around Hisoka, warming him.
"It's just…. You seem so happy Tsuzuki."
"That's a problem? You were just complaining that I was unhappy."
"Right. Three seconds ago you were miserable, now your content."
"Three seconds?" Tsuzuki grinned. "I guess it's just that my worst fears have come true."
"That makes you happy?"
"Not at first." Tsuzuki took the chocolate still in Hisoka's hand. "But my worst fear was that you loved me. How unhappy should being loved make me?"
"That's my chocolate." Tsuzuki finished unwrapping the candy and popped it in his mouth.
"You weren't eating it. I thought you were done." Hisoka kissed Tsuzuki again, stealing back a considerably smaller candy. Tsuzuki narrowed his eyes in mock anger. "You should be careful. Grudges over food run deep."
"Do you want it back?" Hisoka challenged. Tsuzuki appeared to be considering when the doorbell startled them. Hisoka gathered his school things while Tsuzuki answered the door. Kannuki-san was still fuming. She stood in the entrance with her arms crossed, glaring. Hisoka paused as he stepped out the door.
"Ai shiteru, Tsuzuki."
"Ai shiteru." Tsuzuki responded automatically.
"Now that sounds nice." Kannuki-san smiled slightly. "What does that mean?"
"I asked Tsuzuki if I could come by tomorrow. He said it was alright." Hisoka replied. His smile appeared suspiciously like a smirk.
"Only if that's okay with you, Wakaba." Tsuzuki hastily added, then turned to Hisoka. "And not until after five. It was luck on your part that I happened to be home at lunch today."
"May I, Kannuki-san?" Hisoka kept his voice even.
"We'll see." Kannuki-san did not sound at all like she would permit it, but Hisoka knew her anger was generally short lived. He would see Tsuzuki tomorrow.
Final notes: Tsuzuki's dream, for those who aren't interested in religious history or haven't read Confessions of a Mask, is my butchered version of St. Sebastian's martyrdom. Oh, and a warning. The next part is not so happy.