I know it has been a while and there was a chapter up masquerading as 18 before, but this is the chapter 18 that was always meant to be. Thanks to my good buddies Mickey (the muse) and Pong (my other left foot). I couldn't have written it without you two. Aren't we all glad that is over! Just a reminder I have not had a "Freaky Friday" moment with Amy Sherman-Pallidino yet, so I am still not her and I still don't own these loveable characters, but I do play with them and meld them to my every whim. I mean them no harm. Enjoy!
Miss Wallow
Chapter 18....Twas' the night before Christmas....but Rory's no mouse
Lorelai woke up and looked around, she took a deep breath in and smelled two of her favorite and snow. She slowly crept out of bed and walked over to the new balcony, she looked down at the drive and saw Luke shoveling snow. She waved at him,
he smiled and waved back. She put on her robe and walked down stairs and found Rory in the kitchen sitting at the table reading and drinking coffee.
"Good morning." Lorelai said happily.
"Good morning." Rory said receiving her mothers peck on the cheek.
"What are you reading?" Lorelai asked.
"The Secret Life of Bees." Rory said.
"I see..." Lorelai said her eyes fixing on Rorys mug.
"Is that...real coffee." She asked nearly foaming at the mouth.
"Yes." Rory said moving it closer to her.
"Give mommy a sip." Lorelai said.
"No." Rory said. "The only way I got Luke to show me where the beans were is if I promised I wouldn't tell you and I wouldn't share."
"Rory, honey...I spent 17 hours in labor with you, give mommy a sip of your coffee."
"Sorry mom can't do it." Rory said.
Luke came in the back door and stomped his feet on the rug.
"She is begging for coffee again Luke." Rory said.
"Rat!" her mother said shooting her a look.
"Not a surprise that is why I hid the beans in a different spot, I figured she might wear you down."
"Please Luke....Please, please, please." Lorelai
begged.
"Haven't we had this conversation before?" Luke said picking up the pot of coffee pouring it in a thermos and handing it to Rory.
"Guard it with you life." Luke said.
"What constitutes spousal abuse these days?" Lorelai said following him out of the room.
He walked into the living room and started straightening up the room.
"Please?" Lorelai said pouting.
"No." Luke said.
"I drank coffee when I was pregnant with Rory and she turned out fine." Lorelai argued.
"If you call needing 5 cups of coffee a day to function normal." He said walking back into the kitchen.
"Sometimes seven." Rory chimed in. "If I don't sleep well."
"Fine...you win!" Lorelai said.
"Good." Luke said kissing her forehead, then her tummy. "I am going to run down to Dooseys to pick up some things before everyone gets here. You need anything? Don't say coffee." He said stopping his wife before she could interject.
"Then no." Lorelai said defeated.
"All right I will be back in a few. I love you." He said giving her the please don't hate me eyes.
"Sure you do..."She said.
"Tough love. You'll thank me when our child isn't a caffeine junkie." He said walking out the door.
Luke walked in to Dooseys market and picked up a basket. He walked through the isles picking up the last minute items on their list. He wasn't sure how the next two days were going to work but, he was going to do all he could to make sure that everyone survived it.
He had picked up almost all the items he needed when he saw them in isle five. Lindsey was leading Dean through the isles picking up items for from what he could over hear would be a Christmas dinner at their apartment. Luke could see the look on Deans face was that of a man who was trapped in a life that he did not want. He almost for a second felt sorry for him, that feeling instantly faded when he remembered what he had done to Rory. Luke was amazed that he hadn't really seen him since then. Dean caught Lukes stare and waved to him.
Punk Luke thought. Who does he think I am. Don't wave at me you arrogant little.
Lukes thought was interrupted when Dean said hello.
"Hi." He said.
"Hello." Luke said annoyed.
"Last minute shopping?" Dean said trying to make conversation.
What does he think since it's Christmas we will just forgive and forget? This isn't Miracle on 34th street buddy. Luke thought.
"Yeah just picking up a few things." Luke said trying to stay civil, the last thing he needed was Lorelai getting on his case about making a scene in Dooseys.
"Congratulations." Dean said.
"What?" Luke said, he wasn't thinking and wasn't sure what Dean was talking about.
"Lorelai is having a baby right? At least that is the word on the street." Dean said innocently.
"Oh, yeah right, that thanks." Luke said. Don't you talk about my family you little weasel go back to your miserable existence.
"Dean..." Lindsey said walking around the isle to see him talking with Luke. "Oh..." she said looking at the floor.
"I was just telling Luke congratulations." Dean told her explaining himself as if to not get in trouble.
"Oh, did you tell him our news." Lindsey said.
"Uh, what? No...no...I didn't." He said nervously.
Luke shifted uncomfortable in this situation. He was sure that Lindsey was a sweet girl but whatever news she had, he was sure he didn't want.
"Well honey, go ahead and tell him." Lindsey said, knowing that her news would seal Deans fate with her.
"Uh, right, we are having a baby." Dean said, he sounded happy but Luke wasn't convinced.
"Well, congratulations, listen I have to go, Lorelai and Rory are waiting on me and I..."
At the mention of her name Deans expression changed. Luke was happy her name made him sad, he should always regret what he did to her, he hoped that that moment haunted him for the rest of his life, he didn't deserve better.
"Yeah, uh us too." Dean said taking Lindseys hand as if to reassure himself that he had made the right choice. "See yak around."
I sure hope not. Luke thought.
"Bye." He said.
Luke knew what she was doing, she was making a failing attempt to have Luke tell Rory how happy she and Dean must be and that they were so happy in fact that they were starting a family. Luke was not going to be the one that gave her that message.
Luke left the market agitated, but he still had stops to make. Lorelai wanted to make sure that they had both Brandy and wine on hand for her parents. At least then if things got bad she would be able to keep them drinking.
As he brought in the groceries he thought more about his run in with Dean. Maybe he should tell Rory, at least then she would know and it wouldn't be a surprise when she inevitably found out. He decided to discuss it with Lorelai just to be safe. He found her upstairs trying to squeeze herself into a skirt that was not going to accommodate her growing belly.
"Hey." He said walking into the room and closing the door behind him.
"Hey." She said. "Why'd you close the door?" She said pulling him in for a kiss.
"As much as I wish it was for that..." He said trailing off.
"What's the matter?" She asked him.
"I ran into Dean at the market." He said.
"Like monster truck ran into?" Lorelai said.
"No. I contained myself."
"Good the last thing Rory needs right now is you getting into a fight with him, I told you that we were keeping that between us."
"I know, I did. He however didn't get the memo that I hate his guts." Luke said.
"You talked to him?"
"He talked to me."
"Did he ask about Rory?" Lorelai asked hoping the answer was no.
"No, he congratulated us. And then when Lindsey found him and put him back on his short leash..."
"You saw her too." Lorelai interrupted.
"Yeah, apparently, they have some..." Making air quotes. "Good news too."
"No." Lorelai said shocked.
"Yes."
They sat there silent for a moment.
"So do we tell her...or..." Luke said.
"No." Lorelai said before he could finish.
"But wouldn't it be better from us than from Patty or someone?"
"No. No." Lorelai said. "We aren't telling her, neither is Patty. She is going to be here with us, she won't find out." She said.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, as far as Rory goes Dean doesn't exists. He stopped existing the moment he laid a hand on her. It was bad enough when she found out they were together again you know?
She feels used enough, she doesn't need this on top of it. We have enough to worry about with the Gilmores coming and Jess being here. It would just be too much. Once things settle down here, I will tell her, but not now." Lorelai said.
"You're the boss." Luke said.
"Now, since the door is closed and there is no hope of me getting this skirt on..."Lorelai said pushing him back on the bed.
A half an hour later Luke and Lorelai walked back downstairs with grins on their faces.
Rory looked up from her book and laughed a little. At first she was kind of grossed out by their inability to keep their hands off eachother but, now it was just another part of her day.
Those stupid grins were always a good indication of their trysts...that is if the occasional squeak of the bed or the giggles her mom tended to get after didn't clue her in.
"Are they here yet?" Lorelai asked flopping down beside Rory.
"Oh, yeah you're sitting on grandma...she forgot to take off her invisibility cloak." Rory joked.
"Ha ha." Lorelai said.
Just then they heard the sound of Liz's 1972 VW van puttering into the drive.
Luke looked out the front window.
"They're here." He said walking out the front door.
Lorelai whispered to Rory.
"I have twenty bucks on two hours before grandma has insulted Liz to tears."
"Mom!" Rory said.
They walked outside to greet their guests.
As Liz got out of the car she smiled. Luke opened his arms for a hug and Liz walked right past him to Lorelai.
"There she is!" Liz exclaimed wrapping her arms around Lorelai.
"Liz, it's good to see you." Lorelai said.
"How's my favorite sister-in-law." Liz asked pulling back.
"I don't know, but I'm fine." Lorelai said with a smile that was almost like suggesting she needed a cymbal crash after she spoke.
"You're funny." Liz said. "My brother needed funny. And look at you!" She said touching her tummy. Under normal circumstances this would have made Lorelai cranky, but it was ok for Liz to do it. They were after all family now.
"Crazy huh?" Lorelai said.
"Lukey was always a dad, now he just has a baby to prove it." Liz said.
Lorelai smiled.
Jess stepped out of the van and stretched his arms above his head.
"Good morning sleepy head." Liz called to him.
"Hey Jess." Lorelai said.
"Hi." Rory said.
Jess gave a wave and walked to the back to help TJ and Luke unload.
"Rory." Liz said shifting her attention. "How are you?" Liz said hugging her.
"I'm great." She said.
"Going to be a big sister...ahhh this is great...having the whole family together. It's good for the soul." Liz said staying true to her personality.
"Well come on, lets not just stand out side." Lorelai said linking her arm in Lizes and walking into the house.
Rory couldn't break her stare, as she watched Jess unloading the van she felt her anger building. She knew that she had told her mother that things would be fine. But seeing him there without the safety of Logan to hide behind, she felt old feelings coming back. She had told him at the wedding that things were going to be okay between them, but at that moment, she wasn't sure of her words.
Lorelai called back to her daughter.
"Earth to Rory!"
Rory broke her stare and turned to her mother standing in the threshold.
"Come on, lets give Liz the nickel tour."
Rory walked back to the house with mixed emotions. Of all the fights that could happen these next few days she swore it would not be the one between she and Jess.
Back at the van Jess was thinking about the look Rory had just given him. Despite her words at the wedding that was not a look of friendship. It was a look of confusion mixed with anger. He knew that look, he has caused her that look too many times before. That was the look that caused the problems between she and Dean, and the look that she gave him when he lied to her about going to school, it was the look he was sure she had when she found out he was gone. He had hoped that he would never be responsible for that look on her face again but in that moment he knew that he was.
"Hey, will ya grab that big one in that back." TJ said to Jess nodding at the large gift wrapped box still in the van.
Jess snapped back to earth and pulled out the present making his way behind Luke and TJ into the house.
"Presents under the tree, bags through there, Jess you are back down that hall and on the left in the babies room with Rory." Luke said telling them where to go. Lorelai, Rory and Liz walked back down the stairs as Liz was talking.
"Won't it be kind of hard having the baby all the way down here and you guys all the way up there?" She asked.
"Well I guess, I mean for the first few months the baby will be in our room." Lorelai said.
"In the family bed." Liz said.
Luke looked up confused.
"The what bed?" Luke asked.
"The family bed, you know the baby will sleep with you at night. It adds to the bonding."
Liz said.
"Wait a second. Lorelai...in the bed? With us?" He asked.
"Well, I thought sometimes yes."
"That can't be safe. What if I, I dunno roll over it, or it rolls off, or..."
"I am sure if I let you keep thinking about it you could come up with a thousand more tragedies that would come with the baby in our bed. So I am going to stop you now and say we will talk about it later." Lorelai said.
Luke understood that she didn't want to go into this now, and really neither did he. He bit his tongue and turned to his sister.
"Ok now can I have a hug?" Luke asked.
"If you insist." Liz joked.
"It's good to have you here." Luke said.
"It's good to be here."
TJ and Jess walked back into the room and Lorelai invited them all to sit and she would bring out some coffee.
"I'll do it mom." Rory said. "You don't know where the beans are."
"You could tell me." Lorelai pointed out.
"Yeah and I could help druggies sell crack to kids, but I am not doing that either."
Lorelai was shocked that the comparison and conceded sitting down with the others.
Jess saw his chance to talk to her and walked into the kitchen to find Rory pulling out a box marked Muslix and pouring coffee grounds out of it and into the filter.
Jess looked at the box with a questioning look.
"She's a fiend. We have to keep it hidden or she'll drink it all. Lorelai would never eat Muslix." She said with a tolerant smile.
"I see. Why can't she have coffee again?" Jess asked.
"Its not good for the baby." Rory stated simply.
Jess sensed her annoyance with his presence.
"Would you like some help?" he asked.
"No, I think I have it under control." She snipped at him.
"Ok then, see ya back in there." Jess said turning to walk back into the living room.
As he walked back into the room he saw a black Lincoln town car pull into the drive.
"Either you made a mobster very angry, or your parents are here." Jess said to Lorelai.
Lorelai got up and looked out the window, that was them all right.
"Come on Luke, come help with the bags." Lorelai said.
"I'll help you." Jess said walking out behind him.
"Hi mom." Lorelai said as her mother walked up to her.
"Lorelai you should be wearing coat it is freezing out here, you will catch your death and you don't need to be sick in your condition." Emily snipped.
"Nice to see you too mom."
"Come on...in in I mean it Lorelai it's freezing." Emily said pushing her daughter along.
"Richard, good to see you again." Luke said shaking Richards hand and walking around to the trunk.
"You too son, you too." Richard looked at Jess.
"I am sorry but I must have forgotten your name son." Richard said.
"Jess, sir I am Lizzys son."
"Lizzy?" Richard said searching his brain for who that might be.
"My sister, she is here for the Holiday too." Luke said.
"Right, the jewelry maker." Richard said.
"You've got it." Jess said sarcastically.
Richard opened the trunk. It was literally filled to the max with gifts and luggage.
"Wow." Luke said.
"Yes, I know my wife if a retailers dream." Richard joked. "There is more in the back seat."
"She is something else." Luke said.
It took the men three trips but they unloaded the Lincoln and joined the others in the babies room.
"It is really beautiful." Emily said. "I love this window seat."
"Impressive." Richard said walking into the room.
"Hi dad." Lorelai said giving her father a hug.
"Look at you." He said.
"I know...we haven't seen each other for a while." Lorelai said smiling.
Luke loved that smile. He loved the way she lit up at the mention of his name, and every time she touched her own stomach. She was so beautiful like this. He couldn't believe sometimes that she was really his.
"You look radiant." Richard said.
"Thanks dad." Lorelai said.
"Well, we can't just all sit in here now can we." Luke said. "Everybody make yourselves comfortable in the living room, while I finish up dinner."
"Need some help?" Liz asked.
"Nah...you are our guest." He said.
"Come on, it will be like old times." Liz said.
"All right, but just for the company you can't lift a finger." He said.
Liz lifted her middle finger at him.
"Not even this one." She said laughing.
"Especially not that one."
"Come on TJ lets help him out." Liz said.
Emily saw the gesture and blushed as she walked past.
"Lorelai..." She started.
"Keep walking mom, it will be all right. How about a glass of wine?" Lorelai said. "Rory will you get your grandmother a glass of wine."
"Yeah sure." Rory said.
Lorelai sat her parents in the living room and watched Jess sneak out the front door. She didn't know what he was doing but she didn't have time to think about it either.
"Dad, Luke bought a bottle of Scotch today, would you like some?" Lorelai asked, trying to make her house as close to what they were used to as possible. Though unless she put on a maids uniform she was still going to fall far short of that goal.
"Yes, please." Richard said with a smile. "I am liking Luke more by the minute."
Lorelai was glad at his comment even thought the Scotch was her idea she let Luke take the brownie points he still needed them more than her.
"So, what are the activities for the next few days." Emily asked.
"Well mom, I mean there isn't really a set schedule. Tonight we will have dinner and maybe talk a little, we have Miracle on 34th street or it's a wonderful life, if we feel like watching a movie. Uh...we will..." Just then Rory walked into the room saving Lorelai from further conversation.
"Here you go grandma." Rory said. "Where's Jess?" Rory asked.
The question concerned Lorelai a little, why did Rory care where he was?
"I think he stepped out for some air." Lorelai said.
"Weren't you to something of and item before?" Emily asked knowing the answer. Why she even brought that up was beyond Lorelais thought process.
Rory looked at her shoes.
"Uh yeah but it was a long time ago and we are cousins now...so gross, and I have Logan..."She rambled attempting to joke and sound fine, but failing miserably.
"So mom, I get a sonogram in two weeks." Lorelai said trying to take the heat off her daughter.
"Really so I will finally know what colors to buy." Emily said with a smile.
"Well, no...we aren't finding out the sex of the baby." Lorelai said.
"What? Why not, how can you prepare if you don't know?" Emily objected.
"How did you do it mom? You thought I was a boy.I didn't find out with Rory."
"I know, but if you could find out, why wouldn't you, it is the responsible thing to do anymore."
"Well Luke and I want to be surprised." Lorelai said.
"You've been surprised with Rory. I think you should know."
"I'm sorry mom, but we aren't going to find out."
"I don't know how you expect me to shop for a unknown baby." Emily said.
Just then Jess walked back in the house. Rory looked up and her eyes met his they instantly looked in different directions and Jess went into the kitchen. Lorelai felt the tension between them and was beginning to re-think her willingness to invite him here.
"Soups on Gang." Liz came in to announce.
"Excuse me?" Emily said.
"I think that means that dinner is ready." Richard explained to his wife and standing up.
They gathered at the table and once everyone was seated Luke stood up and raised his glass.
"Ahh.." he cleared his throat. "I just would like to say that Lorelai and I are so glad that all of you could join us for the holidays. Our home is your home. I'd also like to say that it is really great to see all the faces that will be a part of our babies life and how much everyone is anticipating it's arrival...and last I would just like to say I love you to my beautiful wife, mother of my child and fire in my heart. Merry Christmas." Luke said.
"Here here." Richard said. Everyone clinked their glasses.
"Now lets eat!" Lorelai exclaimed.
Amazingly enough dinner went by without a hitch. There was a tense moment when TJ blew his nose with his napkin, but other than that everyone survived. After about one hundred objections everyone went into the livening room except for Rory who was insistent on cleaning up. Lorelai convinced them to let her. She knew he daughter needed a distraction and if dishes were it then she was going to let her have it. About twenty minuets later she had finished but she was not ready to join the others. Each time her path crossed Jess she found herself more and more angry. What did he think he was doing here? Why would he agree to come here after all he had done to her? And he was acting like nothing had happened. He had them all tricked into thinking that he wasn't the same ass hole that broke her heart and left her crying. She couldn't take it anymore she needed some air.
Luke heard the back door close. He knew that she had, had enough. He also knew that she couldn't be outside with out her coat, she would freeze. Lorelai knew where he was going and almost got up and told him she would take care of it, but it was time to let Luke handle one, so she stayed listening to TJ and Liz tell stories from the Renaissance circuit.
Emily was even enthralled, she had no idea that people did that.
Rory stood outside fighting back the tears and shivering from the cold. Babbette and Maury walked up their sidewalk and spotted her.
"Hey doll face, what are you doing out here, it's cold." Babette called.
"Oh I'm fine." Rory called back.
Babette walked over to her.
"It's that Dean...you heard about him and Lindseys news." Babette said. "If you ask me the last thing they need is a kiddo, they are still kiddos you know?"
Rory nodded in shock.
"You're better of without him honey. Get back inside it's freezing."
"I'll go back in, in a second. Merry Christmas Babette...night Maury."
Babette and Maury walked into the house, Rory watched as he sat at the piano and started playing Christmas carols as Babette wrapped her arms around him and swayed back and forth.
The tears had just started when Luke came out with Rorys coat in his hand.
Luke locked eyes with her, she fell into him. He wrapped his arms and her coat around her. He put his hand on her head and let her bury her face into him as she cried. He hated himself for demanding that Jess be able to come here. What was he thinking? Lorelai and Rory were his family too, and he just tossed that aside and invited him anyway.
"Shhhhh." he said.
"I can't do this anymore Luke." Rory sobbed.
"Shhhh shhhh, I know. I am sorry I asked him here Rory I didn't think about you." Luke said.
"It's not your fault. God. I should be over them...both of them. I have Logan now."
"Wait a second...them?" Luke was confused.
"Jess and Dean." Rory said pacing.
"Dean?" Luke said.
"I know he was horrible to me, but when Babette told me about him and Lindsey and the baby...I...I just can't..." Rory let out a groan of dissatisfaction.
Luke wasn't sure he was the one who should be out here. He didn't know what to do, he thought about getting Lorelai but instead he wrapped an arm around Rory.
"Come on." he said leading her down the stairs and into the garage. He sat her in his old leather chair that didn't make it into the house, turned on the space heater he used when he was working on the crib and opened the mini refrigerator and opened up a beer.
"I am not sure what to say." He said. "Do you want me to get your mom?"
"No..." Rory said sniffing. "Can you get me a one of those?" She said nodding at his hand.
"I don't know Ror."
"Please Luke." Rory said.
He looked at her all teary eyed and hurting. One beer couldn't hurt, he thought.
"Ok, just don't tell your mother, in twenty four hours I have no provided you with two things that she is forbidden to have." He said.
Rory smiled a little as she handed her the beer.
"I promise." she said taking a deep breath.
"You're going to be okay you know." Luke said.
She took a drink and started talking again.
"I just...I hate feeling like a victim. I am not. I shouldn't feel like this. Dean should be with Lindsey it is what is right, what happened never should have happened. I was such an idiot thinking that he loved me. God!" She shouted getting more angry as she spoke.
Luke said nothing.
"And Jess...I know he is your nephew and I am sure that he has changed but, I can't be around him without feeling like I am 16. I hate the way we left things. I mean he just left.
Gone. He is here...then he is bam....gone." Rory had moved past tears and on to anger. She drank her beer down and asked for another Luke didn't think that was such a good idea.
"Give that one a minute ok." He said.
She was so deep into her rant she didn't even hear him.
"I don't want to hate him. I just can't help it. I loved him and he just dropped me...he didn't even have the nerve to tell me. He just left, who does that?" She was on a roll now.
She listed every dirty low down thing that either of the boys had done to her. Compared and contrasted them to Logan, consumed by her anger.
Luke just listened to her, kept her away from the beer and nodded a lot. She didn't need his opinion, she just needed someone to listen. Soon enough she was calm enough to agree to go back in, after Luke pointed out that the longer they were out there, the longer they would have to explain why to her grandmother.
They walked back in the back door just as Lorelai was taking up a cup of Liz's egg nog.
"Lorelai no!" Luke yelled rushing up to her and taking her cup away.
"O-kay....I realize that you aren't Mr. Holly Jolly but you are taking this bah-humbug stuff a little far aren't you." Lorelai scoffed.
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were okay with getting our child drunk so young." He barked at her.
"What are you talking about? Did you spike it when I wasn't looking? I watched you make it...why can't I have some."
"No." he said walking to the fridge and pulling out a pitcher of egg nog. "That is Lizs egg nog. That stuff is lethal to adults." Luke said. "Liz!" Luke shouted.
"Oh, I didn't know." Lorelai said.
"Liz! I need you in the kitchen now!" Luke yelled again.
Liz walked in.
"Geez, keep your pants on, whats up?"
"What's up...is Lorelai nearly drank some of your world famous Long Island Egg nog."
"Oh." Liz said. "Oopps."
"Oopps? Oops? No...Oopps is droping your keys, oopps is forgeting to turn off the oven, I will tell you that oopps isn't leaving spiked egg nog sitting on a counter in a house with a pregnant lady in it." Luke said almost shouting at his sister.
"Whoa take it easy." Lorelai said. "It was an honest mistake."
"Yeah, Luke, I'm sorry."
Luke took a deep breath realizing he was overreacting.
"What is going on in here?" Emily said walking into the room.
"Liz apparently makes a mean egg nog, I didn't even drink any and Luke got mean."
Lorelai said.
"What is in it?" Emily asked.
"You should ask what isn't the list would be shorter." Luke said.
"Hey now..." Liz said. "It is my patented original recipe. I call it Lizs Long Island Egg Nog." Liz said. "Here try a cup." she said handing one to Emily.
"Emily, I wouldn't do that if I was you."
"Come on Luke she isn't pregnant." Lorelia said.
"Yeah come on Luke." Emily said taking the cup and trying some. "Wow, it has a kick dosn't it?" Emily said.
"That's the Tequila." Liz said.
Emily took another sip.
"This is really very good." Emily said.
"Man,..."Lorelai whined. "It sucks being pregnant, you have to give up all the good stuff."
Luke wrapped his arms around her as he came up behind her and whispered in her ear.
"Now, you didn't have to give up, allll the good stuff." He said.
Rory looked at her mother cuddled into Lukes arms. She watched as her grandmother rushed to find her grandfather to have him "taste this wonderful concoction.".
She realized how alone she felt when she saw TJ brush Lizes hair back as they talked in at the table. It was never the big things that made her fall in love, it was the little things like that, just brushing a hair away, or sharing something new with them. She missed Logan, she wished he was there with her right then if only to have him just stand in the same room. She felt stronger with him, more free, he made her see that all the stuff that seemed so overwhelming...weren't that bad, you just had to changed the way you looked at them.
Once the excitement settled once again the group scattered into groups of conversations, Lorelai was talking with Liz and her father as he was trying to convince Liz to build her business with an Internet site to sell her jewelry. Emily was talking to Luke and TJ and working on her third glass of Lizzes egg nog. Rory was sure that was the only reason the words , TJ, Renaissance and fascinating came out of her grandmothers mouth in the same sentence. She milled around the kitchen a bit before she decided to go back to the nursery and read for a while. She walked into the room and realized that she and Jess still thought much the same way. He lay on the air mattress reading his book and listening to his Ipod. Rory turned and walked out of the room as soon as she walked in. Convinced he hadn't seen her she walked back into the kitchen.
She felt trapped and uncomfortable,alone and sad, she wished that she could just leave and no one notice. There was no way to leave with out being seen, she had no way out, she was stuck. She paced around the kitchen some more, and was tempted by Lizzes egg nog sitting on the counter. She had just gotten up the courage to pour a cup when Liz walked in the room. Rory put the pitcher down and stepped back.
"Go, ahead, I won't tell." Liz said. "You're old enough aren't you?" Liz said grabbing two cookies.
"What? Oh, yeah...I am I shouldn't though...I wouldn't want to..."
"What have a little fun?" Liz said. "That school of yours has you wound tight, here..." Liz said pouring Rory a glass. "I won't tell if you won't."
"Thanks." Rory said.
"And if anyone asks, it's Lukes." Liz said. "Just don't let your mother have any."
"Got it." Rory said. She watched as Liz walked back in the room, she must have said something funny because everyone laughed as she sat down. As much fun as they looked like they were having...Rory wasn't sure she was ready to partake. She sat at the table and drank the egg nog. For something that had the words Long Island in it, it went down fast and smooth.
Rory stood and was about to rinse her cup when Emily walked into the room.
"Rory." Emily said obviously tipsy.
"Yeah grandma."
"You must try some of this delightful egg nog."
"Gee...thanks grandma but, I..." Rory started trying to let her know she had just had a glass and was feeling good herself.
"Nonsense." Emily said pouring Rory a glass.
"Don't tell your mother." Emily said pouring another glass for herself and walking out of the room. Rory looked at the glass in front of her. Well, she couldn't let it go to waste. She drank it all down, this time faster than the first. She felt it hit her stomach and had a moment of clarity before the alcohol set in. She knew that she was going to be sicker than a dog in the morning. No sooner had that thought crossed her mind than did Lorelai walk into the room.
"Hey kid, how are you doing?" Lorelai said rubbing Rory's shoulders.
"I'm all right." She said.
"You look like you could use some coffee." Lorelai said.
"Yeah actually I was about to get a cup." Rory said. She was lying about getting a cup,
but she figured it might help counter at the fuzzi
ness she was feeling. That is what they always did in movies to sober up.
Rory poured herself a mug and sat at the table. Lorelai opened a cabinet and shuffled around until she found what she was looking for a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream. She opened the bottle and before Rory could object poured a shot in.
"Shhh....you look like you could use it." Lorelai said. "I wish I could have a little something to clear my head." She smiled at her daughter. "It's almost over." She said she patted Rorys hand and went back into the living room.
Rory sat in the chair, she was still but the room was not. She slowly drank the coffee down and felt it turn and mingle with the vicious egg nog that had taken up residence in her stomach moments earlier. She was starting to become evident to her that she was not going to own the contents of her stomach much longer. She went out the back door to get some air to hopefully calm her stomach ache. This time only Jess heard the back door and saw her as he looked out the window of the nursery. At first he wasn't going to get her, she as a big girl, but he watched her as she stumbled down the stairs and promptly puked in the freshly fallen snow. As much as he knew she would hate him for it, he couldn't just leave her out there sick. He grabbed his coat and went out the back door.
"You okay?" He asked walking up behind her.
"I'm fine, just leave me alone." She said waving her hand back at him.
"You don't look fine." He said.
"Well, that shows how well you know me, cause I am fine." She said turning to look at him and nearly stumbling to the ground.
"Hey easy there." He said catching her and trying to led her to the house.
"Let go of me." She said shaking free of him.
"Ok, all right have it your way." He said stepping back."At least take my coat it is freezing out here."
"I'm fine. I don't need anything from you." She said.
"Don't be stupid." He said trying to hand her the coat again.
"Jess, I don't want your damn coat, I don't want anything from you! Just leave you have always been so good at that before." She yelled.
"Ok here it comes. I knew we weren't ok, you said we were ok, but I knew....I knew."
"What are you doing here Jess?" Rory asked still slurring a little.
"I was invited."
"I know that, but why did you come, it isn't like this is your scene."
"It is Christmas, I haven't seen my mom in months, I wanted to see her." Jess said.
"You could have cared less about seeing your mom when you lived here."
"I was mad at her then, I didn't want to be here, we are okay now I wanted to keep it that way." Jess said.
"I am with Logan." Rory said.
"No one said you weren't" Jess said.
"We are never going to happen." Rory said.
"I understand that."
"Then why are you here?" Rory asked.
"I just told you."
"Oh please, come off it Jess, everyone know that you haven't changed you are the same Jess. You are back here because you are still in love with me and you aren't done hurting me." Rory said.
"Glad you think so highly of yourself." Jess said.
Lorelai walked into the kitchen and spotted her daughter and Jess fighting out the back window.
"What's going on." Luke said walking up behind her.
"Rory and Jess are fighting...I think this might get ugly. I think I need to go out there."
"If you go out there and stop this, then Rory will never say what she needs to say to him to resolve things." Luke said.
"But,..."
"I don't think there is a but, she needs to tell him how she feels, she can't carry it around with her anymore." They listened together.
"I don't think highly of myself, look at our past Jess. You have chased me since we met.
You chased me even when you knew I was with Dean."
"Yeah,...which time." Jess said taking a jab. "The way I hear it you too had quite the little romance not too long ago."
"I should go out there before they kill each other, why would he say that to her." Lorelai moving towards the door. Luke pulled her back.
"You have to let them do this." Luke said.
She knew he was right but hated to see her daughter in that moment crying and angry.
"I'm sorry." Jess said.
"I shouldn't have...." Jess must have tried to comfort her but it was definitely not the thing to do.
"Don't touch me! Don't you touch me!" Rory shouted.
"Everytime you do I end up hurt." Rory said.
"I never meant to hurt you." Jess said.
"For someone who didn't mean to you sure found a lot of ways to do it." Rory said.
"I said I am sorry, I don't know what else to do." Jess said.
"Tell me why...why did you leave like that. You didn't even say goodbye. How could you do that." She said crying.
Lorelais heart was breaking for her daughter but she sat motionless.
"I'm sorry Rory. You have to believe I hated myself for it."
"How...did you do it!" She demanded.
"Ok, ok,...quite..." He said to her.
"It wasn't easy, and I didn't want to hurt you. But, I couldn't have told you. I couldn't have left if I had told you."
"Why...why couldn't you."
"I knew that if I saw you I wouldn't be able to leave you. I wouldn't have been able to turn and walk away and I had to, I had to know, I had to know my father."
"You could have told me. I would have understood we could have figured something out..." Rory demanded.
"I wasn't going to do that to you. I wasn't going to promise something that I wasn't sure I could do. I wasn't going to tell you that I would be back or that we would write or call when I wasn't sure I could do that. I would have hurt to bad." Jess said.
"It was all about you wasn't it. What about me Jess, did you once think about me...about how I would feel."
"Only every second of that bus ride, and it is a long way to California. Everytime I closed my eyes for months I thought about it."
"I loved you Jess. I loved you and you couldn't even say goodbye." She cried.
"I couldn't..." Lorelai and Luke saw Jess wipe a tear from his eye.
"I couldn't watch myself hurt you. I couldn't stand to see your face when I told you. I couldn't stand to watch as I broke your heart. So I walked away and I didn't tell you and I didn't say good-bye. I was a coward and you have every right to hate me." Jess said.
"Then why don't I." Rory said.
"Oh God." Lorelai said.
"Oh, no." Luke said.
"She is going to tell him she loves him." Lorelai said.
"No, she wouldn't..."Luke said.
They listened.
"You don't?" Jess asked.
"No." Rory said low.
"I...I...you were like...we were friends too, you know. I would have understood."
"I wouldn't have gone if I saw you."
"I wouldn't have let you stay if I knew." Rory said.
"Whoa..." Lorelai said in the kitchen still.
"So..." Jess said.
"I don't know." Rory said sounding tired and defeated.
"I...I swear to you Rory. I did not come back here to hurt you again. I am here, because...I want to make things right again."
"I don't know if you can."
"I was prepared for that. And I am willing to walk away and avoid coming into your life when it's possible." Jess said.
"That is the problem Jess." Rory said annoyed.
"You are in my life now. You said it yourself, like it or not you and I are family. We can't just keep avoiding each other." She said.
"And ...I can't forgive you. You hurt me Jess...you really hurt me do you even understand that?" Rory said.
"I know, I am sorry." Jess said.
"No Jess, you couldn't possibly understand. I could have never hurt you the way you hurt me. I could never have left you with out a goodbye. I would never have run away from you."
"I wasn't running from you." He said low.
"I didn't know what else to do, I couldn't watch me hurt you. I couldn't see it. I was a coward. I just couldn't stand the thought of seeing you while I hurt you. I don't think I could have left if I had to tell you, if I had to see you. I had to go Rory." Jess said.
Rory was starting to tear up.
"Why couldn't you just tell me that! Just say the words." She said stepping towards him and hitting her fists against he chest.
" Yes, it would have hurt me, but didn't you think you at least owed me that? Two words...Good Bye...how hard could it be...they are both one syllable your favorite." She said hitting him harder as he backed up.
Lorelai jumped forward and she and Luke ran out the back door.
"Whoa Rory! That is enough." Lorelai said running to her daughters side and comforting her.
"Inside. Now!" Luke said to Jess. "Before we wind up on the evening news."
"I got her." Lorelai said.
"Go talk to him." Luke walked to the house with Jess. Lorelai wrapped her arms around her daughter.
"Come on us too inside, it is freezing out here."
"No." Rory yelled at her mother and pushed her self away from her.
"Hey easy there Rory. What has gotten into you." Lorelai said.
"I am not going back in there damn it." She said.
"Ok, fine." Lorelai said.
"Garage...now!" Rory turned to the garage stopped and threw up again.
"Whoa, hon. Ah man...that's not good." Lorelai held her daughters hair back still unaware that she was drunk.
Rory stood back up and they walked into the garage with out a word. Lorelai fumbled with the space heater Luke kept and Rory held herself up with the wall.Lorelai walked over to her daughter and looked at her face to face. It was then she smelled the alcohol on her breath.
It had been about half an hour when Lorelai came looking for them. "Are you...drunk?" Lorelai asked.
"No..." Rory said waving her hand at her mother.
"You are skunked." Lorelai said.
"Yeah maybe a little." Rory mumbled, her high from the fight was wearing off she had puked and was now ready to pass out.
"A little? You are nearly incoherent." Lorelai said.
"I gave you just a little bit to drink."
"Yeah, you did, and Luke did, and Liz did, and even grandma did." Rory said slurring her words together.
"Great you are hammered." Lorelai said tossing her hand up.
"You are hammered and you are hitting people...hon I know you are angry but you have to get a grip." Lorelai said.
Rory started crying.
"I'm sorry." She said nearly incoherently. She cried hard on Lorelais shoulder, she cried the kind of cry that left Lorelais shirt wet from tears and sweat.
"Shhh, hey, it's okay to be mad, it's okay to be hurt but, you cannot behave like this Rory, I have taught you better."
"I know." She screeched as she cried harder.
Lorelai knew she was into a hysterical drunken cry and anything she said would get this reaction.
Rory clamed down a little a few minuets later enough to tell her mother something.
"M-mom..." She said between sharp breaths and crys.
"Yeah babe." Lorelai said stroking her daughters hair.
"I'm sorry." She said and began her crying from the top.
Just then Luke walked into the garage with a blanket. Lorelai sat in Lukes big leather chair that hadn't made it into the house and pulled her daughter onto her lap. Luke covered her in the blanket.
"Jess said she's drunk." Luke said.
"Yeah...I figured that one out." Lorelai said.
"I let her have a beer before how is she drunk?"
"Evidently everyone gave her just one?"
"Really? Oh, crap, Lizzys egg nog."
"Yeah, Luke have you seen my daughter? She is two pounds and she never drinks. She is hammered."
Rory was still crying.
"I guess...she is." Luke said.
"What are we going to do now? Yeah...mom, Rory is shit faced, its s new tradition." Lorelai said.
"You said shit." Rory mocked starting to calm down from her cry.
"You don't have to worry about that. Your parents went to bed. Your mother barely made it there thanks to the egg nog and Liz and TJ are in for the night to. We just need to get her inside." Luke said.
Lorelai was relieved.
"Ok, hon, look at mommy. We are going inside now."
"Okay mommy." Rory said sleepy.
"Lore, she has been upset...I don't know if she should share with Jess...she is a little...well...angry."
"Nooooo...." Rory said. "Rory's better now. Dean is happy, Jess is happy. Rory is happy see." Rory smiled.
"Dean? Who told her about Dean?" Lorelai demanded.
"Babette told her." Rory said.
"I swear I am going to glue her mouth shut."
"Okay Rory can you stand up?" Luke said.
"Yeah." she said attempting to stand and stumbling forward.
"We can't put her in with Jess." Luke said.
"Yeah I know, she will sleep with us." Lorelai said holding up her drunken daughter.
"What?" Luke said.
"She is drunk, she is hurting, she has been sick she is sleeping with us." Lorelai said Rorys knees went weak and they nearly dropped her.
"Ok." Luke said.
"Where do you want her?" Roy flopped in his arms she was out.
"Take her upstairs and put her in our bed."
"Where are we going to sleep?" Luke asked.
"In our bed." Lorelai said.
"I don't think that..."
"It is a King bed, I will be in the middle you will be in pajamas tonight, it will be fine." Lorelai said.
"But?"
"Go go...I don't want to talk about this now, all I want is her upstairs now. Scoot."
"Man..."Luke said.
Rory lifted her head and looked at them then shut her eyes again.
"Great." Lorelai said. "Just great my daughter is passed out drunk on Christmas Eve and my family is to blame."
Luke carried Rory upstairs and laid her on the bed. While Lorelai was changing her he decided to go check on Jess. He walked into the nursery with out knocking and found Jess sitting with his bag packed on the bed, his head in his hands crying.
"Where do you think you're going?" Luke said to him.
"Anywhere but here." Jess said.
"You can't do that, you will just prove everyone right." Luke said sitting by his nephew.
"I can't stay here Luke, I won't stay where I am not wanted. I am sure my invitation in the first place was only out of obligation, believe me, you are not obligated to me." Jess said getting up.
"Sit down Jess." Luke said in his best fatherly tone.
"Why?" Jess snapped.
"Because you and I need to get somethings straight before I let you go anywhere." Jess flopped back onto the bed and Luke stood.
"Jess, man, you are here tonight because you are family."
"Yeah, and you have to invite me." Jess said.
"No, have you ever known me to do anything I didn't want to do? Have you? Yes, you are here because you are family, and you are here because we want you here Jess. Maybe Rory isn't the happiest you are here but, hell Jess can you blame her?"
"No...I can't that is why I am leaving. I don't want to hurt her again."
"There you go again thinking you are smarter than everyone. You leave tonight all that proves Jess is that you are the same guy that walked away all the other times. I know you aren't him, I see it Jess give them some time they will see it too. But if you leave tonight they are never going to see it."
"Rory hates me." Jess said.
"She doesn't hate you. I have never known Rory to hate anything. She is angry with you,
she has been hurt by you and that isn't the kind of thing that sorry is gonna fix. If you want to fix this, the only way is staying, laying in your bed and swallowing as much shit as it takes until one day, you guys are okay again."
"I that will never happen." Jess said.
"And I never thought that I would be married to Lorelai, and be having a baby. I also at one time, thought that you would never become a decent man, sometimes never isn't such a long time." Luke said putting his hand on Jess' back.
"I wish I could go back, I wish I would have told her goodbye."
"You can't change that Jess, all you can control is now. You have to decide to change now, to not go back to being that punk kid who ran out on her."
"Is she ok?" Jess asked.
"Yeah, she's gonna have the mother of all hangovers tomorrow, but she will be fine." Luke said. "Get some sleep. Things will be better in the morning." Luke said mussing up Jesses hair and getting up from the bed.
"Thanks Luke."
"What are families for right?" Luke said walking out the door.
He walked up stairs and found Lorelai curled up around Rory on her side of the bed. They were both fast asleep. He changed in the bathroom and snuck into bed. Lorelai rolled over as he did.
"How is he?" Lorelai said.
"He'll be okay." Luke said to her.
"I think she will all right too."
"Yeah, they'll be fine." Luke said kissing his wife on the forehead.
"You did good tonight."
"You think so?"
"Yeah. What did you two talk about out there for so long?"
"I didn't talk. I just listened."
"You are good at that."
"With you two? I have to be, I never get a word in anyway." He said laughing.
"Very funny." Lorelai said. "But seriously, thanks."
"For what?"
"For being you, for being there for us. For being the same wonderful man I married."
Rory fussed a little behind her.
"For letting me have my baby in our bed."
"I know how to choose my battles." he said.
"Good night."
"Good night."
Lorelai rolled over and stroked Rorys hair to clam her and hopefully, lull her into a deeper sleep. Things had to be better in the morning, there was no way they could be worse.