"Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day
If shame had a face, I think it would kind of look like mine
If it had a home, would it be my eyes?
Ashley's face felt hot when Craig walked into her third period English class. She twirled a chunk of hair at the nape of her neck as she tilted her head towards the window. She rolled her eyes at a few snickers emerging from the back of the classroom. Her best friend Ellie placed a knowing hand on Ashley's shoulder and turned to look at Craig as he paused uncomfortably in the doorway. Ashley pretended to be preoccupied with writing something randomly in her notebook, but she couldn't take it for very long. While he edged slowly to his seat, Ashley glanced slightly up at him. Time stood still as they locked eyes.
Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this?
Well here we go now, one more time
Despite everything, she couldn't help but melt when she saw him. As he managed a weak smile, she exhaled and winced. How much could she take from him? The bell rang and Mrs. Kwan asked the class to take their seats and settle down. Kwan was more boring than usual and the class dragged on forever. Ashley stared at the back of Craig's head with both anger and curiosity. She wanted to know what he had to say to her; it had been two weeks after all. She was positive he would have thought of something. She picked at her cuticles, wondering why she cared so much. All Craig ever did was hurt her, and all she ever did was let him.
I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
Ashley gathered her books slowly as the bell rang. Her classmates rushed out to the hallway, leaving only she, Craig, and Mrs. Kwan in the classroom. Ashley scratched her chin and he awkwardly searched for something to say.
"How were your holidays?" Craig questioned. As if. Ashley was speechless. She tore out of the room, brushing his shoulders lightly as she passed.
He betrayed her; he cheated on her with a grade nine at that.
I tried to see how low I could get it down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
Ashley walked into the Degrassi Front Office and sat down. The secretary smiled at her knowingly. "Not feeling well again, Miss Kerwin?" she prodded. Ashley blinked her eyes to eradicate the forming moistness. She looked at the elderly woman and shook her head. "I'll call your step-father," she offered kindly.
"Thanks," Ashley replied.
Craig wasn't sorry. Craig betrayed her and killed her soul, but he wasn't sorry. Craig was simply like a shrew who needed taming, or so Ashley thought.
I tried to tame this mind
You better believe that I tried to beat this
CRAIG WASN'T CAPABLE OF LOVE. She tried. She tried hard. But to her dismay, she couldn't change him. They dated for a while, in terms of high school relationships at least. But more significantly, they truly loved each other. Ashley would always remember Craig as the one who showed her that love was not always enough.
So when will this end it goes on and on
Over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop
Till I step down from this for good
Mr. Isaacs and Ashley rode silently in the car on the way home. He sighed as she pressed her face against the car window. She watched helplessly as buildings, people, and lives passed her by. She always found it pretty morbid to think about "the big, wide world" out there. But on days like this, it was the sustenance that kept her breathing. Her life and her relationship with Craig was a rotating and sickening ride from hell. Ups and downs were simply too much to handle.
"Ashley, how long until you finish a whole day of school?" Mr. Isaacs questioned warily.
Ashley closed her eyes and tried to not explode. She quivered and let out a whimper before bursting into full-blown hysteria. This was the last time, the last god damn time she would let Craig Manning hurt her like this.
I never thought I'd end up here
Never thought I'd be standing where I am
I guess I kinda thought it would be easier than this
I guess I was wrong now, one more time
She couldn't face Craig. She couldn't face him ever again because she hated him. But… by hate, she meant disliked. Slightly. Kind of…
She and Craig would never be over. Ashley didn't ever have the strength to end things, but she felt strong today. She was going to stand up to him. She would end this ride for now.
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