Residents of Evil

- Holy Smokes! -

A/N: And I'm back yet again... hilarity ensues so stick around! Warning!!! This chapter makes abo-soluter-ly no sense whatsoever! read em and weep guys! And maybe I should rate this story PG-13 from now on...?

Jill Valentine, Leon Kennedy and Barry Burton finally reached their destination: Alexia and Wesker's wrestling match?!

Apparently, Wesker didn't like what Alexia did to his blonde, gelled-up, slick hair that matched his round face.... so, he decided to beat her up... only, Alexia ain't such a weakling and they both started to play kill-each-other.

"WHAT THE DAMN HELL'S GOING ON?!!!" Jill screamed at the nearest person, which just happened to be Steve.

Steve, who just became half-deaf because of Jill's rather high-pitched scream, replied simply, "What did you say...?"

Jill gave an agitated cry and moved away. Leon Kennedy came up to Steve and promptly punched him on the nose. Steve collapsed with a scream.

"HEY! What wuzzat for?!" Claire cried in protest.

Leon glared at Steve, "He was the punk that fired me from become the lead voice actor in Sharktale!"

Claire rolled her eyes, "You couldn't even become the voice actor of Barney the purple dinosuar! Why would anyone wanna hire you?!"

Leon shrugged, "Hey, I became Leon in RE2, yeah?"

"Dat was one bick mizzdake." Steve said, rubbing his now-bloody nose.

Meanwhile, Chrissy Redfield and Becca Chambers were watching Alexia and Wesker battle it outon the volleyball court.

"I'm rooting for sis!" Becca cheered.

"And I bet Wesker'd beat the living daylights outta her!" Chris said, grinning a big-ass grin.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll bet you'll lose that bet!" Becca stated smugly.

"OH YEAH? I'll bet that you'll lose the bet that I betted!"

"Huh..?" Becca was confused.

Meanwhile......... Wesker was screaming at Alexia, who just put his black suit on fire.

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! That suit cost me $34348789538050!!! And 95 cents!" Wesker cried, seeing his suit go up in flames on the floor. He was now topless....

Everybody there ogled at his bare body. It was all muscular and tanned. Wesker looked down at his body. "Oh... I work out." he said, smiling a stupid smile. "See my supah strength? muahahahhaa! XD" Wesker took hold of a nearby tree and lifted it off the ground.

Chris frowned. "That's your stupid virus, man!" he said, "That's why i voted for him." Chris said, turning to Rebecca, "I mean, he's got da powaaah!"

"But I know his WEAKNESS!" Alexia yelled and grabbed a fake, rubbery, plastic-key mouse from inside her bra and threw it at Wesker.

It landed on Wesker's face, knocking his shades off and sending him stumbling. He saw the mouse, eyes windened and he SCREAMED!!!!

"AIIIIIIEEEEE!!!" he dropped the tree and it dropped on his foot. "AAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!" he screamed a second time.

Everyone there looked up from what they were doing.

Barry looked up from his Healthy Diet magazine and Jill and Leon stopped playing tag and Claire stopped helping Steve with his bloody nose. Only Alfred and Nemesis were in a corner playing Barbie dolls.

Wesker was now on his back, due to the weight of the tree on him. He looked into the bright blue sky, without his shades. "Hey... Look...!" he said distantly, as though he were drunk and just woke up. (How he didn't get blinded by the sun without his shades I don't know)

Up in the sky, heading straight for Wesker was... DUN DUN DUNNNN!!!! Sherry Birkin!!!!

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Wesker screamed, "It's RAINING SHERRY BIRKINSSS!!!!" and he quickly got out of the way before he got flattened by Sherry, although she's supah-tiny and lighter than my digital camera.

Wesker got up and jumped away, causing him to slam into Alexia, who was standing next to Rebecca and giving her sista a high-five.

"Wot the hell?!" Alexia screamed. "Yeh git offa meh behfour ah fry yer ass!" her rich accent made everyone except Alfred and Rebecca look at her.

Alexia looked back. 'Wot the heck are they starin' at?! Stupid insects!'

Wesker took Alexia's advice to 'git offa' her 'behfour' she fried his ass...

Leon and Jill stopped their tag game completely. Leon looked at Sherry, "WTF?! What're you doing here? I thought I sent you to the girls' home-- I mean kindergarten!" he said nervously looking around.

"Waitaminute....." Claire and Jill stared at Leon. "You sent her to a girls' home?" Claire questioned. "You... You... YOU BIG MEANY!!!!" and she proceeded to beat Leon with a frying pan that she magically conjured up.

Meanwhile, Sherry ran over to Alfred and Nemesis to play with Barbie Dolls.

"YAY!!! A new member to join out Barbie Tea Club!" Alfred said, jumping for joy.

Nemesis took a tea cup and immediately crushed it between his massive fingers. "Oops... X Butterfingers!" he said, embarrassed.

"Hi, guys..." Sherry said nervously to Alfred... 'Gee, that blonde man is SCARY.' she thought.

"I HEARD THAT!" Alfred screamed. "I'm TELEPATHIC!"

Sherry jumped 50 feet into the air, landed on her two feet and ran away crying into Nemesis' arms.

Nemesis looked pissed. "Look at what you did, you stupid, dummy, weirdo Alfred! You made Sherry CRY!!!" and he proceeded to make Sherry calm down, "It's okay, kiddo. I shall make sure this blonde-haired scary man pays for his telepathic-ness." and he smiled down and Sherry.

Sherry looked at Nemesis. 'Man, this guy creeps me out too...'

Meanwhile, Claire was having a row with Leon.

"No way! I DID NOT send Sherry to a girls' home. I'd nevah do that!" Leon protested.

"Fine! What 'kindergarten' did you send her to?"

"Uhh..." Leon scratched his head, "The 'Basic Dealings With Juvenile Delinquents for Girls' kindergarten?"

"HAH! Ever heard of THAT kind of kindergarten, Steve?" Claire asked, triumphant.

"Actually..." Steve replied, "I have... My parents sent my step-sis there."

Claire sweatdropped. "WTH?!"

"Not saying that it's a kindergarten!" Steve said quickly, "It IS a girls' home!!!"

Jill looked at Leon, then at Claire. "YO! WHY DON'T YOU KIDDOS JUST FOLLOW MY EXAMPLE, EH?" and she stepped in front of Leon and kicked him in the nuts.

"OOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!" Leon collapsed in a heap onto the floor and rolled about in pain, clutching his groin.

OO Steve and Claire stared at Jill.

" You sure kick ass, lady!" Steve commented and gave Jill two thumbs up.

"I'm a black belt in karate and I know kungfu!!!" Jill said and posed cornily.

Claire yawned. "That's what I'd expect from an ex-STARS member anyway. Although Chris can barely handle a runaway chicken from the farm."

"???" Jill looked confused.

Soooooo..... finally, Barry got up from the picnic mat and chucked his magazine aside (it hit Rebecca on the head) and went for a swim. He took off his shirt and pants, showing bright yellow swimming trunks.

Wesker and Alexia stopped beating each others' ass and looked at Barry.

"Dude..." Wesker said, "You really gotta' wear some other colour."

"And do something about that belly! The sight of your big-ness makes me wanna' puke!" Alexia said, all forms of accent evaporating.

"Awww... shuttup!" Barry said.

"Hey guys!!!" Steve called, "Kennedy just passed out cos Jill kicked his nuts!!!"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH..." everyone chorused.

"Anyway, can we get outta here? The sun's making me get sunburnt!!!" Steve complained.

"Okie dokie!!!" Jill agreed.

"WHAT?!?!?" Rebecca cried, "We just got here, and you're complainin' of hot weather?! What whimps!"

"Let's go to our old high school!" Claire suggested.

Rebecca immediately stopped being irritated and switched to hyper-mode, "HELL YEAH! I used to kick people's ass there!"

"WOOHOOO!!!!" Chris crowed, "ROAD TRIP EVERYONE!!"

And everyone ran into the big army tank that suddenly appeared 50 meters away. All except Barry, who was still standing, knee-deep, in the sea.

"...the hell...?"

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To be continued!!!

A/N: I LIVE FOR REVIEWS!!!