Residents of Evil

- Headmistress VS Leon Kennedy -

A/N: Who likes cheese? XD This chapter's longer than the other 3 and I hope to keep it that way... Anyway, more Wesker and Alexia nonsense in the chapter. It's a sort of flashbacky thingy. Anyway, thanks for the reviwes. XD They make my day!

SCREEEEEEEECH!!!

The huge army tank screeched to a stop seconds before running over the Residents of Evil High School for the Demented.

Just behind the tank, you could see a 100km flattened path through a whole neighbourhood, caused by the tank from the beach all the way to where they were now.

Alfred was first to hop out of the tank. "WOOHOO!!! That felt good!" he screamed, taking in fresh air. "I love army stuff. The stuff's just sososososo gooood! It's a pity my modeled one at Rockfort got BLOWN UP thanks to Capcom... I DEVOTED 10 YEARS OF MY LIFE TO THAT TANK. And what do they do? Huh? HUH?!"

FLASHBACK THING!

Resident Evil Code Veronica director: Alfred, my dear squeaking gay boy, why don't you sell us your model tank that you spent billions of dollars on so that we can incidentally put it in your base on Rockfort which will be destroyed by the self-destruct system?

Alfred: WHAT?!?!?!?! I SPENT HALF MY LIFE BUILDING IT!!! ......... how much you paying me for it?

RECV director: How about... let's say... $25.10?

Alfred: Huh? How much is that worth? A lot? I don't know how to count... Okay, I'll take the money...

UN-FLASHBACK!

Alfred sighed. The rest got out of the tank.

"THAT is the LAST time I'm letting Alfred drive a tank!" Wesker announced, climbing queasily out of the tank. Once his foot touched the ground, he collapsed in a heap.

Chris looked at Wesker's head. His bald patch was GONE! "Hey! How'd his hair grow back so fast?" he asked, looking at the good-as-new hair on Wesker's head.

Rebecca whispered to Chris, "I heard he used Uncle Bob's Magical Hair-care Beauty Gel... even during the time he was at High School!"

Chris gave Wesker a boot in the gut. "Get up, sissy boy!"

Wesker grabbed Chris' ankle and twisted it so it sent him whirling to the ground.

"OWWWW! I think you broke my leg!" Chris cried.

"That'll teach you to call me SISSY BOY!!!!" Wesker screamed.

Meanwhile, everyone else was staring at their old high school, the Residents of Evil High School for the Demented.

"Gee, that's a long name for a high school..." Steve commented and looked at the author, "Hey, why don't you just type REHSD next time?"

Leon was looking around. "Umm... Who you talkin' to, punk?" he asked Steve. "I don't see nobody around."

"Stop calling me 'punk'!!!!!" Steve yelled.

Leon grinned, "I can get you arrested for screaming at a cop, little boy."

Steve stared at him. "Little boy?! LITTLE BOY?!?! Why you little..." And he proceeds to beat the living daylights out of Leon. Sherry was cheering for Leon to be pulverized for sending her to a girls' home.

"Say..." Jill said to Claire, "What's the name of our teacher again? Mrs Vanessa Rockfort?"

Claire got into a thinking stance. After a minute, she turned to Jill. "Honestly... I forgot."

Jill fell over. But Chris was there to answer. "Wasn't it Mrs Veronica Ashford?"

"OH!!! Yeah, that's right!!!" Jill nodded vigorously, "Rebecca's and Alexia's aunt! Gee, her name's famous you know? It appeared in the cover of the game RESIDENT EVIL CODE VERONICA... and she was said to be Alfred's and Alexia's 'great ancestor'... HAH!!! What a joke!"

Alexia threw a shoe at Jill. "That's my super-rich aunt you're talking about, bitch!"

Jill rubbed her head, where the shoe landed, and started spewing vulgarities. "You're the bitch! Sore-loser! I KNOW you're jealous that I got the lead female roll in RE1 and RE3!!! So there!" and Jill stuck out her tongue.

Alexia threw her other shoe at Jill. This time, she made a note to light it on fire before throwing it.

Jill's hair erupted into bright orange flames. "WAHGHHHHH!!!!!!" Jill screamed and ran around in circles which only made the fire grow bigger.

"Damn, woman!" Chris commented, "You sure know how to destroy RE characters' hair!"

Alexia grinned her superior grin, "Of course! It's what I DO!" and she laughed insanely. "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!"

And Chris started to edge away slowly from the mad Ashford incase she decided that Jill's hair wasn't the only hair she decided to light on fire.

Jill, meanwhile, was doing something completely ridiculous.

"Stop, drop and roll! STOP DROP AND ROLL. STOP DROP AND ROLL!!!!!" she screamed and started doing exactly that. Only problem was that her head was far from the ground.

Wesker hopped up from the ground where he collapsed and immediately screamed, "I SHALL HELP THEE JILL VALENTINE!!!" and he ran over to her and squeezed the whole tube of Uncle Bob's Magical Hair-care Beauty Gel all over her head.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Jill screamed. The fire on her hair grew bigger.

"Oops..." Wesker blinked and then edged away. "That wasn't me. I was... never here..." and Wesker ran into the school building.

"Let's follow him!" Rebecca said and ran after the man in black. And soon after, the rest followed, except Jill, who was still writhing about on the floor.

DUN DUN DUN!!! In the high school...

"S-WEEEET!!!!" Rebecca cried and ran over to inspect every nook and cranny in the walls of the school.

"Did I tell you?" Alexia said to everyone there who was looking at Rebecca like she smoked to much weed. "Becca loved this school. She loved it SO much that she purposely got into detention so that she could stay back after school to clean toilets."

O.o Everyone was even more freaked out by Rebecca.

"She likes the toilets?" Nemesis asked in wonder. "I thought nobody liked school toilets cos they're all full of-"

Before he could finish, the headmistress walked up to the group of 8.

"-SHIT!" Nemesis finished.

Rebecca stopped inspecting walls. The rest of them stopped moving.

"Hello Mr Headmaster sir!" Chris said, saluting.

"WHAT THE HELL... I'M A WOMAN FOR HELL'S SAKE!!!" the headmistress screamed. But then she stopped, "Hey..... aren't you Chris Redfield? Claire Redfield's brotha?" she asked.

Claire stepped up to the headmistress, "Yah, duh!" Claire said, "Hi, Mrs Annette Birkin, wassup? Remember that time we filmed RE2?" Claire grinned.

"Yeah, yeah, so I died, so what?!" Annette said, irritated. "I remembered that you were a bad, bad, gangster girl in my school!"

"YO, ANNETTE! IT WAS ME WHO WUZ IN A GANG, LADY!" Rebecca yelled, "Claire was that goody-goody gentle gal who sat at the back of class and made no noise!!!"

"Oh." the headmistress said and squinted at Becca, "Well, well... look who it is. Veronica Ashford's niece... Very interesting... I know your aunt had some trouble making you listen in class while you were break-dancing on your desk-"

"I was NOT break-dancing, you ass! I was trying to flatten my Math textbook that Wesker crumpled up!!!" Rebecca said, fuming.

Annette blinked. "Albert's here?" and she looked around. "Oh, there he is... and there's your sister too. And Alfred, and... Oh my... is this an RE party or something?! AND WHAT'S MY DAUGHTER DOING HERE?!"

"Uhmm... mom? Remember that man?" Sherry said, pointing to Leon, "Remember when he promised to take me to kindergarten?"

By this time, Leon was taking a few steps backwards, towards the main entrance of the school.

"Yeah," Annette said, raising an eyebrow, "What's with him? He was a good kid in this school. A role-model. A PREFECT."

"LEON WAS A PREFECT?!?!?!?!" Steve screamed, "How come I NEVER KNEW?!"

"Because you were one grade lower than him. You're younger than Leon, remember?" Claire said, "Leon's like, what? 21 now? He was in the same class as Jill and Chris and Nemesis for some reason... and we were in the same class as Rebecca, remember...? Frankly, this fanfic doesn't care about age differences that much because Alexia and Alfred and WESKER were in the same class... but that's because Wesker was a slow learner. Or was it because Alexia was the fast learner?" Claire scratched her head.

"Umm... I thought Alexia graduated from University at the age of 10?" Steve was confused.

"ARGH!!!" Annette screamed, "Would you all SHUT UP?! I wanna' hear what my daughter has to say about Lion."

"...It's Leon, Mrs Birkin." Leon said grumpily.

"WHATEVER!"

"Uhmm..." Sherry continued, "THE BIG MEANY WANTED TO SEND ME TO JAIL BUT BECAUSE OF MY AGE, HE PUT ME IN A GIRLS' HOME!!!!!!!!" and Sherry curled up into a little ball, broke down and cried. "BOOOHOOOHOO!!!!"

The headmistress stared at Leon, then at Sherry, then back to Leon again.

"You did WHAT?!?!?"

"Err..." Leon said, his hand already on the door handle. "SHE LIES!!!!" he said dramatically and darted out of the door.

Annette went after him, clutching a clipboard and swinging it around like some murderer. In the distance, you could hear the engine of the tank being started... and Annette was yelling: HOW COME JILL VALENTINE'S LYING DEAD ON THE FLOOR?!

O.o everyone was staring after them through the glass door.

"Well!" Wesker said brightly, "So much for Mrs Annoying Birkin. Now let's go find a wall to vandalize!" and he grinned evilly with all the evilness he could generate.

Rebecca looked horrified. "NOOOOOOO!!!!" he screamed, her back to the wall she was inspecting and her hands against them, "They are my precious!!! MY PRECIOUSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!"

Everyone looked at her like she's gone mad. Oh wait. She WAS mad.

"Hmm... I remember now!" Chris said, "The gang that Rebecca joined was called the-"

"-Wall Loving Gang," Alexia completed. "They clean walls as much as they clean toilets. I kept telling my sister that it isn't a gang worth joining. She should've joined MY gang. The Superior Ant Gang where I was the leader, THE QUEEN ANT!!!" and Alexia laughed madly.

"Rebecca and Alexia have both gone bonkers..." Wesker stated. "Must be a family trait."

"You RAT!" Alexia screamed, "I HEARD that!"

And that started yet another fight.... but that'll be in the next chapter. XD

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To be continued!!!

A/N: Wesker and Alexia hate each other to the core for some reason... wahahahaha! Anyway, review if you wanna see the next chapter and who d'you wanna see win the fight?! LOL!