Residents of Evil
- Teachers of Doom! -
A/N: For some odd reason and technical error, Barry, Jill, Annette and Leon will not be appearing in this chapter orsome others to come, probably. Other than that, enjoy. -grins-
And Steve looked around. He has powers to hear what the author says (like in the last chapter). "Hey guys... queen zombie said that Barry got left behind at the beach, Jill died outside our high school and Annette went chasing after Leon screaming bloody murder!"
"Figures..." Chris muttered to himself, "Those four aren't exactly her favorite characters. So anyway, where's Mrs Veronica Ashford?"
-Meanwhile...-
Ding! Ding! Ding! Alexia and Wesker fighting match, Round 2!
"You have NO RIGHT to call me and Rebecca crazy, mindless insect!!!" and Alexia proceeded to throw her blood at Wesker.
Wesker jumped out of the way just in time before the bloody blood/fire hit him. While Alexia was busy wondering why Wesker moved so fast with his superior...fastness, Wesker threw himself at Alexia, causing her to topple over. Both of them skidded to a stop right under someone's feet. Looking up, they were stupified to find Veronica Ashford looking down at the two of them.
"Well, well, well, well, well...." Veronica said in a i-am-greater-than-you tone.
"Mrs ASHFORD!" everyone cried in unison, looking at the lady who just stepped in. The lady with the long black dress and long blonde hair, wearing what looked like a hat with a feather in it. Customary for a Looney-bin Ashford.
Wesker was the only one who looked annoyed, "I don't think you needed to say well so many times. It gets on my nerves."
Veronica picked Wesker up by the collar. "Since when were you so arrogant, Albert? I remembered you were one of the trouble-makers in my class. Always putting cow poo in my niece's pencilcase...tsk tsk..."
"What else do you expect me to do if she keeps throwing fake, rubber mice at me from behind? AND SHE KICKS MY CHAIR TOO!" Wesker yelled, pointing dramatically at Alexia.
Alexia sniggered, "Weskie's afraid of mi-ice, Weskie's afraid of MI-ICE!!!" she sang. "There was a stupid but cowardly Wesker, who met a very cute mouse thing. The man was weird but... THE MOUSE WAS FEARED. MUAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!!" Alexia did a VERY bad distortion of her lullaby thingy.
Wesker, Veronica, Rebecca, Chris, Sherry, Claire, Steve, Alfred and Nemmy all sweatdropped.
"Why don't you all come to the staff room?" Veronica said, "Then you can meet up with all your old teachers?"
"YEAAAAAAH!!! I LOVE THIS SCHOOL MAN!!!!" Rebecca screamed.
"But I'm not even in this school!" Sherry piped up.
"Shut up, you!" Veronica said, annoyed. Then, she looked back at Sherry as though realising who she really was... 'Oh, shitshitshit! It's the headmistress' daughter!! I didn't know!'
"Uhmm..." Veronica said to Sherry nervously, "Pretend I didn't say that, okay little girl?"
"Okie!" Sherry smiled.
They all trooped into the small, tiny staff room of REHSD. It was furnished with just four wooden desks that belonged to the four only teachers in REHSD. There was no air-con, no fan, just opened windows for fresh air. Claire looked around.
'I wonder how these teachers survive...' she thought to herself.
As if reading Claire's mind, Veronica said, "We live on these vending machines, to tell you the truth." And she pointed to a row of soda machines and snack machines lined up against a wall. "Because canteen food is deadly to teachers, but vital to school students." and she gave a mighty laugh.
Claire and the others stared at her.
"Anyhoo, come meet your old teachers!" Veronica said excitedly. And she led them to the centre of the room (which wasn't very big, to tell you the truth).
"Everyone!!!" Veronica announced, "Your old students have come for A VISIT!!!" and the way she said the word 'visit' with that evil grin it was as though she wanted to lock 'em up and torture them.
The other three teachers, William Birkin, Ada Wong and Carlos Oliveira, looked up from their paperwork.
"AHAH!!!! GREAT SCOTT! IT'S ACTUALLY.....!" 5 minutes passed, "Hey....... who are they, really?" William Birkin asked, inspecting them one by one... "It's the... RE cast?" His eyes finally rested on Sherry.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I thought LION put you in an orphanage?!" William cried.
Claire looked horrified. "You were in the Leon-will-put-Sherry-in-a-girls'-home plot?!" she gasped. "Impossible!"
William looked confused, "His name's Leon?" then he glared at Claire, "I thought I paid him $100,000 to put my irritating daughter in an ORPHANAGE?! What made her end up in a girls' home?!"
Sherry was looking at her daddy in terror, and then she broke down crying. "DADDY HATES MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" she screamed through tears. "WAAAAAH!!!!" and she darted out of the staff room and was last seen running off to some unknown place to be eaten by zombies.
William and Claire sweatdropped.
Wesker stepped in to say something. "Actually, Mr Birkin sir, I think she was learning how to fly... You see, she nearly killed me when she fell out of the sky and landed on the beach..."
"Don't listen to him, William," Veronica said, "he's talking crap." she received a glare from Wesker which she ignored, "Now, where were we... oh yes! Remember Mr William Birkin? Your Science teacher who taught all of you Pure Chemistry, Pure Biology, Pure Physics, Pure Rocket Science & Pure PhoSoficallianatics? (whatever that is) Yeah, he was one of the only teachers who had his IQ bigger than that of Einstein... WAHAHA! REHSD is proud to have such a teacher!"
William Birkin looked embarrassed, "I'm just doing my job, Veronica..."
"Hey! What about me and Wong?" Carlos asked, indicating himself and Ada.
"I like curry!" Alfred said to no one in particular.
"Oh yes," Veronica said lazily and totally ignoring Alfred. After showing off the best teacher in school, she didn't feel like talking about the other 2 teachers, "Ms Ada Wong and Mr Carlos Oliveira. The two amateur teachers."
"Hey!" Ada said, infuriated, "I taught them A Maths and E Maths And D Maths and F Maths and T-Maths and G-Maths and T-Veronica Maths too!"
"Errr... yeah, if there are such things as T-Veronica Maths and G-Maths... Something tells me you named them after viruses!!" Alexia said, suspiciously.
Ada looked nervous.
"And me!" Carlos complained, "I taught you all Music, Art and Drama, remember?"
"Oh, yeah!" Steve said, "I learnt all your cool stunt moves in Drama! You're the bestest Arts and Drama teacher in the world!! ...... Or maybe just this school."
"I'm the only Arts teacher in this school... Kenneth quit 13 years ago..." Carlos said, frowning. "Kenneth was a GOOD arts teacher. One of the best."
"Oh!!! I remember Mr Kenneth Sullivan! He taught Chemistry too, right?" Alfred squealed. Alfred was one of the oldest students in the school at that time so before Kenneth quit, he taught Alfred's batch. No one except Alfred, Alexia and Wesker knew Mr Sullivan.
"Yeaaaaaah..." Carlos said, looking at Alfred, "Say, you're not Alfred Ashford are you?" he asked.
"OH YES I AM!!!" Alfred screamed.
"Oh... You're the guy who won the Student of the Year prize eh?" Carlos asked.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" Chris, Claire, Steve, Rebecca and Nemesis cried, amazed.
"He won the STUDENT OF THE YEAR prize? How the shit did THAT happen?!" Rebecca asked in awe.
"Meep! Don't say it as though I'm too insignificant to receive the prize!" Alfred was annoyed.
"Hey! Pay no heed to that jerk!" Alexia said, "Wesker and I know that he won it only because he helped the headmistress get her head out of the toilet bowl!" and Wesker nodded in agreement.
O.o!! "Mrs Birkin got her head stuck in a toilet bowl?!" Chris asked, even more amazed than the Alfred-won-a-prize fiasco.
William Birkin's head slipped into his two cupped hands in embarrassment, "Yes..."
"LOL! Oh my gawd! I wonder how the hell that happened!" Steve said, intrigued.
"If I remember correctly," Wesker said, matter-of-factly, "she was scolding some member from the Toilet Loving Gang (the Wall Loving Gang used to be called that before they found out that they were losing members cos of the stupid name). Anyway, the student didn't want to go home because he loved the toilet SOSOSOSOSO super-much that Annette had to drag him away from it."
"Needless to say," Alexia continued, "The guy shoved her head down the toilet and flushed it."
"Ooooooh... That's pretty harsh..." Nemesis said. "So Alfred went to help her?"
"Yah, and that's how he got his prize."
"Awwww.... Don't listen to that crap!" Steve yelled, "I for one won the prize at the prom-night competition for being the most charming, good-looking guy there in my final year, making ME Mr REHSD amongst all the other graduating students!!!"
"And I won the one before his year." Chris stated, grinning.
"Aaaaaaaaaaand...." Rebecca said, "Chris and Jill were crowned Mr and Ms REHSD!!! MUAHAHAHA!!" and she looked over at Claire, "Oh, and Claire became Ms REHSD in her year." and she gave her laugh again, "MUAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"By the way, where's Jilly?" Chris asked, looking around.
"She got blown up by her own rocket launcher. Wahahaahhahaha!" Alexia laughed, "That'll teach her to steal my role in RE1 and RE3!!!"
"Nah, her hat in RE3 caught on fire because a Cerberus threw a flaming shoe at her head and she died trying to save her hat from the fire...." Rebecca said nonchalantly, "Or something like that..."
Everyone stared at her.
Veronica cleared her throat. "A HEM HEM HEM HEM COUGH WHEEZE COUGH CHOKE AHEM!!" she said.
"Jeez, that's one weird sounding clearing-of-throat!" Wesker said.
"Awww, shuddup!" Veronica yelled, "It is finally... DUN DUN DUN!!!! STORY TIME!!!"
Everyone in the room including William, Carlos and Ada groaned. "Not story time!!"
"Yes! It is! I shall now tell you the story of how my name became so super-famous in RECV!" and Veronica started to tell her story...
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To be continu-- okay, I get tired of that phrase.
A/N: And this leads to a prelude of horrors to come. See ya next time in chapter 6! Review first! Next chapter will be a parody of RECV actually... a really SHORT parody retold by Veronica Ashford... wahahahahaha!
OH! Yeaaaaah... How could I NOT praise my greatly great reviewers?!
Thanks Wicked-Doggie, Dr-Needles, Bwah-the-Grand, Wesker Chick, sych77 and Samura Sheikah for your most wonderful reviews. XD They mean a lot. -smiles- and I can't help but reply to some of your reviews so...
Wicked-Doggie - Soooooo, you're a Leon hater and a Steve fan too, eh? GIVE ME A HIGH FIVE MAN!!!
Wesker Chick - XD Wesker is so evil ain't he? I guess I have a pretty good idea on why you worship him... hehehe... your fics rawk too! especially Camp Umbrella! Wahahaha!
sych77 - humor fics are my life, so expect more hilarity. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
Samura Sheikah - Uhh... Leon kinda'... died away in this chapter... XD and nope, sorry, can't have 'more hitting Steve in the face' cuz i currently have this obsession with Steve Burnside and any Steve bashing will immediately make me go after the author who did it with a chainsaw. Xx I am anti-Steve-bashing. Thank you.