Once the doctors took Ryan to surgery, Sandy and Kirsten led Seth and Summer into the surgical waiting room. It was buzzing with people and cell phones were allowed to be used so the ring tones and chatter became overwhelming within minutes.

"Should we call anyone? Like, his mom or something?" Seth asked, turning to his father.

"I wouldn't even know where to start looking for her. Last time I checked, she was in Reno. That's something that's up to Ryan," Sandy replied honestly.

"What about Marissa?" Summer whispered.

"No," Seth shook his head. "This doesn't need to turn into a sobbing-fest. She didn't want anything to do with him while he was healthy, she shouldn't be hovering over him while he's sick."

Kirsten was surprised by her son's snappish words. She pulled him into a hug. "Relax, kid. He's going to be fine. This is just simple surgery…"

"But…"

"One step at a time, okay?" Sandy urged.

Sandy tapped his wife. "I'm going to call the office and let them know I won't be in tomorrow. Maybe you should call Caleb."

"Shit, I was supposed to be at a meeting twenty minutes ago…" She pulled out her phone but realized that it was already vibrating with a call. She put it to her ear and stepped into an empty corner.

"Kiki, where the hell are you, this meeting…"

"Dad, I'm at the hospital…"

"What? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's not me…" She started.

"Is Seth all right?"

"Seth's fine, it's Ryan."

"Oh. You're missing work because…"

"Dad…"

"Okay, honey. I know you love that boy. What's wrong with him? He get into another fight?"

"No, Dad. I have to go…"

"Wait, honey, are you all right?"

She couldn't take her father talking about Ryan like he was nothing right now. This was too serious, they could really lose him and she didn't want to listen to him anymore.

"Kiki, I'm sorry, talk to me, what's wrong with the boy?"

"He has cancer. I have to go." She closed the phone before he could respond.

"Honey?" Sandy pulled her into his arms.

"I don't want to lose him…not like this…"

"We're not going to lose him, Kirsten. We have to stay strong for him. Medicine's come a long way, they'll fix him up…"

"So…after the surgery, he'll be okay?" Summer asked quietly from Seth's side. "I'm a little confused…"

"They…they're investigating the mass in his stomach…if its cancer, they'll remove it…he'll have to take chemotherapy to make sure the cancer doesn't spread…"

"Chemotherapy? You mean, where his hair falls out and he loses all his buffness?" Seth asked, serious.

"The doctors will tell us more after the surgery…"

"But it must be pretty urgent since they're doing it so suddenly," Seth muttered.

"Let's all just relax, okay? There's nothing we can do by worrying…" Sandy said, pacing again.

"How long 'till we can see him?"

"A few hours, Seth. Why don't you…"

"I am not going home," Seth insisted. "I am staying until I see for myself that he's okay."

A doctor stepped into the waiting room and made a beeline for Kirsten. "Mrs. Cohen?"

"Yes?"

"Your father, Caleb, called me. I'm the chief of oncology, Dr. Tarleton. I'm going to be handling the case of your son…"

"Is everything okay?" Seth asked, sitting up from his position stretched across several chairs.

"He's out of surgery, I assisted the surgeons in removing the tumor…"

"So, it's definitely cancer…" Sandy whispered.

"Follow me. This is a little too public for me. My office is down the hall, close to where Ryan will be moved after recovery. We can talk there." The doctor led Sandy, Kirsten and Seth out of the waiting room. Summer had to leave to meet her father.

"You said my father called you?" Kirsten asked.

"He said that his grandson was admitted and wanted me to take a look at his files," Dr. Tarleton said, leading them into his spacious office. "Caleb and I go back years, I'll personally be handling Ryan's case."

"Wow. Go, Grandpa," Seth whispered.

"Have a seat," He said. He immediately put Ryan's x-rays on a lit screen. "We were able to completely remove the tumor without doing damage to his stomach or intestines. Unfortunately, the mass seems to have been malignant…"

"But he's going to be okay now?" Seth asked.

"I've never seen this kind of cancer in a boy his age. I believe that with chemotherapy and treatment, he'll be fine. He's strong and healthy otherwise but he's got a long road ahead of him…"

"If we had caught it sooner…" Kirsten started.

"It wouldn't have made a difference, Mrs. Cohen. Despite the tumor's size, it was caught in time. We have to focus now on making sure that it doesn't come back…"

"Dr, the chemotherapy…it was very hard on my mother, she…she never recovered…"

"Kirsten, Ryan is a very strong young man. The radiation will drain his strength and probably make him sick, but it's for the greater good…"

"Will he go bald?" Seth whispered, ignoring his father's glance.

"Probably not, kid. We've had favorable results from this medication, but there's still a chance he could lose his hair," The doctor answered patiently.

Seth tuned out the doctor's speech as it became full of terminology.

He shouldn't be here. He should be with Ryan. He should be with his brother, he knew that Ryan was scared and that he would hate waking up alone in the room. He needed to see Ryan now. He left the room before his parents could stop him and bumped into an orderly that was pushing a bed down the hall.

"Sorry…" He apologized. He glanced at the patient in the bed and recognized Ryan's sleeping form.

"It's okay, I was just getting this patient to his room. Are you a friend?" The man smiled.

"I'm his brother, can I come with you?" Seth didn't take his eyes off Ryan's face. There was an oxygen mask over his face.

"Sure, I don't see why not. He's just on the oxygen because he was under sedation. I'm going to take it off once I get him settled," The man explained as Seth opened the door to the room. A nurse followed them.

"I'm Lenora, I'll be Ryan's nurse tonight. This is Teddy, he's the C.N.A. for tonight. What's your name?"

"Seth. Ryan's my foster brother."

"Where are your parents?" Lenora asked as she tried to distract Seth from her attention to Ryan's tubes and monitors.

"Your brother did very well. And Dr. Tarleton's one of the best oncologists in the country," Teddy said. As soon as he moved aside, Seth pulled a chair up close to the bed.

"He should wake up in a little while. Don't rush him. He's going to need his strength," Lenora said. "When he wakes up, push the button and we'll come right away to check on him. Okay?"

"Thanks," Seth managed. He heard the door close but all he could focus on was Ryan's calm face.

He glanced around the room and realized that this was no ordinary hospital room. His grandpa must have arranged this, too. There were two windows with ocean views, curtains and cushioned chairs and a sofa. The flat screen TV was muted with videos playing.

"Dude, you're so fucking quiet…" Seth muttered, taking Ryan's limp hand. He knew that Ryan would hate it and give him some kind of glare so Seth didn't let go, content to wait for his brother to open his eyes.

Kirsten, Seth and Sandy stayed overnight with Ryan, unwilling to leave him. He was grateful for their support. Despite the upscale hospital room, he was still in a hospital room and he hated it.

He forced himself to keep his emotions in check and even though Kirsten and Sandy were doubtful about his placid mood, he knew that staying normal would keep the Cohens from worrying any more than they already were. Seth hadn't seemed to stop babbling since Ryan woke up from surgery. Ryan knew it was a nervous habit but he was comforted by the boy's chatter.

The doctors had called Sandy and Kirsten into a meeting and Seth was flipping the channels of Ryan's TV while he tried to doze. They were releasing him tomorrow and Ryan was hoping that the worst of the smothering was over.

He knew chemo was coming soon, the doctors had mentioned it every time that they spoke with him but he didn't want to think about it.

They wanted to dose him before he went home but for some reason they were waiting.

He didn't want to think about chemotherapy or why they were waiting.

"Dude. I know you're all about the shutting off of emotions to keep yourself in check, but this is getting a little out of hand," Seth said, not taking his attention from the TV as he flipped channels.

"What?"

"You know what. Mom and Dad are one step away from calling a shrink in because they think you're in denial."

"Denial?"

"Yeah. That's why they haven't started pumping you full of radioactive goodness yet," Seth said, nonchalantly. He turned to face his friend. "So. I figured I'd tell you since Mom and Dad are too scared."

"They're scared?"

"Dude…you are acting a little…more distant than we're used to. I mean, this has to be, like, the scariest thing ever but…but us Cohens are more used to blind panic than silent acceptance."

Ryan nodded after a moment. "So…what am I supposed to do? Cry? Punch out nurses? What's the appropriate response?"

Seth gave him a weak smile. "Talking. Like, verbally communicating with the parents is a start."

"Okay, man."

"Or you can talk to me…I can handle it," Seth said quietly.

"Seth…"

"No, I mean, this is fucking scary and I know you probably want to stuff it down really far inside like you do with everything but if you can't…you can't do that. You need us to help you. And we need you to help us."

Ryan pushed himself up in bed. "Okay, man, I said I get it. Communicate verbally. Share the weight. Yeah, I get it."

"Okay. That's all I ask." Seth gave him a smile and returned his attention to the TV.

"Seth?"

"Yeah?"

"I want to go home. If starting the chemo will let me go home, then I'm ready. Can you find your parents and tell them that…"

"No. They'll be back and you can save your words for them, man." Seth gave him a regretful smile. "I'm under orders to stop speaking for you."

"Oh."

"I'm not trying to be harsh, but the 'rents had a deep conversation with me while you were sleeping. They say I have to stop being your advocate."

"My advocate," Ryan repeated.

"Yeah. You have to talk for yourself."

"I get it, Seth. I answer when you ask me to, I'm cooperating with the doctors, I'm doing what I'm told…I'm fucking trying to act however I'm supposed to act when I know I'm probably dying," Ryan said levelly without breaking eye contact. "But obviously, I'm still not trying hard enough to behave the way I'm supposed to." He paused. "Do you have any idea how fucking scared I am right now?"

Seth was speechless. He glanced at the door and saw his mother and father standing in the doorway.

Ryan didn't notice them. "I don't know how I'm supposed to act and I'm doing the best I can." He sighed. "Just go home, Seth."

"Ryan…" Seth was stunned.

"You said that you can't speak for me anymore. Leave me alone for a while. I'll see you when I get home." Ryan turned away from him, still oblivious to Sandy and Kirsten. He pulled up the sheet and closed his eyes.

"I don't want to go home," Seth started.

"Seth, can I see you a second?" Kirsten said.

Ryan sat up immediately as Seth left and Sandy walked over to his bedside.

"Chemo," Ryan said abruptly. "I want the chemo. I thought it was already planned and that's why I didn't mention it."

"We wanted to make sure you were okay with it…" Sandy started.

"I'm not okay with any of this. It's in your hands."

"Ryan…"

"I cannot handle this. I need someone else to tell me what to do. I'll take whatever chemo you want, I'll take whatever medicine, if you can just get me out of here as fast and smoothly as possible. I swear, you won't even know I'm sick," Ryan said. "I need you to handle this."

Sandy wasn't sure how to respond. He was getting mixed messages from Ryan and couldn't read anything in his normally expressive eyes.

"Was that the wrong thing to say?" Ryan hesitated and Sandy saw a flash of confusion on the boy's face. Sandy realized that Ryan was saying whatever he thought he was supposed to say.

"I don't control your life," Sandy said quietly.

"Funny choice of words," Ryan responded after a pause.

"How would you handle it? Hypothetically, if I weren't here?" Sandy asked suddenly.

"What…"

"If I weren't here to handle it? What would you be doing?"

Ryan was silent.

"Tell me."

"If I had found out I had cancer and you weren't here to handle it…hypothetically…"

"Yeah."

"I'd have walked out of the ER yesterday and put a bullet in my head," Ryan said evenly.

Sandy didn't let himself react visibly. "You'd take your own life."

"Die quickly. Not long and painfully. I wouldn't make you watch me die, I wouldn't make you suffer…"

"I'm not here," Sandy said. "Hypothetically."

"Then no one would suffer," Ryan whispered.

Sandy knew he needed to say something but he couldn't. He couldn't find the right words to respond.

Ryan stretched out in the hospital bed. He looked up at Sandy. "I want to go home. Let's get this chemo thing started so I can go home."

"Ryan. I think we have some things to talk about before…"

"After. If I do it now, they can watch me in case I have a reaction to the chemo. That stuff makes you so sick, at least the nurses are paid to mop up puke. The first time should probably be here where they can make sure I'm okay and so Kirsten won't have to watch me as close. Dr. Tarleton said he'd stay with me and talk me through it." He paused. "Even though I don't talk all the time, I do listen. If I had a question, I'd ask it."

Kirsten returned. "Everything okay?"

"I'd like to talk to Dr. Tarleton," Ryan said, not sitting up.

"I…" Kirsten was startled as Sandy turned and left, his face drawn with emotion that she couldn't interpret.

Ryan didn't open his eyes. "You should go after him."