Kirsten wasn't sleeping. Sandy was snoring softly and usually, it lulled her to sleep. But not tonight. After seeing Ryan's vulnerability at the hospital, she'd been forcing herself to give him space. If he needed her, he'd ask. He wouldn't appreciate being smothered.

But she knew he was scared. She didn't know if anyone else knew.

She had to do something.

She pulled her robe around her as she climbed out of bed. Sandy shifted, rolling in the opposite direction without her warmth.

She walked downstairs. She glanced into the living room and saw Seth and Summer asleep in each other's arms on the couch. Both of them looked like they'd been crying.

At least Seth had Summer.

Who did Ryan have? Who could Ryan talk to?

She silently pushed open the door to his room.

She froze.

Ryan was sitting upright in bed. A half empty bottle of whiskey was leaned against his knee. He was staring at his hands. He was holding a small handgun.

She'd only seen guns on police officers. Ryan, her son, he should never have one.

He should never be looking at it like he was looking at it.

He was staring at it with glazed blue eyes.

She didn't move.

His body was shaking. He was pale. As she watched, he leaned over the edge of the bed and threw up into the pail they'd put there. He wiped his mouth and returned his attention to the gun.

"Ryan," she said quietly.

He recoiled, his panicked eyes showing how much she had startled him.

"Ryan. What are you doing with the gun?"

"I…" He whispered.

She closed the door behind her. She didn't want Seth to hear this. She didn't want Sandy to hear this. "What are you doing with it? Are you…"

"No…I wasn't…not yet…"

"Not yet? Ryan…"

He shook his head and she saw the tears streaming down his face.

"Give it to me."

The gun was shaking in his hand.

"Ryan. Give it to me."

He dropped it on the bed and she grabbed it immediately, pushing it to the far side out of his reach.

"I wasn't…"

"Ryan…"

He wrapped his arms around himself and started to sob. "I'm so tired, Kirsten…I hate this…"

"I know, honey, I know…" She enveloped him in her arms and rocked him, her shaking and his shaking combining into a violent hug.

"I'm sorry…I don't want to die…I'm just so tired of feeling like this…I'm so tired of being…"

"I know, honey…you can't give up…"

"I'm too tired…"

"I know, but…"

"I'm not strong enough…everyone keeps telling me how strong I am, but I'm not…I've never been this weak…" He choked.

"You're not weak, you're sick…"

"I'm dying…I'm dying, Kirsten…and there's nothing I can do…"

"You are not dying. Look at me." She held his face in her hands and forced him to look at her. His arms remained around himself. "You are not going to die."

He shook his head.

"You are not going to die," She repeated.

Slowly, he relaxed his arms and reached out, pulling her into a hug. He buried his face in her shoulder.

"Shh…I am going to take care of you…"

"I'm sorry…"

"It's okay…let me take care of you…"

He cried and she held him. He was clinging to her…like he was dying and she was the only one who could save him.

"You are going to get better. I know you're tired, I know you think you're weak, but you're not. You can do this. I know you can do this…"

"I can't…I can't anymore…"

"Yes. You can. I won't let you give up…" She whispered. "You've come too far, you're too important…"

"I…"

"Do you know what this would do to Seth? To Sandy? God, don't you know how important you are to us?"

"I don't want you guys to watch me die…"

"You are not going to die…"

"I…I can't do this, Kirsten…I can't…" he collapsed into sobs again.

"Ryan…" She ran out of words.

She didn't know what to do. She needed Sandy, she needed someone to tell her what to do. Sixteen years of being Seth's mother hadn't prepared her for anything like this, she didn't know what to do. She had to help him. She had to make this child better. He was counting on her to take care of him. They'd expected him to be strong, but he was just a child, no matter how mature he acted.

She glanced over at the gun and then with Ryan still clinging to her, reached over and picked up the phone. She dialed Dr. Tarleton's pager and waited for him to return her call.

"Please…" he whispered.

"I'm going to take care of you…you don't have to be strong, you don't have to do anything, I'm going to take care of you…" she murmured. She'd made her decision. She was going to take over for him, he needed to rest. Not physically rest, he needed to rest his mind.

"Who did you call?"

"The doctor…"

He whimpered. He was still clinging to her but he was weaker. She looked at his eyes and realized that he was exhausted.

"Lie down, honey…I'm right here…I'll be right here…" She urged. He obeyed and curled up, still holding her hand. "Ryan…how much did you drink, Ryan?" She glanced at the bottle when he didn't answer. "Ryan?"

He mumbled something. She shook him softly. "Ryan, was this full?" She took his silence as agreement.

The phone rang. She answered it immediately so it's ringing wouldn't wake anyone else. "Hello?"

"Kirsten? It's Dr. Tarleton. What's wrong?"

She glanced down. Ryan's grip was still strong but his eyes were closed. He was asleep.

"Kirsten?"

"He's…he's been drinking. And he has a gun…he…he doesn't think he's getting better and…"

"How much did he drink?"

"A lot…a lot…" She said aloud.

"Okay, Kirsten…can you bring him in? I'll be right there, I'll meet you in the parking lot…"

"The hospital?"

"If he's a danger to himself, if he's drinking, that's not good for him…bring him in."

"Okay…"

"He's going to be okay. We'll take care of him. Don't worry…"

"Too late…I'm going to bring him down. Thanks Dr. Tarleton…" She hung up the phone. She gently shook Ryan until he regarded her with glazed dim eyes. "I need you to get up and come with me."

"Now?"

"Yes, honey. Now." She helped him sit up and put his slippers on. She draped a blanket around his shoulders and helped him to his feet with her arm steadying him around his waist.

"I…"

"Shh. Don't talk. I think we both need a little quiet right now," She whispered. She couldn't take him apologizing. She should have known that his strong front wouldn't last forever. He was just a child. She led him from the room and they'd just gotten to the front door when she heard the yawn behind her.

"Mom?" Seth called from the end of the hallway. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, Seth. Just go to bed…"

"But, Mom…"

"Go to bed, Seth." She turned and gave him a serious look as she softened her tone. "Everything's fine. Just go to bed."

Seth gave her a confused look but she didn't have time to explain.

She wasn't going to be the one to tell Seth that his best friend wanted to die.

"Oh…okay…" Seth said.

"Thank you," She nodded, turning and helping Ryan out of the house.

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Sandy walked by his son's door and realized that it was open and Seth was asleep in Summer's arms. They didn't approve of girls staying overnight, but Seth had left the door open so Sandy knew that he was aware of the broken rule, but respectful of having broken the rule. Sandy let them sleep.

He walked down the stairs. Kirsten wasn't around, the house was silent. She'd left him sometime during the night and hadn't returned. He thought she must be with Ryan.

He stepped into the room and was surprised to find it empty. His gaze flickered around the room and he saw the bottle of whiskey first.

Opened. Half-empty.

Then he saw the gun.

He'd never had a gun in the house. He'd never allowed guns in his house.

Why was the gun here?

What had happened in this room?

He walked into the room and locked it behind him. He picked up the bottle of whiskey first and took it into the bathroom. His hands were shaking as he emptied it down the sink.

He walked back toward the bed and picked up the gun.

He'd never held a gun. He didn't know how to work a gun. He wanted it out of his house. He sat down with it and picked up the phone. He dialed Kirsten's cell phone.

"Sandy…" She answered.

"Where is he?"

"I…he's back at the hospital…"

"What happened?"

"He…he's sick."

Sandy stared at the gun in his hand and he knew. "Where'd he get it, Kirsten?"

There was a long pause but finally she whispered, "I don't know. You found it?"

"Yes."

"Oh god…I forgot, I was in such a rush to get him here that…what if Seth had found it?"

"Was he…what was he doing with it?"

"He's…he's really tired, Sandy. It's…he's been keeping his brave face on…but he's really scared…he drank so much, he's so shaken…Dr. Tarleton wanted me to bring him down…"

"I'm on my way…"

"Wait. Are you going to tell Seth?"

"No. I'm going to see if Summer can get him to school…"

"Tell him that Ryan's weaker than we thought and we had to bring him back in. Don't tell him…don't tell him anything more…"

"Okay. I'll be right there…are you okay, Kirsten?"

"I…I really need you here…"

"I'm coming…" Sandy hung up the phone and stared at the gun in his hand.

"Sandford?" Caleb stepped into the room. "Sandy? What the hell are you doing with that?"

"It's…Ryan had it. He was…" Sandy murmured, dazed.

"Oh…he's having a rough time." Caleb was watching Sandy carefully. "Do you want me to take care of that for you?"

Sandy stared at him. Caleb finally walked over and took the gun from him, skillfully opening it and expelling the single bullet from the chamber.

"Where is he?" Caleb asked.

"Kirsten took him to the hospital. She found him here with a bottle of whiskey and that."

Caleb nodded after a beat. "He's okay?"

"He didn't…"

"Okay. Come on, go get changed. I'll drive you."

Sandy glanced at him again.

"Go get changed. Kiki needs you. Ryan needs you. I'll take care of this," Caleb said, nodding to the gun again. Sandy nodded. He went to get changed.

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Ryan was sleeping soundly in the hospital room when Sandy and Caleb arrived. Kirsten was beside his bed, watching over him with red-rimmed eyes.

"Kirsten…" Sandy enfolded her into his arms and she started to cry anew.

"Why don't you guys go get some air? The boy's sleeping. I'll stay with him," Caleb said.

"Dad…"

"Go on. You guys need to talk. I'll come find you if he wakes up," Caleb added.

"Thank you, Caleb," Sandy said, leading Kirsten from the room.

Caleb sat down in the seat his daughter had vacated and looked at the boy in front of him. Dr. Tarleton had given him a harsh lecture about his treatment of the foster kid several weeks earlier and Caleb had kept his distance.

Ryan had never really done anything to make Caleb dislike him. He was polite and humble and always showed Caleb respect.

But he was a delinquent. Sandford had brought him home from jail and just let him move into their house. Seth was spending his time with a criminal. Caleb hadn't trusted him.

He hated being wrong.

But the past few weeks, he'd seen how much Kiki and Seth really loved Ryan. How much they needed him. Caleb had spent a lot of time with Seth lately, trying to get his grandson's mind off Ryan's sickness. And Seth considered Ryan a brother.

It was time Caleb accepted Ryan as a grandson. If he made it through this, Ryan was going to be a part of his family for a while to come.

Caleb picked up the book beside Ryan's bed and started flipping through it.

"What are you doing here?" Ryan's hoarse voice asked, startling him.

"I'm sitting with you while Kirsten and Sandy go get some coffee. They'll be back soon."

Ryan's blue eyes were disbelieving but he gave him a nod. He shivered.

"Are you cold?" Caleb asked.

"I'm fine. You don't have to stay. I'll be fine by myself," Ryan said.

Caleb knew that it would take a lot to undo the damage he'd already done to Ryan by his cold treatment of the teenager but he had to try. He got up and retrieved a blanket from the couch and spread it across him.

Ryan's eyes followed his movements.

"I haven't been that nice to you in the past. And you'll probably take my kindness now as a sign of pity, but it's not. You're important to my family," Caleb started. "You're Kiki's second son, you're Seth's brother and you're too important to them for me to just ignore anymore. I'm sorry. If you tell anyone I apologized, I'll deny it, but I am sorry. Truce?" Caleb held out his hand. He'd seen a sign of a smile in his dull eyes when he'd warned him about his apology, but this was the telling sign.

Ryan studied Caleb's offered hand suspiciously. His eyes were flashing with unspoken emotion but he didn't speak.

Just as Caleb started to lower his hand, Ryan reached over and shook it with more strength than Caleb expected. "Truce."

"Thank you."

Ryan shifted in bed and Caleb recognized a flash of pain on his face.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing…"

"Ryan…"

"Can you help me to the bathroom?" Ryan said before Caleb could push him. "I'm going to be sick…"

"Sure…" Caleb wasn't sure what to do but Ryan simply gripped his arm for support as he shuffled toward the bathroom. "Do you need…"

"No. I'll be out in a minute," Ryan said, closing the door. Caleb saw that he was supporting himself with the sink before the door closed.

Caleb winced at the sound of Ryan heaving.

"Where is he?" Kirsten asked, returning with Sandy, looking steadier.

"Sick…"

"Not again…" She pushed past Caleb and entered the bathroom.

"He's dehydrated again. He's been sick since they brought him in. Dr. Tarleton said that the alcohol probably didn't have time to even affect him because he's been throwing up the whole time…" Sandy told Caleb.

"Has he said anything about…"

"He just keeps apologizing. Says it was a mistake, that he was just…thinking. He won't tell Kirsten where he got the gun from," Sandy said quietly. "They're getting a counselor to talk to him."

"Is he going to talk to a counselor?"

"He's…he has to. I won't let him die. Not like that. Not without fighting…"

"He is fighting, Sandy. Is he getting better?"

"That's the thing…he is. Dr. Tarleton says his tests are exemplary, there's no sign of the malignancy anymore and even though his platelets are low, they were much better than his last tests. He's just so weak and tired…he doesn't believe that he's making any progress."

"But he is getting better?"

"Yes. Dr. Tarleton explained that to him yesterday and again last night…but if he doesn't feel better then…" Sandy muttered. He stopped speaking as the door opened.

"Sandy, can you help me?" Kirsten called. She was holding Ryan by the arm but she couldn't support him and his strength had given out. Sandy immediately put his arm around Ryan's waist and helped him walk back to the bed.

"Thanks…" Ryan rasped as he sat down.

"Lie down, honey…you have to rest…Dr. Tarleton's coming with something to help you rest…" Kirsten said.

"I…" Ryan started.

"Close your eyes and take deep breaths…" Kirsten whispered. He finally closed his eyes. Within moments, his breathing relaxed and he was asleep.

"He's so upset…I don't know what to do…" Kirsten said.

"You're doing all you can…he needs us to support him…" Sandy said gently, putting his arm around her. "Do you need a break?"

"I'm not leaving him. You didn't see him last night…he's so scared…nothing I say is getting through to him…nothing Dr. Tarleton says…"

"Speak of the devil," Caleb smiled as the doctor stepped in.

"How's he holding up?"

"Sick again," Sandy replied.

"I'll increase his compazine. Can I have some time with him?" The doctor asked.

"He's sleeping…" Kirsten protested.

"Kirsten. Let's go call Seth, he's worried sick. We'll come back and make sure he's intact," Sandy said, urging her toward the door. Caleb joined them.