AN: Let's see if I can resolve a little of this angst...a little, I say...

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The next morning, Sandy and Kirsten were still arguing.

"Sandy, I'm not discussing this any more with you. I've made my decision," Kirsten said, slamming her hand against the counter the next morning.

"You can't do this to him right now, Kirsten…"

"I'm not doing anything but keeping him safe. Did you take him his meds?"

"His door's locked," Sandy stated.

Kirsten stared at him. "What?"

"He locked his door. If you want to take him his meds, you unlock it. I'm going surfing." Sandy stormed out of the house.

Kirsten sighed. She didn't want to be harsh, but she had to keep him safe. She'd trusted that he was strong enough to go back to school on half days, but she hadn't considered that he could be hurt. He had twelve stitches in his arm and he'd lost a lot of blood. Dr. Tarleton's reassurances didn't ease her mind. Dr. Kim's reassurances didn't ease her mind.

She knew how much Ryan wanted to get back to normal but she wouldn't lose him now, not after he was so close to being well again.

She'd keep him where she could see him. She didn't know how long, but she'd keep him until she was sure he was ready.

Sandy could call her unreasonable but she'd make sure Ryan was protected.

She gathered his medication and a cup of the tea he liked and went toward his room.

She liked having him in the house. She liked having him close.

She'd always spoiled Seth and when he was young, he'd reveled in the attention. When he was sick, he loved having her wait on him hand and foot. Ryan was completely different. She'd never seen him sick before the cancer, but he hated attention of any kind. He'd tried to blend into the background but his sickness had put him in the spotlight. He continued to thank them and offer his apologies for needing help.

She wanted him to accept his life here, accept her and Sandy as his parents.

He'd been doing much better.

She hoped that he'd understand why she was doing this. She just wanted him safe.

She knocked on the door. There was no answer. Not even the turning of the lock. She put the meds and the tea down and reached over the sill of the door for the key. She found it and unlocked the door before pushing it open.

"Ryan?" She called gently.

The bed was made already but empty. She put the pills and the tea down and walked toward the bathroom.

The door was half open and when she peeked inside, she saw Ryan asleep in the floor.

He looked exhausted but he'd made a comfortable nest. His head was lying on a pillow and his arm was still safe in its sling.

"Ryan?"

He didn't stir, he was settled. She kneeled beside him and gently shook him. "Ryan."

He slowly opened his eyes. "Yeah?"

"You want to go back to bed?"

"No, I'm fine here…thanks…" He said.

"You're in the bathroom."

He blinked at her. "I know."

"Are you sick? Have you called the doctor?"

"The doctor knows, Kirsten. I'm fine. Did you bring my meds?" He asked.

"I'm not going to give them to you if you're just going to throw them up…"

"Kirsten. What would you like me to do then?" Ryan asked, sitting up stiffly.

She was hurt by his cold tone. She knew he was angry, but she'd never known him to be so openly cold to her.

"I…I'll leave them on your dresser. When your stomach settles, you can take them, okay?"

"Fine. Thanks," He said curtly.

"Ryan…"

"Is that it?" He asked.

"We need to talk about…"

"Is there anything really to talk about? You have your way. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Nothing I say is going to change your mind, do you think I didn't hear you and Sandy arguing all morning? You aren't going to listen to me," Ryan said in a burst.

"Ryan…"

"Thank you for bringing me my medication," Ryan said. He gave her a cold look before leaning forward and starting to heave.

"Ryan…"

"Can you give me a little privacy?" He asked.

Kirsten left and found Seth waiting in Ryan's room.

"Is he sick again?" Seth asked.

"Yeah…"

"You still being all Nazi on him?" Seth asked.

"I want him to be safe…"

"He is safe. Mom, we're with him at school, Anna and Luke were both with him when…"

"Stop it. It's not up for discussion, Seth."

Seth's eyes were startled. "Fine. What are you doing in here, then?"

Kirsten left in a rush, upset.

Ryan stepped out. "Hey, man."

"Mom's pretty upset."

"Yeah."

"You still sick?"

"Yeah. Better now. It's worse at night and in the morning. I just have to try and work through it…"

"What are your plans for today?" Seth asked as Ryan studied the small mound of pills on the dresser.

"Um…"

"Oh. Yeah. House arrest," Seth nodded.

"I was supposed to go out with Anna. Last night, too. I better call her, let her know what's up…"

"I took the liberty of calling her last night before we went to the game. The guys all wish you the best and you'll probably be hearing from them…"

"I wonder if your mom will let me use the phone," Ryan muttered.

"We'll make the best of it, man. We can hang out here…"

"Dude, no, I don't want you stuck in the house just because your mom's flipping on me. It's not fair to you…"

"It's cool, man. I like hanging out with you," Seth protested.

"I know…I'm just not feeling social today," Ryan admitted. He took a deep breath and then started swallowing the pills, one by one.

Seth glanced at him and then closed the door to the room. "You okay?"

"Yeah, it's no big deal…"

"Dude, it…it kind of is. You…you said you'd talk to us if something was wrong and…it's like you're pushing us all away again."

"I'm fine. Really. Yesterday…it was pretty damn scary, like, seeing my weakness like that, having everyone see me so needy…and it was over nothing, man. It was just a stupid cut but…it could've been really serious, too, you know? And I'd finally come to terms with it, I knew that it was just a setback and I'd be back to normal, or the quasi-normality I'm going with right now, but your mom…she's just locking me in the house? How am I supposed to deal with this?" Ryan said.

"See? Talking, it's not so hard. And you're getting the hang of babbling so well," Seth said. Ryan gave him an annoyed glare, but he was smiling slightly. "Okay, man. I don't like you all freaked out but I'm willing to adjust. You need to eat something and I need to make some calls and then we'll figure out how to pull you out of your housebound funk. Deal?"

"I can't eat anything…" Ryan protested.

"You can and you will. Hook up your laptop, I'll be right back. There's some stuff I want to show you," Seth said.

Ryan sighed but nodded. He connected his laptop to the phone line and sat down on the bed. He logged into his email and saw that it was full of recent messages from his classmates.

He was reading an extra long one from Larry when Seth returned with a tray of food.

"I know you're not hungry so I brought a little of everything. Mom's vacated the premises, by the way, but there's a note on the door that says "I mean it" so I'm assuming that you still can't go anywhere," Seth said.

"Thanks. Larry's having a blast, man, have you talked to him?" Ryan asked.

"Not since yesterday. Ah, so you're finally catching up on your emails…" Seth said, sitting down on the bed with him.

"Trying. Did you put me on the penis enlargement mailing list?" Ryan asked.

Seth laughed. "No, dude…why, do you need it?"

Ryan shoved him with a smile.

"Minimize that window a minute. I want to show you this site…" Seth took the computer and typed frantically until a website popped up. "Here. This is a site for cancer patients that are using this stuff called biofeedback…"

"Rita told me a little about that…"

"It might help. With your chills and your nausea and stuff…" Seth said.

"Thanks, Seth. I'll take a look at it." Ryan was surprised. "You did research?"

"Yeah. But you eat. I'm going to make some calls."

"What kind of calls?"

"Well, since Mom won't let you go out…I'm going to bring the people to you…" Seth grinned.

"Sandy says I have to 'limit my guests'," Ryan quoted.

"Oh yeah? What's that mean?"

"I took it to mean no visitors…" Ryan muttered.

"That's just…bullshit! Listen, man, I can put up with them keeping you in the house for a couple of days, but no visitors? That's not fair!" Seth said.

"Dude, your mom is really serious. I don't want to make her any angrier at me than she already is," Ryan confessed.

"But…I was going to invite over…"

"Seth, just don't. If anyone asks, just tell them I'm…sick again. I don't know…this just sucks. When I'm better, I'm totally kicking Lou and Todd's ass…"

"They both sent their apologies," Seth said.

"I know," Ryan sighed. He picked up a slice of toast and nibbled on one of the corners.

"See? It's good…" Seth smiled as Ryan took a full bite.

"Toast. I can eat toast, my stomach says," Ryan shrugged.

"You going to be okay, man?"

"Yeah. Please, Seth. Don't wallow in this house with me all day. Go out, see the sun, hang out with your girlfriend. At least for a little while. I'm fine."

Seth narrowed his eyes. "Really?"

"Yes. I'm going to sit here with my emails and my phone and I'm going to try and stay connected."

"In other words, you're going to pout."

"Pout?" Ryan tilted his head. "Yes, I'm going to pout and sulk and be generally pissy until your mom turns me loose."

"Sounds like a plan. I'm going to leave you to it, then. But I will be back."

"Cool, man. Thanks," Ryan said, waving the toast at him.

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Sandy had surfed until he calmed down. He knew his wife was only doing what she thought was right, but he disagreed. Damned united front, he had to support her decision when he'd talked to Ryan, but he didn't agree. Ryan was getting better, the cancer was gone, now he just had to recover.

Sandy put his surfboard away and went into the house. It was late morning now, almost eleven.

"Kirsten?" He called.

"I'm in your office!" She yelled. He followed her voice to his study.

"Where's the boys?"

"Seth's out with Summer. Ryan's in his room, I think."

"Did you talk to him?"

"He's mad. I'm still not changing my mind, though," Kirsten said. She softened her tone. "I'm doing it for his own good…"

"No, you're doing it for yours. But I'm not arguing anymore. I'll check on him…"

"Thank you, Sandy," She sighed.

He closed the door to the office as he left.

Ryan's door was closed but when he knocked, Ryan told him to come in.

"What's up, kid?" Sandy asked.

"Nothing. Just web-surfing," Ryan replied.

"How's your arm?"

"Fine. I'm fine, Sandy," He said.

"Really?"

"Yes. I know I'm stuck here, but you don't have to keep checking on me…I'm fine," Ryan said.

"Ryan…"

"If this is another explanation for why I'm under house arrest, just save it. I'm not fighting you on it, I don't have the energy. But don't expect me to like it," Ryan replied.

"Okay, kid. Do you…"

"If I need anything, I'll get it. Thanks," Ryan nodded.

"Sure. I'll be around…"

"Cool."

Sandy sighed once he left, closing the door behind him.

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Ryan was cold to Sandy and Kirsten all weekend and didn't leave his room unless they forced him to come out for dinner.

Monday came and Kirsten showed no signs of letting up, she wouldn't let him go to school and told his friends that he didn't need company. He'd talked to Anna on the phone, but his only visitors were Seth and Summer.

Monday night, both Seth and Sandy attempted to convince her to allow Ryan to go to school on Tuesday but she refused. Ryan was to stay at home for the rest of the week and she wasn't listening to any more pleas until the weekend.

She'd gone to work on Tuesday but couldn't stop thinking about Ryan being home alone all day. Even though he stayed in his room, she wanted to check on him. She knew he was angry with her, but she was trying to protect him.

She got home around ten and was surprised to see his door open. She walked into the room and saw him on the phone with his laptop open in front of him.

"If you look at the next slide, you'll see the formula we used to get the correct result…" Ryan was saying. He glanced up when she approached. "Um…hold on…"

"Who are you talking to?" She asked.

"I'm talking to…" He started, clearly trying to think up the right answer.

"Don't lie, Ryan," She ordered. "Hang up the phone."

"What?" He asked, surprised.

"Hang up, Ryan."

He glanced at his phone, then at the laptop before closing the phone with a frustrated sigh.

"Who were you talking to, Ryan?"

"My class," Ryan replied. He turned the laptop to show her. "Mr. Anderson's chemistry presentation was due today. Since I'm not allowed to go, he didn't want me to lose credit so he said that Larry and I could do it over the phone. He installed a speakerphone in the class and I was trying to do my part."

Kirsten flushed with regret. "Ryan, I'm sorry…"

"Me, too," He said, closing the laptop. "You might as well withdraw me from school if I can't go back, Kirsten," He sighed. The phone started to ring in his hand.

"You can…you better answer that and finish it…" Kirsten said.

"It's too late, if I'm not going back to school, then why bother?" Ryan asked.

Kirsten sighed. "You will be going back to school…"

"When? Kirsten…I don't…" He was clearly frustrated. "I don't know why you're doing this! I thought you wanted me to get better, I thought you wanted me to get back to normal, but you've got me trapped here, like I'm useless, like I'm an invalid…and I'm not. I'm not an invalid."

"You're not an invalid, but…"

"But what? I was doing better. School was helping. I was able to get out of the house and actually pretend that I wasn't sick for a little while. I was able to exercise and hang out with my friends and start getting better…but just because of that stupid accident, I'm back to being bedridden…I mean…I don't understand what you want from me…"

"Ryan, you could have been seriously hurt…"

"It was an accident. Stuff like that doesn't happen every day, I could fall down in the shower and hurt myself, I could cut myself when I reach in the silverware drawer for a spoon for my cereal, there's tons of things that could happen to me just around the house. I don't understand why you're forbidding me to go to school."

Kirsten was still flushed.

Ryan held out his phone. "Here. I guess I'm not allowed to talk on the phone either."

"I'm not punishing you. I'm trying to keep you safe." She didn't take the phone.

"I am safe. I'm not dying anymore, Kirsten. You…you really came through for me, you took care of me when I needed you to, you talked to me and really helped me…but I'm not dying anymore. I'm getting well. It takes time and I still need you, but I don't need to be locked away…I just have to be more careful…" Ryan said quietly.

She sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Me, too," Ryan said. "Why aren't you at work?"

"I wanted to check on you…"

"You can't take care of me forever. Don't you need to be at work?" Ryan asked.

"I think that I'm going to leave you alone for now. I have some phone calls that I need to make." Kirsten said, turning and leaving the room.

Ryan flipped open his phone and dialed Seth.

"Man, what the hell happened?"

"Your mom. Tell Mr. Anderson that I'm sorry. I'll take whatever grade he has to give me…"

"But…"

"I'll see you at home." Ryan didn't want to talk to anyone. He closed the phone and turned it off. He need to clear his head. Again.

The web site Seth had directed him to a few days earlier had been very helpful. He had even called Dr. Tarleton and gotten some tips.

But several of the links had been more helpful.

He'd started meditating.

He wasn't sure if he was doing it correctly, but whatever he was doing was helping. Clearing his mind, controlling his breathing, focusing on the good and not the bad…it helped. One hour in the morning and one hour before he went to bed. His nightmares had even let up over the past couple of days.

He got up and went into the bathroom. He locked the door behind him. He took a quick shower and got dressed before returning to the bedroom.

He sat down in the floor and 'assumed the position.'

He tried not to think of what Trey would say if he could see him. Because this was one of the few things that actually helped.

Silence brought clarity.

He took several deep breaths and tried to relax. To clear his head.

It worked.

He had to find a way to get through to Kirsten.

He was getting stronger. He hadn't puked in over 18 hours, a record since the chemo ended.

He felt trapped. Suffocated.

He took another deep breath.

Kirsten was scared of something. He'd scared her. She loved him, he finally believed that, so she wouldn't be hurting him on purpose.

She was doing this because she was worried about him.

He needed to talk to her.

He was strong, he could handle whatever she had to say. He needed to talk to her.

Ryan stood up and walked out, finding Kirsten sitting on the couch.

He sat down beside her. "Will you talk to me?"

"What?" She was stunned.

"Talk. To me. Tell me why you're so worried. If I could understand…it might make it easier for me to accept."

Kirsten looked away.

Ryan sat. He waited. After several minutes, he stood up. "Okay. I gave it a shot…"

"Wait." She took his hand and he hesitated, sitting down.

She didn't speak for a long moment.

Finally, she started speaking in a trembling voice. "My mother…she died of cancer. And she was a fighter…if you think my Dad's a stubborn guy, imagine double that and you've got an idea of how fiery my mom was. She went through chemo, surgeries…everything that was available back then…Seth was still little, he doesn't even remember her…but she…she got better, too, Ryan…then she…just stopped. And she was gone. One day she was telling me that Seth needed a haircut and the next day she was dead."

Ryan wasn't sure what to say.

Kirsten started to cry and he put his arm around her. She cried and he found himself rocking her gently.

"Oh god…" She seemed to recover, wiping her eyes and apologizing. "You're not dying, Ryan…I'm so sorry, I didn't mean…"

"Hey. It's okay. I don't think I've seen you upset in a while, my shrink says if you bottle up stuff that it comes back tenfold…" Ryan smiled.

"Maybe I should go see her," Kirsten sniffled.

"You actually have a meeting next week. Family conference," Ryan admitted.

"True. I'm sorry, Ryan…"

"I didn't know all that about your mother…"

"Because I didn't tell you. I'm pretty scared…"

"You know what? I'm sort of glad to hear it. It means you're normal…and not some kind of mother android…"

She smiled. "I'm sorry. You…you scared me. Getting hurt…you always put yourself in dangerous situation…you always come home with black eyes and bruises…I worry about you."

"It scared me, too. But I didn't get involved, I just sat with Anna and the stray debris got me…I don't want to be sick anymore, I'm not risking my health for anything…"

She nodded. "Okay. I know…" She sighed. "I called Dr. Kim. You can go back to school tomorrow."

"Really?"

"Yes. And Mr. Anderson said Seth finished the presentation and he can see how much you all worked on it. He also said your assignments were exemplary. I'm sorry about…"

"You were only doing what you thought was best for me," Ryan said. They smiled at each other, glad for the tension to be gone.

"So. You hungry?" Kirsten asked.

"Actually, yes. I have this craving for clam chowder, I was going to see what Rosa could…" Ryan started.

"That sounds good. You feel like going out?" She asked.

"Can I?" He replied, surprised.

"With the sling. I'll bring you home before therapy."

"Thanks, Kirsten. That'll be nice."

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