Author's Note: I'm back! I had a great time on vacation, and I am fully recharged and ready to write! Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed Part 2, I got some really great reviews and it meant a lot to me. Some of you mentioned things even I never thought of! LOL. But I can say that nothing happened to the Professor besides a heart attack, completely natural death. That was an interesting perspective though, I understand why you could have thought that. This chapter should clear things up. Also, I know Angel isn't very likeable, but he's just being Angel, I do like the character, this is not an Angel bashing fic. And I did some research on miscarriages for this story, so in case you don't know an induction and stillbirth is when a baby dies after the first 20 weeks of pregnancy, causing the doctors to have to induce labor to remove the baby. And this is turning out a lot more angsty than I'd planned, but it is a good change and I feel it challenges me more as a writer. So just bear with me for now! Enjoy, and as always, please R&R.

Part 3

Thursday, June 22nd, 2020

Buffy lie there in bed wide awake. She hadn't slept much that night, she had tossed and turned due to sadness and grief. She had thought about the Professor a lot, and the more she did, the sadder she became. She had been thinking about why she had never mentioned her nephew, when she had realized that the professor had never really talked about herself at all. Every time they spoke, it had been about Buffy. Buffy's education, Buffy's life, Buffy's career, Buffy's family. Buffy felt terrible when she realized that she had never really asked the woman who had influenced her so much about her own family. Sure she knew about her education and career, but nothing about her personal life. Buffy realized sadly that she hadn't known her that well at all. And now her opportunity to change that was gone. Now the woman who had been such a role model to her was nothing but a memory.

Buffy glanced at the clock wearily. She had to get Serena up in about ten minutes. Not really wanting to lie there any longer, she got up carefully, trying not to wake her sleeping husband. He looked so peaceful lying there. He had slept through the night, while his wife had silently cried herself into a short lived, restless sleep.

She pulled her robe on over her nightgown and paused near the door. She didn't really know where to go. As if on autopilot, her feet carried her downstairs to her office. She walked slowly to the drawer and pulled out the stuffed bear. She pulled it close, taking comfort in the small reminder of both happier days and sadness.

She didn't know how long she stood there for before Angel's voice jarred her from her thoughts. "Buffy?"

She spun around, startled. Angel stood there in the doorway, looking tired. His eyes landed on the stuffed animal and a blur of emotions appeared on his face very briefly. Surprise, sadness...and anger.

"I didn't know you kept that," he said suddenly. "I thought I-"

"Got rid of everything," she stammered. "I just...I just couldn't let it all go. I had to keep something." She thought back to the day when she had rescued the small bear from Angel.

April 6th, 2015

Buffy stood numbly in front of the nursery. It had been a week since she had lost the baby. She felt so empty inside. She longed to feel him kick, although she knew he was gone, no longer inside of her.

Everyone had been trying very hard to help. Too hard. Willow, Tara, Anya, and Joyce had been coming by every day, with groceries, sad faces, and offers to listen if she needed to talk. Tracey had even come from LA, but it hadn't helped. No matter how hard everyone tried they couldn't bring Liam back, and that was the only thing that would make her feel better. She knew that the only person she wanted to talk to about what happened was her husband, but he seemed to be the only one who didn't want to talk about it. He had been strangely distant over the past week, locking himself in the bedroom for long periods of time. He had barely spoken to Buffy since the day she had gone for her induction and stillbirth. Buffy supposed he was dealing with the grief in his own way, but she wished he would just hold her. Serena had been very confused at first. The day after the miscarriage, when Buffy had gone for the procedure, Joyce had tried to explain everything to the young girl. Buffy still didn't think she totally understood what had happened, but her daughter had been great, giving her mother hugs and taking care of herself a lot, so Buffy didn't have to.

Buffy sensed Angel standing behind her. "It looks so perfect. He would have loved it," she said flatly, staring at the stuffed animals assembled on the dresser.

Angel stood still for a moment. Then all of a sudden he disappeared. Buffy sighed. Probably off to the bedroom to brood some more.

A few minutes later she was surprised to hear him return. He was carrying a garbage bag.

"Angel, what are you doing?" she cried out as he stormed into the nursery.

"Getting rid of this stuff," he replied angrily. "It's just a reminder, we need to move on. We can't with this stuff sitting here." He began throwing things into the bag, the car seat, the blankets, the mobile, the baby clothes, the stuffed animals.

"Angel, you can't just throw it away!" Buffy cried, as she watched in horror.

Her husband turned to face her. He didn't look very good, he hadn't shaved all week, and he had a wild gleam in his eyes. "I'll give it to charity. To someone who actually needs it. I need another bag." He stormed out of the room, leaving the disheveled nursery behind, along with the full bag of stuff.

Buffy hurried to the bag. She couldn't let him get rid of everything. He might be ready to let go, but she wasn't. She reached into the bag and pulled out the green teddy bear that Angel had given her when he'd learned she was pregnant. She ran back into the hallway and stuffed it in the closet. She would find a better hiding spot later, but she just couldn't let Angel take everything. She needed something to hold on to.

Angel returned with more garbage bags. Buffy watched in silence as he wrapped the furniture, and as he carried the bags down to the car. She heard the engine start, and the car pulled away. She stared at the now empty room. She retrieved the bear and took it to her office, where she hid it in a drawer. Angel was not getting that bear. He could take everything else, but not that.

"Mommy?" Serena said cautiously from outside the office. "Where did Daddy take Liam's things?"

Buffy turned to face her daughter, teary eyed. "He's giving them to charity. We don't need them anymore."

Present

"Buffy, you know I only gave the stuff away because I knew it wasn't healthy to have a constant reminder," Angel said slowly.

"Well I needed something. When you started ignoring me I needed something that I could take comfort in," Buffy shot back, sounding angrier than she had intended.

Angel looked shocked. He opened his mouth to reply, but they were interrupted by the sound of the phone ringing. He stared at her in shock for a minute before he left to go answer it. He returned a moment later, holding the receiver out to Buffy. He cleared his throat. "It's Stacey."

Buffy quickly put the bear back in the drawer and took the phone. "H-hello?"

"Hi Buffy, it's Stacey. I'm sorry it's so early, but I figured you'd be up. I have some bad news," her friend said sadly.

"I already know about Professor Strang. Her nephew called me yesterday." Stacey had been in Professor Strang's class with Buffy in North Dakota, although she hadn't known her as well.

"Oh, I see. The obituary was in the paper this morning. I can't believe it."

Buffy sighed. "Me neither."

"Are you okay? I mean I know she meant a lot to you," her old friend asked kindly.

"I'm dealing. I just regret that I never got to know her better."

"Buffy, if anyone knew her it was you."

"But you see, that's the thing. I really didn't. I didn't even know she had a nephew. I never took the time to ask about her family or her life, every time we talked it was Buffy Buffy Buffy, Lynn Lynn Lynn."

"That's not true."

Buffy sighed. "Yes it is. But I guess it's too late to do anything about that now." There was a brief pause.

"So how's Serena?"

Relieved with the change of subject, Buffy told Stacey how Serena was doing, and about their experience at the mall yesterday with Tracey. It was a relief to just talk to someone about normal, meaningless things and have them listen.

Buffy said goodbye when Serena came downstairs, still wet from her shower. "Good morning Mom."

"Good morning sweetheart. Did you sleep well?"

"Like a lump," Serena replied. "Who was on the phone?"

Buffy glanced up when Angel entered the room, not meeting her eyes. She suspected he was both surprised and angry to have found Buffy with the bear. It had probably brought back the emotions that he seemed to work so hard to suppress.

"Stacey," Buffy replied, focusing on her daughter.

"How is she?" Serena asked.

"She's good. Her family is good. Brandon is four years old now, can you believe it?" Buffy busied herself with fixing Serena a Pop Tart. Stacey was lucky, she had married a wonderful man and had two beautiful children. No distant husband and demons haunting her daily.

"Wow, so that means Lily is six." Serena looked curiously from her mother to her father, sensing that something was wrong. There was a certain tension in the air. Serena had always been very perceptive of these things. She also had learned from experience that it was better not to ask.

"Yeah, I guess so." Buffy wondered what Angel was going to say to her later. Just because he hadn't even wanted to keep their own baby's ashes didn't mean that she couldn't hold on to a silly thing like a teddy bear.

"Serena, I'll bring you to school today," Angel said, speaking for the first time. "There's been some disappearances near Shady Hill, there might be a vampire nest. I want to swing by on the way back."

"But it's daytime," Serena said.

"Bad for them, good for me." Buffy raised an eyebrow. She doubted there was any vampire nest or disappearances, Angel probably just wanted an excuse to get out of the house and away from her, as usual.

"Well let's go then," Serena said, finishing her Pop Tart and sliding off the stool. She grabbed her bag and kissed her mother goodbye. "Bye mom."

"Bye sweetie. Have a nice day at school," Buffy said distractedly.

Angel paused for a moment, then followed Serena out the door without saying goodbye.

They went outside and climbed into the car. They drove away in silence, while Serena debated the best way to bring up the obvious tension. "Is everything okay?" she asked finally.

Angel looked up, startled. "What? Everything's fine," he said quickly.

"If you say so," Serena said with a sigh.

When Angel came home a few hours later, Buffy had fallen asleep. He retreated to the living room and they barely spoke all day. Serena came home, and they both tried to be friendly for her sake, but the tension was still clear. Buffy was getting angry. She hated how her husband bottled up his feelings and didn't even discuss them with her. It was incredibly frustrating because she felt like she never knew what was on his mind anymore.

Later that night, after Buffy and Serena had watched some tv and the younger girl had gone to bed, Buffy came face to face with Angel for the first time all day. They were in the bedroom, preparing for bed. Angel was adjusting the blankets and barely looking at her. Then, to Buffy's surprise, he spoke first.

"I'm sorry. I overreacted about the whole teddy bear thing. It was just...seeing that- never mind." He turned his attention back to the bed.

Buffy relaxed slightly. "Apology accepted. I'm sorry too, for hiding it from you. I just wasn't ready to let go of everything."

Angel sighed and sat down on the bed facing her. "And you still aren't. That's what worries me."

Buffy frowned. "I'm still not what?"

"Ready to let go. The whole reason I gave his things away to charity was so that we wouldn't have a constant reminder and we could move on with our lives. And it scares me that you have been holding on to that bear like a security blanket."

Buffy began to feel defensive. "Well I'm sorry for having feelings and not being able to forget everything at the drop of a hat."

Angel closed his eyes for a moment. "Buffy, that's not what I meant. I was just surprised, because I thought you had moved on."

So did I, Buffy thought to herself. "It's just hard." She hesitated, not sure how to proceed. Angel had actually opened up a little, and she had her opening. "Do you ever think about him?" she asked suddenly.

He glanced up in surprise. "Think about who?"

Buffy stared at him incredulously. "Liam!"

Angel blinked. "Well, yes I guess. But I have accepted that he's gone and I have moved on with my life. I really think you should do the same." He paused. "I'm tired. We should go to sleep now."

Buffy shook her head as he turned away from her and settled under the covers. He was so impossible sometimes. With a sigh she got under the covers and turned away from her husband. So much for discussing their feelings. Maybe if he would actually talk to her, she would be able to move on.

"I love you," Angel said softly from the other side of the bed.

"I love you too," Buffy said instinctively. But these days she wondered if those words had as much meaning as they had years ago.

In ancient China, a girl ran down a dark alley. She couldn't face them all alone, they were too strong. She was not ready, she had barely begun her training. She ran frantically, crying out when she tripped and fell to the ground.

"We have you now, slayer," the vampire said, as he and several others surrounded the terrified girl.

"Please, have mercy," the girl begged in her native tongue. She reached for her stake, which had rolled away when she fell. It was just beyond her grasp...

One of the vampires saw what she was doing and kicked it further away. "Don't try anything missy."

She began to cry and closed her eyes as the closest vampire leaned in...

Serena sat up straight in bed, cold sweat drenching her body. "What the-"