A/N: Here it is, actually didn't take as long as I thought it would. It's another long one too! This chapter is very emotional and sad but this is a real turning point for the story, as you will see. Many thanks to everyone who reviewed part 7: Buffy and Angel 4 eva, lilsoccercutie55, MackeyPac, Slayerchick33, charisma, Sanity Fair, Lynn, mistymidnight, and Out-Of-Reality, much appreciated. Again, please read and review! Also, there will be a slight delay before part 9, because I am up again in my guild's round robin. But it won't be too long, and at least this one doesn't end in a cliffhanger!
Part 8
Sunday, June 25th, 2020
It was well into the night when Buffy came home. She closed the door behind her and walked slowly towards the living room, her face expressionless, still deep in thought.
"Oh thank God," Angel said, hurrying to her and pulling her into his arms. "I was just about to go look for you." Buffy limply returned the hug, still silent. He pulled away and stared at her, hands on her shoulders. "Where have you been?"
She ignored the question. "Angel, we need to talk," she said quietly.
He nodded. "You're right. I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I think that the sooner Serena finds out, the better. So I think tomorrow we should sit her down-"
"Not about that," she said, slowly shaking her head.
He looked at her blankly. "What about then?"
"About Liam," she said simply and strongly.
Angel blinked. "Look, it's late, and we have a long day ahead tomorrow, maybe we should talk about this another time."
"I don't want to talk about it another time," Buffy said, trying to remain calm.
"Well I think that maybe you should get to bed, you look tired," Angel said, backing away towards the stairs.
"DAMMIT ANGEL WE'LL TALK ABOUT THIS NOW!" she yelled suddenly. He stopped, looking frightened.
"Okay, just calm down. Let's go sit down," he said, nervously reaching out for her hand. But she pulled it away.
"Angel, tonight a lot of things were...made very clear to me. And I know that we cannot put this discussion off any longer," she said, more calmly.
"Buffy, we've talked about Liam. That's all behind us now," he said uncertainly.
"No, we have not. Did we ever sit down and talk, really talk about how we lost our son? Our baby boy? Did you ever even take the time to ask me what I was feeling?" she asked, the pain evident in her voice.
He took a step closer. "I thought that it would be too...painful to dredge everything up like that," he said soothingly.
"Maybe for you, but did you ever take the time to consider that maybe I wanted to talk?" she asked. "No, you did not. And I need to know why. If we are ever going to have any chance at getting our lives back to the way they used to be, you need to talk to me," she pleaded.
"Buffy, I thought we were there. I thought that our lives were normal, or as normal as they will ever be. At least until today," he said, confused.
She shook her head emphatically. "No. Angel, do you even realize how different things used to be? For starters, you used to talk to me."
"Buffy, I still do-"
"And we used to have passion," she said, cutting him off abruptly. "We used to have something really special. But now, even when we make love, it's...empty."
Judging by Angel's expression, Buffy could tell that he knew she was right. She continued, feeling like she was getting through. "And your little trips to Los Angeles have also become more and more frequent since that night. Why Angel? Is it because you can't stand to look at me because I am unable to have any more children?"
"Buffy, no! I do not blame you for what happened that night," he said loudly.
"Well maybe you should. God knows I have for the past five years." She angrily wiped a tear away. "I would keep telling myself that if I had just stayed in the car, like you told me to-"
"Buffy, if it was anyone's fault, it was mine. I should have gotten to you, I should have killed that vampire. Instead I just stood there and watched," he said angrily.
She shook her head. "I know now that what happened was not anyone's fault but that vampire's. He took away something that we can never get back." She stepped closer to him. "But it doesn't have to be that way. Not anymore."
Angel closed his eyes, looking pained. "Buffy, why are you doing this?"
"Because I am EXHAUSTED Angel!" she yelled, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "I am so sick and tired of always feeling sorry for myself! So it ends now. But you need to be with me on this."
"I am, you know that I am always with you. Do you want to know the reason I have been distant? Why I haven't talked to you about that night? Because I was afraid that you would blame me," he said, crying too.
She shook her head sadly. "Angel, I don't blame you. I never blamed you. If you had just told me sooner..."
"Buffy, you know that I am not as good at talking about my feelings as you are," he said. "And I was afraid that once I got started I wouldn't be able to stop. Buffy, we were going to have a son," he said softly. "A little boy. And we lost that. And I couldn't deal with that loss. So I gave away the stuff, I pretended that I was over it. Because I knew what you were going through, and you didn't need my pain on top of yours. So I kept it all inside."
"But Angel, I needed you back then! I needed you more than ever! All I wanted more than anything was for you to just talk to me. But I was afraid too." She sighed. "And look at us now."
He wiped his eyes. "Pretty pathetic, huh? Two grown adults, too wrapped up in their own misery to really be alive for five years."
"But it is going to end now. It has to. Angel, we have more hard times ahead. Tomorrow, I am going to have to look m daughter in the eye, my Serena, and tell her that her destiny has been chosen for her. That she is doomed to spend the rest of her nights out in graveyards, constantly risking her life. Do you know what that's like?" she asked. "Because you couldn't possibly. So she is going to need both of us. And not these shadows, these pathetic excuses for parents that are too wrapped up in the past. We need to move on, we need to accept that what's done is done, and nothing we can do will ever bring Liam back. But before we can, you need to answer one question," she said, looking down.
"Anything," Angel said huskily.
"Do you still love me?" she whispered, moving her chin up to stare into his eyes.
"Of course I do," Angel said without hesitation. "The way I've been...it never had anything to do with not loving you."
"I love you too," she said, relieved. She wiped her eyes before continuing. "Angel, we have been through so much. So much, and I don't want to lose that." She stepped even closer, so that they were almost touching. "We can get back to where we used to be. We can be happy again."
"Yes. We can. Serena needs us both, one hundred percent." He sighed. "I can't believe...how much better I feel already."
She nodded in agreement. "Oh God, Angel, we wasted so much time..."
"Not anymore. Not a second more. I promise from now on that whatever I'm feeling I will tell you," he said sincerely.
She smiled. "I know." She reached up to touch his face, and he pulled her close and kissed her passionately. Buffy couldn't remember the last time she had felt so truly alive, so at peace with herself. "Angel, I want you to make love to me. Make love to me like you did on my seventeenth birthday, that first night in my dorm, our wedding night. I want there to be no more fear, just us," she said in hushed tones.
He kissed her again. "Oh God, Buffy I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. We've wasted enough time being sorry." She silenced him with another kiss. It quickly grew more passionate, and Angel roughly guided her to the couch, the bedroom seeming miles too far. She leaned back, lying down on the couch and he crawled on top of her. She unbuttoned his shirt and he snaked a hand up hers. They kissed passionately, losing themselves in each other.
March 30th, 2015
"Help! We need a doctor!" Angel shouted, as he ran in the door of the emergency room, his terrified, crying wife in his arms.
Two nurses ran over immediately. "What happened?" one demanded, as the other helped Angel load Buffy onto a stretcher.
"She was...mugged. Or, someone tried to. Knocked down. She's pregnant, she said something didn't feel right," he said frantically, running a hand through his hair as he followed them down the hall.
"Who's her OBGYN?" the other nurse asked.
"Doctor Slater. She's six months along," he added. "Please help her."
"We'll do everything we can," the first nurse replied.
"YOU'LL DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN?" he yelled, his anxiety and fear getting the best of him. "Help her, God dammit!"
"Angel, don't," Buffy moaned as they transferred her into a hospital bed in a small cubicle.
One of the nurses took him aside. "Mr..."
"O'Leary," he said angrily.
"Mr. O'Leary, we are going to do everything in our power to help your wife and baby. But you need to cooperate with us. I am going to get Dr. Slater in here, and we can run some tests," she said, as calmly as possible. Angel nodded quickly. The nurse hurried from the room, and he joined Buffy.
"Angel, I can't feel him," Buffy said, sounding more terrified than he had ever heard her sound.
He grasped her hand. "It's going to be okay," he said firmly, trying to convince himself as well as his wife.
The nurse returned with Buffy's doctor. "Angel, what in hell happened?" she demanded.
"She was mugged. He pushed her. Please help her," he said worriedly.
"Mr. O'Leary, I'm going to call 911, the police need to be notified," the nurse said, reaching for the phone on the wall.
"No! I mean, I didn't see his face. They'll never find him," he said lamely. But I will. I will hunt down that son of a bitch and kill him for this, he thought passionately.
The nurse frowned. "Well, I can still alert the police to be on the lookout." She picked up the phone and dialed.
Angel turned around and saw that the doctor was taking blood from his wife. "I am going to run a panel, and then we are going to do an ultrasound," the doctor said, moving quickly. "Buffy, right now I just need you to tell me what you feel. Are you in pain?"
"I don't know. But something's not right, and I haven't felt him kick," she said quietly.
The doctor nodded, looking grave. She handed the blood sample over to the nurse. "Put a rush on this." The nurse nodded and hurried from the room.
"Okay, Buffy, I need you to roll up your shirt," Dr. Slater said, preparing the ultrasound equipment. Buffy complied, a few tears escaping down her cheeks.
The doctor spread the gel over her stomach. "Angel," Buffy whimpered, meekly stretching out her hand. He hurried to her side and took it in his own, kissing it gently. They both watched in nervous anticipation as the doctor rolled the hand held end over her stomach and stared at the picture on the screen.
"What is it?" Angel asked after a long moment of silence.
The doctor sighed and looked down. "The baby's heart isn't beating."
"NOOO!" Buffy shrieked. She began to sob. "No, no, no no no no no..."
"Can't you do anything?" Angel said angrily, trying to fight back his own tears and frustration.
"We can run some more tests. Determine if the miscarriage was caused by the impact of her being pushed-"
"Miscarriage?" Buffy whispered. "No. No, no, no!" she said, her voice raising on the last syllable.
Dr. Slater looked at her sadly. "Buffy, I am so sorry. But I am afraid there is nothing that can be done. Your baby is gone."
Buffy sobbed loudly. "No, why!"
The doctor slowly disconnected the equipment. "Buffy, when you've calmed down we need to run some tests. To see if there is any other damage."
"What will happen to him?" she managed to choke out.
"You will have to undergo an induction and stillbirth. It is a simple procedure where labor is induced to remove the fetus. Because you are in your third trimester, this is necessary. The procedure will be virtually painless, you will be heavily medicated," she explained sadly.
"Are you going to do it now?" she asked. Her sobs had ceased and she was staring blankly at the wall.
"Well, the procedure isn't fairly common, and it will take some preparation. We probably won't be able to accommodate you until tomorrow morning. If you would like, we can finish running the tests and your husband can take you home for now," she said.
Buffy nodded. "I'll go now."
The same two nurses from before entered the room, sad expressions on their faces. "Mr. O'Leary, you will have to wait here," one said softly. Angel nodded, slowly letting go of his wife's hand, his expression unreadable.
He heard Buffy start crying again as they rounded the corner. He sat down in one of the hard plastic chairs. He didn't know how much time had passed, it could have been a minute or an hour, before Dr. Slater returned to the room, followed by the nurses pushing Buffy's stretcher.
"We got the test results," she began hesitantly. "And I'm afraid that I have bad news."
"You mean worse than the fact that our baby is dead?" Buffy said dully, her face tear streaked and puffy.
"Miss Summers...your uterus was damaged by the impact that...killed your son. I am afraid that another pregnancy would be impossible." Silence followed.
"Can I please go home now?" Buffy asked, nearly a minute later. Every word sounded more painful than the last.
"I suppose. Whenever you would like to come in tomorrow, we can accommodate you for the procedure. Mr. O'Leary, make sure your wife gets some rest, she's been through a terrible ordeal."
"Will she be okay? I mean other than..." his voice trailed off. He couldn't bring himself to say it.
"Buffy suffered no other injuries, not even a bruise," Dr. Slater said reassuringly. "I am so sorry for your loss. I wish there was more I could have done. But sometimes these things cannot be helped."
Buffy pulled herself to a sitting position. She reached out for her husband. He took her hand and helped her off the bed. With one last look at the doctor, they walked slowly from the room and out into the night.
Present
An hour later, they lied on the couch, arms around each other, covered by a blanket. "That was amazing," Buffy said quietly.
Angel sighed. "I know." There was a brief silence. "Buffy, I am just wondering, what happened to you tonight?"
She turned around to look at him, which wasn't easy considering the limited space. "What do you mean?"
"Well, when you stormed out of Giles's, you were really upset. And then you disappear into the ozone for a couple hours, and when you come back you have this whole new outlook on life. I mean, that's great, right now, this is great and I am so happy that we are back to where we used to be. But it is kind of strange," he added.
Buffy started laughing. "It's really not important. But let's just say that I realized that we're luckier than we think. We have a beautiful home, a beautiful daughter, great family and friends. And we have each other."
He kissed her softly. "Yes we do." She settled back into his arms and he stroked her hair.
"So, what happens now?" he asked.
"Well tomorrow we can talk to Serena. You were right before, we can't put it off. We'll tell her everything, and we'll be prepared to help her as much as possible," she said simply. She thought for a moment. "But first there's one more thing we need to do. Before we can completely move on."
"What's that?" he asked.
She sat up and reached for her clothes. "Do we have a box? An empty box?"
"Sure," he said, somewhat confused, but going along with her anyway/
"Well, can you get it? And we might need a flashlight." She glanced at the clock. "Actually maybe not, I think the sun is coming up soon." She finished dressing and stood up. She had a sad, yet determined expression on her face. "Just get the box and meet me back here, okay?" He nodded and she left the room.
He finished dressing and went down to the basement, coming back with an empty cardboard box. He found Buffy waiting for him, holding a very familiar blue teddy bear in her arms.
"I figure that if we are really going to move on, we can't have the past haunting us any more. I am ready to let go of this," she said. Hesitating only slightly, she handed the stuffed animal to Angel. He opened the box and placed it inside.
"Is there anything else?" he asked, an odd expression on his face.
She nodded, holding out the sonogram. "This is it."
Angel slowly put it in the box. Then he placed the box on the floor, not meeting his wife's eyes. "I...I have something too."
"You do?" Buffy asked in surprise.
He nodded. "I'll...I'll be right back." He left the room, moving slowly. Buffy frowned. He must have kept something from the nursery, saved something from the things that had been donated.
A moment later he reentered the room, holding a small cardboard box, a guilty expression on his face. She brought her hand to her mouth when she realized what it was.
"I know it was wrong, I know I lied to you, I told you I never picked up the ashes. But I couldn't do that. So I went back to the hospital, thankfully I wasn't too late, they hadn't done anything yet. So they gave them to me, and I've had them ever since," he said sadly.
Buffy stared at him in shock. "I...I had no idea."
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kept something so big from you, but I guess I just needed something too." He hesitated. "But now, we are letting go of everything, so it's time for this too." He placed the smaller box inside the large box, with the stuffed animal and the sonogram.
Buffy reached out and took his hand. "I think you know what we have to do now," she said. He nodded. He picked up the box and sealed it tightly, then, hand in hand, they both headed for the backyard.
The sky was glowing, preparing for sunrise when they entered the yard, Buffy carrying the box, Angel a shovel, their hands still entwined. They stopped when they reached a shady spot in front of the biggest tree. "This is good," Buffy said. Angel let go of her hand and started to dig.
By the time he had dug a hole deep enough for the box, the sun was rising over the town. "Are you ready?" he asked, placing the shovel on the ground.
Buffy nodded, tears in her eyes. She moved her hand to her mouth, kissing it, then touched the box gently. Then she leaned down and placed it inside the hole. She stepped back and watched as Angel filled in the hole, gazing intently until the last square inch of the box vanished from sight.
"One more thing," she said, her throat constricted. She walked over to the small garden and pulled a blue flower from her favorite plant. Rejoining Angel, she placed it on the freshly dug dirt. "Goodbye Liam," she whispered.
"Goodbye Liam," Angel echoed. They stood there for a moment, before Buffy took his hand.
"Let's go inside," she said softly. She turned around, and they walked back to the house, arm in arm. When they reached the door, Angel went inside, but Buffy lingered a moment, looking up at the sky. "Thank you Anne," she whispered. Then she stepped inside, closing the door behind her.
High above, Anne smiled down on them. "You're welcome."