It's not a date, although it sure felt like one, at least to Grissom. The memories of their first Zoo trip still fresh in his head, his heart still melting over Sara's smile. His thoughts were interrupted by the ring of his cell phone.
"Grissom," flipping his phone open praying it wasn't Sara canceling.
"Hi Gil, is Catherine. Listen, I forgot to mention to you yesterday, but I'm having a little party for Lindsey's Birthday today at 5pm."
"Well, I was actually heading over to the Zoo to meet up with Sara and Molly." Grissom cringed realizing what just came out of his mouth.
"She was my next call, I've already phoned Warrick, Nick and Greg, and they are coming. Maybe you could stop by after; it would me a lot to Lindsey." So, he's meeting them at the Zoo? Catherine was intrigued.
"Sure, see you then Cath." Grissom smiled when he realized he would have more time to see Sara today, now glad he picked up the call.
Picking up his keys, Grissom headed out the door, not before looking at himself in the mirror one last time. Who knows what she sees in me, but I'm done questioning it!
Driving over to pick up Molly, Sara couldn't help feel excited, although she was careful not to read into "this" too much. What ever "this" was.
Walking towards the Butterfly sanction, Sara ran into Grissom, literally. "Hey, it's you!"
"Hi Guys, I was just looking for you." Grissom felt his face grown flush, and tried to brush it off explaining what had already seen.
"Hi Gil! Can we go see the butterflies now?" Molly's excitement was written all over her face. She immediately grabbed Grissom's hand dragging him to their destination.
Even though she was sure Grissom felt uncomfortable with Molly holding his hand, he sure brushed it off. Although she felt horrible for feeling so, Sara was jealous how easy it was for Molly to talk to Grissom. She called him "Gil" and held his hand. She was quite sure if she had tried to hold his hand, she would be feeding him oxygen and picking him up off the floor.
The day turned out to be great, and when it was time to leave, no one wanted it to end. They walked slower than they had when they walked in, each trying to delay leaving one another.
This is ridiculous Sara; just ask him if he is going to Catherine's.
Taking a deep breath, Sara looked over towards Grissom, who in turn looked at her.
"Sara, what time does Molly have to be back?"
"Not until 8, I'm planning taking her to Lindsey's party." Feeling relief that he brought it up, she was able to look in his eyes.
"Good," "I mean, um, I'm going too." He hoped they couldn't read his excitement.
"YOU ARE?" Molly practically squealed at him.
Sara and Molly followed Grissom to Catherine's. Neither of them seemed to care about how it appeared when they walked in together.
Introspectively, Grissom had an inner joy imagining going to a party with a family, the thought provoking a smile on his face.
"Thanks for coming; Lindsey is going to be thrilled." Catherine exclaimed loudly. Her cheery mood evident as she spilled her wine on Sara while attempting to hug her.
"You must be Molly, Sara has told me about you. Did you have a great time today?"
Holding on to Sara's leg, Molly shyly shook her head. "Gil and Sara brought me to see the Butterflies, I like the yellow ones"
Looking across the back yard, Warrick waved Sara and Molly over to get them a drink, and introduce them to Lindsey.
"So it's Gil, huh?" Catherine asked him sarcastically.
"Yes, Molly called me that when we met; I haven't corrected her, why?"
"Nothing, just busting your chops, relax. Let's go get a drink."
And that they did, drink. Everyone did except Sara. A few hours later after singing to the birthday girl, Gil found himself sitting on a lounge chair admiring Sara from a distance.
Studying Gil and following his gaze, Catherine thought it was a good time to talk to him. Maybe he would open up with a drink or two in him.
"Enjoy the view?"
Grissom just nodded, almost too lost in thought to answer.
"Gil, how do you feel about her?"Closing his eyes, he had no idea how to even begin to answer her.
"I feel enough"
"Enough?"
"Is that Geek for love?"
"Catherine, lay off, it is complicated, I need to be her friend now, and it is working, I can't ruin it.""How long have we known each other Gil? You don't have to answer that. I know you well enough to know how much you feel."
Lowering his head, he did not know what to say. With out thinking, he started talking.
"You want to know? Here goes. I love her. I love her so much it hurts. I can't breathe without her. I know she is present because my heart skips a beat. I can't imagine her loving this old man in the same way, but I also can't imagine my life without her any longer. Since her near DUI, I live every day waking up with thoughts of her, and go to sleep with the same thoughts. My nightmares are no longer nightmares; they are dreams of a life with her." Feeling deflated he lowered his head again.
Catherine was shocked at his admissions, and although she knew he cared for her, she never knew he cared this deeply. "Oh Gil, you have to tell her, what are you waiting for? That girl is crazy about you. Do you really think you will find anyone else who would put up with your quirks? NO offense, but besides bugs and DNA, you two are identical."
"Cath, I have no idea how to tell her. I have no idea how to love anyone, especially her. I've never loved anyone before. Sure, I've given myself to women, but I've never given my heart. Since the day I met Sara Sidle, she has held that. I'm 48 years old and I am embarrassed to say I have no idea what to do."
Gulping down his third beer, Grissom was aware he was becoming numb. Suddenly, he realized this is probably why Sara has been drinking, to lessen the pain, feel numb. Pain he caused her, both professionally and personally.
"Ok Gil, what are you worried about, your career? Your age?" She looked at him in time to see the how the words seemed to cut through him.
Taking a minute to gather his thoughts, he slowly raised his head up. "I used to think it was my career I was worried about it, but not now. I've been there, done that. I'm not going any further up the food chain, nor do I want to. I have always loved the science of it all; the rest is give or take. But Sara is on her way up, how can I stop her?
Sitting down next to him, she put her hand on his shoulder. "Stop her how Gil?"
Gil rubbed his face in disgust. "Don't you see, by loving her, by being with her, people would think it was because of me she got where she did." Pausing, "I feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't."
"Listen Gil, I'm going out on a limb here, but work with me. By not letting either of you be happy, you ARE ruining her career and yours for that matter. Personally, you both are clearly happier together, right? Just go for it, you don't have to write it on the bathroom wall and people don't have to know." Standing up, Catherine felt like her part was done it was now up to him.
"Good luck Gil, now get up and get in the game. Sara is over talking to Nick and Warrick. Not that I really had to tell you where she was, you haven't been able to keep you eyes off of her all night."
Knowing it was now or never, hiding behind his 3 beers he decided to make his move. He made his way over to the group taking his place next to Sara.
"Hi Gil, where have you been all night?"
"Eating too much, drinking too much, and talking to Catherine."
Nick laughed, "I need a few drinks before talking to Catherine too!"
"OUCH!" Nick turned to see it was Catherine who smacked him square in the arm. "What was that for?"
"Don't wine Nick, it doesn't suit you. Catherine bent down to talk to Molly. "Molly, do you want to help me with the cake?"
"COOL, thanks!" They walked off leaving Gil, Sara and Nick standing there.
Looking back and forth between the two, Nick decided to give Sara and Gil some time alone together.
"Having a good time Sara?" Gil asked, looking straight into her eyes.
"You know I am". Pausing briefly before continuing, "It's amazing how many things I missed this past year drowning myself by drinking. They say it takes hitting rock bottom before you can go up, and I think my near DUI did that. I never wanted to face that I needed to see a counselor, but it has really helped."
"Sara, will you some day talk to me about what makes Sara Sidle tick?" If at all possible, he moved closer and placed his arm on her shoulder.
Amazed how comfortable she felt, she decided to continue. "One thing I've learned is that for a long time I've been searching for a family of my own. Not a family in the traditional sense, but a place I belonged. Growing up in my house was hell. Living in a B & B meant people in and out of my life. My Step Father worked, drank and basically ignored us. If he did speak, it was to yell, although he saved most of that for Mom." Closing her eyes, she continued. "I still remember the first time I heard him hit her. That sound and her screams live with me every day. I could never understand why she didn't fight back."
"Oh Honey, no one should live with that." Not caring who was around, he took her in his arms and kissed her head. "You were just a kid Sara, you couldn't do anything."
"You know Gil; I never did ANYTHING to help her. I just hid and tried to stay out of his way. That is why I studied so much, why I graduated early and why I left and never looked back. When I came to Vegas I expected to walk right into your family. I just expected it, even though I never earned it. I want to earn it now. You, Nick, Warrick, Catherine, Brass and Greg, I want to be your family. Having Catherine invite me here, spending the Day and the Zoo with you and Molly, talking to Nick all night about his latest breakup, makes me finally feel like I'm part of something." Sara still was tightly wrapped in his arms, as she felt her tears starting to fall.
"Sara, you are a part of our family, and you have always been a part of mine. I'm just sorry I made you doubt that. You and I are such similar creatures, closing up to protect ourselves. The last year or two has been so lonely; please tell me we will never go there again, Ok?"
He loosed his grip on her to be able to see her face. Slowly he placed his hand under her chin lifting her face to look at him, his thumbs wiping away the last of her tears.
"Sara, do you understand you have always been a part of me? Since the very first time I saw you, it was over. You irritate the hell out of me at times, but you are the only person whom I've ever cared this deeply about." Cupping her face now, his lips brushed her forehead gently, letting them linger while he got the encouragement up to continue. "Sara, there are so many things I don't know about you, and you me. I'd like to change that, but it has to slow, one step at a time?"
Sara wasn't sure if it was the alcohol talking or not, but she was willing to listen.
"I'd like that Gil." Sara said, breaking the moment of silence.
"Gris, Sara, cake time, and get over here' the two turned to hear Greg yelling at them.
Turning to leave, Sara was stopped by his hand on her arm.
"Left or right side?"
"Huh?" she said looking
"Do you sleep on the left or the right side of the bed?"
"Left. You?"
"Right."
"See, now I know more about you than I did at the beginning of the night."
With that, he was gone, leaving Sara to wonder what just happened. He never ceased to amaze her.
TBC