Disclaimer: Don't own nuffink, no sir…Rated PG for language and shonen-ai content.
Author's Note: Well, after all the great constructive criticism I got, I decided to rewrite this fic, "Musings". Also, I now own Saiyuki No. 5, and have a better grasp on how they all met. Plus, Gojyo even says that he thinks Hakkai's hot! If that isn't proof that they're OMGSOMEANTTOBE!!!, then I don't know what is.
Erm…you'll have to excuse me. I'm a tad hyper on tiredness. So, without further ado…
Musings
Written by Russchan(who owns nuffink)
The others all think I'm a bit of an idiot, to say the least. Goku's convinced I'm nothing but an erokappa, and Sanzo-sama thinks I have my head stuck too far up my ass to be able to form a coherent thought. And they would both be right, in their own minds; I'm a firm believer of to each his own. It's not their fault that that's how I portray myself. It is their fault that they've never really tried to dig any deeper than the façade, though.
And Hakkai?
Well, who knows what Hakkai is ever thinking, really? All we can do is guess. After all, Hakkai doesn't give anything away that he doesn't want to. I suppose he does think I'm an idiot, though. The Gods only know how many stupid things I've done over the three or so years we've all been traveling together, almost killing us at every turn and having to get Hakkai or Sanzo to bail me out. And that's not counting all the things I did before we met up with the other half of or sorry-ass group, like the time I gambled away over half of our meager savings while I was drunk; the fact that I could never seem to remember when garbage day was pretty pathetic too. Somehow, though, Hakkai finds it in himself never to hold things against me.
Well, except for his body, that is.
I'm not as much of an idiot as they all think, though. I mean, how would I have survived all those years if I was? Most of my knowledge is practical stuff; what I need to get by, and nothing more (hence the fact that I cannot, even to this day, remember when Garbage Day is). However, I am thoroughly versed in any and every thing love can hurl at someone. And there's a hell of a lot that can happen; after all, all's fair in love and war.
That's why I can tell when Hakkai's getting a 'Gonou' moment, as I've labeled them. He'll get a far away look and pull away from any physical contact, and I just know he's thinking about that Kanan. Don't ask me how, because I'm not sure myself. Maybe it has to do with that thing he talked about before, about people having a sixth sense about the people they love. It usually happens after the rain, but can strike at any time; when we see some pretty young girl walking through the park, when he comes home from playing with the children he once again teaches, sometimes even when he sees a cross. I don't let myself get jealous, though. It won't lead to anything but the equivalent of a fight for us.
I know I'd have never owned Gonou's heart; it's been a fact as apparent as ever since we've met. But Hakkai'll smile at me in a certain way sometimes, and I think that maybe-just maybe- I have a firm grip on Hakkai's.
Heaven knows he's got a helluva grip on mine.