14. Colossal Confrontation

The River of Sand flowed in front of me. It was just that, a river of sand, flowing like very gritty water.

While I was standing there watching the gallons of sand flow, an equal amount of sand had been blowing in my eyes, hair, nose, mouth, clothes, basically every opening on my body that wasn't completely covered by clothes. I thanked the goddesses my adult self had taken to wearing pants.

I peered through the sand to the other side of the river. There were red flags flapping in the wind, and I thought I could see some boxes between them. The Longshot could handle that.

Once across the river of sand the granulated wind started building up, and I started sinking into the ground. It got hard to walk very quickly, and the path of red flags twisted and turned and was hard enough to follow as it was. I gave up after ten minutes of slogging through the sea of sand, then stood on one foot at a time as I changed into the hover boots.

It actually worked. Something I thought of actually worked! Very cool.

After that it was much easier going. The sand still clogged all my orifices, but at least I could walk on top of it. Then the red flags ran out on me, just as I thought I was making some real progress.

A small stone shelter stood between the last of the red flags. It looked inviting, but I really wanted to get to the Desert Colossus quickly. I climbed up the circular ramp around the shelter, and nothing was at the top.

"Hey Navi, do you remember the second trial?"

"Um, the Phantom Guide?"

"'Phantom Guide?'" I repeated. I shuddered, "Phantom…" Then I remembered the Lens of Truth. I didn't particularly want to see the 'Phantom Guide,' whatever it was, but it was a trial that I had to pass.

A big poe floated in front of me, holding a lantern. "Follow me, if you can," he called when he noticed that I could see him. Then he floated off.

The Phantom Guide led me down a path even more twisting and torturous than the one with the flags. There were these short spinning green creatures that Navi called Leevers that rose up out of the sand all around me, attacking mercilessly. It seemed like I should have been able to kill them, but they attacked in packs and were too small to hit at the same time as being hit.

Eventually the Phantom Guide stopped at a pair of tattered red flags just like all the others and disappeared. Thankfully the Leevers left with him, but once I passed between the flags they came back. I had to run and climb up on a rock before I could even look around.

There was no wind here in the Colossus area. High stone walls cut it off, and if it weren't for the Leevers it would have been a nice respite. There were a lot of rocks, what looked like a dry oasis, a crack in one of the rock walls that looked bombable, and a huge stone building with a statue of a goddess carved into it.

My eyes widened at the site of the statue. "Woah."

"What?" Navi followed my gaze. "Oh for- Link, stop staring at the statue's boobs."

I shook my head to clear it. "I wasn't!"

"Uh-huh, sure. Come on, let's go!"

Now ticked at Navi, I decided to investigate the cracked wall instead.

Five minutes later I emerged with a new spell and another memory I wanted to wipe from my brain.

"Nayru's Love!" Navi exclaimed. "That could really come in handy!"

"Maybe, but I doubt I'll need magic armor."

"This is not the time for posturing, Link." Navi bobbed in my face and gave the impression she was frowning. "What about the Spirit Temple?"

"I'm thirsty," I said, ignoring her. "I'm gonna check out that oasis."

"Link!"

It was another ten minutes before Navi managed to get me into the giant building. It was completely empty, except for pots that tried to kill me and some Armos Statues that tried to kill me too, but there were two gigantic stone thingies with cryptic inscriptions.

If you want to proceed to the past, you should return here with the pure heart of the child.

If you want to travel to the future, you should return here with the power of silver from the past.

"What the hell does that mean?" I asked.

"Well, obviously it means you've got to do some time traveling."

"Oh." I looked at the stone thingies again. "Do you think someone left these things just as a message for me?"

"Creepy thought, idnit?"

"You're mean Navi."

"I try."

I shook my head and went outside, and immediately got the feeling of being watched.

Sheik leapt down from the decorative arch in front of me, landing perfectly and standing with barely concealed smugness.

I didn't even say anything, just listened to him speak. I had plenty to say, but it could wait.

"Past, Present, Future. The Master Sword is a ship with which you can sail upstream and downstream through time's river. The port for that ship is in the Temple of Time. To restore the Desert Colossus and enter the Spirit Temple, you must travel back through Time's flow." Sheik pulled out his harp. "Listen to the Requiem of Spirit. This melody will lead a child back to the desert."

He played and I played along, but as I did so I made a decision. He always ran away after teaching me these songs, but this could be the last time and I wasn't going to let him get away.

"Link…" Sheik started to back away, just like he always did before disappearing. "I'll see you again."

"Hey wait!" I started towards him. "Hold on a second!"

A harsh sand-filled wind blew in from the side, blinding me and separating me from Sheik. "Oh, no you don't! Not again!" I shielded my eyes with one arm and reached with the other through the wind. "You're not going anywhere!" My hand connected with something, it felt like fabric. I grabbed a handful and pulled it towards me.

The wind suddenly died down and I was left holding Sheik by his mask/collar thing. I sighed and blinked a few last grains of sand out of my eyes. "Like I said, you're not going anywhere," I let go of his collar, "until I get some answers."

"Answers?" Sheik adjusted his collar, looking at me in surprise. "What could you possibly still have questions about?"

"Um, hello! Everything." Could he really be this dense? "Especially you."

"Me?" Sheik seemed almost frightened.

"Yeah, you." I shook my head. "Come on Sheik, I don't know anything about you, and I want to."

"You- you do?"

"Of course, I thought we were friends. If someone as solitary as you even wants friends."

"I do!" Sheik exclaimed, involuntarily (probably) stepping towards me. "I do want friends, I just… It's dangerous for anyone to get too close to me."

"Oh, and about that," I (purposely) stepped towards him. "How come whenever I come within, like, five feet of you, you back up? I'm not gonna bite you. I probably won't even hit you."

"It's not that…" Sheik wasn't meeting my eyes. He really was frightened! "Look, I've got to go. You have a lot you need to do and -"

"Nope," I grabbed Sheik's arm as he tried to turn away. "Not a chance. I told you, you can't leave unless you tell me why you literally won't let me get close to you."

"I- I-" Sheik was staring at my hand on his arm. "It's just- I- That is- I-"

"Out with it!" I pulled him closer to me. "Why can't I get near you?"

"It's not that I don't want you near me!" The words exploded out of him, like he couldn't even control them. "It's that I don't trust myself near you!"

"What?" I let go of his arm, incredibly confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I- I-" Sheik closed his eyes, sighed, and seemed to resign himself. "Oh, fuck it."

Quickly, so quickly I almost thought it wasn't happening, Sheik grabbed me by the back of my neck with one hand, pulled his mask down with the other, then pulled my head down and kissed me firmly on the mouth.

Yeah. He kissed me. Sheik kissed me. At first I was so surprised I couldn't do anything. Then the feeling of soft lips on mine (and the raging hormones coursing through my body) erased all other sensations from my mind. I closed my eyes and kissed him back.

(If you think about it, it really wasn't so strange. I mean Sheik was Zelda after all. And despite an award-winning performance, he was still pretty feminine. Plus, whether I realized it or not, I was fairly deeply in love with him at this point. And let's not forget that I was impossibly horny. That's always good to remember.)

Anyway, I was lost in the kiss. With my eyes closed I couldn't even see Sheik, and my brain was free to picture anyone it pleased. It tossed up: Zelda. Of course.

The person that my mind now thought of as Zelda was a very good kisser. They opened their mouth and tasted me with their tongue. It felt so good that I decided to do it back. Things continued on like that for awhile, with both of us making little "ah" and "mm" noises from time to time. I have no idea how long the kiss lasted, but just before I was ready to rip the clothes off my partner and bang them right then and there, they pulled back for air and I gasped: "Zel!"

The hand was removed from the back of my neck and the person who had been kissing me stepped back. I opened my eyes and was disoriented for a moment at the sight of Sheik standing before me. Then I remembered: Oh yeah, Sheik!

"Sheik, I-"

Sheik smiled sadly and readjusted his collar. "I've been wanting to do that since the moment I first saw you in the Temple of Time."

"Listen Shiek, I-"

"Goodbye Link." Sheik stepped back from me and that sand-filled wind blew up again. "I won't see you again."

"Wait, Sheik!" But he was already gone.

There was silence for awhile. I couldn't think of anything to say. I didn't even know what I had been going to say to Sheik. I just stood there, silent, immobile, until Navi bobbed up next to me.

"Did that just happen?" I asked, feeling numb.

"What? Sheik kissing you, or you kissing Sheik?"

"Yes," I answered.

"Yeah. That just happened."

"Fuck."