Disclaimer: I own no characters, animals, or objects from this show, except for things obviously created by my insane mind. Don't sue, all I have is a half empty jar of chunky peanut butter and an angry kitten sitting on my desk!
WHAT'S IN GIMLI'S BEARD?
A Cheesy Game Show hosted by Meriadoc Brandybuck
Chapter 1
Cheesy Game Show music plays as the camera zooms in on our fellowship, who are in a field. Merry is dressed in a Cheesy Game Show Host suit that is lime green with purple plaid stripes. The rest of the gang are sitting at a Cheesy Game Show set with pink chairs. There are Cheesy Game Show podiums in front of each of them with their names written on them. The only exception is Gimli, who's sleeping, (and snoring quite loudly!) on a Cheesy Game Show stage with curtains behind him. The whole scene is covered in bright sparkling lights.
Merry smiles at the camera like a Cheesy Game Show Host ,(which he is) and then turns to the audience, which is made up of orcs, ents, elves, men, and various unknown creatures. "Hello, there!", he yells to them in a Cheesy Game Show Host voice, "I'm your host, Merry Brandybuck. Are you all ready to play our favorite game?" The audience cheers. "All right! It's time for…" "WHAT'S IN GIMLI'S BEARD?!!!", the audience yells in unison. "That's right!", he says, "And now let's meet our contestants, shall we?"
He walks up to the first person and says, "Hello there, sir! Would you mind introducing yourself to our viewers?" The man looks into the camera and smiles. "Hi, I'm Aragorn, son of Arathorn, also known as Strider, also known as Elendil, also known as the Dunedain, also known a-" He is cut off by our favorite Cheesy Game Show Host saying, "Okay, that's enough now. Let's meet our next player, while we're still young."
"Hi there, Pip! Uh, I mean, would you mind introducing yourself, unknown contestant person?" Pippin smiles and the audience goes "Aww!" "Hi, Merry!", he says, "My name's Pippin and I'm ready to play! It's so exciting!" "That's great, Pippin!", says Merry.
"Now, sir, uh, I think you're a sir? What's your name?", he asks. "Our names is Smeagol, precious, and we loves your show, Mr. Brandythingy! But we wonders why does we has to sit next to the fat hobbit, precious?", Smeagol says, looking at Sam, who is seated on his right. "He hates us!", he wails, pointing a finger at the aforementioned hobbit. The audience goes "Aww!" again.
"Hey!", protests Sam, "He's just tryin' to get sympathy from the audience!" "And it's working!", observes Merry. "Now, would you care to tell us your name?" Sam looks at him and says, "But you already know my name." "Yes, Sam," agrees Merry the Host, "But they don't!" He gestures to the audience and camera. "Oh, right," says Sam. "My name is Sam Gam- hey, wait a minute, they know my name!" "No they don't!", says Merry. "Yes they do.", argues Sam, "It's written right here on the nametag in front of my podium!" He then points to the nametag, and Merry sees he is, indeed, correct.
"Oh," says Merry, "So it is. Well then I guess that means that we can skip the rest of the introductions, eh? For those of you that are too far away to read the cards, that's Frodo Baggins, Legolas Greenleaf, Gandalf the Grey, and Boromir, son of Denethor." He points to each one in turn and they wave to the camera, Boromir perhaps a bit too enthusiastically. "Hi, Mom!", he yells to the camera, waving so hard he almost topples out of his seat, "Hi, Dad! Hi, Faramir! Hi, Steve! Hi, Anna! Hi, Martha! Hi J-" He too is cut off by our Cheesy Game Show Host. "Alright, Boromir, why don't you just say hi to everybody so we can play the game already?", Merry asks. "Okay! Hi everybody!", he says, excitedly bouncing in his seat, and coming close to knocking the very annoyed Gandalf off of his chair.
"Great! That was helpful and informative, wasn't it?", Game Show Host Merry asks. "Now let's give a big round of applause for our lovely, if rather strange contestants, eh?" The crowd cheers and claps loudly. "Now," says Merry, "We have to go to a commercial break, but when we come back, get ready to play…" "WHAT'S IN GIMLI'S BEARD?!!!", shouts the audience. Merry smiles his Cheesy Game Host grin and waves at the camera as it goes to a commercial.
Another Author's Note: Hi there again! Lil here again! Enjoy this cheesy commercial while I type up the next chapter. There will be cheesy commercials in between each chapter, so deal with it! I like them, and I hope that you find them amusing as well as cheesy. Anywho, enjoy!
A Cheesy Commercial
The camera brings a hand held sewing machine into view. A Cheesy Announcer Voice comes on saying, "Is repeatedly getting shot in the chest with flaming arrows depressing you because you can't fix the holes in your shirt? Are you sick of getting stabbed in the back because it ruins all of your best tunics? Never fear! With the handy-dandy Super Stitch 800, you can fix that tear in minutes! Now you don't have to wait to get home if you rip your tights. Save yourself the embarrassment of riding to war with your derriere in plain view, just use the Super Stitch 800 and fix them in no time! Lost your arm in battle? No problem! It's so easy to use that you can do it with just one hand! No more wasting your money on new clothes after every fight, just make five easy payments of $17.95 and you can repair your favorite vests and jackets instantly!
"It's handy when you're out conquering enemy armies and don't have time to find a seamstress! You'd never intimidate your adversaries if you rode into combat with shabby suits, you need the Super Stitch 800! Injured in a fight and left with a gaping flesh wound? We can fix that! Just use the Super Stitch 800 to stitch the gap closed, no medic needed! Recently been decapitated? Yup, we can fix that too! Just use our product to sew your head back on to your neck! It's so versatile! You just call 1-555-SEW-EASY and make five easy payments of $17.95! We'll even deliver your order to you with no extra charge! Please have your Elfin Express or Mordor Cards ready when you call. The Super Stitch 800 sponsors the Cheesy Game Show, WHAT'S IN GIMLI'S BEARD?!!! Now, the first twenty callers to order will receive three free hairs of Galadriel with their order! Caution, do not eat! May cause indigestion!"
The Cheesy Announcer voice stops and the camera fades back to our favorite Cheesy Game Show set, where Merry is getting ready to go over the rules, and we see what the contestants guess they will find in the bushy beard that is Gimli's!