17. Two Hot Women (and One Cool One)

Sun switches, Beamos, Skulltulas, and a vertical gauntlet of death. It was an extremely high wall, with moving bits that were hard to hold onto, and spikes on either side. After three tries I realized I could use the Longshot to bypass the whole thing, which I did, cursing myself mentally.

In the hall beyond it I found a Triforce symbol on the ground, which obviously meant: play Zelda's Lullaby. Seriously, the people who made these things had no imagination.

There were some flaming slugs to kill, then a fake door to the left of a flaming chest to bomb, and an eye switch to find. I shot it, then used the Longshot to reach some ice blocks above.

I hit another switch to extinguish the fire, then opened the chest to find a Big Scary Key. Down the hall to the right there was a room with several Psycho Pots and a crystal switch through some bars to hit, then a door to enter. The next room had a trio of White Bubbles flying spastically around the room. I killed them, then bombed the wall on the left.

There was a huge mirror beyond it, which I turned until it shone into the room beyond, then entered the next room and turn that mirror so that it shone through the bars and into the first room. Then I went back through all those rooms to the first room and hopped down under the diagonal mirror. I shone that light onto the nearby sun switch to lower the platform that I was standing on. It put me right in the middle of the huge room with the snake-legged goddess statue.

I couldn't really tell what that had to do with anything, but I shone the light directly on the face of the goddess.

Much to my surprise, the goddess's face crumbled to bits, revealing that it was really more like a cobra with a door in its mouth. Very creepy. Anyway, I used the Longshot on the door, which opened as soon as I landed.

"This is beyond weird," Navi muttered.

"You stole my line," I replied.

She laughed and we went through the door. I stopped suddenly.

Before us were the two old hags that had kidnapped Nabooru.

"Ho ho ho! Looks like someone is here, Koume," one said.

"Hee hee hee! Looks like it, Kotake!" the other replied.

"What an outrageous fellow he is, to intrude so boldly into our Temple... Ho ho ho!"

"We should teach this outrageous fellow a lesson! Hee hee hee!"

There was a pounding noise in my ears and I could feel the adrenaline rushing through my blood. Something about these witches just rubbed me the wrong way, and in my teenage-guy sensibility, I decided to destroy what I didn't like.

Besides, they worked for Ganon.

Twinrova, probably noticing that I wasn't intimidated, or even listening to them, sicked an Iron Knuckle on me and disappeared.

"Oh, loyal minion..."

"Destroy this intruder on our behalf!"

"I think I hate those old ladies," I said, drawing Biggoron's Sword.

"Me too," Navi agreed. "Now kill their minion."

This Iron Knuckle had slightly different armor from the last two, and a cape. It also seemed a bit shorter, and was a little faster. These weren't big differences, but made the fighting different. The Iron Knuckle moved clunkily, almost stumbling once or twice. I took advantage of these lapses to chop at the gaps in the armor and sever some of the bindings. This seemed to panic the Knuckle, which rushed at me and tried to take my head off.

I returned the favor.

Navi gasped.

I turned around and stared as the Iron Knuckle's helmet fell to the ground, and Nabooru's head was visible above the iron armor. As I watched the rest of the armor fell clanking to the ground, followed by Nabooru, who fell to her knees.

"Wh-what just…" she looked around, eyes eventually latching on to me. "That you kid?"

"Nabooru!" I exclaimed, my mouth finally catching up with my brain. Damn. She was even hotter than I'd remembered.

"It is you. But you're so…" she looked me up and down. "How long have I been out of it?"

"Just slightly longer than I have." I started helping her to her feet. "Come on, we've got to get you out of here before-"

"Before what?" a voice cackled. Twinrova appeared, flying on their broomsticks and grinning awfully. "Before we come back?"

"Yes," my eyes narrowed and I drew the Master Sword. I turned my head just slightly and whispered, "Nabooru, run."

"Well, well... Looks like she's back to normal, Koume."

"She's just a little girl, but she commands a lot of respect among the Gerudo, Kotake."

"Maybe we should make her work for the great Ganondorf for a little while longer! Ho ho ho!

"Then we should brainwash her again! Hee hee hee!"

Nabooru ran, but the witches didn't even try to follow. "You think she's important anymore?" one of them said. "We can get her back any time. Getting rid of you is top priority."

"Is it?" I grinned. "What an honor."

"Well, not top priority. You're under finding the princess."

"And getting the rest of the Triforce."

"And keeping the people in line."

"And getting the sages."

"And catching that Sheikah kid. The annoying one. You know," she said to her sister.

"Yeah, I know. But right now we're taking care of this annoying kid. Right?"

"Right!"

The witches tuned toward me and grinned. The hair of one of them burst into flame, and the other's hair suddenly turned into ice. I jumped in surprise.

"Look at that stupid kid! He came on his own to offer himself as a sacrifice to the great Ganondorf."

"With my flame, I will burn him to the bone!

"With my frost, I will freeze him to his soul!"

They turned and flew into the room beyond, and I chased after.

The room was large, and dark, and had a large middle pedestal with smaller ones all around. It also had very high ceilings so the witches could fly around easily. And they did. Twinrova, that's all I could think of to call them, seemed very full of themselves. I fully intended to pop their egos.

Unfortunately, I hadn't counted on the Sorcerous Sisters' sorcerousness (is that a word?). The flaming one threw a ball of fire at me, which I only barely managed to dodge.

I raised the Mirror Shield in time to block the second ball of fire. Some flames escaped around the edges, and I could smell my hair singeing, but most of the ball bounced off, flying at Twinrova.

The ice one dodged it frantically. "Watch it!" she shouted.

"It's not my fault!" her sister replied.

I got an idea. "Fire and ice," I murmured. "This is perfect." When the ice sister threw a giant ice ball at me, I simply ducked down, angled my shield, and bounced it into the fire one.

She screamed and fell slightly in the air.

"Absolutely perfect," I grinned.

Eventually, unfortunately, the Sorcerous Sisters got tired of this tactic.

"Okay, let's get serious now, Kotake!" one said.

"Oh, OK, Koume," the other replied.

"Kotake and Koume's Double Dynamite Attack!" they shouted together

They did something that looked suitably magical, and fused into one giant woman.

One giant, gorgeous, woman. With Gerudo-perfect curves, revealing clothing, and two pigtails, fire and ice.

I gasped and blushed as the giant woman winked at me, then reminded myself sharply that she was evil, and like a thousand years old.

The giant Twinrova amalgam was holding a broomstick in each hand, and she used one to throw a fireball at me. When I tried to block it it didn't bounce off, but seemed to be absorbed by the Mirror Shield, which began to vibrate slightly. The second fireball was also absorbed, but the third blast was ice, and when it hit the vibrating stopped. Not good.

Fire, ice, fire, ice, fire, ice. I dodged the fire ones and caught the ice, and on the third consecutive hit the ice shot back, hitting Twinrova dead-on, stunning her and knocking her down onto one of the pedestals.

I jumped across to the pedestal and hacked into her with the Master Sword. She woke as the sword bit into her flesh, leaping back into the air and having at me with fire and ice all over again.

The next time I got her with fire, and was determined to finish her off this time. The Bolero of Fire was dedicated to the power of the heart. How fitting, considering what had happened.

Twinrova collapsed on a different pedestal, and I rushed toward her. She may have looked up, right before I ran her through, but I may have imagined it. I leapt back onto the big platform, and was startled when the original Twinrova twins appeared in front of me.

"Shoot, what a fresh kid! This time, we'll get serious, right Kotake?"

"What? Hey Koume, what is that above your head?"

"I don't know, but you have one over your head too Kotake!"

"But I'm only 400 years old!"

"And I'm just 380 years old!"

"We're twins! Don't try to lie about your age!"

"You must have gone senile!"

"Who are you calling senile! Is that how you treat your older sister?"

"We are twins! How can you be older!"

"Keeeyaaah! How heartless you are!"

"How can you be so ungrateful!"

"You're heartless!"

"You ungrateful…"

"I'll come back to haunt you!"

Then they floated up into a blue light, leaving me alone. "That was…disturbing," I said.

"Wait, did they just go to heaven?" Navi exclaimed.

I rolled my eyes and stepped into the portal to the Chamber of the Sages.

"Hey kid, how the hell did you do that?" Nabooru asked.

"You're the Sage of Spirit!" I exclaimed. "You!"

"Yes." She crossed her arms and frowned at me. "Why not me?"

"Um, no reason. I guess…" I tried to remind myself that just because she belonged to a race of whores, was no reason for her not to be a Sage. "Hey, now you get to really take down Ganondorf!" My eyes widened with sudden realization. "Now I get to really take down Ganondorf."

"By the way..." she rubbed her neck nervously. "I really messed up... I was brainwashed by those old witches and used by Ganondorf to do his evil will. But isn't it funny?" She grinned. "That a person like me could turn out to be the Sage of Spirit! And now, I'm going to fight them as one of the six Sages! Heh heh..." the grin turned wicked. "I'm going to pay them back for what they did to me!"

"Good for you," I said, unable to think of anything else to say.

"Kid... No... Link, the Hero of Time! Instead of keeping the promise I made back then, I give you this Medallion!" Nabooru passed me the Spirit Medallion and her power.

"Thanks Nabooru," I smiled.

Nabooru smiled back, rather wickedly. As I started to warp back to…wherever it was I would end up, I heard her say, "If only I knew you would become such a handsome man…I should have kept the promise I made seven years ago."

Now why did that make me think of Sheik?