Disclaimer: I still own no characters, all I own is the Cheesy Game Show set and the Wheel of Hair. So sad. I should get more.
WHAT'S IN GIMLI'S BEARD!
A Cheesy Game Show hosted by Meriadoc Brandybuck
Chapter 2
The camera focuses back in on Merry, who is again smiling his Cheesy Game Show Host smile, because, let's face it, he's a Cheesy Game Show Host! "Hello again!", he greets us, "And welcome back? Did you enjoy the lovely commercial?" He walks over to the row of players and says, "Now let's go over the rules of the game for those of you who have never seen it before! First, the contestants write down what they think will be found in the beard today, then they each take turns pulling things out! Whoever has guessed the most items correctly is the winner! Now, let's get started!"
He walks over to Aragorn and says, "During the break I asked our players to write down the three things that they think will be found in Gimli's beard today. Let's start with you, Aragorn, and then move on down the line, shall we? What did you put down, Aragorn?" The man holds up his card and smiles, "Well, Merry, I chose three obvious things. I think we will find my toilet brush, a green sock that belongs to Legolas, and your shaving razor!" "Oh, good guesses!", said Merry the Host, "I do hope we find my razor, I haven't been able to shave for days!" Indeed we now notice that our host's face is rather stubbly and he has started to strongly resemble that handsome fellow, Charlie, from the TV show 'Lost'.
"Now let's see what our next contestant said, what did you guess, Pippin?", he inquires. Pippin smiles again, and the audience goes "Aww!" again. He shows his card and says, "I have done some clever deductive work and, according to my theories, we should find an elderly cheese sandwich, a rubber duck, and a Norwegian arctic snow flamingo!"
"Ookay," Merry says, "Let's move on now. How about you, Smeagol?" Smeagol holds up his card proudly and we see various scribbles and marks, but nothing legible. "We thinks the dwarf has lots of things in it's beardses, precious! We thinks it hides our pet trout, George! We also guesses that there is being a pairs of sunglasses, and our loincloth, precious!" After he says this, we notice for the first time that he is wearing a barrel around his body, held up by shoulder straps. "We hopes it is in there, precious! We is not finding it nowhere else, and we is starting to get splinters where splinters should not be getting to!"
"Well, we certainly hope you find that soon!", says Game Show Host Merry, "Now on to Sam. What did you put down, Sam?" "Fat hobbit probably puts down nothing and says we is stealing everything, precious!", Smeagol says sadly, making the audience go "Aww!" again. "Oh, for cryin' out loud!", complains Sam, "He's doin' it again! I didn't accuse him of nothing'!" "Alright, Sam, let's just hear what you think we'll find in Gimli's beard today.", Merry says to him, "Don't worry about what the other players say." "Okay," agrees Sam, "The three things I picked are a sack of taters, a pocket watch, and a half empty can of whipped cream." "You and your stupid nasty taters!", yells Smeagol to him, "Stupid fat hobbit!" "Mr. Merry, he's bein' mean to me again!", Sam says. Now the audience goes "Aww!" to Sam and he looks smugly at the angry creature next to him, getting a hiss in reply.
"No fighting, please!", reminds Game Show Host Merry, "It's time for Frodo's answers." "Well, Merry, to be honest I have no clue what could be lurking in there!", Frodo exclaims, "I made some random guesses and think that we will find a chicken, Pippin's lost teddy bear, and the severed head of an orc!" "Hey!", says Pippin, "I forgot about Mr. Shnookums! Do you really think we'll find him in there, Merry?" "No one knows!", replies Merry the Host.
"Now it's Legolas's turn to guess. Legolas, what do you think could be hidden in there?" "Well," says the elf, "Since Aragorn already guessed my green sock, I had to change an answer. My theory is that we'll find a goat, a banjo, and some arrows from the many times I tried to shoot Gimli in his sleep but they were absorbed by the hair." The others look at him strangely and he realizes his mistake. "Uh, did I say try to kill? I, um, meant when I was practicing archery and they accidentally, um, flew towards his chest. Yeah! That's it!" "Ookay!", says Merry, "I think someone has some issues! Let's move on to our next contestant, shall we?"
He hurries to get away from the psychotic elf and goes over to Gandalf. "Okay, Gandalf, it's your turn. What did you write?" The wizard holds up his card and answers, "You know, I think I dropped my staff near his head one day, it might've fallen in! I really need that back! Also I believe there will be cookies and a cup of tea."
"Great!", says Merry, "And now it's time for Boromir, our last contestant. What do you think is in Gimli's beard?" "I think we will find a baseball glove that I borrowed from my brother, a Superman action figure, and my left boot!", the man of Gondor replies, "I really hope I find my boot, I stepped on a sharp rock this morning and it really hurt!" "Aww!" goes the audience again.
"Well, now," says Cheesy Game Show Host Merry, "We've got all of our guesses, but we won't find out what's in the horrendous hair until later on in our show. Now, we have to go to another commercial, but stay tuned! There's loads of fun! Coming up next is the Wheel of Hair!" He smiles his Cheesy Game Show Host Smile yet again as the camera fades out.
Another Cheesy Commercial
This time the commercial shows a pink building. Standing outside of it is none other than Lady Arwen. She smiles at the camera and says, "Hello there. I'm Arwen Evenstar. Are you ugly? Really ugly? No, I mean really, really ugly? Are you so homely that the sight of you makes babies cry and old men die of fright? Not to worry, there is help for you! Come visit me at Arwen's House of Beauty! Here, we can pluck, tuck, push, pull, stretch, squeeze, curl, twirl, polish, paint, pulverize, and powder your hideous form so that you can look gorgeous! It's mostly pain free, and the results are great! Just look at me! I was never ugly, but if I was, I'd come to see me so that I could look like I do!
"There's no case too difficult, no face too deformed! You look like a donkey's backside? No problem! You've been run over by a carriage? That's okay, too! You look like Gimli? Well, we'll do our best. By the way, we sponsor the Cheesy Game Show, WHAT'S IN GIMLI'S BEARD?!!! Come on down to Arwen's House of Beauty, we can make you pretty, or at least decent looking. We can even help dwarf women be able to be distinguished from the dwarf men, believe it or not! Just come and see us at 123 Rivendell Road! You don't even need an appointment! So stop by and let me let you look like me!"
The camera fades from her cheesy smile and returns to Merry's cheesy smile on the set of our favorite Cheesy Game Show set, as our host is preparing the contestants to spin the mysterious Wheel of Hair! How exciting!