Author's Note: Hi there! Lil here! Here's the next chapter, hope you enjoy it! And I ask you all to please review, I don't get many of them. That's sad! I'd like just one, it's not asking much, is it? Oh, and if you like Starsky and Hutch, go read my new songfic, Beep! Beep! and one that is a parody of a parody, Junky LTD! They are funny! I think they are, anyway. So, on with the story! Oh, and no fish were harmed in the making of this chapter! We'll say George was swapped with a Swedish fish candy at the last second!

Disclaimer: As usual, I own nothing and no one associated with the Lord of the Rings. That's sad. If you would like to protest this, and help me to own them, please send me donations to help buy them! I promise I'll share with you! Oh, and the commercial was the idea of my niece, Jordan. She's very creative!

WHAT'S IN GIMLI'S BEARD?

A Cheesy Game Show Hosted by Meriadoc Brandybuck

Chapter 5

The camera comes back into focus on Boromir as he is putting on the protective gear. "Welcome back! We're getting Boromir ready to venture into the beard now! Are you ready?", Game Show Host Merry asks him and the man nods and gives an enthusiastic thumbs up. "Great! Let's get up on the platform!" They climb up to the top of the ladder. Merry then attaches the giant rubber band to Boromir's feet and blindfolds him. The host leads the contestant to the edge and tells him, "Okay, you know what to do! You get five turns!" Boromir nods and Merry claps him on the back, saying, "Good luck!"

The Gondorian man walks to the end of the diving board, and to everyone's surprise, does a very impressive and graceful Swan Dive off the edge! He returns from the long locks of the slumbering dwarf with something small clutched in his hand. He hands it to the host, and upon further examination, it is found to be a picture of Eowyn in a bikini! "Hey!", says Aragorn, "I've been looking for that! I thought Faramir took it!" Eomer, who is in the audience, jumps up and yells, "What? What do you think you're doing with a picture of my sister in a bikini? I'm gonna kill you, you stupid piece of-" Thankfully Merry cuts him off soon enough to keep this story's G rating!

"Hey now!", Host Merry says, "Eomer, I'm going to ask that all audience members please refrain from killing any contestants before the show is over, as it may change the outcome of the winner." The man sits down dejectedly and Aragorn, who was cowering behind his podium, now smiles triumphantly. "But," adds the host, "That doesn't mean you can't kill him after the show's done!" Now it is Eomer's turn to smile, quite evilly, and Aragorn goes back to cowering. Merry takes a look at the picture before pretending to throw it down on to the stage, but discreetly slipping it into his pocket instead, sneaky little devil!

Cheesy Game Show Host Merry says, "Alright, Boromir, you may continue!", and the man dives back in, with as much flare and finesse as the first time. He returns this time with a moldy, half-eaten cheese sandwich, that had probably came from the author's fridge which she had recently cleaned out. "Great!", says Merry the Host, "I believe Pippin predicted this one, let's look at the board!" 'Ping' goes the scoreboard, as a check mark appears next to Pippin's guess. "YAY!!!" goes the audience.

Boromir dives in a third time, with much turning and spinning, and comes out with a gigantic laundry basket full of lost socks in various colors and patterns. "So that's where all the lost dryer socks disappear to!", Frodo comments. "Indeed.", agrees Pippin, "I thought the monster who lives under your bed always eats them. I was way off!"

There are no points awarded, sadly, and the man goes back in, with a dive that looks like a corkscrew, impressive. Boromir brings up this time a bowl of creamy tomato soup. It looks yummy, but several people display disgust at the food. "Yuck!", says Host Merry, "No one guessed that, so no one gets any points this time either." The bowl of soup joins the rest of the things in a growing pile on top of the stage, aside from the goat.

Boromir's last and most impressive dive, with lots of flips and twist and fancy arm movements, is also more productive that the last two. When the man comes back up onto the platform, he is carefully holding a fish bowl with a rather ugly green fish swimming in it. "George!", Smeagol yells, and runs up to the stage, "We was so worried about you, precious!" Merry gently drops the bowl down for the creature to catch. It is a happy moment as fish and owner are reunited. "Aww!", says the audience. 'Ping!' goes the scoreboard.

"That's right!", remembers Game Show Host Merry, "Smeagol gets a point because he predicted that we would find George today!" "YAY!!!" says the audience. "We is so happy to be finding you, George!", Smeagol tells the fish, "We misseded our little fishie so much!" He then, to everyone's horror, proceeds to pull George out of his bowl and pop the poor fish into his mouth! Screams sound from audience members and contestants alike!

"Smeagol!", yells Merry, "How could you do that to your pet? That's awful!" "No, not awful," Smeagol argues, "Though he could've used a bit of lemon, precious." Boromir then hands the creature his lemon, sharing is nice. "Why did you eat George? He was your fish!", Merry cries. "Yes.", agrees the thing, "He was our fishes and we is hungry. So we eats him! Is eatsing what we guesses against the rules, precious?" "No, you still have your point, Smeagol," Host Merry tells him, "But that was very wrong! No more eating things that are alive!" "So we is supposed to kill them first?", inquires Smeagol innocently.

"No!", yells the host, "Okay, new rule! Do not eat anything that comes out of the beard!" The creature looks at the stage and says, "So we can't eats what comes out of stinky dwarfses beard?" "Exactly!", confirms Merry the Host. "So can we eat that?", asks Smeagol, pointing, "It was already out of the beard before stupid Cheesy Game Show Host makeses the new stupid rule!" "NOOOOOOO!", Pippin cries, running in front of the goat to which Smeagol was referring, "Just don't eat anything!" "But we is hungry, precious!", poor Smeagol says, "Starving!"

"We have to go now," says Merry, "So I can find this thing something to eat, before he eats the poor kidd. Enjoy this commercial and we'll be back soon! But first, let's hear a round of applause for Boromir!" The sickened audience claps weakly, realizing that if Boromir had not brought out the fish in the first place, the poor thing wouldn't have had such a horrible fate. He seems not to notice their hesitation to clap, and stands up, shaking his hands in the air like he was getting a standing ovation. The camera leaves now, fading from the cute scene of Pippin protecting the little goat from the ravenous Smeagol, and we go to the commercial.

The Next Cheesy Commercial, Oh Joy!

Our camera is now showing a creepy looking and dark building with a creepy looking Saruman standing in front of it. "Hello there!", he says cheerfully, "Are you lonely? Do you need someone to talk to, but all other manners of living creatures find you horrid and repulsive? Not to worry, we can make you the perfect companion! Just stop by one of our Build-An-Orc Workshops! We can help you find the right pieces you need to make a new best friend! We have several different styles of orcs to choose from, and you can add different body parts and accessories to customize your orc! You can make him, or her, however you- wait a minute! Are there any female orcs? Oh, well. If not, you can put a dress on a male orc and call it a girl! You can do whatever you want to it!

Imagination is important here at Build-An-Orc Workshop, so we have many different costumes, wigs, weapons, and much, much more! Here we have everything you need to make your very own special friend! You'll never have to worry about offending him and driving him off like everyone else, he's an orc! He finds nothing disgusting, and you can treat him just like you treat the other people who are repelled by you or your smell! Speaking of disgusting and smelly things, Build-An-Orc Workshops are proud sponsors of the exciting new Cheesy Game Show, WHAT'S IN GIMLI'S BEARD?!!! Come on down to a Build-An-Orc Workshop near you! We now have twelve convenient locations!"

Saruman's scary smile gleams, and the camera thankfully changes from his creepy workshop to our favorite Cheesy Game Show set, where it's Sam's turn to try and brave the horrific hair! We hope that Samwise the Stouthearted is brave enough to battle the unruly wilderness of the tangley beard of Gimli!