"OK Sara, I want to try another exercise with you. Just like last time I want to you relax and breathe, just like I taught you."
Sara lay back on the couch in her therapist's office. She had been seeing her PEAP Councillor but he had suggested that she continue seeking professional help to assist her through her current difficulties. That is why she was now in Dr Melissa Denton's office.
Closing he eyes she started her breathing exercises. While the thought of hypnosis had scared Sara to start with, she realised it was a valuable tool to get to many emotions that she had been repressing. While many of the sessions ended in tears, she also felt an intense release of tension.
Once Melissa saw Sara's breathing relax into a more natural pattern she knew it was time to start. The object of this exercise was to try and sort out Sara's confusion over her relationships with her co workers.
"Now Sara, I want you to imagine you are at work, in one of the labs and you have been working for some time in solitude. I want you to face the door. Now, describe to me were you are."
In a voice that was more relaxed then her general demeanour, she responded, "I'm in the layout room, reviewing evidence."
"Good." Melissa looked down at her notes in her lap. Before this session she had made sure that she had a list made up of all her workmates that had been brought up in their previous sessions. Her intension was to bring each person into the lab to interact with Sara, as Sara perceives it. "Now Sara, I want you to describe everything to me, what the other person is doing, how they are speaking, and most importantly, how you are feeling. Can you do that for me?"
She saw Sara nod her acknowledgement.
"OK, let's begin. You look up and Catherine is at the door. Tell me what happens now."
-------------------------------------------------
Sara looks up as Catherine breezes into the room. She can't help the small sigh that escapes her lips.
"Hey Cath, what's up?"
"Oh nothing just thought I would pop in a see how you were going on our case." Catherine leans over and starts to pick up evidence bags that Sara had neatly laid out in front of her.
Plucking one of the bags from Cath's hand she places it back in its place on the table and says,"Ah, Cath, I am the primary on this case and everything is going fine. I have Greg working on the DNA and waiting on Brass to pick up the warrant. So as you can see, everything is under control." Sara smiles a tight smile at Catherine.
Holding her hands up in surrender, Cath mouths the word sorry without actually making a sound.
Seeing her expression Sara again sighs, "Sorry Cath, I'm just …… you know, in the middle of …… stuff."
Catherine smiles, "That's OK. How about we catch up for breakfast some time? We never seem to spend any time together anymore, what with the change of shifts and all."
"Sure, that sounds fine. Call me." Sara smiles and Catherine leaves her to her work.
----------------------------------------------
"Good," Melissa allows Sara to rest for a minute as she finishes writing her notes on the last conversation. Although she video tapes the session, she likes to write her initial reacition toSara's facial express and body language during the sessions.
"OK Sara, I think we will have …. Warrick enter next."
---------------------------------------------
"Hey Girl, you still here?" Sara looks up to see Warrick wander into the room. Warrick always wanders, never strides, never runs, just…… wanders.
He also was wearing his usual beleaguered look on his face. It seemed to be his natural expression. Shame, he has such a nice smile.
"Yeah, just finishing up on the Sidle case. I thought you would have been out of here hours ago. You finish at midnight now you know."
Doing his usual smile, sigh, nod thing, his only response was, "Yeah …. well you know how it is. Hey, you need help with anything?"
"No, I'm OK. I'm sure if you go now you should be able to catch Mia."
Smiling he turns to leave, "Yeah, I might just do that. Catch you later."
"Bye."
She watches him wander out the room and down the hall.
------------------------------------------------
Interesting. Melissa takes careful note of the "case" Sara was working on to discuss in a future session.
"Greg now Sara."
-----------------------------------------------
"Got those test results for you."
Sara nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard Greg's voice in her left ear. She hadn't even heard him come in.
"Greg, don't you know how to knock. You scared the shit out of me."
Turning to confront her tormentor she couldn't help but return a small smile. While not quite matching the ear splitting grin on Sander's face it was a smile none the less.
"Well?"
"Well what?" Greg asked looking over the evidence in front of him.
"The results Greg!" As fond as she was of Greg he was also one of the most frustrating people she had ever dealt with.
"Oh right! Inconclusive, sorry. So what is all this stuff anyway?"
"This… stuff… is evidence Greg. I would have thought you would have been a little more educated considering how much time I have put in training you."
Grinning and throwing Sara a sideways glance he responded, "Maybe, I might need a little more tutoring. You know…… private sessions."
Sara was still stunned at how far Greg could get his eyebrows to rise when he was flirting with her. "You know Greg, I think you might be right." Leaning in closer to him she whispers seductively, "I am sure Grissom would love to help you out."
"Ah, you know what, I am sure I will be fine. I had better get back to the DNA lab. See you round like a doughnut."
"Goodbye, Greg."
---------------------------------------------
Now it was time for the two men that had come up time and time again in her sessions. While Sara had disclosed her feelings for her supervisor in an early session, Melissa very much doubted that her feelings were in fact accurate. She hoped this exercise would help not only her, but Sara, work out what her real feeling were towards both Grissom (why didn't she call him Gil?) and Nick.
Here goes nothing. Who first….. who first… "Sara, Grissom has just entered the room."
--------------------------------------------
"Am I interrupting anything?" Grissom stood in the doorway holding a folder in front of him, almost like a shield.
Instantly Sara sat up straighter in her chair. Looking over the table she was happy that everything was neat and orderly, just they way he had instructed her.
"No, of course not. Please come in."
Grissom entered and headed around the table to stand beside her. She could feel his presence at her shoulder and hear his breathing next to her ear. Her heart beat a little bit faster. She was always nervous around him now and she didn't even really know why. Over the last couple of years it had changed from excitement to nervousness. She much preferred the excitement. She knew her work was good. She had received many glowing staff evaluations to know he also thought her work was good. But the nerves were always there.
After casting a quick but thorough glance at her work he handed her the folder in her hand. "I need you to look at this file for me. I need some fresh eyes."
"Sure, fine, no problem." An awkward silenced descended. "Was there something else?"
Sara turned around to see Grissom had been looking at her and not, as she had thought, at the evidence laid out on the table.
"Good, good," Grissom practically jumped away from her. "If you could get back to me with that file I would appreciate it." And he left the room.
As usual with Grissom, Sara was left with more questions than answers.
------------------------------------------
Scribbling frantically Melissa made many notes on the paper in front of her, not wanting to miss any of the facial expressions she had witnessed on Sara's face.
"Ok Sara, time for you last visitor. Nick enters."
------------------------------------------
"Sara, Sara, Sara. Don't you EVER go home?"
Sara glanced up at the familiar voice. There he was leaning against the door jam, grinning from ear to ear. He was dressed in her favourite blue shirt. There was just something about that shirt. Looking at his hands she sees not one, but two steaming cups of what could only be Greg's Hawaiian Blue coffee.
"Please tell me one of those is for me." Sara was surprised at how tired she sounded. She really hadn't felt that tired until now.
Nick lifted himself from the door jam and headed into the room. Standing opposite her he placed the two cups down beside his elbows and leaned in as if about to share a secret.
"On one condition."
"That coffee smells so good I would be willing to do anything." Nick's eyebrows also managed to defy gravity like Greg's. "Well, almost anything. What is the condition?"
Grinning, "Go home."
"I've got to finish with this evidence."
Looking at the evidence laid out around him he notes, "Looks all bagged and tagged to me."
"Grissom wants me to look over a file for him."
"That file there?" Sara nodded affirmation. Picking up the file he leafed through it quickly. "Sara, this case has been cold for 4 days, another 12 hours is not going to hurt it."
"I have paperwork to catch up with."
"Sara….. Go home." This time she could see genuine concern on his face.
She wanted to tell him. Wanted to say how lonely she gets in that apartment. Wanted to tell him that she found it easier to stay at work and be busy then tell him what it was like to sit at home and psychoanalyse her life. Wanted to tell him about her mother, about the foster care, even about her therapy, but she couldn't. She could never admit how alone she was. No yet anyway. She wasn't ready.
Cocking his head sideways he looked at her and placed one of his hands over hers.
"Want to catch a movie?"
She fought back the tears that threatened to well in her eyes. Nodding she leaned passed himand grabbed one of the cups of coffee. "I said I would be willing to do anything for this coffee."
"You may be sorry when I tell you what movie we are seeing."
Laughing for the first time in ages she and Nick walked out of the lab together.
-------------------------------------------
Melissa finished with her notes and started to bring Sara back into full consciousness.
"How do you feel?"
Sara sat for a while, remembering her meetings with her workmates. While they never actually occurred she knew each one was an acutely accurate summary of her relationship with each of them. "Fine….. I mean….. OK I guess."
"We certainly bought up a few issues there didn't we?" Melissa could see that Sara was still analysing what had occurred. "I think we might finish up there and let you take a little time to digest what happened. How does that sound?"
"Yeah, I think that is a good idea. Same time Thursday?"
"Absolutely! You know you can call and talk if you need to before then OK."
"OK," Sara stood and shook Melissa's hand. "Thank you Melissa. I'll see you Thursday."
"Goodbye Sara."
Closing the door behind her Melissa knew that Sara was on her way to emotional stability. While there was a long way to go she knew that before long Sara would probably have someone else to talk to about her life and that was just what she needed.
With 10 minutes before her next appointment she went into the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee. One thing she had to thank Sara for was introducing her to this fantastic Hawaiian Blue coffee.