Author's Note: Hi there! Lil here! Happy Hanukkah to all who celebrate it (including me! I'm half and half.)! I hope you have enjoyed the story, and I am sad to say that this is the last chapter. But don't worry, there will be more! I also posted a new story, my first Walker, Texas Ranger fic! Go check it out, it's called All I Want For Christmas and it's short and cute! I hope you have enjoyed this Cheesy Game Show, if you have, please review! I wish to thank everyone who reviewed last time: wolfwoman357 (you get some fruitcake! yay! and Sierra can have some, too!), ejwgirl2 (yes, it does get better! and I'm glad you like it!), Nenloth Greenleaf (thanks to you and your little brother!), WildBlackWolf (:-P), Erulasse (maybe I do need to advertise more! feel free to give me an ad in your local newspaper!), Mr. Random (I try! and if Gimli found out, he'd probably be all 'off with their heads'! lol, that's why they knocked him unconscious with a mallet first!) and thanks to all who reviewed before, or will review in the future! Hope you have a Happy Holiday if you celebrate one, and if you don't, then have a great Winter, it's my favorite season! Oh, and you'll never guess what I was watching this evening, yup! The fellowship! Yay! TNT doth rock!
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from the Lord of The Rings. Maybe my mommy will put them in my stocking all wrapped up for Christmas! I really don't see that happening, so unless the real owners were really really nice and gave them to me -hint, hint!- then I can't claim them! I do own a peanut butter sandwich, but you can't have it because I'm eating it! (in case you haven't noticed, I often eat while I type, lol!)
WHAT'S IN GIMLI'S BEARD?
A Cheesy Game Show hosted by Meriadoc Brandybuck
Chapter 7 (the last chapter! Don't worry, there's a sequel!)
The camera zooms in on Gandalf, who is having trouble getting the flippers on. "Hurry up, Gandalf!", Merry whispers, "We haven't got all day!" The wizard's response, though muffled by the mask, sounds something like, "Dagnabbit! I'm not as young as I used to be! Young hooligan should learn to respect his elders!" Merry the Host is about to say something that is probably not very respectful, then notices the camera is back on. "Oh, welcome back!", he says, putting on his Cheesy Game Show Host smile, "Gandalf the Geezer, oops, I mean, Gandalf the Grey, is getting geared up to get on with his terrible trip into the toxic trap that is known as Gimli's beard! Are you ready, Gandalf?"
His response does not sound pleasant, and is surely not fit for our G rating, so it is a good thing it is unintelligible! "Great!", says Merry, "Get movin', up ya go!", and pushes the stubborn old-timer up the ladder. At the top he attaches the rubber band and ties the blindfold. The wizard does not want to jump into the hair, he would much rather stay up here and lecture this young whippersnapper of a host on manners, but a swift kick in the rear from our favorite aforementioned Cheesy Game Show Host remedies the situation!
Gandalf the Geezer topples off the diving board, his beard flapping in the air and his arms and legs flailing! He can be heard yelling indecipherable curses at Host Merry before being sucked into the still slumbering dwarf's beard. Moments later he is back onto the platform, very angry about being treated so rudely! In his hands he holds a pair of round blue John Lennon sunglasses that look suspiciously like the ones the author used to have, but her dog really did eat those last summer. "Nice dive there, Gandalf!", Merry tells him, "And Smeagol gets another point for the glasses. That puts him into the lead with two points, tied with Boromir!" 'Ping!' goes the scoreboard. "YAY!!!" says the audience.
Smeagol jumps happily into the air and dances around, swinging the fishbowl around and sloshing water everywhere. "YAY!!! We is winning, George!", he says to the empty bowl, "We is winning! Wait! We forgots that we eated George!" He starts crying loudly! "Poor George!" "Aww, it's okay.", says Pippin, trying to comfort the poor creature by patting him on the back. "But we misses him!", he wails! "Then you SHOULDN'T HAVE EATEN HIM!!!", scolds Host Merry angrily, which makes Smeagol start crying louder! "Hey!", says Pippin, "Don't be so mean to him, Merry! Have a heart, his pet just died!" "Well yeah!", points out Merry, "Because he ATE HIM!!!" Pippin seems not to get the point, and still tries to console Smeagol.
"Okay," says Merry uncaringly, "Let's get back to the game. Go on, Gandalf, dive in! Or do you need help this time, too?" The old man does not want to have his posterior abused anymore, so he jumps back in of his own free will. They all wait for him to come out. And they wait. And they wait. And then they wait some more! Finally, the host gets sick of just waiting. "Alright, Gandalf, you can come back up now!", Game Show Host Merry calls in the direction of the hair. There is no answer, and no Gandalf!
"Try pulling him up!", Legolas suggests, for once having a good idea! Merry grabs the giant rubber band and pulls hard, only to find it won't budge! He pulls harder, but it appears to be stuck! He gives a mighty tug and SNAP, the giant rubber band breaks in two! The lower portion is quickly falling into the hair! Aragorn nearly runs over the other contestants to get to the stage and dives for the rubber band, but it slips through his fingers and falls into the beard! "NOOOOOOOOOOO!", everyone cries!
"You know what that means!", Pippin says. "Yes.", agrees Merry the Host grimly, "Someone's gonna have to go in there after him!" "I will go to save Gandalf," offers Frodo stupidly, "Though I do not know the way." Everyone looks at him, but he doesn't notice. "But how will we choose who has to go in?", asks Sam. "WHEEL OF HAIR!!!", the audience shouts in unison! "Well, I suppose we don't have a choice!", says Game Show Host Merry, "The audience has decided, and someone has to save the old fogey! Now, who wants to spin first?"
The camera fades away to the final commercial of the story, but not before we hear Pippin ask, "Can I change one of my answers to Gandalf?" Fear not, we will return to our favorite Cheesy Game Show Set in the next story! Who will be chosen to brave the bushy beard? Will they find Gandalf? Just what is it like inside the ferocious facial fur? All of the answers to these questions and more lie in the sequel, Adventures In Gimli's Beard! So, until next time, please review! And enjoy this last commercial, done by my muse!
One Last Cheesy Commercial, AndA Scary One, At That!
Now the camera shows a rather evil-looking man with black hair in a ridiculous bright green snake costume, his head coming out between it's jaws! He does not look happy. We recognize him as the one and only… Professor Snape? Indeed, the Potions Master of Hogwarts has been tricked, I mean persuaded, into doing a commercial for our enjoyment!
He now begins to speak in a very bored and monotonous voice, and as we can see his eyes moving back and forth, he is very apparently and unconvincingly reading from a cue card. "Hello there. If you're hungry and need some good food, come on down to Salad-bar Slytherin's. We have the best vittles in- Wait a minute! What on earth is a vittle?" A voice, presumably the director, whispers something to him off camera, and he continues reading, "The best vittles in town. Oh, for the love of Pete, why don't they just say food so that everyone can understand?" The voice comes back, and he reads again, looking angrier, "Here at Salad-bar Slytherin's you can get yummy meals for everyone, and it's nutritious, too. Who in Middle-Earth wrote this? It's a piece of-" The off camera voice sounds angry now, and appears to be angering Snape as well.
Snape looks as if he would love to strangle the heck out of that person, if only his arms weren't pinned to his sides by the hilarious costume! He continues again, still being frequently chastised by the off-camera voice, "Fine, I'll read it! I don't know how I get myself into these messes! Our restaurant is fun for the whole family, and you don't even need a reservation. It's a really groovy and happening place. Groovy? What, are we back in the disco era? Should I go get my bell bottoms and platform shoes?" The angry voice comes back. "Oh, alright, I'll continue. Just stop on by, we even have drive through. Isn't that great? You won't find tastier food anywhere else. Haha, yeah, right! Have you people tasted this crap? It'll probably kill ya!" The voice is apparently threatening the poor professor now. "I mean, uh, it's great! Terrific! Delicious! Don't hurt me! Come on down to Salad-bar Slytherin's today and get some good home cookin'." He is apparently finished reading, and wants to leave. The director has different ideas!
"There, I read it! Can I go now? This stupid costume is starting make me itch, and it's really hot!" He is given a new cue card and the voice tells him to read it."What? No, I want to go home! Oh, fine! The author wants me to say the following: THANK YOU to all who read and reviewed her lovely piece of fiction, and she hopes you enjoyed it. The first chapter of the next story will be posted soon. It is titled Adventures In Gimli's Beard! If you thought this story was funny, wait until you read the sequel. It is most amusing, a real hoot. And she wants me to ask you to please review. WHAT??? She says that if you don't review she'll, -gulp!- make me eat fruitcake!!! Please review!!! For the love of Torinos, please review!!! She's serious, people!!! There, can I go now? What? What did you just say? And what do you mean by that? You just wait until I get out of this stupid costume, I'll get you! What do you mean you can't wait until I'm out of-? Why you…"
The angry Potions Professor starts hopping off the set after the author/director who is now running for her life! Fortunately for her, he can't keep his balance stuck in the snake suit, and topples over onto his side. We try to control our laughter as he rolls off screen and out of sight, still yelling unpleasant threats! The camera fades away to darkness and we hear an evil cackling, MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
The End. Or merely, the beginning of another tale!
Hope you liked it! Go read some of my other stories to tide you over until I get the next part up!