"I know I was wrong
For treating you the way I did (The way I did....ohhhh...)
I had so much on my mind (ohhh......)
I didn't know where you fit in (awwwww....)
And if I could do it all over again (again....)
I'd never treat you that way (I'd never treat you that way again.....again....)
I apologize for the pain that I've caused (oohhhh.....)
And I just wanna say (I just wanna say.....)
I'm sorry (I'm sorry)
So sorry (So sorry)
For treating you the way I did...."
All 4 One- I'm Sorry
"Hey, Spinner! Thanks for coming," Liberty said as Spinner entered the room. They were in the empty classroom Liberty had been using to interview the people for her documentary. Spinner looked around and observed the room. Sun streamed through the slightly dusty window in the left corner of the room. Chairs and desks were pushed towards the walls, with the exception of a single chair in the middle of the room. Spinner went to it and sat down. He was now face to face with the video camera Liberty was using to do the documentary. After Jimmy had gone to give the interview the previous day, Spinner decided he'd give one, too. There was a lot he needed to get off his chest. He'd called Liberty and she'd told him to meet her in the morning. Now, here he was, nervous, but ready.
"Anytime you're ready, Spinner," Liberty said as she pressed the ON button on the camera. Spinner nodded and stared at the floor. So many thoughts went through his head, but still he didn't know where to start. He listened to the soft hum of the camera and tried to imagine himself being anywhere, doing anything except giving an interview about his feelings towards a girl he barely knew who had killed herself. He looked up at Liberty who smiled encouragingly at him. He took a deep breath and spoke, letting all the words that he'd never thought he'd say; never wanted to say before now spill out from him.
"I, uh, guess I never really knew Emma. I mean, sure I'd see her around hanging out with all her friends and stuff, but I never really got to know her. She always seemed so busy. So... happy. So when I heard that she'd.... done this I couldn't believe it. But unlike everyone else who felt sad and curious, I felt guilty. Yea, I know what you're thinking, me, Spinner.. guilty?!?!" He chuckled a little and ran a shaky hand through his hair. He wanted to stop, but he knew he had to get this all out. Sighing, he started again. "But I was. I had never been nice to Emma. I had never really said one good word to her all the time I've known her. No.... instead I picked on her. I made other people laugh at her expense. She didn't deserve that. But I didn't stop. And Emma..... she seemed so strong through it all. She never let what I said to her bother her. And so I thought she never really cared. But now I wonder, what if she did? What if she just never showed it?
"I know nobody ever expected anything out of me. Never expected me to be anything other than a-a jerk. Never thought I'd ever say something like this. But now that I see how I was, I guess I should have expected better from me." Spinner nervously laughed and stared out the window. He heard Liberty make an odd, sort of strangled noise and knew she was holding back tears. It made what Spinner was about to say all the more harder. "And that's why I, uh, I blame myself for her death."
"But Spin-" Liberty tried to protest, but Spinner held up his hand to silence her.
"Please, Liberty," he said, looking her in the eye. Liberty looked away from his stare. There was so much pain there. And tears too. Liberty couldn't believe that this was the same Spinner who used to put grade sevens in lockers and trashcans just for the fun of it. That was why Liberty had to fight not to cry. To see Spinner like this..... She heard Spinner clear his throat and knew he was ready to start again.
"When I heard she'd k-killed herself I panicked. I thought everyone would blame me like I blamed myself. I thought she had left a note behind telling everyone how cruel I was. And you know what? Even thought she didn't, I kinda wish she had. So people could see me for who I really was. A cruel piece of shit!" Spinner looked away from the camera again, wishing he could just get up and leave. But he wouldn't. When he looked back a tear was rolling down his cheek.
"And what I just really wanted to say is, um, Emma, if you can uh, hear me," Spinner laughed to himself, realizing how gay he must sound. "Emma, I'm sorry. I really am..... that's all." Another tear rolled silently down his cheek as he sighed and hung his head.
Liberty hit the OFF button, and looked at Spinner concerned. "You ok?" she asked him cautiously. She was afraid he'd break down or something. This was so unlike Spinner. Spinner nodded.
"Yea, I'm fine," he said, getting up and walking towards the door to leave.
"I could edit your interview out, if you want," Liberty offered. Spinner froze for a second, considering what she'd just said. Then he shook his head.
"No, Liberty, don't. I, uh, I owe her that much." Liberty nodded. Once Spinner left, Liberty went to sit in the seat he had sat in during his interview. There, she began to cry, not realizing that she'd accidentally hit the ON button for the camera. Though if she had known, it probably wouldn't have mattered.
A/N ::cries madly:: This is getting sad. I know some of you are probably thinking, "Please, Spinner would never say stuff like that or cry in front of Liberty!" But let me tell you, when someone you know commits suicide, whether they were your best friend or someone you picked on from time to time, it does things to you. You change in some way or the other. Trust me on this one. And besides, it makes the story all the more sad and heartwarming to see Spinner of all people that way. I know this chapter was a bit shorter than the others and I apologize. Review people! Love, Kris Xoxoxoxo
P.S. Should I continue with the sad songs in the beginning of each chapter? Lemme know, please! The next chapter is one some of you have been waiting for. Manny visits Sean!!!!!! But I won't post it unless I get feedback, so REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!
P.P.S. I know Spinner's interview sounded kinda like Jimmy's, but I wrote this chapter before writing the one about Jimmy and I guess I was still set in the mindframe of Spinner's interview or something. ::shrugs:: Anyhoo, next chapter may take a while. This story is depressing me and I know the whole Manny visits Sean thing is gonna make me breakdown or something. Plus, I have school to worry about so you're gonna have to bear with me. Ok? Love ya!
P.P.P.S. Lolz, sorry about all the post scripts, but I promise I'll get to EVERYONE'S feelings on Emma, k? Her mom, too. Just give me time, geez. The reason I focused so much on Manny is because I thought it would make the story more interesting from her point of view. The next few chapters will take a while, but I'll try and make them worth it. K?
For treating you the way I did (The way I did....ohhhh...)
I had so much on my mind (ohhh......)
I didn't know where you fit in (awwwww....)
And if I could do it all over again (again....)
I'd never treat you that way (I'd never treat you that way again.....again....)
I apologize for the pain that I've caused (oohhhh.....)
And I just wanna say (I just wanna say.....)
I'm sorry (I'm sorry)
So sorry (So sorry)
For treating you the way I did...."
All 4 One- I'm Sorry
"Hey, Spinner! Thanks for coming," Liberty said as Spinner entered the room. They were in the empty classroom Liberty had been using to interview the people for her documentary. Spinner looked around and observed the room. Sun streamed through the slightly dusty window in the left corner of the room. Chairs and desks were pushed towards the walls, with the exception of a single chair in the middle of the room. Spinner went to it and sat down. He was now face to face with the video camera Liberty was using to do the documentary. After Jimmy had gone to give the interview the previous day, Spinner decided he'd give one, too. There was a lot he needed to get off his chest. He'd called Liberty and she'd told him to meet her in the morning. Now, here he was, nervous, but ready.
"Anytime you're ready, Spinner," Liberty said as she pressed the ON button on the camera. Spinner nodded and stared at the floor. So many thoughts went through his head, but still he didn't know where to start. He listened to the soft hum of the camera and tried to imagine himself being anywhere, doing anything except giving an interview about his feelings towards a girl he barely knew who had killed herself. He looked up at Liberty who smiled encouragingly at him. He took a deep breath and spoke, letting all the words that he'd never thought he'd say; never wanted to say before now spill out from him.
"I, uh, guess I never really knew Emma. I mean, sure I'd see her around hanging out with all her friends and stuff, but I never really got to know her. She always seemed so busy. So... happy. So when I heard that she'd.... done this I couldn't believe it. But unlike everyone else who felt sad and curious, I felt guilty. Yea, I know what you're thinking, me, Spinner.. guilty?!?!" He chuckled a little and ran a shaky hand through his hair. He wanted to stop, but he knew he had to get this all out. Sighing, he started again. "But I was. I had never been nice to Emma. I had never really said one good word to her all the time I've known her. No.... instead I picked on her. I made other people laugh at her expense. She didn't deserve that. But I didn't stop. And Emma..... she seemed so strong through it all. She never let what I said to her bother her. And so I thought she never really cared. But now I wonder, what if she did? What if she just never showed it?
"I know nobody ever expected anything out of me. Never expected me to be anything other than a-a jerk. Never thought I'd ever say something like this. But now that I see how I was, I guess I should have expected better from me." Spinner nervously laughed and stared out the window. He heard Liberty make an odd, sort of strangled noise and knew she was holding back tears. It made what Spinner was about to say all the more harder. "And that's why I, uh, I blame myself for her death."
"But Spin-" Liberty tried to protest, but Spinner held up his hand to silence her.
"Please, Liberty," he said, looking her in the eye. Liberty looked away from his stare. There was so much pain there. And tears too. Liberty couldn't believe that this was the same Spinner who used to put grade sevens in lockers and trashcans just for the fun of it. That was why Liberty had to fight not to cry. To see Spinner like this..... She heard Spinner clear his throat and knew he was ready to start again.
"When I heard she'd k-killed herself I panicked. I thought everyone would blame me like I blamed myself. I thought she had left a note behind telling everyone how cruel I was. And you know what? Even thought she didn't, I kinda wish she had. So people could see me for who I really was. A cruel piece of shit!" Spinner looked away from the camera again, wishing he could just get up and leave. But he wouldn't. When he looked back a tear was rolling down his cheek.
"And what I just really wanted to say is, um, Emma, if you can uh, hear me," Spinner laughed to himself, realizing how gay he must sound. "Emma, I'm sorry. I really am..... that's all." Another tear rolled silently down his cheek as he sighed and hung his head.
Liberty hit the OFF button, and looked at Spinner concerned. "You ok?" she asked him cautiously. She was afraid he'd break down or something. This was so unlike Spinner. Spinner nodded.
"Yea, I'm fine," he said, getting up and walking towards the door to leave.
"I could edit your interview out, if you want," Liberty offered. Spinner froze for a second, considering what she'd just said. Then he shook his head.
"No, Liberty, don't. I, uh, I owe her that much." Liberty nodded. Once Spinner left, Liberty went to sit in the seat he had sat in during his interview. There, she began to cry, not realizing that she'd accidentally hit the ON button for the camera. Though if she had known, it probably wouldn't have mattered.
A/N ::cries madly:: This is getting sad. I know some of you are probably thinking, "Please, Spinner would never say stuff like that or cry in front of Liberty!" But let me tell you, when someone you know commits suicide, whether they were your best friend or someone you picked on from time to time, it does things to you. You change in some way or the other. Trust me on this one. And besides, it makes the story all the more sad and heartwarming to see Spinner of all people that way. I know this chapter was a bit shorter than the others and I apologize. Review people! Love, Kris Xoxoxoxo
P.S. Should I continue with the sad songs in the beginning of each chapter? Lemme know, please! The next chapter is one some of you have been waiting for. Manny visits Sean!!!!!! But I won't post it unless I get feedback, so REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!
P.P.S. I know Spinner's interview sounded kinda like Jimmy's, but I wrote this chapter before writing the one about Jimmy and I guess I was still set in the mindframe of Spinner's interview or something. ::shrugs:: Anyhoo, next chapter may take a while. This story is depressing me and I know the whole Manny visits Sean thing is gonna make me breakdown or something. Plus, I have school to worry about so you're gonna have to bear with me. Ok? Love ya!
P.P.P.S. Lolz, sorry about all the post scripts, but I promise I'll get to EVERYONE'S feelings on Emma, k? Her mom, too. Just give me time, geez. The reason I focused so much on Manny is because I thought it would make the story more interesting from her point of view. The next few chapters will take a while, but I'll try and make them worth it. K?