Part 6
Shocked and dizzy Joseph had no recollection of making it to the suite, yet here he sat still and silent in the office, Clarisse's office, a glass of something in his hand. He was aware of that woman by the window, looking out at their view.
"Nothing to say to me Joe." She said without turning around.
He remained silent, impassive.
Clarisse bustled into the room, turning to close the doors behind her before taking a seat across from Joe.
"Now, Ms?"
"Black, Lucy Black. Nice to meet you your majesty." She came across to Clarisse and Joseph winced as she held her hand out to her.
Grudgingly Clarisse shook it.
"Alright, Ms. Black, please take a seat and do tell me what we can do for you."
"Clarisse..." Joseph's voice was hoarse. He coughed. "I can tell you."
"Oh do let me." Lucy smiled sitting down and crossing her legs.
Clarisse anxiously glanced from one to another, something terrible was going to happen, she could sense it in the pit of her stomach. A sickness rising, bile at the back of her throat.
"I wish somebody would explain..." She snapped.
"You see I met Joe the other night, in my bar."
Clarisse made no response, she'd learnt over the years how to hide her emotions at certain moments. She sensed this was one of those moments.
"You have no right to do this, what the hell do you want?" Joe rose suddenly and stood over Lucy.
"Money, isn't that what everybody wants." She held her hands up innocently. "Or I go to the papers."
"Papers? Newspapers – why, with what?" Clarisse stumbled over her words watching Joe stalk the room.
"It was one lousy kiss." Joe was shaking.
"Technically, it was two." Lucy smiled satisfied.
Clarisse's breath caught in her throat, she glanced quickly at Joe then back at her folded hands in her lap. She must control this, must control herself. She listened silently as the two people before her continued their argument.
"How the hell do you have the right to come round here and screw with us over a kiss. A stupid alcohol fuelled kiss."
"Because 'screw' is just the term – the papers don't have to know it was simply a kiss do they. Three months of marriage and problems already, these royal marriages never last." She shook her head sarcastically.
Joseph had never hit a woman in his life, or felt the need to, but as he watched her self-satisfied face twisting the knife in he realised he could do it easily.
He stopped himself just in time, caught hold of the back of Clarisse's chair.
"How much?" She said calmly, holding Lucy's gaze stern and level.
"Sorry?" The woman seemed a little shocked it had been that easy.
"I said how much, how much will it take to get rid of you. And I mean get rid of you, no more contact ever, if there is I'll be forced to take stronger measures..."
"Clarisse, you don't have to do this." He wanted to squeeze her shoulder for support but knew he had no right. No right at all.
"I'm assuming you want cash." Clarisse slipped into business mode and stood moving to her desk.
Lucy nodded her head, shocked at how dignified the older lady was in handling the situation.
"Then I want your full name, address and the amount you want writing down." She handed her a notepad. "And then I want you gone."
"When do I get the money?"
"As soon as I can get it." Clarisse snapped. "And I want not one word of this to anybody, your mother, father, friends, lovers – not one word. Or I swear my dear..." she leant closer to her. "I won't be held responsible for my actions."
Stunned and guilt ridden Joe hid himself away in the bedroom, not trusting himself enough to watch that woman walk away. Words failed him, how could he explain this to Clarisse, if only he warned her before, explained the very night it happened then maybe they would have been better prepared for this. If only he wasn't such a complete screw-up. Just when he finally got something good and pure, something he'd longed for his entire life he ruins it. Rips it apart and scatters it away.
A headache was forming behind his eyes, a burning sensation spread through his body and the knot in his chest was getting tighter and tighter. He didn't know how long he was there, lying on the bed staring at the ceiling, but he knew things were about to get worse when Clarisse entered the room.
She crossed the room and closed the drapes, sat on the edge of the bed and removed her shoes, took off her jacket and hung it on the back of a chair. Stared at herself in the mirror and ran a hand through her hair, and noticed him watching her.
"You certainly know how to ruin a perfect day Joseph."
He hated the way she said his name, no accusation in it, no harshness just normal. He deserved more.
"I don't even know how to begin, to say sorry."
"I don't want to hear that." She turned to face him. "Why didn't you tell me, why the hell did you do it – how, I just can't... I can't understand how you could."
He pulled himself up on the bed. "It was a mistake."
"I know that!" She shouted.
"I'd had a few drinks, I was lonely..."
"Lonely – oh so somehow this is my fault."
"No, it's mine, my mess. I'll get the money."
"I don't give a damn about the money, she can have the money. I care that you couldn't tell me, alright I can accept you made a mistake, and it was just a kiss." She shrugged. "A stupid kiss, but to not tell me, to just carry on."
She drew in a deep shuddering breath. "When was it?"
"Last night."
She closed her eyes forcing back the tears. "Last night?" Her voice was cracking. "You kissed her last night then came home and made love to me."
"Clarisse..." He crawled across the bed to her and reached for her hand. "I love you."
"No," she snapped. "No, don't do that. Don't you dare say that. You have no right."
"I don't, but its true and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry my darling, you're the last person in the world I would ever wish to hurt." He was crying openly but she held her tears back.
"But you have."
"And I want to take it back, I'd do anything to take it back."
"Things were so bad you could do something like that, to me. You couldn't find a way to talk to me yet you could kiss a stranger."
"Let me explain."
"No! I can't be with you right now, I need some space... I need you to leave."
"Please don't... how can we talk about this if I'm not here."
"If you care at all just go, stay in another room. Another hotel, Joseph." She fought to hold onto her composure. "Please."
He went without another word, and it turned out to be the longest night of his life. He didn't book another room, couldn't bear to. He went out, found an all night coffee shop and had a drink, then walked and walked. Took in the sights of the city by moonlight, once or twice had murderous thoughts about going to that bar and seeking revenge. But he held back, it wasn't going to solve anything, afterall when he came down to who was most guilty the finger pointed at him every time. Somebody had hurt his girl – he had.
Clarisse didn't cry, she didn't scream and shout and throw things about. Calmly she ordered herself dinner, she took a shower and changed. Then she made a few phone calls and the money was organised, it would be at the hotel first thing in the morning. She considered taking it herself but realised that was lowering herself to Ms. Black's level, Toby would take it. Young and eager to please her after the week's events he would do it without question or comment. He didn't have to know what was in the briefcase or of what importance the woman was.
Satisfied the mess was taken care of she went to bed early, her head throbbing, took some sleeping tablets and slept the night through.
In the morning Clarisse was business as usual, refreshed after a long deep sleep. She was dressed and prepared for the day before Joseph returned; she was waiting for him, expecting him.
When he entered the lounge she stood, showing no outward sign of her heartbreak as she took in his dishevelled appearance. His eyes were darker than usual, his skin awfully pale and he slumped in front of her, so this was what a broken man looked like.
She coughed to clear her throat. "Good morning. I think you should shower, clean yourself up, we have a full day."
He stared at her dumbfounded. "Sorry?"
"It's the party tonight, celebrate bonfire night, we're invited – it's important to me Joe."
She never used his shortened name.
"I'm not sure I can face all those people."
"If I can then you certainly can." She said with just a hint of anger. "Some of these people are my friends and I want to see them, and I want a united front."
He nodded his head, "Sure."
"And tomorrow, I'm going home, the flight is booked."
"On your own?"
"I was expecting you to join me, it depends on what you want." She rose from her chair and straightened her skirt. "I have a few things to do before we leave for the Palace."
"Clarisse," he caught her arm but let go when he saw the look in her eye. "It's gone isn't it, the respect."
"Not the respect Joe, the trust. I trusted you more than anybody, you let me down. It's going to take some time to get that back."
"And the money?"
"Dealt with. It's finished, no more mention of it. Ever. Now if you'll excuse me, the car we'll be here in two hours to collect us, please be ready."
He closed his eyes in a grimace as she left the room, the hardness to her voice, the lack of feeling in her eyes. He'd lost her, there was no way to get that back. Just as he'd started to break down those barriers she'd built up for so many years, just as they started to move forward together he fucked it up. Again.
Clarisse closed the lounge door behind her, leant back against it and shut her eyes willing the tears to disappear. She thought she was stronger than this, she'd dealt with disappointment before, she'd dealt with worse people than this Lucy Black, but Joe, he'd always been her moral guide, her conscience. And now somehow she'd lost that, lost him, and all that he used to be.
In the darkness, on the hill top Clarisse stood with a glass of champagne in her hand. Above her lights of every colour exploded, people gathered below her and watched in awe, showers of colour lit up the sky and fell around her. Yet she felt lonely, isolated and empty. She hurriedly wiped at her face as tears stung her eyes and slid down her cheeks. Now wasn't the time to lose control, this wasn't the place to lose face.
A hand rested on her back, another gripped her fingers and held her hand warm and comforting. He stood so close to her, whispering in her ear so nobody else could hear or suspect anything.
"Don't cry, it breaks my heart."
"I don't know what to do." She whispered in response. "It's the first time I don't know how to fix something."
"This isn't your problem to fix, it's mine."
She glanced down at their entwined hands, the way her fingers stroked his, instinct and feeling taking over, surpassing the aching inside her chest.
"And will you be with me on the plane tomorrow?"
"No."
Her head shot up, searching his eyes for reasons.
"It's not because I don't want to, lord knows right now I don't want to leave your side for fear you won't ever see me again. But I just think, we need space. We need time to think alone."
"Where will you go?"
"Spain, I thought. Try and sort things out with my family, with my brother."
She turned back to look at the magnificent display going on above her and sighed deeply, painfully. "How long for?"
"I don't know, in the end, I think it will be for the best."
"How can you say that – we'll be apart, how can that be for the best." Her dignity was shattering around her, she was losing control. Joseph shushed her, kissed her hand; this wasn't the time for her to let the majestic façade slip.
"We'll talk everyday, if you need me I'll be there."
"I don't want this to be the end."
"It isn't, it's my chance to try and resolve these issues, to make it better. For both of us." Feeling brave he reached over and stroked a finger across hr mouth. "You look so beautiful tonight. I wanted to tell you earlier."
She snuffled back her tears and tried to smile. "I didn't want to hear it earlier." She took a breath and licked her lips. "We will make it through this won't we..."
"Yes. We will." He wasn't entirely convinced of that fact but at that point they both needed to hear it. "I love you so much Clarisse."
"I love you too."
The following morning Joseph watched Clarisse board her flight to Genovia, he kissed her mouth, making her promise to call him as soon as she landed. They had concocted a story between them to feed to everybody, he was simply visiting his family, he would be gone a few weeks. In actual fact neither was sure how long he'd be gone or what it would mean in the long run.
At 1:45 Joseph boarded his own flight to Spain, sitting alone, attempting to read a book Clarisse had given him he found a picture placed just inside the cover. Their wedding day, dancing on their wedding day.
"One day at a time old man..." He told himself. "One day at a time."
I won't let go of precious memories; they are the light of hope that burns inside me. And every time I lose my way you shine for me and I'm ok, you lead me way beyond it all and you never let me fall. It would take all of my life to find someone more there for me, and I'm never alone because in my heart I know you're always there for me."