Part 7

Only once had the façade almost slipped, when Mia had greeted her grandma privately with a hug in her suite. Clarisse, uncharacteristically, clung to young lady and closed her eyes willing herself not to weep. She hated lying to her, had promised herself she never would, but Mia too believed all was well with the couple and Joe was simply visiting his family in Spain.

The first few days had been the hardest, as angry as she was with Joe and his stupidity she missed having her around. She missed having the comfort that came with just knowing he was there; if she needed him then he was there. Not a flight away.

He called her every night at the same time, when she was ready for bed and having tea in her room. The problem was she could never picture him, couldn't close her eyes and imagine where he was sitting or what he was wearing or how his face looked. She had only his voice to go by, for the first week he was cold and distant. But as time had gone on he seemed much better, that warmth she knew so well was creeping back in and it occurred to her that the longer they were apart – the better he sounded.

Monday 22nd November – the beginning of the third week

Clarisse piled the pillows behind her and pulled the duvet even tighter around her body. The phone rested in her lap and she stared at it impatiently waiting for his call. Tea on her bedside table, a book by her side, she fiddled with her glasses and continually looked back and forth to the clock. When it finally rang and Charlotte connected the call through she felt a smile spread across her face at the sound of his voice. This wasn't like her; this was some teenager flirting with her first real boyfriend.

"Hello my love."

She took a breath at the sound of his voice. "Good evening, and how are you today?"

"I'm well, busy, active, but its good."

"Good, I'm glad."

"And you, what have you been doing today?"

She let her head fall back onto the pillows. "Usual, meeting and greeting. Oh preparing for Christmas, the decorations will be going up at the weekend."

"I forget it's coming quickly."

She bit her lip nervously... counted the seconds of silence. "Will you be, back for it?"

More silence. "I hope so."

"I'd like you to be there."

"I know, I would too."

She continued to chat to him about inane things, incidents that had taken place in the palace. How amusing Lionel was when she offered him a permanent position within the security detail. Joe, as always, was less forthcoming with his information. Content to sit and listen to her chatter on about her day, her surroundings, it pleased him that she still felt she could share these things with him despite events in London.

After an hour or so Clarisse hung up the phone and turned off the light, she settled down in bed and closed her eyes trying to imagine Joe doing the same. What position he would be lying in, how he'd smell after a quick refreshing shower. She knew he was right, he needed this break – perhaps they both did, the readjustment to married life and new roles had turned out to be a shock to the system. But god she missed having him there.

Clarisse still struggled with technology and for some reason was still utterly shocked when she pressed a button and her computer screen burst to life. She'd resisted having a computer for years but it was Mia who convinced her if she was competent enough to run a country then surely she could manage a computer.

She sat back in her chair and watched as it went through its start up sequence, then blinked shocked as the background cleared and came into focus. Who the hell...Mia, that's who!

Clarisse never particularly stormed anywhere but in this instance it was a fair representation. She barged into Mia's suite without knocking and found the now Queen engaged in some or other yoga activity.

"Now young lady would you care to explain just exactly what you've been doing in my office."

Mia flopped over from her headstand and disorientated reached for her slippers. "Sorry Grandma, what?"

"My office, my computer."

Mia's face broke into a broad smile. "Oh you found it, I knew you'd like it."

"Like it!" Clarisse stopped herself when she realised she was being overdramatic and went to sit.

"Grandma what's wrong, I thought you'd love it."

"Where did you get it?" Clarisse's voice was soft, faltering.

"It was taken at the wedding, I just assumed, well I thought it would make you smile even when you were working."

Clarisse closed her eyes for a second and saw the picture again. She and Joseph, dancing, her back to him but her head turned toward his face, looking deep into his eyes. And he returned that gaze with an equal amount of love and passion and depth, one hand resting on her back the other holding her hand so delicately in his. She remembered that moment.

"I didn't know there was a picture, I didn't know you could get it onto those machines." She waved her hand toward the door. "I'm sorry dear, it just, surprised me."

"Grandma, something's wrong, I know it is. Joe's been gone almost three weeks and you haven't even spoken about him returning. The annual Christmas ball..."

"I know, is two weeks away, I know that. He's just, his family need him right now Mia I can't tell you anymore." She noted the discomfort on her granddaughter's face and quickly rose taking hold of her hand. "Mia, things are happening between Joseph and myself that I can't... I can't understand myself let alone explain to you. It's complicated and we just, he just needs some time."

"But... he won't be here for Christmas?"

"I pray he will be, I truly do." She took a sharp breath attempting to control her emotions. "It's difficult."

"Something happened in London, why won't you tell me?"

"I'm sorry." She kissed Mia's forehead. "I'm going for a walk in the garden. I need to clear my head sweetheart. Carry on with your... well whatever is you're doing. Gymnastics."

And with a quick turn she was gone leaving poor Mia even more confused.

Unable to let it rest Mia changed and followed Clarisse down to the garden, she found the older lady standing under the famous pear tree staring at its bark.

"Grandma?" She whispered as she approached her. "Grandma it's freezing out here."

Startled Clarisse lifted her head to look at her. "Mia dear, go back inside. You'll catch a chill."

"And you won't! What are you doing?"

"You see here, the boys carved their names into the tree, just the two of them side by side. I'd almost forgotten, they couldn't have been more than ten." She traced her hand over the names. "I miss your father very, very much Mia. I can't tell you."

Mia placed a hand on her grandmother's shoulder, unable to find something to say.

"I wept for so long after his death, fell apart, the staff thought I wouldn't survive it but Joseph, it was Joseph's support that got me through. Always there whenever I needed somebody to talk things through, or question the reasoning for it all or occasionally just to shout at. He would always be there for me. And now..." Her voice faded away.

"Tell me what happened."

Clarisse shook her head determined. "I can't." She dug her hands into her coat pockets and started to walk away from the tree through the garden.

Mia followed her; she wasn't going to give up that easily. "I saw Joe once, by the stream, miles from here."

"Really." Clarisse lifted her head, Joe had never mentioned this.

"I was riding, so was he, I guess we bumped into each other. He said he went there for the peace, and that I should convince you to go there."

"Oh?"

"It was the first time it ever crossed my mind that something might not be right."

"You're growing up too quickly my dear." Clarisse linked her arm through Mia's. "Joseph was finding our pace of life a little stifling, not being Head of Security anymore I suppose he felt a little... redundant."

"I wondered if that was it."

"You see I failed to recognise the problems he was having, failed to give him my time and support just when he needed it the most. The first few months of a new marriage are difficult for any couple, sharing your life with somebody so completely and intimately can be overwhelming. Imagine marrying into a royal family and all that comes with it."

"Which is why you wanted to guide me towards somebody who understood the role, who would be prepared for it."

"As prepared as you can be, yes."

"London?" Mia guided Clarisse towards a seat.

"London." She was shaking as she said the word. "Terrible, I promised him time together but I got so caught up in everything that again I neglected to see what was happening in front of me. And he just couldn't talk to me could he, oh no that would be too much trouble." She felt her voice rising as her anger surfaced.

She stumbled on wanting to get the words out as quickly as possible. "Joe made a mistake, a big mistake as it turned out. And we, well I dealt with it. But it left a gaping hole in our relationship; you see I've always trusted him completely, without doubt. And then all of a sudden that was gone, so quickly. And we struggled to find common ground and he thought it best if he didn't return with me straight away, if we had time apart to think."

"But he still loves you?"

"Oh yes, you know he calls me every night just to say that."

Mia couldn't help but smile. "And you?"

Clarisse nodded. "Yes, yes I love him."

"Then why on earth don't you bring him back?"

"Bring him back, Mia I've asked, as discreetly as I can. I don't want to force him into it, it has to be his decision."

"Do you tell him every night, that you love him?"

"I..." Clarisse closed her mouth abruptly as realisation hit. "I must do, I can't remember. Oh god Mia."

Mia took hold of her grandmother's hand. "Go to him."

"How?"

"Get a make-over, have your nails done, wear a nice dress and go get him."

"I'm not the heroine in a movie, despite what you think this isn't a fairytale."

"Yes it is, you waited all these years to find true love and now you're just gonna let it slip away regardless."

"I'm too old to rush across the world chasing after him."

"It's a short flight, and you're not chasing, you're simply going to ask him to come home. Because you want that, don't you Grandma?"

"Yes, I want that more than anything. I don't care what he did, not anymore. I miss him so very much."

"Then like I say, go get him. Go kick some ass and bring him back."

Clarisse laughed. "Kick some ass?" It sounded odd coming from her well manicured voice.

"Whatever, just tell him how you feel, like you told me. You're worse than me at relationships."

"That's because I never had one before."

Sadness crept over Mia's smiling face. "Oh grandma, you must do this, you deserve to be together. Forget the crown for once and just follow your heart, didn't you tell me to do the same."

Determined not to cry in front of her granddaughter Clarisse took short deep breaths and turned her head to look out over the garden. "Mia, I'm thinking of retiring."

"Great – err in the nicest way of course. I have Charlotte, I have hundreds of advisors."

"And Nicholas."

"Yes, and Nicholas." She smiled embarrassed.

"And I might even take to travel, I need to see the world without the press ogling my every move."

"Thanks for that."

Clarisse laughed and squeezed Mia's hand. "It will all come to you in good time my darling." She kissed her again. "I'm not quite sure about racing to Joseph's side right now though. I may just give him space."

"Alright, but please, please, please...think seriously about it. I miss having him around."

"I know the feeling."

Later that afternoon Clarisse sat by the fire in her room, a book in one hand, her tea in the other and a rather large box of rich, extravagant chocolates resting in her lap. Gradually she was working her way through trying one of each type and comparing which was the best.

She looked up annoyed when there was a knock at the door but settled again when Charlotte entered.

"Charlotte my dear, how are you today?"

"Very well your Majesty, I spoke to the Queen earlier and she mentioned you were thinking of taking a trip and I should go over the details with you."

Clarisse shook her head smiling. "She is a little..." She closed her book and reluctantly put the chocolates to one side. "Just as I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself."

"Majesty?"

"Oh it doesn't matter Charlotte, alright then, if I'm going to do this I might aswell do it now. Would it be possible to organise a flight to Spain tomorrow?"

Charlotte couldn't resist smiling; she too had spoken with Joe almost everyday assuring him she was watching over her former Queen. "Of course ma'am, no problem at all." She quickly jotted something down. "And where would you prefer to stay this time?"

"I won't be needing a suite; I'll need a car to take me from the airport to the address Joseph gave you. And cancel my appointments for the next week or so."

"Yes ma'am." Charlotte said brightening up and turning to the door. "I'll get right on it."

"Thank you, I know you will."

Clarisse stood by the fire and gazed at the picture on the marble top, at the alter together holding hands.

"I had so many pictures from that day." She said aloud to the empty room, "I can't remember where they all went..."

Frustrated Clarisse went to her private library, it was rather on the small side but she found it comfortable to sit in there and read alone. When they married and Joseph had moved into her suite she'd encouraged him to spend time in there and as the weeks went by he'd read so many of the books she suggested.

She moved around the room searching the shelves for the private album that he'd put together. She'd laughed when he began creating it straight after the wedding but he insisted the memories that went in there with for the two of them alone. Wedding pictures, Mia's coronation, their honeymoon, random shots he'd insisted on taking of her in the garden. She smiled when she finally located it, hidden away behind some encyclopaedia.

Taking it to the couch she settled back and flicked through the covers, she'd never actually taken the time to go through it all before. She must have sat there for over an hour stopping to mull over each individual picture and Joseph's following comments before finally deciding it was getting late and if she was leaving tomorrow she needed to sort a few things out.

As she attempted to slot the album back into the shelf she found it stuck halfway, something was blocking it. She pulled it back out and slipped her hand between the books finding a small black box. Puzzled she picked it up, replaced the album and flicked the box open.