I am posting! Yay! This has really taken me too long. I'm sorry. (hangs head) Well, it's ready now. Actually, it's been ready for a long time. I have 14 chapters written, I think, but it's all handwritten in an old school notebook, so it's going to take a while to actually type up.

BTW, I forgot to thank her, but TFKAK is actually somewhat of a beta reader when I was writing this stuff last year. Choir was made a lot more interesting when we talked about the bloating properties of Sarlaccs, lol.

Reviews:

Lightbulby: Ha, I know the pains of writing essays. I was told that I was taking EASY civics! The liars...Yes, please don't rule out brain depletion on my part. There's actually a whole chapter on it further along. I think it was written so that TFKAK wouldn't get impatient, but I decided to keep it because it highlighted the struggles of writer's block, especially when you know how something's meant to end! Garr!

Infamous One: But does McDonald's give away Hello Kitty toys? Maybe. I just always remember those goofy little barbie figurines with the prom dresses and stuff that were too tall to go out with my brother's action figures and too short to go out with a regular sized Ken.

IV. He DOES have flying devil-spawn!

Boba Fett left the McDonald's with a Barbie Figurine, his extra tomatoes, and a new Twi'lek slave. As he had expected, no one much objected to him taking Bill. Or at least, they were too cowardly to say anything. Typical pathetic weaklings.

But there was something about Bill that had caught Fett's attention. In that brief moment of braveness when Bill had insulted his ability to...you know, Boba had seen something he liked. Twi'lek's were notorious for being shaking balls of slime, too cowardly to act. But Fett had seen Bill break out of the stereotype and almost surprise him. Not actually surprise him, of course, because no one surprised Boba Fett, but almost.

So he had bought him. No big deal. He could always kill him later if it turned out he was useless.

"Hurry up, we haven't got all day."

"Sorry." Bill wasn't taking to being bought too well. The way he figured, he had maybe three days before Fett blew a fuse and killed him, just because. Maybe. Or he could have a bounty on his head. Either way, he was a fried chicken.

No that, you know, he WAS a fried chicken, but if he had been, he would have kept his big mouth shut.

"Uh, where are we going?"

"Mos Eisley cantina. Most of the jobs I was for were Jabba's. Gotta get the latest news."

"Oh."

Bill still hadn't worked up the courage to ask what was going to happen to him. Or maybe he had already learnt that no one wanted to hear his voice. Interesting, Fett thought.

They entered the cantina, and everyone inside was instantly silent. Yes, it's so cliché, but this alien at the bar had these pins that he bristled when he was really scared. And you could really hear them hit the ground.

Fett took a step forward. his helmet a dark shadow against the Tatooine suns' glares. At that moment there came a great fluttering outside, like millions of beating wings.Actually, it was 973, 986 wings, 6 for every creature, totaling 162,331 actual creatures. But it looked like a heck of a lot more.

"What on...whoa! He DOES have flying devil-spawn.!"

Millions of tiny voices squeaked together. (Actually, only 162,331. But millions sounds so much better.) "You, Boba Fett, are a very naughty boy! Naughty naughty! Now we have to spank you!" The devil-spawn formed a hand and spanked Boba's tooshie.

"Ow! Stop it!" Boba whined, rubbing his butt. Lotion would be needed here to heal the sores.

"Why are you so off course? The master is waiting."

"Well, uh, I'm just...taking a breather?"

"No time! The master's bloating pains him greatly! And the gas is killing his social life." Find the Maalox Max!" Suddenly the little bitty claws of all 162,331 devil-spawn grabbed on to Boba, who grabbed Bill as the creatures began to lift him into the sky

"Don't touch me there! I just want to be friends!" Bill grinned maniacally.

"Shut up, it's just your arm. Help me down from here! Tug!"

So Bill tugged with all his might. (Not really, because he wanted to be rid of Boba. But for the sake of the story, let us pretend that he did.) But then Bill just got lifted off the ground by the devil-spawn (who were surprisingly strong for such small creatures). As they said adíos to Mos Eisley, Boba's barbie figurine fell out the happy meal box and went careening down, landing with a smash on a small vendor's stand.

"No! I--MY DAUGHTER needs that!"

Bill again laughed his head off. almost literally. really, it started to crack at the base of his neck.

"Shut up or I'll drop you!"

So Bill shut up. Duh. How would you like to be dropped from heights of several hundred feet to be shattered into tiny pieces like a barbie figurine?

A few minutes later the flying devil-spawn dropped Boba, still slinging to Bill, outside the Slave I. "Now that you're at the ship, you should have no trouble locating the master's Maalox Max."

With that the flying devil-spawn (all 162,331 of them!) shot into the distance.

Bill turned and stared at Fett. Fett stared at Bill. Bill stared some more, sourly.

"What the heck was that?"