It occurred to Clarisse, as her driver announced their arrival at her destination, that she had made a big mistake. Although not a limousine crawling up the street the sleek Jaguar stuck out awkwardly. Hardly anybody who lived there would have failed to notice her arrival.
She shrunk into the back seat inwardly cringing; this wasn't exactly what she'd planned. She hadn't considered the options, she hadn't thought this through completely. Or she had thought it through but the conclusions she reached weren't exactly the same ones she was experiencing now.
"Are you alright ma'am?" The driver glanced at her.
"Yes, fine, just a moment."
She looked down at her suit, smoothed her skirt, although neat, tidy – and as Mia might say, clean, she seemed to suddenly be overdressed. Reluctantly she allowed the driver to open the door and help her out.
Timidly she stood at the door, aware of eyes on her back, she lifted her head and rang the bell, nervously waiting for an answer. She folded her hands, tapped her foot on the flagstones and chewed on her bottom lip.
And she was wearing Pearls!! Damn to hell whoever fetched them from the sea and...
The door opened and she smiled weakly. "Hello, I'm..."
"I know who you are, it's difficult not to."
Her smile faded; perhaps she wasn't at all welcome. Joseph had said there were difficulties, but she'd hoped that the time he'd spent here had eased them.
"You'd better come in, that is if you want to. People will be gathering round soon."
Clarisse looked behind her for any gathering crowds and caught her driver's eye. She gave instructions for him to return to the hotel, she would call later. He was reluctant to leave her alone, unattended, but she was quietly insistent and gave him her best hard stare.
Following the younger lady into the heart of the house she was struck by how pretty it was, not organised or sparkling but still it seemed pleasant enough. And she thought of Joseph and the fact he was there.
"Well, how should I address you?" Elisa asked, as blunt as ever. Luckily Joe had warned his wife about her directness.
"Clarisse will be fine."
"Well then Clarisse, you should take a seat."
"Oh, er, thank you." She uncomfortably looked around for a suitable, and relatively clean, chair.
"Would you like some tea?"
"That would be wonderful yes." She chose a hardback chair by the table, sat down, pulled her jacket together and tucked one ankle behind the other. She did this every time she was in a situation she wasn't entirely comfortable with. "You're Elisa, am I correct?"
"You are. I was wondering if you'd come here."
"Oh." Clarisse tried hard to hide her shock.
"Hmm, I thought you weren't the type – in the end."
Defensively she said. "The type to do what?"
"Chase after a man."
She opened her mouth to respond in the negative but instead ended up smiling and glancing at the floor somewhat embarrassed.
"I was going to argue the point, but yes I suppose I am. It isn't exactly considered the thing to do is it, in this day and age."
"Certainly not by one such as yourself."
Clarisse was struck by how alert this woman was, intelligence in eyes and wit. "Do you think I'm wrong to be here?"
"No, I think you waited a while but it's about time you showed up."
She should have been angry but instead Clarisse laughed freely. It was the most relaxed she'd felt in weeks.
Her tea was placed in front of her.
"China cups only come out for important visitors." Elisa said sitting across from her guest.
"Thank you."
"Joe isn't here I'm afraid."
Hurt Clarisse stared at her cup, turning it around on the saucer.
"He's helping Rico."
"I'm so glad they're friends again." She said honestly, openly.
"Me too, but it wasn't easy and I'd say at best – it's fragile."
"Because of me?"
"Yes, I don't like to say it to you but yes."
"He doesn't know me."
"That doesn't seem to matter, he knows enough. He thought you were a stuck up royal before Joe turned up here, now he thinks you're a stuck up royal who hurt his brother."
"He hurt me!" She snapped. She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."
"He told me."
"Sorry?"
"Joe told me what he did, and how he'd been – how things have been. He needed to talk."
"Oh." Somehow the fact Elisa had been confided in seemed a slight betrayal.
"He's missed you, calling you every night like that I told him the phone bill will be through the roof and I'm sure I'm not paying."
"We'll pay, you must know that."
"I understand money isn't an option for you – born aristocracy?"
"You don't like that, I never asked to be, does it mean I'm a bad person?"
"No, that's not what I meant. What I mean is you've led a different life to the one we've had, you can't simply blend the two like that." She snapped her fingers, the sound was harsh to Clarisse and she winced.
"Joseph said something similar. That we'd had different upbringings, I wonder sometimes if that's what parted us... I didn't think, I mean I never considered the fact that when we married something like this could happen and I handled it all so terribly ... you probably know that."
"I'm not judging your marriage. Hell I'm no philosopher on the fact. He screwed up, he knows that. But he's also starting to realise why and he's working through that."
"Then maybe I am wrong to be here, he needs space, time apart – I'm scared he won't come home."
"He'd come home anytime you ask, he thinks you won't be able to forgive him."
"I have." She butted in eager to say everything at once.
"He means completely, that you won't be able to trust him totally again."
"I do, I always have. Do you realise Elisa, that Joseph was the first man I ever loved, the only man. My entire life and I find this now, and I never knew it could feel so... right. And I want it back. I won't lose it."
"You won't believe me. He'd crawl over hot coals for you."
Clarisse smiled at the image. "I wouldn't ask him to do that."
Elisa returned the smile; begin to ease up in this lady's regal presence. "But he would, he adores you."
"He told you that?" Clarisse wasn't usually comfortable discussing her emotions but she told herself there comes a time when you just have to let go – it seemed to be that time.
"He doesn't have to. It's in his eyes, in his voice when he talks about you, worships the ground you walk on – is that what they say?"
Clarisse nodded vaguely, suddenly desperate to see her husband again. She twisted the band on her wedding finger. "It hurts that we fell apart after only a few months." She whispered.
"Teething problems, every marriage has it. You must have... before I mean."
Clarisse shook her head. "It was different, I'd known Rupert for so long, known we would marry for so many years. I grew up with the idea, I was used to it. It didn't change me. This time, this time everything changed."
"That's love and lust for you. Shakes everything up."
Clarisse looked up startled by the woman's frankness.
Elisa couldn't help but laugh at her expression. "Oh come on, he's a good looking guy our Joe."
"He is." She responded quietly.
"I won't press the issue." Elisa said getting up.
"Oh I don't mind, I just...sorry." She shrugged.
"No need to be. You know his mother always called him Joseph, never shortened it, everybody else did."
Clarisse brightened. "I always have, I like it better. He hardly speaks of his mother."
"I have pictures, somewhere."
"Really, I'd love to see." Her eyes sparkled.
"May take me a while to dig them out."
"I have as long as it takes." Clarisse said shrugging.
"I feel awful."
"Why?"
She indicated her jeans and shabby apron. "Dressed like this and you so..."
"Clean?" Clarisse suggested.
"Royal, regal, elegant – would have been my suggestions. But I guess clean covers it."
Clarisse laughed. "Thank you Elisa, you have no idea how nervous I was coming here."
"You never expect royalty to be nervous but I guess you're human too. You feel too."
"To be perfectly honest I sometimes forget that fact myself." She said sadly.
"I'll go find those pictures."
Joseph was whistling when he got back to the house, it was late but the moon hung large in the sky lighting the sidewalk. Besides he knew these streets like the back of his hand, he'd run them countless times as a youngster. Usually he would have skipped a conversation, it was getting late and he was tired, and headed straight for his room but, feeling guilty over Rico, he stopped at the lounge before heading upstairs.
"Good evening my Eli." He said bending to kiss her head.
"Hello wanderer, I was beginning to think you weren't coming home. No Rico?"
He shook his head trying to hide his shame. "Not yet."
"Ah well no surprise," She turned her attention back to the television.
"Coffee?" Joe asked as he headed for the kitchen.
"I'm fine thanks. Oh, but you have a visitor."
He stopped. "Sorry?"
"A visitor." She pointed to the ceiling. "In your room."
In a second he'd raced to the top of the house to the attic room. Pushed open the door and breathlessly barged in.
Clarisse was seated at his makeshift desk, her face seemed almost angelic to him as she looked up and smiled. She'd been reading something, she slipped her glasses off and snapped her book shut.
"Hello." She said gently.
"Hi." Was that the extent of his response – hi? Good god! He rushed forward and fell to his knees grabbing her body and crushing her against him. "Oh god Clarisse, I never dreamed you'd come here."
Overwhelmed she did her best to calm him, a hand stroking his back, another the bottom of his neck. "I had to," She snuffled back her tears. "I had to come and tell you I love you."
He made tea, nice and strong and laced with whisky. And they sat in his tiny room drinking it.
"I bet you've never seen such a small place."
She smiled and glanced around, Joseph had been living here.
"It's certainly cosy, but you look well."
"You look amazing."
She laughed and waved her hand at him. "I had my nails done, Mia's advice."
"Oh well they look wonderful."
They were silent, it wasn't awkward just lengthy. Clarisse desperate to say more, to fix it all then and there. Joseph praying she'd forgiven him.
"It's late." He finally offered.
"Yes, I suppose it is. I didn't bring luggage, I got here early and I thought I'd be flying home... with you."
He glanced up at her. "Would you stay, stay tonight with me here."
"You know I will." She reached across and took his hand. "But I have no nightwear."
She felt rather odd wearing one of Joseph's shirts, it was clean and long and covered what she needed it too but nevertheless she wouldn't be wandering about the house in it.
He'd left her alone in the room to change and settle in bed, besides he had a few things to clear with Elisa.
Clarisse wandered the room tracing her hand over Joseph's clothes, his books piled on the desk, a picture of Mia there too. At the only window she pulled back the blind in an attempt to see the view he had, but it was too dark and she was too high up. She gave up, replaced the blind and took off the slippers Joseph had given her to wear.
The room was surprisingly warm, the carpet soft and she dug her toes in as she made her way to bed and pulled back the many blankets piled on it. There was no lamp by the bed but several candles were lined up on the small table, all of which looked like they'd been used fairly recently. Along side them stood a picture of the two of them together, she remembered the event well. Her birthday last year, when they were still unsure about where their relationship was going, when she was still terrified of what she felt. But the look on her face that night when they danced betrayed her, there was no doubting the way she felt when he wrapped his arms around her body and expertly swept her across the ballroom.
Shaking the memory she lit the candles and turned off the main light, leaving the room in virtual darkness.
The sheets smelt of Joseph, they felt cool to her skin, refreshing. She allowed her eyes to close as she fell back on the pillows and waited for him to return.
She'd almost drifted to sleep by the time the door creaked open.
"I thought you weren't coming back." She whispered, barely opening her eyes.
"I wanted to give you time to change... besides I didn't know if you wanted me here. I can sleep on the floor."
"Joseph, you're my husband."
"True, it doesn't automatically guarantee me a place in your bed."
"It's your bed. And I want you here with me." She pulled back the sheets for him.
Permission given he dropped his robe to the floor and climbed in, lying back and finally relaxing for the first time in weeks.
"Technically it's Elisa's bed." Joseph said into the darkness.
Clarisse laughed. "Then I'll thank her tomorrow."
She turned onto her side and moved close to him. He lifted his arm and she easily melted against him, her head resting on his chest, his arms instinctively circling her body and holding her close to him.
"God I've missed this." He whispered.
"Me too."
She wanted to say more, to talk and talk for hours and make everything better. But the reality was it had been a long day and she was exhausted and overcome with emotion, as she expected he also was. Plus it dawned on her that perhaps tonight they didn't need to say anything at all because simply being there was enough.
They drifted to sleep together.