Discordant Melody

A Kurda Smahlt Story

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Fifth

Dissonance

Emotion Sickness

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I felt sickened. So physically sickened that I had to rush to the nearest water closet to regurgitate my breakfast as soon as my 'shift' in the skirmish was complete. I emerged some ten minutes later, stinking of blood and vomit. Outside the small water closet, I leaned against the wall, closing my eyes. My body shook with unshed tears. I could feel the blood that had splattered all over me in the fighting finally start to harden, caking my body and clothes in its heaviness.

Slowly, I sank to the ground, the tears bursting through the barrier that had held them back for so long.

"Why?" I asked softly, gritting my teeth and knuckling at the tears with my fists. "It wasn't meant to be that way. They weren't supposed to be slaughtered."

A bout of violent sobs racked through my body, making me shake uncontrollably. I shook my head from side to side, side to side, trying to block out the images printed in my vision. The bloody images of innocent men being slaughtered, without reason.

"Why did they kill them?" I asked, louder now. "Why?!"

Darren killed Vaschel – a boy no older than himself! Why did he do it? And why was I forced to kill Hegh? Why did they push me into him – I spilt blood! I spilt it unnecessarily!

Why? Why? Why? Why…?

And so it continued for the next few minutes. I eventually got a grip on myself, pulling myself up slowly. Still the images ran through my head, unwilling to free me of their terrible visions.

They wouldn't let me go.

They wouldn't let me go.

As I walked towards the Hall of Perta Vin-Grahl in order to cleanse myself of the blood I…

Cried.

And no matter what I did, I couldn't get my body to stop shaking.

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For some reason, I was one of the only vampires in the entire Mountain who didn't mind taking a ten-minute shower. The water was freezing – but that didn't matter to me. At one stage in my past life, I lived in a cold region where hot water wasn't available. At least, I think I did.

The freezing cold water of the 'showers' soon allowed me to get a reign over my emotions. I just stood there, allowing the water to tumble down my body. Vaguely, I could hear other vampires walk in and out, also cleaning themselves of blood. As they did they shouted and sang victoriously, and for the second time that day, I was sickened.

Sickened at the barbarity of my people. Whoever came into their path, they would slaughter, innocent bystander or no. Kill first, ask questions later, if they were innocent – oh well.

Disgusted, I stepped out of the shower, quickly towelled myself dry, dressed, and left.

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Twenty minutes later – ten of those spent pacing and arguing with myself, the other ten spent walking slowly towards my destination – I stepped into a long, dark corridor. Along the sides were arched doorways, cast in darkness as the flickering flames of the torches threw shadows at them. It smelt in here.

Smelt of death.

Of death and despair.

Of lost hope.

Towards the end of the corridor, a pair of green-clad guards stood between two of the cells, standing at attention, their faces deathly serious. In a dark corner, I also noticed a pair of pale-faced Guardians, talking quietly amongst themselves. I shuddered as I saw them, then made my way down towards the end of the corridor.

Towards Kurda's cell.

Several cells before it, though, I stopped, cocking my head to the side. I could just hear the low hum of conversation, coming from the cell that held Kurda.

"…sorry, Kurda, I, I didn't…"

"It's all right, Darren."

My insides froze.

"…but…"

"No. I won't accept an apology. Even if my plan had succeeded, it would have been my fate to die anyway. You appearing when you did just -"

"I'm sorry, Kurda!"

"Wait – Darren!"

The boy stumbled backwards into view, tears running clearly on his dirty cheeks in the firelight. He shook his head, still staring back into the cell, as I went unnoticed.

"I'm sorry."

Then, bowing his head, he turned and ran, pushing passed me, and disappeared into the darkness.

"You're not very good with kids, are you, Kurda?" A voice that must have been Puck, a little closer than Kurda's, called out from his cell. The guard closest to me turned around and banged his spear butt heavily against the bars.

"Shut up, traitor!" He snarled.

"Shutting up." Puck called back. Even if I couldn't see his face, I knew he was smiling cheekily. The guard just growled, and straightened himself.

I remained where I was, my face hidden in the shadows. I felt unsure. I didn't know what to do. After seeing Darren visit Kurda, I was kind of dreading seeing him now. Not only that, I was also… jealous.

How I hated that boy. No matter what he did, he always made me feel some kind of negative emotion, something that I was so unused to. That stupid child had ruined my life, had changed me completely, and I hated him. Hated him with a passion of a thousand burning suns. In fact, I hated him so much, that I wished he were standing in the path of a burning thousand suns. He would melt in an instant.

As I smiled humourlessly at my weak joke, a guard, the larger of the two, finally noticed me.

"Hey, you," he barked, making me jump in surprise. "Keep moving."

Cautiously, I stepped forward.

"I just wanted… to see Kurda."

As soon as I stepped into the light, the guard recognised me. He exchanged glances with his companion, then looked back down at me again.

"Why?"

"I just wanted to talk with him."

"I can't allow you through."

"You let Shan through!" I cried, then checked myself. I closed my eyes, a thought coming to my head. "I won't be passing him a knife so that he can kill himself with it. I am unarmed – you can search me, if you want." Calmly, I spread my arms, looking up at the guard. Once again, he exchanged a glance with his friend. Then he turned back to me, the disgust clearly shown on his face.

"Just go through," he said, his tone almost a growl. "I don't want to have to touch you."

I flinched automatically at his tone, but inside, it didn't hurt. I was used to the snide remarks, the dirty looks. I had hoped, when I became a vampire, that I would leave all that behind – but I didn't. Vampires were more similar to humans than they believed themselves to be.

Quietly, I slipped passed the two guards but stopped when I reached the cell that held Kurda. I heard him move slightly when he saw me – but I turned back to the guards, who had watched me as I walked past them.

"Would we… be able to have a little privacy?" I asked. The disgust was back on his face again, but before he could do anything, the other guard put a hand on his friend's arm, and looked at me. I could have sworn there was pity in his eyes.

"Just don't try to break him out," he said softly then turned around and walked towards the end of the corridor.

The larger guard spat on the ground in front of me.

"You sicken me, McCarthy," he growled, then whirled around to follow his friend.

"You sicken me too," I told his retreating backs.

Then I turned back to Kurda.

Still wearing his white robes, he was sitting on the natural rock-bed that was in the tiny cell, his hands around the bars. There was a small sad smile on his pale, dirty face, and it looked like his lip had been cut, dried blood having trickled down his chin.

"Hello, Daegan," he said softly. Slowly, I approached him, barely able to keep myself steady. I kneeled down in front of him, placing my own hands on top of his.

"Kurda…" I said, just as quietly as he, my voice wavering. "What did they do to your lip?"

He winced slightly, that sad smile never leaving his face.

"Just a little cut," he said, then allowed his smile to widen. "I didn't lick it because I had hoped you would visit me."

It took me a moment to figure out what he meant. When I finally did, I grinned, shaking my head.

"You're really desperate, you know that?" I asked him, shuffling forward and pressing my face against the bars.

"Only because I love you," he whispered – and leaned forward to kiss me. Our kiss was long and hard as we pressed our lips together, hard enough for his cut to start bleeding again. I reached through the bars to wrap my hands around the back of his head, pushing his lips harder onto mine. He, too, slipped his hands out, cupping my face in his long hands. On and on the kiss went, blood mixing in with the juices, until we finally pulled away to catch our breath. Just before we did, my tongue flickered out, licking up the blood and along the cut, which instantly began to heal.

I looked down, my body beginning to shake again. Kurda, not noticing this, kissed my forehead and pulled my face up, to find my eyes filled with tears. His soft smile immediately turned to frown.

"Daegan – please, don't cry," he said softly, brushing away a stray lock of my sandy hair from my eyes. The tears started to fall, and I was unable to stop them. He thumbed the tears away, shaking his head. "Please, Daegan, don't cry. I can't stand seeing you like this."

"It wasn't meant to be like this," I moaned, the tears running freely now. "We were meant to do this together. If I could-"

Kurda cut me off, grabbing me by my shoulders and shaking me lightly.

"No, Daegan. You are not turning yourself in as well. I don't want you to have to die with me."

"But!"

"I don't want you to die, Daegan!"

"I don't want you to die either," I whispered, lowering my eyes. Once again, he lifted my face, making me stare straight into his blue eyes. There was a humourless smile on his face, more of a smirk than a smile, really.

"Elf," he said softly, "from the day I came up with my plan, I was destined to die. The vampaneze would have killed me for betraying my people – as would have the vampires. There is no stopping my fate."

"It's all Darren's fault," I said bitterly, clenching my fists. "If only he hadn't…"

"You can say all the 'if onlys' you want, my little elf, but you know that this is how it is meant to be," Kurda said, shaking me again. He reached down, picking up my fists, and kissed them both lightly. "Please, don't act like this. And promise me this…"

I looked up, my eyes wide and tearful. I sniffed loudly.

"Please don't come to my execution. I don't want you to have to see me die…"

I stared at him, unable to make a sound. He squeezed my hands.

"Please, Daegan, please don't go."

"…I can't promise you that," I whispered softly, turning away. Once more, he lifted my chin, making me look at him again.

"Very well," he whispered. "Then promise me that you won't seek revenge."

I opened my mouth. Then I hung my head, pulling my hands from his and slipping back, so that I was out of his reach.

"I... I…"

"Elf?"

"I, I can't," I sobbed, shaking my head. "I can't!"

I buried my head into my heads bringing my knees up as the sob raced through my body again, shaking me violently. I rocked back and forth, shaking my head, the tears dripping off my face. I was dimly aware of Kurda saying 'shhh' in the background, trying to comfort me, while, a few cells away, Puck was calling out encouragement in his sardonic way.

"Well, you're just great at making the little ones cry, Kurda," Puck called to Kurda, then focused on me. "Hey, hey, it's all right, Daegan, it'll only be a little prick from a lot of stakes, we won't feel a thing, it'll be a cinch compared to what my Trials were like, you don't have to cry…" He was calling.

I held my breath, trying to stop the sobs. It worked, the sobs dying down to irregular hiccoughs that would shake my entire body. I sniffed loudly, wiping my running nose onto my sleeve, and drying my face. Finally, I shuffled closer to Kurda again, leaning onto the bars, a small, shaky smile tugging at my lips.

"I'm sorry, Kurda," I whispered. He just smiled.

"Your face has gone all blotchy."

I let out a small bark of laughter, clutching at the bars. His arms snaked out, encircling me in their warmth. I breathed in deep, breathing in his smell, trying to lodge it in my memory.

"Well, if you can't promise me those things," he said softly, "Could you at least sing a song for me? One last time?"

I hesitated, unsure of what to say or sing. And then I gave up, nestling against the cold bars, trying to get closer to him.

I began to sing.

My voice was soft at first, wavering slightly as it tried to find the correct pitch. The song I sang was almost tuneless, almost not a song at all, but I had written it once, long ago, and it forever remained in my mind. I had no idea why, though. It wasn't exactly cheerful, or loving, even. But it was a song. My song. The song I sang for Kurda. The melody was plain, a quiet thing that was once described as beautiful by someone who overheard me singing it one day, though the words didn't match the plainness, the simpleness, the beauty of it.

But still I sang. Because it was Kurda's song.

"You failed.

You're falling apart.

Watch the broken pieces float down

Collapse to your knees.

The bloody parts of your courage

Thrown to the wind like ashes.

It laughs.

It starts its gloating.

Slowly pulling you limb from limb

Crimson tears fall.

Twisting your will round its finger

It senses your end draw near.

A shaft.

A light from above.

Pick up the broken pieces

Gather your strength.

Bloody feathers of defiance –

Fight on, my young, brave angel.

Fight for all you hold dear."

I was still singing when the guards came back in to take Kurda to his pre-decided trial.

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A.N XD

That song was by me. I wrote it for English earlier this year. It's called 'Never Give Up'. XD And it's not actually a song, but I like saying it is. XD

S-A Uh oh. You'll be disappointed in me. I didn't quite come up with the chapter names… Eh heh… Since this story is sorta based on music, I kinda based the chapter titles on songs that would suit the chapter… and the next chapter's title is what I blame for this whole story. It's all because of Godhead. Damn them. If they hadn't sung that song, this story wouldn't exist. T.T

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Next Chapter:

Sixth

Crescendo

I Hate Today

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Kurda fell silent, refusing to answer any more questions. The Princes then let anyone ask a question of the disgraced General, to persuade the Princes from their obvious decision. I opened my mouth, prepared to say something. But I felt Kurda's eyes burning into me, and I shut my mouth. Our eyes locked.

Don't, his eyes seemed to say. Biting my lip, I nodded.

Then came the judgement.

It was inevitable, really. I knew what to suspect, but either way, it still came as a shock to me, when those four words rang out across the dome.

"The Hall of Death."

My knees buckled, and those near me were forced to catch me as I fell.

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