Hee hee, reviews!

Lightbulby: I know, Fett with a vacuum cleaner is like Fett in an apron. WE DON'T WANT TO GO THERE! And yet I did...

Lightbulby: Yay! Two reviews! Birth shows suck, like those ones they always have on TLC where they explain every single detail about the entire pregnancy and...blech.

Infamous One:I know, I dislike nerfs in general...

Disclaimer: I don't own Tums.

IX. Coruscant – The Place of Burny Things! (Like Beans)

"Wow, we're actually on Coruscant! Did you know that people on Coruscant don't need wet nurses?"

"Yes. I mean, NO! I mean…IT NEVER HAPPENED, I SWEAR!" Fett was very distraught at the memory of that weird lady. Very distraught.

"Fine, fine, fine. It never happened."

Bill and Fett were walking along the street in downtown Coruscant. Not that there really is a downtown Coruscant, in the most literal sense of the word. Because, as we are so often reminded by EVERY SINGLE EU WRITER, even the lowest life forms live on at least level 15 or so, technically making them "up." But anyway...

Fett was glancing around casually, when he saw a common store and dragged Bill in.

"Do you have any...Maalox Max?" he said to the clerk at the counter.

"You know, you're the twelfth person to ask that since lunch." The clerk was obviously very agitated. "And the answer is still the same! NO! The bean epidemic has gotten worse, and there's no Maalox Max left! I do have some Tums...or some Peptobismal..."

"Well, what about Peptobismal? Remember those commercials? 'Bloating, heartburn, upset stomach, indigestion, diarrhea! Hey, Peptobismal!'"

"You believethat garbage?" Fett said dryly."Peptobismal is only good for indigestion. The rest is lies. All LIES!" He turned back to the clerk."What do you mean, 'bean epidemic'?"

"Where have you been for the past three days, in a bottomless pit of a monster who spit you out then told you to do his evil bidding and caused you to be stuck in a small ship with a complete idiot for hours on end?" The shopkeeper glanced at Boba, then Bill, then back to Boba. "Oh."

"Just tell me what the bean epidemic is!" Boba held up his blaster and aimed it at the clerk's forehead, sick of the incessant jabbering.

"OK, OK, no need to get jumpy! Sorry, it's been a long day..."

"BEAN EPIDEMIC!" Boba roared.

"Yeah!" Bill stepped forward. "Or we'll, uh, kill you. Yeah..." The clerk just gave Bill a withering look as the Twi'lek shrunk back.

"Anyway, there was an overabundance of spicy beans on Dantooine, so they decided to sell them off cheap. Very cheap. Everyone knows eating too many beans gives you bloating, heartburn, and gas, but they couldn't help themselves when they saw the price! Now everyone needs Maalox Max, because it's the only medication with the power to stop heartburn, bloating, AND gas!"

"AMEN!" Bill piped in.

"I hate to say it, boys," the clerk continued, "but I think we got ourselves a Maalox Max depression!"

It was the same in every store. No Maalox Max. But beans at dirt cheap prices!