Glittering Emotion

Chapter 2: Vivid Memories

The entire school held a reasonably sizable funeral for our departed friend. I attended, but I felt nothing. The fact that my friend's death meant essentially nothing to me saddened me, for before his death he had a conciderably big part in my life, though he never would have known it. Even if I would have told him, he would have thought I was drunk or half asleep. But really...I cared for him. That night, I began to wonder if I was doing the right thing, saying nothing, feeling nothing.

I had no regrets. It wasn't my fault. I didn't kill him. The only relation I had to the accident was standing a few feet away, training. It wasn't my fault...or was it?

I quickly pushed the thought out of my mind. I didn't do any of this. But then I began to think about Zell, the poor deceased ex-Garden student. When he was alive, I had expressed nothing for him, done nothing for him. And now he was gone.

Did I feel anything for him? Anything friendly? Anything at all?

He was their best friend. Theirs. I barely knew him.

It's funny...I've been with him since we were children, and still we weren't friends. It's sad at how the world passes us by...

I began to think about Zell and how it would be so quiet with him gone, erased forever from our world.

I thought about when I first met him, when I thought he was always loud and rowdy. How I thought he wasn't worth my time, that he was...beneath me.

How I thought he could never, would never, settle down or find his purpose in life.

I thought. It's always "I thought." Can one go through life without thinking a false thought? Can one be truely spontaneous in asking honest questions, recieving honest answers, and never thinking anything false about the whole process?

I answered my own questions a moment later.

These...these "I thought" words and phrases should be worded and said instead of hanging in the back of one's mind...until it's too late. It's already too late for me, but...but it's not too late for others! They need to know! They need to know before it's too late for them, too!

I frowned.

"What is all this about false thoughts? Why am I thinking about this? False dreams, false hopes, false thoughts, false feelings...if my life were to be explained to anyone, anywhere, those words would be the most frequently used." I told myself. In my heart though, wherever it may be, I knew, deep down, that something was still wrong. Still missing.

What a foolish child I was. I thought Elle would come back. She never did. I thought my parnts, whoever they are, would come back and get me, take me away from the orphanedge. No one ever did.

Face it , Squall. Elle never came back. Your parents never came back. And now, Zell isn't coming back either. All because you were too stubborn to go and stop the foolishness. Your messup. Someone died today, Squall. Don't you get it?)

I couldn't take it anymore. The tears began to show before I could shield or stop them.

I cried long and hard. No one was going to bother me. I had to live out my depression alone. By myself. For Zell's sake.

Author's Note: Wow. this took a long time to post! It would have been up sooner...did my 8th grade computers have Microsoft Word on them! It's the second semester of my 9th grade year and we finally have MW!!! So now this is posted, and now this is complete. Unless of course someone begs me for another chapter, then I'll try my best to do that. But I do have a lot of other things to work on, so that might not be for a while.

Anyway, so I have a revision for my story 'Lost Tears' that I'm working on right now...and I'd like to redo 'Emotionless' too. And I have another FF8 songfic using Camui Gackt's song UK. I also have like 3 chapters of my VC Andrews story coming, and Battle of the Vampyres should be updated soon, too. My Pretear story threshold isn't growing at the moment, I'm stil thinking of how to make Mind Forest into a songfic. On another FF8 note, the prelude to BotV (Battle of the Vampyres) should be up in at least 4 or 5 months, if that. My written form of Pretear is almost done (yay!) and might be up in the next week, and then episode 2 will be started. I have a few original stories I'm currently working on and about 5 other FF8 fics that as of now have no name. I'm gathering translations for more assorted songfics, and hopefully soon I can post one of them. Alright, and on a final note my story 'Till the End of Time' will be postponed for a while until I can find a reasonable amount of time and my written copy of it. Alright, well it's off to work! See ya, and please review! (I actually liked the way I wrote this chapter, so I REALLY want feedback!!!)