Don't worry, you only have to read this three more times. Gill, Nemo, and those guys belong to Disney and Pixar. Stroke, Mr. Skimmer, Niches, Chang, Tanachi, Maisey, and Rosie belong to me.

AFPI: This chapter mentions many things that were in chapter 1, so if you don't remember it, you might want to quickly skim it so you're not totally confused. You finally get to find out what book Gill was reading way back in chapter 1. It's based on that deleted scene with him lying to Nemo about his origins. I don't know if that book is real or not, so I just made one up based on it. That's about it. Oh, the original title of this chapter was Two Words: Now Where? I changed it because I thought this was a more appropriate title. I often title my chapters before I actually write them.

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Chapter 10: Ghosts of the Past

I had found a time warp and was now hurling at light speed along the tunnel. Either that or I was dying and the good points of my life were flashing before my eyes. Whichever it was, it was giving me a very soothing feeling of déjà vu. It was the wonderful long-distance swim to nowhere. I savored the serenity of the rocking blue heaven. A piece of my mind wondered where I was and where I was going, but that was the whole fun and mystery of this calming endeavor. My damaged side, although invisible from a distance, was still damaged. I know too well what could be lurking around the next bend, but the ocean calmed all my fears. "Relax," it said to me. "You are mine. I love you. I will deliver you to the place you belong."

As I glided, comfortably and easily through this beautiful wonderland, I closed my eyes and let the current take me. I had become one with the ocean itself, and for the first time in almost three years, my spirit soared, peacefully rejoicing in the pure magnificence of nature.

When this blue heaven opened up around me again, I realized that the ocean had taken me straight in front of a little cliff. I could see nothing significant about this cliff; it housed only four clams, arranged in a circle. An uncanny curiosity pushed me forward to the cliff. The ocean had to have a reason for bringing me here; I had to search a little harder to find it.

There was nothing special about the clams. They were just a bunch of ordinary brown, ridged clams, but they had formed a perfect ring around a portion of the sand they lay on.

I swam down into the center, and noticed, to my surprise that something was written in the sand the clams were surrounding. The letters were a bit smudged, but as I squinted at them, I could make out the word.

"P, A, P…pap? No…paper! N, E, L…nell? Paper Nell?" Suddenly, I gasped. "Papernell!"

Instantly, my trained mind launched into verse. "I'm Captain Papernell, reporting for duty/ You all come on out for the weather's a beauty/ We're going sailing, the sky is so blue/ Come enter a world that you never knew." I had recited this many times before, countless times inside my own head, and once to Nemo (although I wasn't sure that he heard.) This was one of the many verses in my book, a children's book written in this rhyming sequence.

Suddenly, my body began shaking and laughter bubbled up out of my snout, although I had no idea why. I turned a few somersaults in celebration. At last, I had found something familiar to me. Later, my mind reprimanded me for such childish behavior, but don't all adults act like kids a few times?

When the party in my nerves slowed down to a dull humming, I realized what this message really meant. I had been here before. This was one of the words I had written in the sand that I thought for sure had been destroyed. Also, this had to be a critical point to be marked with this name, as Captain Papernell had always been my favorite character.

Glancing around, I estimated the direction I thought I had come from, turned around, and began swimming the opposite way. The problem with the ocean is that it is almost impossible to know where you came from and where you haven't gone, especially in an open area. I hadn't a clue where I had come from the first time, and I was headed in exactly the direction of where I had originally come.

Gradually, color began to burst forth from the blue heaven, like fireworks of many different hues. Smatterings of corals, sponges, and seaweed came into view. I had reached the edge of the reef. The same reef I had come from, the same reef that taught me all I know about life in the ocean, and about myself. The reef was a cruel and strict teacher, but it got its message across explicitly.

Why am I here? My mind wondered. There is nothing here for me anymore. I needed to find somewhere else, but as of now, there was nowhere for me to go.

I hit the colors of the reef and slid into a different world within the ocean world. This section was recognizable, and for a few moments, I admired the busyness and excitement of the reef world. For no particular reason, I said in my head, "Well, I wouldn't want to live here again, where a lot of horrible memories still rest, but it would be nice to live in a place like this."

For sure, I thought I was drifting through a wonderful piece of memory. Any second now I would be awakened by a sudden burst of light, or a talkative parrotfish. Various species whooshed by, going about their own business.

"Hey look, a Moorish idol," a passing gossiping fish said to her companion. "We haven't seen many of them around here since the war." The second fish nodded.

This didn't seem to make sense in my mind. Perhaps things in this area had changed considerably since I'd been here. It didn't matter- I had to look for a new home. Still, half of me was curious.

The magical color danced around me. A pair of kissing fish pulled a seaweed cover over themselves as I passed by. Random seahorses jetted up, attaching themselves to stalks of seaweed and staring at me with bulging eyes. I had been expecting this, since I now knew that Moorish idols were suddenly a rare sight.

At last, I paused as I saw it in the distance. My boggled, weary eyes had set upon so many different images in my lifetime, yet this one still stuck there, and I recognized it instantly. The spiky shell was a bit cracked, and most of its spikes had fallen off, but there it was, standing like a monument to my family.

I swam towards the opening, but hesitated. I wondered if my brothers and sisters still lived here, and if that skate teacher was still alive. If I entered and they were still there, would they recognize me? Would they still treat me with the same hostility they had shown me as a child? Would they even remember me? At last, I decided to go into the cavern anyway. It was the only way to find out. Even if they didn't know me or still hated me, it would make no difference. Although this was the place where I had been born, this was not my home. I had established that a very long time ago.

The whole sheltered reef area seemed quiet and deserted. Even though the water was warm, it felt cold. I gazed down at the empty path of sponges where my mother and father had once sat. Suddenly, I felt as if I were hovering over a scene from my own life. My mother sat on the sponge to the right of the one closest to the cliff. There I was, six years old, lying comfortably on a sponge only a few inches away. I was amazed at the details I was suddenly able to recall.

At last it was time to face the most dreaded spot of all- the open area where I had spent the first six years of my life. As I looked around, I could see no trace of my 99 siblings or the skate teacher. I did see the small crevice where I had been attacked, and the other set of sponges that were "off-limits" for me.

And then, turning slightly to my right, I saw it. For the first time in my life, I was sincerely spooked. It seemed to become even colder around me, although the temperature really hadn't changed at all.

In a corner of the clearing sat a towering pile of bones- Moorish idol bones. I wasn't going to float there and count all the skeletons, but I knew from the alarmingly large pile that all of them had died. My curious mind wondered what in the world could have happened that would kill them all.

A pair of young voices chimed up from outside, giving me the answer to that question. "Well, here we are," the first voice said.

"Are-Are you sure this is the place?" the second, timid voice replied.

"Yes, I'm positive," the first replied. "Once a family of Moorish idols lived here. There were a hundred of 'em. Yes, they were all beautiful fish on the outside, but inside they were all evil and rotten. Eventually, they all began battling each other. It escalated into full-fledged war and they all destroyed themselves. Some say that the battle is still far from over. Their ghosts still float around that cavern, trying to finish what they started in life."

The second young voice trembled a little bit more. "Y-Y-You're just making that up!"

"No, I'm not," the first young fish said. "Just ask that brown skate in the clearing. He knows all about it."

So, the skate teacher was still alive after all. I had no way of knowing if what they were saying was true, but it didn't seem unlikely at all.

"I…I'm not going in there!" the second young fish cried.

"We made a deal," the first one argued. "Get in there!"

Slowly, I began to turn from the bone pile. Now it was for certain that fate had a hand in what happened to me in those years. It knew that I had a greater destiny and had to leave the cavern. There was a meaning for everything. Even though it seemed a but disconnected and far-fetched, I felt that my mother and father had died for me, that I would leave the cavern and not get caught up in this future war.

Just as I began to head for the opening, a fearful little fish with stripes running along his back bumped into me. He looked up, his eyes as round and bulging as the seahorses'. I was just about to tell him not to be afraid, that I wasn't a ghost, but I never got the chance.

"Aaaaaauuugh!" he screamed. He whipped around and zoomed away so fast, he left a bubble trail. "I saw one! I saw one!" he yelled to his friend.

"You did?!" the friend cried.

It was time to put an end to this. I tried to put on a less intimidating face, and slowly glided out of the cavern. "Calm down, kids," I began to say. "I'm not a…"

"Aaaaaaauuugh!" the two little fish screamed together. They both swam for their lives.

I couldn't help but chuckle a bit as I watched their little bodies disappearing into the reef. I imagined them, grown up with children and telling their kids about the time they encountered a Moorish idol ghost.

My searching eyes then fell upon a group of angelfish not too far away. They were engrossed in a conversation and hadn't noticed the children's adventure. I glided up to them, curiosity overcoming any reservations I had about approaching them.

"Excuse me," I gently interrupted them. "Do any of you know of a skate that used to live with a family of Moorish idols that lived there?" I pointed to my spiky shell crevice. I had absolutely no idea why I was doing this. The skate teacher hadn't been a very good friend of mine, but the back of my mind was nagging me to meet him again, if I could. After all, he was the only one alive that was connected with my past.

The four puzzled angelfish gave me odd looks.

I continued glaring at them, unaffected by their confused glances.

Finally, one angelfish in the back spoke up. "You mean Mr. Skimmer? He lives just beyond that rock over there, in a clearing."

I nodded to them and said, "Thanks."

As I swam off towards the rock, my mind reeled. Mr. Skimmer? It sounded familiar. That had to be the skate teacher's name, although I didn't remember it at the time. At last, I reached the clearing and I instantly recognized the long, brownish-colored skate. He was half-buried in the sand and looking rather glum.

I swam out into the middle of the clearing. All the fish that had been playing, talking, or swimming in the vicinity turned and stared at me, since they'd probably not seen a Moorish idol in many years.

I glided right up in front of him, but he did not see me, for his eyes were covered with sand. "Excuse me…you're Mr. Skimmer?"

"Whaddaya want?" he grumbled, not even bothering to look up.

"I want a word with you," I spoke up, trying to ignore his grouchiness. "I believe we've met before."

"Oh, yeah?" Mr. Skimmer challenged. "I highly doubt that." At last, he shook the sand from his head. He began to gape the instant he laid eyes on me. I noticed his eyes darting over, checking my yellow sides. "I…You…You're a…Wait! I…I remember! I taught you, didn't I? A-At the spiny shell cavern, about 28 years ago…Geez, it's been a long time. Yeah, you ran away when the parents died and I spent three days searching for you. You were always such a well-behaved young fish, and very bright. You were actually my favorite, but I wouldn't let the others know that." Mr. Skimmer was getting visibly more excited as he remembered more things. "I know, your name is…wait, don't tell me..." He concentrated hard. After a few minutes, I coughed a bit to give him a hint. It worked instantly. "Gill!" Mr. Skimmer cried. "Gill, that's you, isn't it?"

I smiled and nodded at him.

Suddenly, his curved "wings" shot forward and wrapped me in a hug. "My gosh…you're the only one left! I was angry with you for running away when you did, but now I'm glad you ran away."

I realized that my brothers and sisters reminded me of Chuckles- brainless. They hadn't had a purpose or a reason for living. Thus…

"Imagine that," Mr. Skimmer continued. "Who knew that out of the hundred, you'd be the only one to survive? You still have problems with that asthma?"

"Not really anymore," I told him, trying to free myself from his grip. "It's gotten better."

"Well, that's good." Mr. Skimmer noticed me struggling and at last released me. "You still reading too? I remember you really liked to read."

"Yes," I told him. It wasn't a lie, I had been reading at Phil's office. I just hadn't gotten to pick which books I'd read.

"In fact," he continued. "I still have that book you used to read. Of course, half of it's destroyed, but…"

My soul jumped. Maybe there was a reason for this reunion. "You do?! Could I see it for a moment?"

"Sure, wait a second…" Mr. Skimmer searched around and at last pulled that magical book from the ordinary sandy floor. He placed it in front of me.

The Seaside Tales. The letters had begun to fade, but there they were, twinkling at me like stars. I could scarcely believe the book was even real, after not seeing it for so long, except in my dreams. I gently moved the pages as if the book were a family heirloom- an heirloom only Mr. Skimmer and I knew of. I first eyed the damage that had been done. Both covers had been seriously dented, and many pages were missing, especially between page 1 and page 12. A lot of other pages were ripped and pieces of pictures were missing. In one, the bait was missing. In another, Papernell was hurling a tree overboard. Linus had been decapitated on more than one occasion.

And…the last two pages remained untouched. I hadn't given them enough time to rip out the ripped pages, or begin to rip the last two. I happily perused them. Now I knew how the book ended, but I was actually pretty disappointed. It had been more fun imagining the ending than actually reading the ending.

Mr. Skimmer smiled. "You can take it if you want, I don't need it anymore."

I smiled back at him. "Thanks, but no thanks." With that, I ripped apart the last couple of pages.

Mr. Skimmer's eyes bulged, and he began to gape for the third time. "Ah…uh…but…" His wide skate mouth was speechless, appalled at what his former student had just done. What had happened in these past years? Perhaps in his years of being a recluse, this favorite little fish had become a crazy adult fish. Oh great, another erratic Moorish idol.

No, I wasn't reading his thoughts, but it was almost like I could, just from reading his expression. "I'm not nuts," I tried to assure him, although he didn't look too convinced. "I don't need the book; I've already got it. In here." I pointed to my head.

Mr. Skimmer shrugged. "Oh, well…it was…good…seeing you." He began to turn around, but he turned back around. "Oh, what am I saying? Are…are you looking for a place to stay? I could find you a place in this reef section. It's pretty nice around here, actually. It's been quiet ever since…well, ever since I left the cavern."

"No, thank you," I told him. "I have to get going."

Mr. Skimmer actually looked a little disappointed. "But…I haven't seen you for 28 years and you're leaving after only a few minutes?!"

I really didn't want to disappoint Mr. Skimmer; I had never wanted to disappoint him. However, I knew there was no way I could stay here. There were a lot of bad memories here. I needed somewhere new, where the memories were waiting to be made, where I could start over again. If I stayed here, I would not be who I wanted to be; I would just be the remains of the lost Moorish idol family. "Don't worry," I called to Mr. Skimmer as I began to swim away. "I promise I'll come and visit you soon!"

He waved one of his wings. It was then that I noticed that the fish in the reef patch were staring at Mr. Skimmer more then they were staring at me. Ever since the war, he'd become a bit of a grouch, and they hadn't seen him so friendly.

Yes, I felt bad about leaving so suddenly, but even though I make some stupid mistakes sometimes, I never break my promises. As I glided away, something felt very familiar, except the feeling inside wasn't scared and flighty. It was…triumphant. I had conquered my own haunting past.

This time, I was headed in another direction- both literally and figuratively. Instead of streaming off towards my doom, I was at last beginning to heal. I was slowly demolishing the walls I had built around myself, cutting me off from the rest of the world. As I once again left my origins behind, I had no idea what was waiting for me around the next bend. I would let the ocean take me- and it would deliver me to my destiny.