I very hesitantly brought the rating down to PG-13 on the advice of a few readers, and upon carefuly reflection. I will restore the R rating if either it becomes more explicit, or I get feedback that it should be so.
Chapter IV
Home wasn't home anymore, even if there was a pet. Jay had driven her and Emma home again, and Ellie had taken the front seat without being asked. She rathered Jay see her tears than Emma. She'd never known Sean's ex--she supposed Emma was a good enough person, and Ashley was certainly fond of her--but it seemed appropriate to steer clear of the girl. She'd been stunned that Sean had taken her along, then again, Sean had done a lot of things lately that surprised her. Ellie said nothing the entire trip, and aside from a brief moment of disconcerting small talk, the other two had followed suit.
The place was cold, and it wasn't just because the thermostat was turned down. There was a lack of love, a lack of life, and it was that which no heat or light could destroy. It was late by the time they got back--traffic had been heavy, and it was an hour long drive when the roads were empty--and Ellie was lost. She wandered each room, sensing his presence and hating it--from his sweater on the floor to the dirty dishes in the sink--and in the same breath, needing it. She found herself in the shower, washing away the sand from another era, eliminating the evidence of his breath upon her skin.
She went through the formalities of the evening--a late snack that she threw in the trash, a change into pajamas that let every draft reach her skin--but she didn't sleep. That night it was her who had a sudden interest in toaster ovens and magic pills and miscellaneous other goods and services that didn't even warrant prime time advertising.
She skipped school the next day and the day after as well, knowing that with all the post-war chaos and therapy, the chances of her absence being particularly marked were slim. Ashley found her, finally, wearing the same pajamas she had adorned two nights before, staring at the television that remained perpetually powered, Bueller in her arms and begging for attention that wasn't there to be given.
Ashley took the ferret from her and put him in his cage, then sat beside her. "I blackmailed Emma into telling me," she said. "I'm sorry, Ellie."
She shook her head. "Nothing to be sorry for. I'm fine. Sean's fine. I don't know what you're talking about. He did what he had to. Guys suck. Craig does, Spinner does, and Sean does too. It's an inherent part of their nature. Not that Sean did anything wrong. It's not his fault I'm stuck paying a bill I can't afford." She shrugged and laughed self-consciously. "I'm supposed to send him his things. He left a message on the answering machine. Want to help me and make sure I don't set the place on fire instead?"
Ash nodded. "Tomorrow," she said. "Today, I can't, I'm sorry. I'm supposed to be practicing with the band. Jimmy can't, you know. He's still..." She realised it might not be the best topic. "Get cleaned up. Change your clothes. You'll feel better. Mom made me do that last year, when I was moping about Craig, and it helped." She stood and left, satisfied with the knowledge that Ellie was still conscious.
Ellie hardly heard the door close behind her. She walked to Bueller's cage, picked up the ferret, and returned to her previous activities. Doing was simply that much easier than thinking.
The phone rang, and Ellie gave it a disinterested look, then let the machine pick up. "Ellie? Chantel Sauve. You missed your appointment with me this morning. I'll schedule you in for the same time tomorrow, but please give me a call when you get this. 549-2917. Thanks, and I'll talk to you soon."
Ellie didn't even bother to hit erase.