Ellie spent the next few days transporting her things back home. Without Sean to help her, it wasn't easy. Spinner stepped in for a few minutes, but mainly, he was busy with school. They sat together at lunch, and exchanged occasional kisses, but their time alone was practically nil. This upset Spinner much more than it bothered Ellie. She would do what she had to in order to keep him, but that didn't mean she would like it.
She wondered vaguely why he was so important to her. She didn't even like him all that much. He was cute at times, but offered no intellectual stimulation, no fantastic kindness--he was simply ordinary. She pushed the thought away and convinced herself that she wasn't settling, that she liked him and he liked her, and nothing else mattered.
He very reluctantly helped her ferret-proof her room. She convinced him to crawl around on the floor with her only by offering him a handful of kisses in return. She knew he wanted to stay overnight, while her mom was still in rehab, but thankfully, his parents saved her the decision. They would, he informed her, kill him if he stayed out late on a school night. He promised that on Friday, things would be different. She wasn't a religious person--in fact, she was a strong atheist--but she was close to praying that she would find some way to get out of it when the time came. She knew she was in way over her head.
She stayed in her own house that night and hardly slept a wink. She knew she had to get used to being home again, but it was still hard. Memories hammered at her head, and for once, Sean wasn't her biggest concern. She double and triple checked the rooms for alcohol, and stashed what she found in her own. Her mother had a week left, but she wanted to be prepared.
Her appointment with Sauve that Wednesday followed much the same pattern as the rest. Ellie was evasive, Sauve prodding, and they agreed to meet again on Monday. Sauve was much more pleased about that particular aspect of their discussion than Ellie was.
Friday came far too soon.
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She had invited him over with the sole intention of getting it over with. She'd 'borrowed' some of her mom's alcohol (she was officially moved back home now) for them, although Spinner very strangely declined. She, on the other hand, nearly drowned herself in it, starting even before he came, and hoping desperately that it would help her forget what she was doing. She knew he wouldn't force her to sleep with him, but she also knew that after her advances the previous week, if she didn't, there might be problems. Besides, it was easier to do it now than later.
She led him up to her room, which he surveyed with some interest. It certainly wasn't a typical girl's room. It was decorated mostly in shades of grey, with red blankets on her bed, a red lamp, and red doors leading into the hall and bathroom. It was scrupulously neat, and Bueller slept in his cage in the corner. "This is it," Ellie said.
He nodded his approval. "Well, Ellie, I'm impressed. It isn't all about the clothes with you. You're actually serious about this Freak Girl stuff." He smiled, and she pulled him down on the bed.
"And I'm impressed, too," she said. "Impressed that you convinced your mother you were staying with Jimmy tonight, despite him still being in the hospital. Impressed that Hormone Boy here doesn't just talk the talk." She felt vaguely drunk, but not to the point where her speech was slurred--at least not yet. She took another gulp of alcohol, this time vodka straight from the bottle. "Mmm," she said. "Sure you won't have some? It's mom's favorite." Spinner took a small sip then tossed the bottle away, spraying alcohol across the room.
"Oops," he said, kissing her hard on the mouth. "Sorry." It was the most insincere apology she'd ever heard, save for those from her mom. She pushed him away.
"Great." Her voice had a dangerous edge to it. "Bueller generally gets the run of my room. Thanks a lot. Now I have to watch out for signs of drunk ferret." She rolled her eyes.
"Ellie," he said, pouting slightly. "I'm sorry, sweetie. I'll clean it up after." He gave her his patented puppy-dog eyes, and despite herself, she felt some very slight affection for him. She let him push her back down on the bed.
He was soon back on top of her, covering her lips with his own and tugging on her shirt. She peeled it off, leaving her arm warmers in place. He reached for them, but she shook her head. "I have to be at least a little bit me," she said. She simply wasn't ready for him to see her cuts--didn't know if she ever would be. It was weird, she thought later, that she was much more willing to share what was traditionally private, than she was her arms. She knew, without quite knowing it, that they would have blown everything to pieces.
Spinner and Sean were complete opposites. Sean had been self-assured and careful to please her, whereas Spinner seemed to be trying to get through it just for the sake of saying he did, and, of course, for a few personal reasons as well. He left early the next morning, promising to be back later that day. She didn't have to guess what he'd be looking for.