"Guys...she's dead!"

All the other three martial artists could do was gape open-mouthed. There was a person dead on the ground in front of them, and it had indirectly been their fault. For at least a full minute nobody said a word; finally Genma broke the silence.

"Well, boy, it looks like it's off to the hoosecow with you."

"WHAT?!" Ranma nearly screamed.

"Well, let's take a look here," Genma replied, "there's a dead girl in the street here. Next to her is Ranma Saotome, a known thug and hooligan. He plowed into her a few seconds earlier, has his fingerprints on her, and even has some of her blood on his shirt."

"Looks like a pretty clear guilty verdict to me," agreed Mousse.

"What a tough break, eh, Ranma?" grinned Ryoga.

"Don't worry, boy. I'll be sure to put in a good word for you at the trial."

Ranma was turning nearly as red as her hair and shirt, but then she had one of those moments of strategic inspiration that had earned her the nickname "the Comeback Kid."

"Well," she remarked, "if I'm going to jail anyway, I guess I might as well keep this 1,000,000 yen in her purse."

That brought Genma, Ryoga, and Mousse running. While they weren't "grave robber" types, the thought of that much money had definitely aroused their curiosity. As they leaned over to get a closer look, Ranma made her move.

"Katchu tenshin amaguriken!!!"

(NOTE: This roughly translates to "chestnut fist"; it's a super-fast-punching technique of Ranma's.)

Ranma's hands started moving faster than the eyes could see, and before the others knew what was going on, the deed was done. Shock filled the faces of Mousse, Ryoga, and Genma as they looked down at their hands and found them covered in blood. They then grimaced when they looked down and saw their red handprints all over Hyatt's corpse.

Ranma was smiling, but it was a grim smile without joy.

"Now if I go down, I'm not going down alone. So what do you say guys? Do you want to spend a couple of years in the big house, or are you going to help me?"

Ryoga's earlier cockiness had melted away and was now replaced by a broken, dejected spirit.

"Okay, Saotome. I'll help you. But how in the world are we supposed to get rid of this body?"

Genma cleared his throat. "Ahem. I just might have an idea..."

-------------

Excel was completely and totally exhausted. She had been plowing through walls and other assorted private property all day, but hadn't come across a single super-strong martial artist.

"Ex...Excel...is...bushed! I wonder if Hatchan had any better luck?" she panted.

Just then, a restaurant caught her eye. The place was a little neighborhood restaurant, and from the crowd she saw inside, a popular one too.

"Cat Cafe...Well, Excel IS getting really hungry, and it's still a few hours until I have to meet Hatchan. Besides, a little break might be just the thing to restore my energy so the search can continue."

--------------

Little did Excel know, the unhealthy lass with whom she had a rendevous was in a trash bag in the kitchen of that very same restaurant. Genma's idea, like most of his ideas, was turning out to be a big flop.

"What do you mean, 'Chinese Mafia'?!" Cologne shouted.

(ANOTHER NOTE: Cologne is a little old granny who is Shampoo's great-grandmother, the Cat Cafe's owner, and a skilled martial arts master.)

"You mean you're not hooked up with them?" Genma asked, scratching his head. "But I always thought you were a bit of a shady character...What about those men in white suits that I see going in and out the back door?"

"THOSE ARE THE DELIVERY BOYS WITH MY INGREDIENTS, YOU BLOCKHEAD!!!"

Ranma (once again male) realized that this plan was going nowhere. "Give it a rest, Pop!" he muttered. "We're just going to have to figure out some other way of doing this."

Genma shook his head violently. "No, boy, we can't just keep dragging this body all over town! We've got to get rid of it here!" Insanity filled his eyes as rational thought blew out the window. Genma started rummaging through the cabinets and pulled out a large pot and a knife!

"Geheheheheheh! I know! Let's put her in a stew! Bluhuhuhuhuhhuhuhuhuhuh!"

Cologne thwacked Genma over the head with her cane, knocking him out cold. Then she turned toward Ranma and spoke softly but sternly.

"Future son-in-law, I feel sorry for you, I really do, but this is YOUR problem. I won't risk Shampoo's, the Cat Cafe's, or my reputation by disposing bodies for you. However, it might be best for you to leave your father here until the deed is done; he isn't holding up too well under the pressure."

"Thanks anyway, granny," Ranma sighed. Turning toward Ryoga and Mousse, he said "Well guys, any bright ideas?"

Ryoga said, "I'd say our best bet is to just bury her in the vacant lot. There's a storm brewing outside; I doubt anyone would even be outside to see us do it."

"That's as good a plan as any, I guess," agreed Mousse.

"Ok, then; let's go..." Ranma muttered. With heavy hearts, the three picked up the bag and walked out the door.

--------------

Meanwhile...

Shampoo looked like a wreck. Her beautiful purple hair was all dissheveled, and in her hand she held a note pad that was covered in scribbled-out orders from cover to back. Her training as a martial artist had prepared her for pretty much whatever the restaurant business could throw at her, but she'd never seen ANYTHING like this before...

"Yeah I think I'll have the Peking duck but then again the General Tso's chicken sounds so good and to complicate matters so does the broccoli beef and that's not even mentioning the mouth-watering succulentness of sweet and sour pork! Hmmm... Gimme the fried rice, but without the rice, eggs, and fried stuff. Wait! Make that dumplings! Or how about 1,000 fortune cookies! Wait! No... How about-"

"SHUT UP AND MAKE UP YOU MIND, STUPID FAST-TALK GIRL!!!!!!!"

END OF CHAPTER 4

What a tangled web we weave, when we try to lie and stuff. Is the suspense killing you? Hey, why are you laughing?! An anime character is DEAD, for crying out loud!

Oh well, maybe they're laughing at the comedy bits contained herein.

This quack experimental crossover draws to its exciting conclusion in the next (and final) Excel-ent and Ran-tastic chapter!

Please review. In the words of Walter Durnes of Hellsing, "to do otherwise would be entirely unconscienceable."