"Keep digging, guys!" Ranma yelled. The three young marial artists were in the vacant lot, and that storm Ryoga had mentioned was coming with a vengance. Although it was only 6:30, the sky was already pitch-black, and what little light there was came from the frequent flashes of lightning overhead. The creepy monster-movie weather was rounded out by an unusually strong, cold wind.

"We've got to hurry," grunted Mousse as he shoveled another pile of dirt out of the hole, "or the rain will bring our hole-digging manpower down to one."

Turning toward Ranma, Ryoga said "Ranma, we've just about finished this hole. Why don't you go stand guard? We don't want to get caught at this point in the game."

"Right! I'm on it!"

While Ranma ran over to the edge of the lot to begin guard duty, Mousse and Ryoga began digging the final foot of the makeshift grave. By this point, the storm was raging full-swing. Lightning bolts flashed through the sky no more than five seconds apart, and the wind was making nearby trees creak as they tried to hold their ground against the tempest.

"I...I just can't believe we're doing this..." muttered Mousse.

"Look, I'm not too happy about it, either! Still, what choice did we have? It was either this or soup," Ryoga said glumly.

"Ugh...human soup. What was Mr. Saotome thinking?! Not only is that cannibalism, but it probably tastes nasty, like dog or something..." Mousse grimaced.

"Actually, dog is said to be very delicious and nutritious."

Mousse angrily turned to Ryoga and said "Look, you! This is no time for morbid jokes!!! Let's just get this done!"

Confusion was written all over Ryoga's face. "What? I didn't say anything!" he protested.

"Don't lie to me!" Mousse yelled. "You just made some sick crack about dogs being tasty, and quite frankly, I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR WEIRD JOKES RIGHT NOW!"

Turning red, Ryoga screamed back, "I TELL YOU, I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!"

"Ryoga," Mousse said in a low growl, "I know I heard something, and there are only three people here: you, me, and the dead girl! I sure hope you don't think that I'm stupid enough to think it was--"

Mousse pointed up toward the bag, but his voice failed him when his eyes had followed his fingers.

"Guh-guh-guh-guh-guh-guh-guh...!"

Ryoga was still looking at Mousse, and couldn't figure out what was making him revert to baby-talk.

"Hey, Mousse, are you okay? You look like you've just seen a..."

Ryoga looked up toward the bag; what he saw almost made his heart jump out of his body. The bag was moving!!! As he watched in horror, a hole was torn in the plastic bag from the inside, and an arm soon emerged from the hole. In a few more seconds, Hyatt had freed herself from the bag. The rain began to fall as she stepped out and looked around, wondering what had happened since she had "bought the farm." Her eyes settled on the two boys standing in the hole, holding shovels, their clothes muddy and their faces stark white.

"Oh, hello!" Hyatt said, smiling sweetly at them.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

--------------

Excel dusted herself off as she walked down the dark street.

"That waitress sure was testy! Couldn't even take a simple order...Ack!"

Excel slid on something and fell on her face on the pavement.

"What the...blood?"

There was a small trail of it, leading away from the restaurant and to the east (apparently the trash bag had a hole in it somewhere).

"Call it a wild guess, but something tells me Hatchan came this way!" she grinned.

-------------

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The blood-curdling shrieks made Ranma jump a full 5 feet into the air!

"What the--?! That sounded like Ryoga and Mousse!"

He quickly ran through the rain toward the corner of the lot where his rivals had been working. Ranma felt himself changing into "herself", but this was the last thing on his mind at the moment.

"Guys, what's wrong? I thought I heard--"

Ranma came to a screeching halt as the lighting revealed the standing figure of the girl whose corpse they had been carrying around all afternoon!!!

Ranma ran backward as fast as she possibly could, but was brought to a sudden stop by a wall. The pig and duck that had been Ryoga and Mousse were cowering next to her legs, finding them poor shelter. Ranma's eyes were bugging out of her head as the silent figure moved ever closer.

Finally, Hyatt stopped about three feet away. Ranma and the animals trying to hide behind her held their breath as they waited to see what this zombie was about to do. She opened her mouth...(Ranma:"Oh, man! This is the part where she eats us!!!")

"Um... Excuse, me, but don't you think we should go indoors? A person could catch their death in this weather!"

With that anticlimax, the boys' nerves had had all they could take. The three passed out and fell to the ground.

"Oh, my..."

----------------

When Ranma, Ryoga, and Mousse woke up, they were human (and male) again and back inside the Cat Cafe. It was after closing time, and the restaurant was empty except for the three boys, Shampoo, Cologne, Genma (still out cold), and Excel Excel.

"OOOOOOHHHHH! WE'RE ALIVE!!!" they yelled happily.

Just then, Hyatt walked in. "Oh, so you are awake! We were all worried sick about you."

The three tried to make a beeline for the door, but Cologne and Shampoo ran to block their exit. Excel quickly (really quickly) explained to them Hyatt's strange condition: dying (usually in a gory fashion) for no particular reason, only to rise again in a few hours. Although it was a bit hard to swallow, the three soon believed her, in part because it explained everything perfectly and in part because bizzare happenings were old hat for this bunch.

At the end of her rant, Excel finished with "and so that's that, and by the way I don't suppose any of you know any super-powered martial artists that would be looking for a job in the field of world or at least city conquest in the name of arrogance and the greater good?"

"Um, no, I can't say I know anyone like that..." Ranma mumbled. Although the entire room was filled with super-strong fighters, it wasn't a complete fib since none of them had conquest on the brain.

Hyatt and Excel frowned, then sadly turned toward each other.

"Well, Hatchan," Excel said with disappointment dripping from her voice, "it looks like we failed yet another mission."

"It seems so, Senior..." Hyatt sighed.

Ranma kind of felt bad for these two; they really looked like they needed to succeed at a mission, if only for the sake of self-confidence. All of the sudden he heard footsteps on the rooftop, followed by a muffled "What a haul!!!"

"Hey! That gives me an idea!" Ranma thought.

Turning toward Excel and Hyatt, he grinned and said "Stay right there for a second!" Ranma rushed out the door, there was the sound of a stuggle, and then Ranma came back inside with Happosai (tied up in his "bag of goodies" and about 50 pounds of chains) in tow.

"Ladies," he said as he handed them the unconcious old geezer, "here you go, one super-strong martial artist bent on destruction! I just hope you can make him behave better than we can!"

"Did you hear that, Senior! We have succeeded in our mission!!!" Hyatt exclaimed happily.

Excel was beside herself with happiness:

"Oh, thank you so much you sweet little pigtailed hero, you! When we control the city, statues will be erected in your honor as the one who helped ACROSS take its first step forward without taking a matching step back! Oh, Excel is ecstatic as this is the first time she has EVER successfully completed one of Lord Il Palazzo's tasks! OH! Surely the magnificent Il Palazzo will reward Excel greatly for this deed: perhaps with a promotion or with a monetary prize or perhaps even with his hand in marriage! WHOOHOO!!!"

"Do you mind?" Cologne complained as she brought out the mop. "You're drooling all over my floor."

"Pardon Excel!" she said sheepishly. "Well, Hatchan, shall we be going?"

"Yes, Senior. Lord Il Pallazo must be wondering what became of us."

As the two young ACROSS agents were walking out the door, they turned and bowed.

"Thanks again!" they said in unison.

"You're welcome!" the Ranma crew replied.

And so, Agents Excel and Hyatt walked out of the restaurant and into the night with Happosai in hand. The storm had gone, leaving a clear sky with the moon and stars shining brightly. As they walked away in the moonlight, two figures stepped out of the dark alleyway next to the Cat Cafe, stamps in hand. They silently walked over to a nearby telephone pole, tacked a piece of paper to it, and stamped it. It read:

"We, Koshi Rikdo and Rumiko Takahashi, give our permission for this work of a deranged mind to come to an end. Seeing as how he was a good boy and wrote a disclaimer, we won't even sue him."

The Baron Hausenpheffer and a shadowy afroed figure watched from a nearby rooftop with binoculars.

"Whew!" I said. "Looks like I can unpack those suitcases; fleeing the country and heading to my castle in the Czech Republic won't be necessary."

"Lucky for you, eh, man?" asked Nabeshin. "Still, I can't help but feel that we're forgetting something..."

------------

(An empty street in the Furinkan neighborhood, Nerima district of Tokyo, Japan)

"Hello...Is anyone out there? Pedro is still here! However, his bones are broken, so would someone please come help him out of the street? AH! CAR! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

THE END

Well, there it is: my first sizable fanfic. I got a kick out of writing it; I hope you got a kick out of reading it.

I received a review from "PeaceLoveOcelot", who thought that the Ranma 1/2 crew was acting kind of out of character by taking the "swallow your remorse, and save your behind" approach when it came to Hyatt's death. She is absolutely right! However, it had to be done to end this story in the way I had envisioned. As for her other question, ("What other shows could you cross Excel with?"), would you believe...Spongebob? Look for that one to appear in the "Anime-Excel Saga" section in the next month or so!

By the way (just for the record), neither Mr. Rikdo nor Ms. Takahashi gave me permission to do diddly-squat. However, since you are old enough to read, I bet you figured that one out on your own.

On to the next fanfic! Huzzah!