Thanks for the feedback, YellowDancer21! Now I know how to end this thing;-

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Epilogue: Sweet surrender

It doesn't mean much, it doesn't mean anything at all,

The life I left behind me is a cold room,

I've crossed the last line from where I can't return

Where every step I took in faith betrayed me

And led me from my home and

Sweet, sweet surrender is all that I have to give

"Sweet Surrender" by Sarah McLachlan

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I distantly hear the orderlies moving my bed to another room, perhaps another ward altogether. I think I hear Amon, but I'm not sure. I know someone sounding very much like him said, "I'm sorry." It would be surprising if I did, since he rarely admits to making mistakes, or, worse yet, showing any kind of emotion.

I know I heard my father out there, too. I want to tell him it's okay, I'm okay, I don't feel a thing. But I can't. If I did, I'm sure I would hurt like hell, and my father wouldn't want to talk to me. Strange, isn't it, how me being immobile would make him express any positive feelings, while he never said a thing while I was healthy? That's my father. And, strangely enough, that's Amon, too. Well, he was until right before we broke up. Displaying any kind of emotions or even talking about being distracted wasn't his usual breakup M.O. Definitely strange….

Strange seems to be the order of the day when it comes to my life, and I'm not even a Hunter. I wonder if other family members of law enforcement have such problems. Perhaps. Probably not as strange as those that Hunters have to deal with, I'm sure, unless they're unfortunate enough to run into a witch. I knew there would be dangers, letting my father back into my life, but I didn't realize I would become a casualty. Ignorance and immortality of the young, I suppose. And I always thought that he would protect me. I'm not sure I'm talking about Father or Amon, and at this time, I don't think I could make a distinction.

I know I willingly invited Amon in, as I did so many times before, and likewise, he let me into his life, or at least, a very controlled, boxed in part of his life. How he liked to compartmentalize… I wish I had been the one to break him out of those boxes. I wish a lot of things, actually.

I wish I knew which is a better choice: waking up and facing the world, or staying asleep and letting it all pass by. I honestly wish I knew, because sooner or later, Sleeping Beauty does wake up, and I'll have to figure out whether I want that to happen or not. I'm a fighter, yes, but right now, I'm so damn tired of fighting. I wish someone would fight for me. I know it would be too much to ask of Seiichi, a nice guy, but he barely knows me, but I still wish he would fight for me. Or father. Or someone. I don't care. Someone to fight for me, and someone I could wake up to.

As long as there's no crying. I can't stand crying, not even for happy endings. Tears mean sorrow, and I've had too much of that in my life. Even if I don't deserve it, I want a happy ending. It doesn't have to be Prince Charming and a kingdom, I'd be happy with one good man by my side and a rented apartment. Maybe I shouldn't say "ending," considering the place I'm in. I want happiness. I want the good times to last longer than a couple hours. I want the romance books without the sad bits. I want pleasant coffee breaks with a man I love. I want sleepless nights only when we're making love. I want to feel safe without being bored. I want to live life without worrying about getting shot, or witches, or crazy ex-boyfriends, or any other insanity.

I want to wake up to a fairy tale without thorns. Is that possible? But most of all, I want to know that when I do wake up, someone will be there for me. At this point, I have no idea who will be at my side, other than perhaps a nurse or an orderly. Someone to care for me. That's all. If I knew that much, I wouldn't have to worry about silly things like tears.

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All colors bleed to red

Asleep on the ocean's bed

Drifting in empty seas

For all my days remaining

But would north be true?

Why should I?

Why should I cry for you?

Dark angels follow me

Over a godless sea

Mountains of endless falling,

For all my days remaining,

What would be true?

Sometimes I see your face,

The stars seem to lose their place

Why must I think of you?

Why must I?

Why should I?

Why should I cry for you?

Why would you want me to?

And what would it mean to say,

That, "I loved you in my fashion"?

"Why Should I Cry for You?" by Sting

Episode 15: "Time to Say Goodbye"

THE END